S: I Just Can't Stop Loving You
FC: I Just Can't Stop Loving You | For Michael
1: Dedicated to one of the purest souls. . . Michael Joseph Jackson
2: Dear Michael, I know you've heard the words "I love you" since you were ten, but it's true-- I do love you. I love you as much as a person can, who didn't know you personally. I can't exactly explain the connection I've felt for you for all these years. We've led very different lives, but I always felt a sense of understanding toward you. I felt your sensitivity, your loneliness, and compassion. When I was ten, I started retreating from others and felt no one could understand me. I was in pain and didn't know how to deal with it. You were the only person that made me felt better. You have always been a huge part of my life. You have been a source of: comfort, joy, excitement, and love. I feel your absence from this world every day. Out of all the tragedies I've seen in my lifetime, your departure has made this world a different place for me. Everything seems different and strange, and the things I use to enjoy no longer feel the same. Michael, I know you were so unfairly treated on Earth and I have to believe you are at peace, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I selfishly wish you were still here. More than that-- I wish you were happy and still here with all of us.
3: I'm trying to be a better person Michael-- and carry out your messages of love and peace. When I first heard of the news in Haiti, I immediately thought of you and how you would jump into action. I made a donation to UNICEF and I plan to donate more to different organizations. As I close this letter, tears stream down my face, because you're not here to receive it. I hope in some way, these words will reach you somehow. I wish I could've told you how much I love you in person and I wish I could've received one of your precious hugs. I miss you Michael. And I will love you ALWAYS. "With Love" \ Alicia (originally written 1/15/10)
4: This is the closest I could get to you | You Inspire Me to Be Dynamic
5: Thrill the World: NYC October 24, 2009 in Astoria Park | I participated in the global simultaneous dance of "Thriller" in tribute to you.
6: A Love that Spanned 20 Years-- My HIStory with Michael I wish I could remember the exact moment Michael Jackson entered my consciousness. Even at the age of three, I knew he was a very special person-- and I've loved him ever since. My memories of that time are a bit fuzzy, but I have a distinct memory of wanting to wear the exact replica of the outfit from "Bad" to pre-school. The closest I came to achieving this goal, was owning a pair of penny loafers. I also remember feeling excitement when I received Moonwalker during my 4th (possibly 5th) birthday party. I remember immediately putting it in the VCR-- not caring if people stuck around to watch it with me or not-- some did. During those early years, before the controversies, I felt free to share my love for Michael with anyone who crossed my path. My family was well aware of my feelings, but I'm pretty sure I took a few playdates by surprise when I suggested we watch Michael's music videos or his Dangerous concert. Some of my friends may have started off resisting the idea, but at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure they ended up enjoying themselves :) As I got older, I became more interested and intrigued by Michael Jackson-- the man, rather than the performer. When the 1992 miniseries, The Jacksons: An American Dream aired, I became obsessed with it. Even to this day, my
7: friend and I can quote and act out several scenes from the movie. Between the miniseries and his interview with Oprah, I was beginning to get an understanding and appreciation of who Michael was. As we all know, children have a gift of seeing things in a different perspective than adults. My love and empathy for Michael was pure and unfiltered by adult cynicism and crazy rumors. I was eight years old during the 1993 accusation and stood firm in my belief in Michael. I became very protective of him. A fellow fan said it best in her blog: "Michael's only crime was being an adult with an innocent mind." It's still hard for me to articulate why I believed in him so much. To me, Michael wore his heart on his sleeve. And his heart told me he was innocent. Two years later, Michael's role in my life became even more significant. My father had died of colon cancer and Michael became my lifeline. I was infatuated with him. I bought every book I could find on him and wanted all of his CDs (surprisingly, I never owned a copy of anything before Dangerous at the time). Anytime I traveled, I brought with me: my favorite MJ books, videos, and CDs. My first birthday without my dad became a special one. My mother surprised me with seven framed pictures of Michael that she secretly bought while we
8: were on vacation in California. Those pictures remained on my bedroom wall until a couple of years ago when I decided to redecorate my room. Since his death, I have new framed photos in my room. And the ones my mother gave me are displayed on top of a bookshelf in the hallway. Through the years, Michael's image continued to take a beating and I became less vocal about my feelings for him. My love never wavered, but I didn't want to chance a negative reaction from the new people in my life. In 2004, I shunned all media coverage of the trial. I was dealing with a tough freshman year in college and was admittingly, a little mad at Michael. I kept thinking "How could you let people do this to you again?" My anger was rooted in fear. I was worried about him and didn't trust "the facts" from a biased media. Needless to say, when the verdict came in, I was beyond relieved. I don't want to say too much about June 25, 2009. It's too painful to recollect the memories of that day and the weeks after. Let's just say, a big part of me went with Michael, when he took his last breath. I feel so much guilt now when I think of my lack of interest in Michael's whereabouts in the last four years. I feel like I abandoned him when he needed me. I feel like I should've done something--been more supportive. Even when he was going through his battle with SONY, I didn't pay much attention. What happened to me? Why did I assume he would always be okay? It took his death for me to rediscover
9: why and how much I loved him. I even experience his music differently now. Sometimes I close my eyes and let the melody and lyrics go through me-- and I hear and feel everything Michael was about. As Michael himself said, he "bound" his soul into his music. Like any relationship, love goes through different stages and changes-- for better or worse. Although there was a time when I took him for granted and assumed he'd always be there, I never stopped loving him and his music. Today, my love is stronger than ever. Thanks to the Internet and people who finally decided to speak up about the real Michael Jackson, I've gained even more respect for this amazing, generous, and beautiful man. My history with Michael is long and sometimes, complicated. But it's mostly filled with LOVE. He gave so much of it to others and deserved the same in return. He stole my heart at the age of three and he will always have it.
10: Michael's Precious Heart
12: Happy Birthday Michael! | August 29, 2009 Waiting on line with friends and family in Times Square to "dance and shout" at the Nokia Theater in celebration of Michael's birthday
13: It's So Hard Saying Goodbye | With my family, paying our respects at Neverland | Alexandra, a dedicated fan, asked MJ fans from all over the world to send her their pictures so we could be united in our quest for Justice for Michael. (Mine is on the top row to the left) | Justice for Michael Banner
14: My Favorite MJ Pictures
16: Thank You For Being You
17: Michael, On Facebook, Samantha asked: "If you could say something to Michael right now, what would you say-- in one sentence?" And I couldn't think of one that could encapsulate all that I wish to say. The first thing that came to mind was: "I love you." But I feel there's so much more in my heart. I also would like to express: I'm sorry. And I want you to know how much of an impact you've had in my life. You were there for me so many times when I needed you. I wish I was there for you. I wish I could've comforted you the way you did for me during the bad times. I want to show the world what we fans saw-- and what your true friends saw. . .A man with a big heart who tried to heal the world. I will forever miss you and will forever love you. "With Love" Alicia Newkirk (originally written 4/13/10)
18: "Let us dream of tomorrow where we can truly love from the soul-- and know love as the ultimate truth at the heart of all creation" ~Michael Jackson
19: "All for Love"