S: Human Nature and the Physicsness of Philo-Psychonetics in Time and of Time Placeness by Tim and Jim Jam
BC: Damion P. Landry was born in 1986 on the coast of San Fanta to a widowed Swedish women named Marmal Landry who afforded to raise Damion in America by rolling miles of tape for the Scotch Tape Company. Damion or "Pete" as we have come to know him ran away and was discovered on the back of a fruit picking truck in Southern California during the second great depression and brought to Massachusetts in a bin of peaches. After 20 years as an animal cracker engineer, Pete published his first novel, "The Craft of Crafts" which went on to win the employee of the month award in 2003. It was later turned into a motion picture film which was nominated for a Grammy Award in 2005. Having graduated from Fitchburg State, Pete was known as the highest level super saiyan to ever come to New England. He later joined forces with similarly skilled prodigies, Bruce Campall and Keanu Reeds, to end disco fever in 200. Their efforts failed when Landry could no longer control his unusually long baby toenail, which he occasionally refers to by name as "Susan". Susan ripped his mask off revealing his true identity leaving him only with his ability to write short novellas. Pete has spent his recent career helping troubled lobsters cope with the fact that they will be eaten and documenting their progress in the Wall Street Journal. | Anthony Valera was born in 1984 to three Preuvian women just outside of Citta di Rimram, Sicily. Although he was so Italian it -at times- physically hurt, he is considered one of the greatest French writers of all time. A haikuist, physician and inventor of such novelties as the hard hat chin-strap, Anthony was awarded the Noben Prince Prize in 1996 for his accomplishments. Early in his career his haiku's were often mistaken for homo-erotic literature as he could never grasp the conjugation of French male and female verb use. With the absence of heterosexual promiscuity in his writing he was a king (though a queen) among single, male readers. In 2001 he was awarded the Bear-on-Bear Prize from the Society of Polished Men for such works as "A Plateful of Navel" and "The Bulbous Trajectory and its Imaginary Parents". Today Anthony Valera lives in the wine country of Saco, Maine with his son Richardmond Valera. He has been studying various hands for his upcoming work which is tentatively titled "Red, Red. Hands in Bread." | ABOUT THE AUTHORS
1: Dedicated to: Teenie Weenie Ginnie Baziini, for without you this book wouldn't make much sense. | "The Wonderful World of Gina" Written and Illustrated by: Anthony Valera & Pete Landry
3: Chapter 1 Musical Musicians
4: "My life on the road was like a life in the wilderness. I ate bugs and pooped under trees when I was certain no one was around."
5: "No one talks shit to me anymore ever since I won Price is Right."
6: "I don't know where soul comes from. Maybe they sell it at the airport? I always take a bus when I travel."
7: There are rumors that Gina had retired from the limelight and let her identical twin take over her career. This explains the crazy vegas years...
8: "I'd say I was a role model for today's youth if I didn't hate children so much"
10: Chapter 2 Ethnics and World Couture
11: "Peace is Constipation; Give me a minute to work out my inner flow." -Baba Bazinsky
12: "Anger and sadness are the names for my two fists. You don't want to know what I named my tits."
13: "I've passed out on thyn couch of greatness and never once hath the Great Trumpet Mushroom been stampeth on mine visage." Queenzinsky
14: "I've seen fire and I've seen rain. No big deal."
15: "Life on the farm taught me to appreciate the simple things and to always be ready for a random milking."
17: Chapter 3 Astro-Animal Investigations
18: "My real friends are the ones who know me inside and out and still find new places to stick things."
19: When frightened or excited, the Bazinskis Ginoculus can squirt an aimed stream of blood from the corners of it's eyes for a distance of up to 30 feet. This is done by a mixture of constricting muscles in their tear ducts and reliving traumatic sexual memories.
20: There are certain qualifications that need to be met to become a Ramzinsky.You have to have a hard head. It also helps to have a nice wool coat.
21: "There are plenty of fish in the sea. I know this because I eat fish every night for dinner, motherfucker."
22: "Even the littlest of god's creatures have some way of defending themselves. I carry a knife at all times to keep the playing field level."