FC: Ginger A. Krayko
1: Ginger's Journal KEEP OUT! | This means you Lensi!
2: Yes I'm a hopeless dork. Deal with it! | William and Ginger Forever
3: 001 | New journal, new chapter I guess. I can't believe I filled the old one already. I guess I have alot I want to remember. I mean it has been a year since I started the last one, I suppose it's time. Maybe this is a sign... Hah! Yeah right. :p Ah well, I suppose this sucks for an introduction to this book. I'm usually better at these things. You know, babbling about life and all that jazz. But you know if you want to know what's happened that bad, just read the others. And no Lensi, that's not an invitation to tear my room apart looking. You'll just run to Daddy with the news you find out. Not...that... theres's anything to hide or anything.
4: And Will and I love each other, there's nothing wrong with it when we love each other, right? And I mean we were safe about it... Hi Daddy! I figure by now the little sneak has come running to you. Serves her right for snooping. Maybe now you can bust her? Please? A lock for my door, that's all I ask. And I promise Daddy, I'm still a virgin and all that. I just wanted to bust her. Will takes good care of me. And there's no way he'd let me go that far. Something about preserving my innocence. Cause that totally still exists in this family. And I ask that you please not interogate him again? Just because
5: Uncle Rick is your best friend doesn't mean you can go all good cop/bad cop on my boyfriend. Seriously, you scare him enough. Be proud. Mom, I'm sure you're reading over Daddy's shoulder by now, I beg of you... KEEP HIM ON A LEASH! He likes to think he can threaten my boyfriend with arson and arrest. Just because he knows a cop doesn't mean he is one. I feel like we need to keep reminding him of this. So please. On a leash. And perhaps while you're at it, you can put the brat in a cage too. Don't you think life would be more...peaceful that way? And well...I guess there's nothing left to say but... Welcome to my life...
6: Tonight is that banquet, ball thingy. It's a fun excuse to get all dressed up and spend the night with my guy. And frankly there's really no other reason I need to attend. I'll be with Will, that right there is reason enough. I don't know if I've told you before or not, but just incase it isn't blatantly obvious, I love that man. With all my heart. I really do. I mean I know it's a cheesy thing to say and all, but I think Will is the one. Hell, I know he's the one. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. Oh god, my father would throw a bitch fit if he heard me say that. He was all fine with Will until we started dating, now he's like this super paranoid old man. It's actually kind of cute and endearing. Plus it's toally fun to mess with Will. He's a | 003
7: bit edgy with Daddy. Something about this fear of being set on fire. I don't know what he's talking about. Daddy would never do that. At least I don't think. It's hard to tell with him some days. Anyway, back to this party thing. To make it even more exciting, it's all in Will's honor. I'm so so proud of him. He's an amazing driver and he is totally kicking ass out there. Not to mention he's living his dream. I really couldn't be happier for him. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about him out there. And now he's got this crazy scheme going with Sean. It's dangerous, and it scares me. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I just don't know how to make him see that there's no
8: reason to risk his life like that. Not for some cheap thrill. I don't know, maybe if I get a moment with him tonight, away from Sean, maybe I'll talk to him. He's always taken my concern into consideration before, I'm hoping he does now too. I don't want to hold him back, but I just can't let him risk his life like that. I just can't lose him. On a happier note though, I've got amazing news for him tonight. I'm going to college! 45 minutes from here. So I'll still be close when he's home, and during the summer I'll still be able to travel with him. And it's only a bonus that the University of Maine is an amazing school. I can get my degree and then I'll figure life out from there. I mean, no rush right? Heck, I don't even know
9: what my major is going to be. Mom thinks I should go journalism like she did. Because I'm always writing in one of my journals. But I don't think she quite sees that they're two different types of writing. I mean in here it's just like babble babble nonsense nonsense. But for like a newspaper or magazine it's like boring boring fact fact boring boring. I don't know how she does it. Personally I'd love to major in drama. But whenever I mention it to them, both Mom and Daddy want to know what kind of career I could make from that. Hello, I shouldn't have to know that now. I'm only 19. My future is like. lightyears away yet. And besides, no one cares what you majored in. As long as you like didn't flunk out or something. It's all good.
10: Anyways, I gotta pack it in and get ready. Mom is calling for me. She's going to do up my hair for me tonight. Or as Daddy's been putting it, she's going to corrupt me. Because Aunt Clarisa and Aunt Del apparently haven't done a good enough job? I don't know. But I do know my guy will be here in like 2 hours and damn it, I want to look my best for him. I'll be sure to add pictures later. Cause god knows Mom isn't letting us get away without them. Crazy lady that she is.
11: I...I don't understand what happened? What did I do that was so wrong?! We were so happy just a few hours ago... It doesn't make any sense. Oh god, what if I lose him over this? I can't... I can't lose him. I just can't. I don't know how to live without him. He's my best friend. He's always understood and been there and now... God I don't know what to do! We've fought before... it's not like this was the first time. But god, this time was different. This time I don't think he's coming back. My life is nothing without Will in it. He's always been there and now... He left me standing there. In the rain. Crying and calling after him and he didn't turn around. What if this is it? | 003
12: What do I do? Mom and Daddy are calling me. I think I just need to curl up with them tonight. Everything will be okay in the morning. Will will call. I know he will. Because he wouldn't just throw all this away. He couldn't. He'll call and then everything will be okay and I will have freaked out over nothing. It'll be okay. It has to be.
13: 004 | He didn't call.
14: 006 | Oh god... No! No this can't be happening! He can't leave me like this! He just can't! I didn't do anything wrong! How can he just leave me like this?! No call. No goodbye. Just gone. Like our love meant nothing to him. How could he do this to me??
15: The last picture I have of us. He'll come home. He has to.
16: They're trying to tell me everything will be okay, but it's not! It's not okay! How can everything be okay if Will isn't here?! He's gone and he's not coming back! | I can't believe he's really gone. | 010
17: 015 | Why?!? Somebody tell me why! I just don't understand.
18: 021 | What's the point in living anymore? Not only did I lose my boyfriend, the man I've loved most of my life, but I lost my best friend too. So tell me, someone please because I don't see it! What's the point in living without him here?
19: 026 | They're not leaving me alone. They find one razor blade and now I'm under constant survalience. Even as I write this Uncle Chris is sitting across the room from me. He doesn't look good either. He looks tired. Worn out. How could William do this to us?
20: 038 | I haven't eaten today. I don't have it in me. So it's true, you really can die of a broken heart.
21: 042 | School starts in a week. Mom and Daddy keep saying they don't think I should go. But I have to. I can't stay here. It hurts too much.
22: 044 | I talked to the school today. I'm not going to the one in Augusta. It's too close to home. They're letting me transfer up to the Presque Isle campus. Maybe up there I'll start to feel something again. But then again, being numb is a relief compared to the excruciating pain I was feeling before.
23: 050 | Mom and Daddy are driving me up to school tomorrow morning. They're going to leave Lensi with Uncle Rick and Aunt Del. Daddy and Uncle Chris got into a fight last night over me. Can't Will see what he's done to us? He left and now the whole family is going to hell. | Maybe if I hide it in here, they won't lnow I still have it.
24: 075 | School is okay. I'm survivng. But most days it's hard to breathe. I can't find the will to get out of bed in the morning. If it weren't for my insane roommate, I probably wouldn't even try. But she's an energetic thing and when she's around I almost forget about the heart wrenching pain I'm really in. I almost forget about him.
25: 080 | Ruthie found my razor. Now she's worried about me. I tried telling her I'm just fine, but she's not buying it. How can I tell a complete stranger how he ripped my world apart? Anyone that didn't know us would think I'm insane for letting it destroy me this way. But without him...I don't know how to live. I don't know how to function. Even before we got together, he was always there. Always a part of my life. I don't know how to handle him not being there anymore.
26: 101 | Ruthie and Danielle made me get headshots done today. I suppose they're okay.