FC: The weight of silence | By: Heather Gudenkauf | Cally's Journal
1: Though my father had many flaws, i am dedicating this journal to him because he helped me find my voice again, finally!
2: Today i witnessed one of the scariest things that i think will ever happen to me in my life. It was just another normal day for my dad, he drank his beer, and my mom brought us to the playground. When we came home, we needed to make sure that we were extra quiet, because my dad was sleeping. Once he woke up, he was in one of those moods. My mom and him got into a fight. I didn't know what the fight was about, but I knew it wasn't going to end well. As they were shouting, I covered my ears and tried to sing myself a song. At this point, my mother was pregnant, so she had to be extra careful with all the moves that she made. All of this was just too much for me, so I closed my eyes, and in the blink of an eye, iIheard a thump, and i saw my aggressive father send my pregnant mother tumbling down the stairs. I couldn't believe my eyes! | Entry 1
3: That was the day that changed me. After that, I stopped talking for what everybody (even myself) thought was going to be forever. I knew, deep down, that what my father had done to my mother killed my brother or sister. I think everyone knew it too, they just didn't want to admit it, but, I didn't care who knew. My dad killed my sister- to- be. | "My face was hot with tears" -Cally
4: This particular morning, I was hot, tired and I really had to urinate. I knew that my dad was going on a fishing trip with his friend. So I hoped he wasn't going to be there when I snuck downstairs to go to the bathroom, of course, my predictions were wrong. I heard him call my name just as I was opening the door to the bathroom. I go outside, and before I know it, I am being dragged into the woods. | Entry 2
5: "Now how about a little bit of daddy time, Cally" -Griff (20)
6: Petra is by best friend, my voice. She is the only person that understands me and i love her.
7: This morning Petra was awake the same time I was. She heard noises outside thinking that its my dad and I. Unfortunatly it's not. She goes out just to say hello and is also dragged into the woods. Not by my father, but by Lucky. | "I'll just go to say hi and then come right back in" -Petra (21) | Entry 3
8: This morning Martin Gregory (Petras father) went to check on Petra in her room. When he doesn't find her, he warns Fielda (Petras mother) and they drive to my house to ask me questions. When my mother finds that I'm not there, she calls Deputy Sherriff Lois and the search begins. This is where my story begins.
9: "I rush down the stairs, shes gone too!" -Toni (33) | Entry 4
10: Ben cant handle to see my mother cry this much. So, he runs into the woods to try to find Petra and I. My mother and Deputy Sheriff tell him that it is not a good idea, but he doesn't care. He is determined to find me, his baby sister and my best friend.. I know Ben would do anything to make sure I was OK. | Entry 5
11: "God writes the gospel not in the bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars" -Martin Luther King | "I have been to all the places where we play" -Ben (67)
12: "Ben, I think Petra is dying" -Griff (211) | "All that live must die, passing through nature to eternity" -William Shakespear
13: Ben finally find Petra, myself and my father. I am thankfully OK. and not bruised up too much. Petra on the other hand is on the ground. She almost looks dead, but i know she isn't. Ben looked so worried.. He thinks that Griff hurt Petra. Little does he know, he didn't. | Entry 6
14: Because Ben thinks that my dad did these horrific things to Petra, he gets into a fist fight with my dad. It seems as though my dad hurt him pretty badly. I cant stand to watch this because it hurts me to see my brother get hurt when he has helped me so much. Ben now is on the ground. He says that he thinks he broke a rib. There is a good possibility that he did. Though my dad is apoligizing to Ben, I still cant forgive him for all the things he has put me through. | " Run Cally, He whispered." That way." He indicated the trail from which he came from. "Go down, all the way down. It will lead you to Bobcat trail." "Run Cally, don't stop." -Ben (211) | Entry 7
15: I hate being in the middle of fights. Unfortunatly though, this time I am. Ben tells me to run and find help. I don't really know my way around as well as some people think that I do. My dad is also yelling at me. He tells me that I should stay so we can all stick together. I listen to my brother Ben. I run and run until I can't run any,more.
16: Finally I find my mother, Deputy Sheriff Louis and Martin. I don't know who I should run to first. My mom? Louis? Martin? I finally decide that I should go to Louis and tell him what is going on. Ben, I blurt out. This is the first time I talked and it felt amazing! Nobody could believe their ears. Before I can say another word, Martin runs into the woods to find his daughter. After I am in the hospital I find out that she was taken to a helicopter and was going to the hospital. | "'Ben!' The name erupted from me, it didn't feel like it came from my mouth exactly." -Cally (249) | Entry 8
17: Now that Ben and I are in the hospital, everything feels right. Everything seems as though it is falling into place. My mom isn't with us right now because she is getting some of Ben and my favorite things.
18: As my mom is at the house, she goes outside to look at the woods. She then hears a noise when she goes outside. She is taken behind our shed by Martin. Martin has a gun. As they are talking my dad sneaks up on them. Martin gets ready to shoot Griff ,and Griff takes the gun away from him. Then my mom, my poor innocent mom is dragged into the woods just like I was by my father. At this time, Louis is already on his way to the scene.. As Martin is approaching them in the woods, Griff shoots himself and Toni. They both fall to the ground. Luckily for mom, there were no bullets in the gun. My dad on the other hand was killed. Mom and Louis return to the hospital. Louis' wife comes into the hospital telling him that her and her son are moving away because of all the time he is spending with mom. He says goodbye to his son and his wife leaves to start a new life.
19: " Were moving in with my parents until i get settled and find a new house." -Christine (Louis' wife) (314) | Entry 9
20: __Years later... Now my life seems to be in place. I am speaking again, my brother and I are both growing older, there is no more worrying about my dad, my mom and Louis are friends again. Though they aren't dating, I am hoping that someday soon they will. I am proud to announce that I am speaking again. I feel that without my dad and without all of this happening in my life, I would still be silenced. To this day I still don't understand why I went silent. I guess it was because of my pregnant mother being pushed down the stairs, but I honestly don't even want to think about it anymore. Those days are behind me and I am just happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. I hope someday I can make a family, just like my own. Yours Truly, Cally
21: "I wonder at times if my mother and Louis will end up together." -Cally (368) | Entry 10 | "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." -Marcus Tulius Cicero.