S: Great Sparkly Moon Book: year two of a world without my Dragon
BC: "i feel just like i'm sinking and i claw for solid ground i'm pulled down by the undertow i never thought i could feel so low oh, darkness i feel like letting go. - Sarah Mclachlan | all photos are the right and property of womanNshadows aka abandonedsouls aka Bunny as is this book and the words therein. | the Great Sparkly Moon Book Two has come to a close. year three has started out with a whimper, a sigh, and many tears. it will be another year before the Great Sparkly Moon Book Three will be published. i miss him. therefore the vigil continues.
FC: The Great Sparkly Moon Book year two of a world without myDragon *sigh*
1: Bunny is awake now. she faces the start of her second year without him, without her lovely, loving Dragon. "once i beheld a splendid dream, a visionary scene of bliss: truth! -- wherefore did they hated beam awake me to a world like this?" Lord Byron | poor Bunny with her Cube of Love, her Tribute Tile, her Dragon's Urn, and the ever-present tissues.
2: March 1, 2010 unbroken the vigil continues "i think i see his love drawn on the moon's face i wish i was back in his loving embrace i see the moon, but does the moon see me? i will sigh at the moon until death sets me free." -- i wrote this
3: "the moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to." -- Carl Sandburg April 28, 2010
4: May 19, 2010 because the moon calls to me.
5: the clouds moved in, around, and over the moon. the image was eerie. it was surreal. it was mystical. and then my Dragon cleared the sky for my shot. May 27, 2010
6: June 15, 2010 the call of the lonely heavens
7: "the heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe." - Joanna Macy June 26, 2010
8: midnight of June 26, 2010 sometimes its the moons of midnight whose silence speaks the loudest to me. "i would not wish any companion in the world but you." - Shakespeare
9: sometimes i can feel that he knows. he knows i will never get over his dying. July 22, 2010
10: do not tell me that i will be better soon. do not tell me that i will be joyful and find love again do not tell me what is and will be. do not forecast my life to me. | you did not know us. you did not see us together you did not see us holding hands. you did not see us kiss, or look into each other's eyes.
11: July 24, 2010 another month another moon another tear another sigh
13: "you know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you. i suppose it's why you feel so far away from everyone, in the end: anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible." -- Nick Hornby
14: August 24, 2010
15: i panic when the clouds come and yet they can lend themselves to be a deeply spiritual frame around the moon. i often wonder if he is out there looking down at me; wondering, weeping, and wishing i would not pine so. and then i remember what he said once: "if you die, i would howl at the moon every night, whether it was full or not, whether it was even there or not."
16: August 24, 2010
17: September 23, 2010 - the Autumnal Equinox "God, it's me again. just checking to see if You were still there."
18: the cool full moon of October 23, 2010 starts
21: "everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." -- Mark Twain
23: October 23, 2010 the last shot at midnight, of course.
24: Bunny and the Commemoration of the Faithful Departed aka All Soul's Day
25: November 20, 2010
26: what i think of as the Christmas moon.
27: December 21, 2010 -- moon rising and at midnight "but she lost energy at last for her loud-whispered cries and moans: she subsided into helpless sobs, and on the cold floor she sobbed herself to sleep. in the chill hours of the morning twilight, when all was dim around her, she awoke - not with any amazed wondering where she was or what had happened, but with the clearest consciousness that she was looking into the eyes of sorrow. she rose, and wrapped warm things around her, and seated herself in a great chair where she had often watched before. she was vigorous enough to have borne that hard night without feeling ill in body, beyond some aching and fatigue; but she had waked to a new condition: she felt as if her soul had been liberated from its terrible conflict; she was no longer wrestling with her grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." - George Eliot
28: 2010 closes with all the aloneness that comes with the holidays and actually being alone. the first full moon of the new yearJanuary 19, 2011
29: February 15, 2011 the full moon was obscured by the Heaven's rain.. this was the shot. the second year without my Dragon ends and the third begins. i feel myself slipping away to the sanctity of my dark moods more. it is part of my unique journey.
30: i cry in my sleep. two years out and i still cry in my sleep. someone told me that, to see me, to talk to me, i appear very strong. i smiled at them, because they don't know. i still cry in my sleep. | i still cry during the day. there are days when i only get those little tiny tears that ease out. but there are still a great many days when i break down and sob for him. i miss him so much.
31: two years out and i still feel this empty. i hurt with an ache that may never leave. he is my breath, my heartbeat, and my laughter. he is my sense of adventure and my excitement at what life can show me. i miss him more and more with each passing day. there are things i want to ask him. there are things i want to know. only he has the answers. only he can truly comfort me. "old sorrow rise up to beset me. old doubts make my spirit their own. oh, come through the darkness and save me, for i am alone." - Bennett