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White Portfolio

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Dec 2013: December | 2013

Dec 2013: I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. - Dave Barry

Nov 2013: November | 2013

Nov 2013: An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. - Mitch Hedberg

Oct 2013: October | 2013

Oct 2013: There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? -Woody Allen

Sep 2013: September | 2013

Sep 2013: Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

Aug 2013: August | 2013

Aug 2013: Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney. -Bill Maher

Jul 2013: July | 2013

Jul 2013: I got a business card. Because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner.Don't think: Look! - Mitch Hedberg-Ludwig Wittgenstein -

Jun 2013: June | 2013

Jun 2013: If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' -Dave Barry

May 2013: May | 2013

May 2013: -George Washington Carver

Apr 2013: April | 2013

Apr 2013: I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx

Mar 2013: March | 2013

Feb 2013: February | 2013

Feb 2013: I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin Read more at

Jan 2013: January | 2013

Jan 2013: My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

FC: Emmy & Ollie | 2013

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  • By: Emily F.
  • Joined: over 5 years ago
  • Published Mixbooks: 1
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  • Title: White Portfolio
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  • Published: over 5 years ago