S: Preparing for Parenting
FC: Psychology 222 | Van Allen | Preparing for Parenting | Written By: Laura Daigle Chelsea Cashwell Olivia Gregory Leigh Senter
1: Table of Contents Chapter 1: Looks Like its McDonalds Again Tonight Chapter 2: Its a Boy! Chapter 3: "Mom, I'm Hungry" Chapter 4: Bubble Baths and Beer Chapter 5: "Don't Miss the Bus!" Chapters 6: Head, Shoulders, Knees, & Toes Chapter 7: In Corner One . . . Chapter 8: In Reflection: Give Me Grandkids
2: Life Before Children | Chapter 1: Looks Like It's McDonalds Again Tonight
3: ''We're all living in a global conspiracy of silence. While having children is without question one of the most profound and beautiful experiences in life, most of us are totally unprepared and woefully ill-equip for parenthood--we are like deer in the headlights (Sestito 2010).'' ----------------------------------------------- “Couples expectations about marriage are likely to be shaped by their observations of the marital relationship they grew up with, that is, their own parent's marriage or relationship. Positive and negative aspects of the parental marriage are often carried forward into the husbands and wives own marriage and predict their marital quality (Curran & Hazen, 2009). Couples need to make sure they are on the same page before they decide to have children. There are so many important aspects that husbands and wives must agree on to have a fluid household with the least amount of confrontation as possible. They need to reflect with one another on what their parents were like. They need to discuss what kind of household they were brought up in, then decide what they would like to implement into their own household. They need to agree on what they would like to change from the way they were raised and what they would like to do the same (Curran & Hazen, 2009). Parents must be sure to agree on the number of children they would like to have as well as many other things. A very important issue that should be looked at even before marriage is shared values and beliefs. Even if the husband and wife can agree to disagree, it may be very confusing for the children to be raised in such a household, Having different values often means very different forms of discipline (Curran & Hazen, 2009). Before becoming a mom and dad it is important to discuss what type of roles are expected out of one another. Does dad expect mom to stop working and stat at home with the children? Does mom expect dad to turn down business trips to make more time for the new family? (Curran & Hazen, 2009) . Young couples also need to be sure they are financially stable before considering children. Struggling from pay check to pay check with a new born at home will be a constant source of stress and anxiety (Curran & Hazen, 2009). The most important thing is to have realistic expectations about being a parent. Everyone 'oohs and aahs' over little ones, but they are not a stroll in the park. New mothers and fathers should expect to be worn out, tired, frustrated, and have conflicts with your partner (Curran & Hazen, 2009). But once you expect these things when they come along you are more prepared to handle them and move past to enjoy they great things about being a parent.
4: It's a Boy! | The baby's growth and development from conception to birth is categorized into three main stages. The germinal stage takes place until two weeks after conception. During this stage the sperm and egg unite creating the first cell called the zygote. Then it develops into the blasts, a ball of about 150 cells. Then the blastis hollows out and folds in on itself becoming a three layer embryo. It must attach itself onto the uterus wall in order to continue developing. | Chapter 2
5: The second stage is the embryonic stage . This takes place from two weeks after conception until two months . During this stage most of the vital organs and bodily systems begin to form . The embryo is now beginning to look like a human . The baby is one inch long. Mothers must be careful of terotogins, harmful substances in the environment . | The fetal stage is the last stage in pregnancy . The baby is in this stage the majority of the time the mother is pregnant, taking place two month till birth . The baby rapidly begins to grow, putting on weight, and building muscles . The baby will reach the age a viability, 22 to 26 weeks, this is the time when the baby has a high probability of living outside the womb.
6: Chapter 3: "Mom, I'm Hungary!" | Having a baby means a lot of hard work; it can be extremely taxing on every aspect of life. Newborns require a lot of care and attention. They must be fed every few hours and require nearly constant diaper changes. The countless nights without sleep can really take their toll on busy parents. Physical exhaustion is not the only problem of new parents. They can also have trouble finding time for one another. Sex is something of the past. After a long day of taking care of the baby and work, there is not enough energy or time left over for sex.
7: If the parents have different views on the upbringing of the child then this can bring discord between the parents. One parent may want to keep a strict schedule while the other does not see the importance. Housekeeping and chores may also be a source of conflict. If one parent feels they are pulling most of the weight around the house without any help, it can lead to resentment and anger.
8: All these new problems coming at the same time can be a lot to handle and push the mother and father apart and instead of closer together. | it adds huge stress to the home. Also if they feel the house is not adequate it can be a source of frustration. | Many time new parents struggle with their role in a physiological way. The feeling of isolation is not uncommon in new mothers. They may feel they are all alone in this struggle and have no one to reach out to. Economic struggles can be a huge burden. Babies are a huge expense. Diapers, formula, clothes, cribs, strollers, etc. | If parents do not a sufficient earnings to fill these basic needs,
9: Chapter 4 | Bubble Baths and Beer
10: Ahlborg and Standmark's studies derived two categories of coping that couples new to parenthood tend to use: coping by adjustment and coping by communication” (Ahlborg & Standmark, 2006). The adjustment to parenthood obviously requires selflessness; the needs of the baby and your partner are now first priority in your life. The number one struggle of new parents was letting their lives completely center around the new baby. This is a very difficult balance to maintain because newborns require so much care and attention, but only focusing on parenting and neglecting the role of spouse brought devastating effects to the families (Ahlborg & Strandmark).
11: Once a baby enters the picture, it becomes extremely difficult to find time and energy to focus on one another, but this makes it all the more critical. It is of the utmost importance that new parents prioritize“moments of love.
12: cause are completely avoidable. Parents who cope through communication have much greater chance of sticking together and raising a happy healthy child (Ahlborg & Strandmark), 2006). The importance of openness and honesty can not be stressed enough; you must let your partner know how you are feeling and what you need from them. House work can really can be a huge struggle; if you do not let your partner know how they can help you then you will end up frustrated and annoyed with your spouse. | Moments of love”include sex but is not exclusive to sex. Displays of love also include simply holding hands, kissing, caressing, and anything to show your partner that you love and care and are attracted to them. This creates a sense of togetherness and strengthens a relationship (Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2006) . Communication skills are an absolute requirement for any good set of parents. The detriments that a lack of communication can
13: A mutual respect and appreciation is the only way to cope with the rough days of having a new born in the house (Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2006). Both partners need to be good listeners and have a desire to compromise. You are not going to agree on everything, but how you handle disagreements is the important part. A lack of problems solving skills is a source of constant conflict and irritation. “Discussing problems doesn't work, as my partner thinks that not discussing problems makes them disappear (Ahlbor & Strandmark, 2006). So making good coping decisions are key to success. | Take a bubble bath , don't drink a beer. | I need to relax. . .
14: Chapter 5: "Don't Miss the Bus!" | Infants form bonds with their main caregiver shortly after birth. These bonds take one of three basic forms. The bond between baby and caregiver can be that of a secure attachment. This happens when the baby has a somewhat reliable schedule and knows that its needs will be met.
15: The second type of attachment is anxious ambivalent or resistant attachment. When separated from mother the baby acts anxious but is not comforted when the mother returns. The last type is aviodant attachment. If the baby cannot rely on the caregiver to meet needs, then baby forms no attachment at all. | When left alone in a strange environment baby continues to explore with no attention to his mother. Studies have shown that these attachments formed so early in life are carried all the way into adulthood. They impact the kind of intimate relationships we form as adults (Weiten, 2010).
16: BABY A L B E R T | Chapter 6: Head, Shoulders, Knees, & Toes | According to Freud children go through five psychosexual stages of development. In the first year of life they have an obsession with the mouth. This is how they feed. Babies have a tendency to stick everything they find into their mouth.
17: The anal phase takes place during potty training years. Young children are excited about being able to use the bathroom. From ages five to six, they go through the phallic stage where they discover the differences between sexes. Young boys may become infatuated with their mothers. For the next six or so years of life, children focus on social development and making friends. When puberty arises, they are again focused on sexual feelings but this time they are peer related. This continues for the rest of adulthood (Weiten, 2010). | Freud's Stages of Psychosexual Development
18: Chapter 7: In Corner One . . .
19: The psychologist Erik Erikson came up with an eight stage model that determines personality. In each stage of life , there is a conflict and if it is not resolved properly it could impact your personality negatively.
20: Chapter 8: In Reflection - Give Me Grandkids! | As humans, we must reproduce to continue our species . The sacrifices that a couple has to make when having a baby are vast, yet couple after couple continue to conceive and grow their family ; even single parents have children out on their own . There is a reason that men care so much about passing down their last name and grandparents want grandchildren : it is part of human nature . Finding love , reproducing , and passing on the family name is a function of human life that will endure through the ages .
21: Bibliography: Ahlborg, T., & Strandmark, M. (2006). Factors influencing the quality of intimate relationships six months after delivery—First-time parents' own views and coping strategies. Journal Of Psychosomatic Obstetrics & Gynecology, 27(3), 163-172. doi:10.1080/01674820500463389 Curran, M. A., Hazen, N. L., & Mann, T. (2009). Representations of Marriage and Expectations of Parenthood: Predictors of Supportive Coparenting for First-Time Parents. Parenting: Science & Practice, 9(1/2), 101-122. doi:10.1080/15295190802656794 Sestito , A. (2010, February ). Baby-proofing your marriage . Retrieved from http:thefamily groove.com. Feb 10. AndBabyMakesThree.htm Weiten, W. (2010). Psychology: themes & variations (8th ed.). Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning.