There is an art form to gift giving. It is a delicate balance of effort, thought, and timing, resulting in the satisfaction of knowing you made someone happy. Choosing the right gift to amaze your loved one has a psychology and method to it. No matter who or what the gift is for, this ultimate gift giving guide is here to help you make every gift the ideal one.

The Psychology Behind Gift Giving

Believe it or not, gift-giving is not only an acknowledgment of someone’s milestone. The psychology of gift-giving extends to the giver and the receiver. The right gift can bring an equal amount of joy to both.

“It’s the Thought that Counts” - Is That Really True?

Many people believe in the idea that “it’s the thought that counts.” But, as it turns out, that is more an excuse than an excellent approach to choosing a gift.

Allyson Chiu’s Washington Post article “Gift giving: Is it really the thought that counts? Psychologists Weigh In.” writes that while most “common gift-giving beliefs are well-meaning, leaning on them can potentially lead givers astray.”
Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and friendship expert, says, “It replaces the other person and the other person’s actual needs and actual languages of love.”

In the art of gift giving, the thought counts as much as you make it. The saying should be, “it’s the effort that counts.” Put energy into finding the right gift, instead of relying on the idea that anything will do.

How to Ease Gift Picking Anxiety

Macquarie University cognitive neuroscience professor Dr. Mark Williams’ article “The Psychology of Giving” says that gifts “reinforce bonds and relationships between people.” The greater the bond between the giver and receiver, the more pressure there is on the gift. In many cases, this is a self-inflicted pressure to produce a gift that reflects the level of the relationship it represents.

Some ways to ease the pressure of trying to select the perfect gift are:

Plan ahead. Waiting until the last minute will only increase anxiety.
Keep a calendar of important dates, so you don’t get caught off guard.
As long as you put thought and effort into the gift, it will be well received. So don’t put too much emotional pressure on yourself.

What Goes Into a Good Gift?

Now that you are in the right mindset, let’s talk about some elements that go into selecting a good gift.

You Want Your Gift to Be:

Personalized or customized
Well-crafted to last a long time
Unique
Well thought out gift and delivery
Reflective of a person’s wants/needs

You Don’t Want Your Gift to Be:

Impersonal
Cheap (in design not necessarily cost)
Generic
Poorly timed delivery
Not reflective of a person’s wants/likes
Likely to end up re-gifted or trashed

Roadmap to the Best Gift Ideas

Where to Start

Do your homework. Typing “gift ideas” into Google or Amazon can be helpful, but also insanely overwhelming. With the unlimited number of consumer goods on the market, it may be hard to pick just one. Taking cues from the person you are looking to give the gift to is sometimes a better approach.

Brainstorming for Ideas

Make a gift list. People talk about the things they like, and if you listen closely they might be giving you the answer in passing. For example, you overheard your mom talking about a new kitchen gadget she would like to have.

Keep a gift idea journal, or even a note on your phone with gift ideas. That way, when gift giving time comes around you will already have a list of ideas specifically for that person. Here’s a handy template to help.

Lean Towards Activity Based Gifts

Make your gift an activity. Aim for gifts that require some sort of participation from the receiver. Examples:

Concert tickets to their favorite band.
Tickets to a new immersive art exhibit.
A restaurant gift certificate.

UCLA’s Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner noted in their article, “Experiential Gifts Foster Stronger Social Relationships than Material Gifts” that multiple studies have shown that people who receive “activity” gifts are more likely to feel more connected to the giver of the gift than when they receive a material gift.

Make Sure the Gift is Personal

Make it customizable. Your gift should reflect your understanding of the receiver. Factor into account their likes, dislikes, and passions when looking for the perfect gift.

For example, you are choosing between gift ideas for a cat-loving coworker. You have narrowed your options to:

A cat themed photo calendar.
A scented candle.
An amazon gift card.

Go for the calendar, because it is a much more “purrfect” gift for this particular coworker.

Customizing Makes Your Gift Extra Special

A regular cheese board is not half as exciting as a cheese board engraved with the date you met the person you are gifting to. A generic birthday card does not have as much wow factor as one where the cover is a photo of your best moment together.

Anything that can be personalized is way more likely to put a big smile on the receiver’s face.

Deciding How Much to Spend

The amount spent on a gift does not always reflect the level of satisfaction the person receives from it. When deciding on the best gift idea, money should not necessarily be the first consideration.

Setting a budget also helps narrow down the gift options, so consider how much you want to spend on the gift before you start looking for one.

Not Every Gift Has a Price Tag

Reddit user r/RecklessReptar’s comment on post user r/GiftIdeas post, “The best gifts I've received and other gift ideas for people” offers some advice about this, saying,

“Give them something that helps, not adds. If your gift requires work, it may cause unnecessary stress. This is especially good for parents who “don’t need anything.” Would it help dad if you cut the grass? What about if you paid for a maid service before the holidays so they could relax? What about sending their knives out to be sharpened? Take something off their plate.”

Free gifts can have just as much of an impact, if not more, than expensive fancy gifts. The more inventive and thoughtful the gift is, the less the price matters.

Questions to Ask Yourself when Picking Gifts

How strong is your bond with the person?
Has this person bought you any gifts and what was the price range on them?
Is your gift worth the cost?
Will the person use and enjoy your gift?

Why Timing Matters in Gift Giving

As the saying goes, “timing is everything”. That applies not only to when you physically give the person a gift.

Occasion and Non-Occasion Gifts

A recent study in the Journal of Consumer Psychology conducted by Julian Givi at West Virginia University and Jeff Galak at Carnegie Mellon University broke down gift giving into two categories: occasion and non-occasion based.

Occasion-based gifts are those given to mark a specific milestone, like a birthday or Christmas.
Non-occasion-based gifts are given for no reason at all except that you were thinking about the person.

The study finds that non-occasion-based gifts are more likely to bring on feelings of happiness because they are not expected. People prefer gifts that are given just because the giver thought of them.

The study also concludes that the context in which the gift is given is more important than the gift itself in maximizing the receiver’s happiness.

How to Deliver Your Awesome Gift

Putting thought into the delivery of a gift is important. Choosing when and how the person gets the gift can amplify or take away from the experience.

Presentation and delivery are almost as relevant as the actual gift. The best gifts are:

Nicely wrapped. If you are shipping it, splurge for the gift wrapping. Unwrapping is the best part.
Given at the appropriate time for the occasion.
A surprise or well-kept secret. The less they are expecting it, the better.
Include a heartfelt card with your warmest wishes and encourage the recipient to read it before opening.

The more creative you are with your delivery, the more meaningful and memorable your gift will become.

When is it Okay to Regift?

Sometimes you get a gift that just does not fit. Not your style or aesthetic, whatever the reason is, you just do not love it. So, what do you do with it?

First option is to put it in the back of your closet and forget about it for an eternity. Realistically, how many bad gifts can you do that with?

The next best option besides trying to sell it is regifting.

While reselling and regifting both run the risk of potentially insulting the people who gave the gift to you, regifting is less of a blow.

Actually, according to Psychological Science’s article “The Gifts We Keep on Giving: Documenting and Destigmatizing the Regifting Taboo” people have an overestimation of how much they offend the giver by regifting.

Logically, most gift givers would rather see their gifts in someone else's hands than thrown out or discarded.

Do not use regifting simply to get rid of unwanted gifts.

Regifting should be done with the intention that the new recipient of this gift will appreciate it more than you do. The guidelines of regular gift giving apply to regifting still apply. Thoughtfulness is key, regardless of whether it is an original or a regift.

Final Thoughts

Gift-giving does not have to be a chore, and our goal is to help take some of the pressure and stress out of it. We hope this complete gift-giving inspires you to put thought and effort into your gift selection process. Regardless of who or what your gift is for, if you keep these tips in mind as you search, it is sure to bring joy to the recipient.

The Psychology Behind Gift Giving