S: Skaterella and the Handsome Prince
FC: Skaterella and the Handsome Prince
2: On that fateful day long ago, the day just before he mysteriously disappeared, Ella’s father gave her the most precious gift imaginable: a Black Label skateboard. Ella was too small to ride it then, but she loved it all the same. Unfortunately, Ella was left with a few other things. Like an evil Stepmother and a horrible Stepsister, and their huge List of Daily Chores. Over the years, she became known in the neighborhood as “Skaterella,” the scruffy errand girl. Skateboarding was her greatest joy, followed only by her delight in handling small, fiendish animal friends. Despite her hard life, she whistled while she toiled.
4: One day while fetching doughnuts for her Stepmother, Skaterella crashed into a handsome young chap in a dashing fur coat. She could tell by his aristocratic nose that he must be the Prince, and he appeared to be out on a Royal Squirrel Hunt. Ella was flipped into the air, but landed on the overstuffed Super America box. The Prince, as usual, had quite an appetite, and found the doughnuts much to his liking. Skaterella, relieved that the Prince was unhurt, quickly skated away to avoid further trouble. The Prince thought fondly of Skaterella as he licked the last bits of frosting from his nose. Who was this speedy girl? Where did she go? And why did she give off that delectable aroma of snack foods mixed with pungent rodent and arthropod entrails? He vowed he would find her. Skaterella kept the incident a secret (except for telling Twisker, Chockles, and Licorice, her animal bff’s), but her dreams were filled with visions of the Prince’s sticky whiskers brushing her sweaty, freckled cheeks.
6: A few weeks later, all eligible young ladies in the Land received a letter from the Palace. It was a Royal Invitation to the Prince’s Birthday Ball. The Stepmother secretly destroyed Skaterella’s invitation, and began a flurry of activity getting her own daughter ready for the momentous occasion. There were hair appointments, bustidgen implants, zitathons, buttocks injections, washing and wart-removal and waxing. Finally, on the day of the Ball, the Stepsister was as ready as it was possible to make her. Skaterella had been hoping to go as well, but didn’t dare ask. Seeing her tears, Twisker begged her to try to convince her Stepmother.
8: Skaterella vowed to find a way to the Royal Ball. She had never been especially adept at advance planning, however, and her strategy was mainly to build a Teleport in the next 24 hours. She tinkered and doodled and tossed pencils, but the Teleport refused to invent itself, and she was rapidly losing hope. Suddenly there was a puff of toxic gas on the other side of the room, and a strange looking Elf Thingy appeared on a motorcycle. “I’m your trusty Fairy Mudfather! You can always depend on me to get you out of any difficult predicament and generally turn a crappin’ day into a rappin’ day!” Skaterella and her Fairy Mudfather got right to work devising a plan to get to the ball. “So, here’s the deal: you start working on some blueprints for a Teleport, while I get some more snacks set up,” said her Mudfather. Skaterella was fantasizing about feeling the Prince’s dirt-caked paws caressing her hard, calloused hands. The Mudfather kept thinking about motorcycles and cookies. It was very distracting. After 12 hours they had finished the doorknob to their Teleport. This was taking longer than they expected.
10: They decided they needed a new list of ideas: 1. Build really cool Teleport 2. Find Jet Pack for skateboard 3. Hot-wire stepsister’s pink limo 4. Create Turbo-charged Electromagnet (in case it might come in handy). “I think we should go with the magnet thingy,” said Skaterella decisively. “Okay, Honey,” mumbled her Mudfather encouragingly while retrieving another batch of cookies from the oven. “I know! I could bring it along with me through the Teleport!” Skaterella said, once more pleased with her fabulous idea. “Sounds good. Shall I pass you some tape? I have a lot of tape in my tool box.” Licorice and the Rats were getting extremely frustrated watching this crappy work. “Humans are so slow,” whispered Chockles. “Yeah,” Twisker whispered back, “And they’re pretty dumb with tools.” “It’s a beautiful tool box, though,” commented Licorice.
12: So when Skaterella and the Mudfather were taking a Taco Bell break, the clever pets took over. They used corncobs for the Teleport, squishing them all together with a hammer, and adding a little bit of soggy rat poop. Boy did that Teleport smell bad! But it worked. “Let’s call it the Ferrari Cob Machine F430 Spider!” agreed the animals. When Skaterella and her Fairy Mudfather returned, they were shocked, they gagged, and then they fainted. In Latin, instead of “Veni Vidi Vici,” you might say “VenEEKi, Vidiggggghhh, Viiiiiiuuciahhh.” The clock struck five! The rats nibbled on Skaterella’s toes and Licorice plucked both of the Mudfather’s chest hairs until the humans awoke from their unconscious stupor. They then explained how the Teleport worked. Skaterella quickly applied some cool stickers to the Ferrari Cob Machine F430 while the Mudfather revived himself with more snacks. Skaterella got dressed up in her best hoodie and Vans and prepared to travel through the Teleport. She had followed her Mudfather’s advice and had rolled herself in dead possum to have the biggest impact on the Prince. She looked and smelled stunning. She stepped through the Teleport door into a blue-green spiral tube of light. After what seemed like hours of twisting around, she had puked up about twenty pounds of partially digested candy bars and gummy bears (that’s what skaters eat) and a few of her own guts. Finally she arrived at the Ball.
14: Skaterella picked herself up and looked warily around. Not far from her stood the handsome Prince, and in his mouth he held the most marvelously crafted golden ball. She finally figured out the meaning of Royal Ball. The Prince was intoxicated by the fresh wave of powerful smells that called “Roll in me!” He looked over and was surprised to find a girl! Could this be the temptress he had run into with the donuts? It was! Trying to please her he dropped the slobbery ball into her hand. The guests all froze and stared at Skaterella, for to hold the Royal Ball was one of the greatest honors anyone could receive. As is customary, she threw the Ball and the Prince joyfully pranced after it. The Prince then brought the Ball back to Skaterella, begging her to toss it again. She was still a little dizzy, and unfortunately she threw it out a window. No one saw the evil Stepsister slinking around the garden as the Prince rushed out after the ball. Again, no one saw the Stepsister come back into the ballroom with something wet and heavy bulging in her pocket. All the guests waited impatiently, itching and uncomfortable in their frilly attire. Finally, the Prince came in, whining because he couldn’t find his precious ball. He ordered his guards to look for it with him, but they lost the track when confronted by a large and insolent squirrel.
16: Skaterella looked over and saw that the door to her Teleport (which to everyone else looked exactly like a pile of rotten corn cobs) was slowly closing. She dove in just in time, but one of her filthy socks fell off and was left behind on the carpet. The Prince just then returned, not having found the ball, and saw his beloved Pungent Girl dive into a pile of silage and disappear. He had also seen something fall off her foot, and knew immediately that it would help him track her. Now he could forget about the Ball and concentrate on following The Scent. The chase was on! The Prince could think of nothing he loved more. The next morning, having memorized the smell of the dainty stocking, the Prince and his aromatherapists went around the city smelling young girls’ feet. There was much giggling and blushing in the kingdom that day. When he got to Skaterella’s house, he detected the aroma of The Sock, magnified a thousand fold! He ventured into the house and instantly caught a whiff of delicious decaying possum. Glory Hallelujah!
18: But lo! The damsels from whom this smell emanated were none other than the Stepsister and her mother! They had copied Skaterella and rolled in possum, too. And there they stood waiting for him. They threw a net over the Prince, and he was trapped! Or so it seemed. The Prince took out his handy dandy iPhone and texted his 60 faithful gang mutts using the secret code, skwerl mete. A couple minutes later, the Stepsister and her mother heard ferocious snarling outside. They foolishly opened the door and within seconds all that was left of them were bones and a bloody brain. It’s a well-known fact that a pack of gang Amazonian mutts can polish off a herd of cattle in less than a minute. The Prince said, “Well done.” Skaterella came down the steps with her rats on her shoulder and asked, “What’s all the commotion?” The Prince got so nervous he almost wet his fur. It was Pungent Girl! He really hoped his friends hadn’t just killed her family. When the Prince finished explaining to Skaterella what had happened and why there was a pile of bones lying on her front steps (and she assured him he was forgiven, no problem), he took her on a walk along the river. He hoped to propose marriage.
20: All of a sudden the Prince stopped and sniffed the air. His brown eyes gleamed. What was that delectable smell? Like Skaterella but older. It beckoned, “Roll in me!” “Come with me! Hurry!” They raced through trees and thickets and finally came to a screeching halt at the edge of a deep, overgrown pit. Down in the corner of the pit there was what seemed to be a snarled, hairy, almost-human clump. The hairy mass began to move. It stood shakily and looked up at them. “Who are you?” the hairball asked in a deep voice. “I’m Skaterella and this is the Prince. Who or what are you?” “I’m Jaegermeister. I was trapped here by my horrible second wife and her hideous daughter. Did you say Skaterella? As in an Ella that skates?” “Yes, why do you ask?” Skaterella was getting kind of nervous but reassured herself knowing that the Prince was there next to her. “My beloved daughter was named Ella and the last thing I gave her was a skateboard!” He sounded as though he was getting really excited. “My father’s name was Jaegermeister, and he gave me a skateboard before he left.” She jumped down into the pit and hugged the raggedy mess that smelled ripe as a toddler’s diaper. “Daddy!” "Pumpkin!" When the rejoicing had subsided, they realized that now they were both trapped in the pit. Luckily the Prince had an unusual physique, and was long enough to stretch down and rescue them in a most heroic way.
22: Skaterella, her father, and the Prince walked arm in arm in paw back to the palace. As they approached, the King and Queen appeared and waved at them. “Hmm. I see the Prince and that chick he was drooling over, but who’s the brown clumpy one with his tentacle around our son?” wondered the Queen nervously. The King replied knowledgeably, “It’s obviously a giant hairball, My Dearest.” “Ah, I see.” A gust of wind came through, blowing the hair from Jaegermeister’s face, and they saw it was a man. He was a very happy looking man. The King and Queen liked happy men, especially this one who was scratching their son behind the ears. And that girl was darn good with a ball. The Queen looked calculatingly at her husband. The King winked back at his wife. Things were settled then. Servants were quickly dispatched to make arrangements. When the trio arrived, they were rushed to the private chambers and hurriedly dressed in garments of the finest silk and velvet and sweatshirt material. Soon wedding music was playing, and Skaterella and the Prince were whisked out into the aisle. They couldn’t have been happier, and the Queen didn’t even need to use a treat to get her son to cooperate. After bestowing a long-tongued kiss upon his new Bride, the Prince howled with joy.
24: The rest of their days were filled with happiness. Skaterella had the furriest, most protective Prince Charming she could have imagined, and he even learned the “Friends Not Food” philosophy when it came to rodents and spiders. Skaterella was happily reunited with her father (now lovingly known around the kingdom as “Hairy”), and was finally free of her evil Stepmother and Stepsister, whose new home was the pit. The kingdom was filled with dog-skate-parks, the Fairy Mudfather showed up on his motorcycle (with donuts) every weekend, several furry SkaterJoes and SkaterJills would soon be on the way, and life was good. Very good. The End