S: The Pact
FC: The Pact | Lindsay Andersen | The Pact
2: ABUSE | Dear Diary, Chris and I had sex at the carousel. That's where I want to kill myself. -Emily
3: Part of the novel minimally focuses on abuse. Although it was only one instance, it affected Emily throughout the book and in all of her lifetime. In the novel, Emily experiences sexual abuse in a McDonald's. The reason there is a janitor on this part of the page was because it was a McDonald's janitor who put her through this pain. Emily never told anyone. Another type of abuse that Emily faces is with her only boyfriend whom she'd known since she was born. They had known each other for their lifetimes, and were dating. She kept telling him "No" while he wanted to have sex with her, but Chris did not stop. This emotionally and physically hurt Emily because not only did she not want to, but it brought back the stress from the painful time in McDonald's. On page 171, Emily states, "I want to tell him it hurts, but I can't speak". Emily allows herself to be abused, and can not do anything about it because she is keeping her mouth shut from everyone. "The way that he touched her made her feel sick", The Pact states on page 173.
4: Honesty | Suicide Note From Emily Gold Dear Mom, It hurts to know I'm doing this to you, knowing I was you're only real child. However, this was not how it was supposed to be. There is no other escape for me. I'm not happy. I can't do this.
5: Emily was not a liar. But she did not tell her parents, or Chris everything. During the trial of Chris Harte vs. State of New Hampshire, it was clear that Chris was just as amazed as Emily's family when they found out she was 11 weeks pregnant. She never confided in her mother about Chris, and how she wanted an out. Emily states in her journal on page 197, "Sometimes it's like I'm kissing my brother, but how do I tell him that? I have to look at Chris's face to figure out what I'm supposed to be feeling, and then I spend the rest of the night wondering why I don't". Emily felt uncomfortable having Chris as her boyfriend, being that they were so close and grown up together. Emily never told her mother, Chris, or anyone about the incident at McDonald's or about her hopes and dreams for a life at the Sorbonne in France.
6: Suicide | Ticket for the Carousel $1 Children $2 Adults | Self-Portrait Emily Gold
7: Emily commits suicide in this novel. In different parts of the book, it foreshadows that this is to come. On page 148 it states,"She dug deeper and deeper until she was bleeding, until Chris's initials were carved hard enough into her bare arm". This alone showed that Emily was emotionally unstable and had been showing signs of depression. Some of the reasons that Emily decided to commit suicide were because of her initial sexual abuse, feelings of being trapped with someone she did not love, her pregnancy, the lost dreams of her future and the realization that her dreams would not be fulfilled, the failure to verbalize with her mother, boyfriend and a counselor of what she truly wanted. Emily believed her only option was suicide. She did not think of anything else. The night that she proposed to commit suicide, it was the same exact place that she was the most vulnerable and lost her virginity-the carousel which Chris worked at. She thought that killing herself would be her escape, her way out. The reason that there is a skull on the page is because Emily was a painter. Prior to her death, she painted a violent picture of a skull. She labeled the painting, "Self-Portrait" and then signed her name under it. "It is another example that there's been sexual abuse or suicidal thoughts" states Ms. Vernon, about the painting, on page 345.
8: Emily does not feel love towards Chris in the novel. He is more of a best friend towards her. He's always been there with her throughout her whole life, as a companion, and she knew that was only what he was going to be. On page 273, in The Pact states, "...Who wasn't to say that Emily felt it too, blithely pushed into a romance with a boy who might as well be her brother? Pregnant with his child?". On page 204 it states, "It was a strange feeling, knowing that her life would always be intertwined with Chris's-God, it had been since the day she was born-and yet realizing that she was still hoping for an out." Emily loved Chris as a brother, she cared about him, but she could never be "in love" with him. The Playlist that I made for Emily had these certain songs for different reasons. The song "Full Circle" is about two people who will always end up together no matter what. Although Emily didn't want this with Chris, that was how it was. The song "Two More Lonely People" is in Emily's playlist because it's about two people who are lonely because they gave up a fight, which is what Emily did. "Change" is on the playlist because it pertains to the effect of Emily killing herself on everyone else-it was complete change. "Coming to Terms" is about actualization of the complications in a relationship, and how it's not what they think it really is. "Destination Anywhere" is about someone who can't help themselves, or find another way out. This relates to Emily because she turned to suicide, instead of finding a different way. "The Investigation"is about a relationship being perfect, if one of the people in it wasn't worthless. This can relate to Emily because she felt worthless and that she couldn't do anything about her relationship with Chris. The song "Better Together" was added in Emily's playlist because although Emily didn't love Chris, she did at times feel home when she was with him, and feel safe. This was because they were practically the same person and raised together. They were like brother and sister. They had times when they were both down, and times when they were up, but no matter what whenever they were together, it was better.
11: On page 90 it states,"He let his eyes drift shut and decided in that instant that for the rest of Emily's life, he would be her guardian angel". Chris did not report to anyone about Emily wanting to commit suicide. He thought that he was being loyal, and doing the right thing for her and their relationship. Emily was always being treated kindly from Chris, and she was lead to believe that she had to do the same in return. That was why she partially allowed herself to have sex with Chris. "She belonged to me," Chris stated on page 103. The piece of paper saying "Best Friends" was what Emily "sent" to Chris when they were younger, through a tin can on strings attached from their houses. It is yellow because they called it their "secret" messages and used lemon juice to write it. This showed how close they were before they became in a relationship. Emily broke her leg almost before Chris and her became an item. While she was healing, he helped her get better. He showed his loyalty to her as a friend, and a companion. After Emily had cut herself, on page 149 Chris is helping Emily heal the initials of him cut into her arm,"She closed her eyes while he touched her with all the care in the world, and she started to heal." The band-aid with the heart represents this moment and his loyalty for Emily.
12: Happiness, or lack thereof | Senior Art Award
13: The prosecution argued, that Emily was not suicidal since she did not show the typical signs of depression. However, Emily was very good at masking her true feelings. She did well in school as her report card shows. Yet as we know, she never reported the abuse at the McDonald's to her parents and she never mentioned her pregnancy to her parents or her boyfriend, Chris. Furthermore, she never sat down with her parents, particularly her mother, and discussed her true plans for her future, namely her desire to attend the Sorbonne in France. By killing herself, she left the opportunity to travel the world, paint, meet more boys other than Chris and find out what true love is. Emily could have made girlfriends. It was nothing to brag about. How tragic!
15: If Emily had told Chris why she was shaking when she came out of the bathroom at McDonald's all those years ago, perhaps her life would have turned out differently. If she had received some help from a professional, such as a psychiatrist or rape crisis center then maybe her life would have been different with Chris too. She may have even reached her dream of going to the Sorbonne in France. Unfortunately, Emily was never able to communicate her thoughts or feelings. If she had been able to, perhaps she would have told Chris that she was not interested in him romantically but rather as a friend. She would never have gotten pregnant and she would have been able to realize all her dreams. The ticket to France was to symbolize the lost dream Emily had; and the realization of her not achieving it. This is why Emily's signature is on the ticket. Emily's relationship with her mother was not as close as it could have been. In the picture is Emily and her mother, communicating, only it is a dream.
16: Pictured Cited | http://marketing.openoffice.org/ooocon2006/logos/airfrance.jpg http://images04.olx.com/ui/1/33/29/9712429_1.jpg http://www.evolutionrevolutionnow.com/img/copy-of-therapist.jpg http://www.maps-continents.com/maps/globe-africa-countries.jpg http://school.discoveryeducation.com/clipart/images/skull.gif http://www.wibx950.com/Portals/UTI/WIBXAM/news/gun.jpg http://www.mrchristmas.com/images/products/79851.jpg http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_EBh98IAkmIk/SwM12z6CECI/AAAAAAAABGo/Geo-GbwTw-k/s1600/BROTHER+AND+SISTER+BY+THE+SEA.jpg http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lasorbonne_photo2.jpg http://americansfortruth.com/uploads/2008/03/mcdonalds-logo.JPG http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qn3rZtauHus/TBBgGXYoTXI/AAAAAAAAATc/z20zAXGBWs0/s1600/heart+band+aid.jpg http://www.fs.fed.us/r8/kisatchie/images/volunteer/old_janitor_sweeping_hg_clr.gif http://rapedattufts.info/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Rape__by_little_pretty.png
17: http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/ex/template_content_corner/ex69/images/relationship.jpg http://www.dance-etc.com/images/mother_daughter.jpg http://tickledbylife.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/broken-leg.jpg http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/teenpregnancy.jpg http://www.aspencountry.com/assets/product_images/product_lib/29000-29999/29195.jpg