S: The journey of a growing Baby Awesome
BC: Created by; Your Mommy Aka; Your biggest fan. | Book 1 of many I'm sure. | Next up Newborn - Six months!
FC: The journey of a growing Baby Awesome
1: The first happiest day of my existence. | 02/22/2011
3: Dear Baby Awesome, Congratulations! Last week you graduated from embryo to full-fledged fetus. Part of the worrying can subside as you have survived the most hazardous period of the human ovum and you now have a 98% chance of making it to the outside world. We also had our first and second ultrasound these past two weeks. The kind where they stick the magic wand my tunnel of love Since I assume there's no mirror in there I thought you might want to see a picture of what you look like. We learned a couple things from our ultrasound: 1. You are approximately 4.53 cm big (I say approximately because you will almost double in size this week and you are certainly bigger than that by now), which is roughly the size of a lime. You still don't even weigh an ounce yet. I have to say I am worried you might have an eating disorder, but since you can't hear us yet, I'm going to hold off on any counseling. ;) I love you more each passing day, and that will never change. Mommy | Letter Number One!
4: You weren't even here yet & were already scaring the shit out of us!
5: Dear Baby Awesome, We’re eight weeks into this pregnancy & I’m still excited as ever to see you! But you’ve been causing me so much discomfort lately I wonder if you’re a teenage girl in there who hates her mother already. Through the last two weeks, I’ve been vomiting every single morning. I’ve had strep throat; Double ear infection; and now I have a pinched sciatic nerve. (And that my dear, hurts like HELL) On Monday March 21st, your Nanny rushed me to the ER. I was having terrible cramps in my lower abdomen and I was for sure that something was not right.. After being told I was dehydrated, I was hooked up to an IV. Many strange people were poking and prodding at me, taking blood, examining me. We had an emergency transvaginal ultrasound, which will be your third in three weeks.. (Your heart was beating at a strong 170 bpm, which is almost double what mine was) After that I layed around and was entertained by the love and laughter of some great people. Four hours later I was informed that I have a hemorrhage in your placenta, a cyst on each of my ovaries and was given orders to follow up with my real baby doctor as soon as possible. I called right away to schedule an apt, told them what was going on and faxed over the results of all the test. Dr.Charles called me back within two hours and told me that everything would be okay that she too seen the hemorrhage but they failed to mention that to me. As worried as I was, as all of us were; she didn’t seem to mind much that the ER doctor said ASAP. We have another ultrasound on the 7th of April, along with your second real apt. I’m very nervous that you’re going to be harmed by this hemorrhage & I really hope that is not the case. I’m always thinking of the worst & best case scenarios. But, I just want you here, and I want you here HEALTHY! On a side note; I love you more than ever and I’m counting down the days until your arrival. Mommy | Letter Number Two!
7: Just bloated. | Eleven weeks!
9: Dear Baby Awesome, The baby awesome thing is really just something for us to throw around, when mentioning you. We all know you’ll be awesome, but this pregnancy, well Is anything but! The things you have been making me ingest, and all the things I discovered; I didn’t used to like, but now do.. Is a little odd to me. The cravings are unbearable. I eat a huge steak dinner, and a half an hour later you have me eating five bowls of cereal? I stated on facebook, that soon I will need a motorized wheel chair, it’s getting that ridiculous! This weekend after eating at Long John Silvers, twice. Cheese fries, a hot dog and a few other little things, I seen a commercial for Dominos, and dammmn did it look good! I have yet to eat a piece of pizza from Dominos, and will not be satisfied until I do! This sounds so crazy, reading it over. I can not explain it, but it’s happening; you are already taking over my body, and my mind. You have made food the only thing I really care about, and I think it’s funny. But what’s really funny is, today I was so excited to eat an orange. (Ive been eating them like CANDY) This particular orange though, was not what I expected to be. After I peeled it, I took a bite, or three. It tasted almost as if it were raw, they picked that orange too soon. And baby awesome, it broke my heart! I cried. Right there at my desk, in front of everyone at work. I bawled. Tears were coming and I was trying to laugh about it, but nowhere did I find humor in the matter. I wanted a sweet orange, and I didn’t get what I wanted. Thank you too, for all these hormones. I think if I’m hungry for an orange anytime soon. I’ll pass! Anyways, I still love you all the same. More & more with each passing day. Mommy | Letter Number Three!
10: Dear Baby Awesome, The past few weeks have been rough. I’ve been sick, as always! I’ve been eating like I’m eating for six, the excruciating pain in my back and the stress that has been surrounding us is about enough to drive me right onto the seventh floor; But, we did however hit a milestone! We’ve made it to the second trimester! This has never happened with Mommy before; And boy am I glad it’s happening now! But.. As my life goes, with pretty much every good thing that happens a bad occurrence is to follow.. Early Sunday morning, I was up to pee & noticed a blood clot. This put me right in freak mode, for I was scared for your life! Turns out I have yet ANOTHER hemorrhage, this one is located right beneath the placenta. ( which explains the blood clot) But the plus side of this emergency visit was I got to see you again!!! | Letter Number Four!
11: And that makes this Mommy very happy. & Guess what! We graduated!! No more transvaginal ultrasounds for us! Which means you will no longer have to be poked and prodded at with the big long stick with the camera on the end. It was silly to me, because that’s the first over the belly ultrasound I’ve ever had. The tech squirted by belly with warm lubricant that felt like hot glue, & Then there you were! You were pretty active last ultrasound we got, but this time.. You were like somersaulting all OVER the place! You were flailing your arms, thrusting yourself forward, and backward again. It was craziness to see so much life! Your heart was beating at a solid 163 beats per minute! And then the tech did something new she rewound the audio and as I smiled with tears in my eyes, I heard your heartbeat for the first time and it was unlike anything I’ve ever heard in my life. Unbelievable. It’s still so surreal, to think I actually have a human being growing inside me. It’s been a bumpy ride so far, but I know that it is ALL worth it. All the pain, tears, emotions, cravings, weight gain, and discomfort; will ALL be worth it. Because you are worth EVERYTHING to me! & I love you with every fiber of my being, and more now than ever (which is crazy to think this emotion can get even stronger) I can not wait to meet your beautiful little face. & Watch you smile at me, with your big gorgeous grin. Until next time, Mommy
12: we eks 14-16 | My excitement grew by the day; As did my belly!
13: As my belly & excitement grew, so did my impatience. I needed to know! | And, as I wished this test claimed you were indeed a boy!
14: Letter Number Five! | Dear Baby Awesome; Let me start by saying , I do believe you already hate me; & here are some reasons why.. The “morning sickness” was supposed to subside two weeks ago.. Yeah, about that Hasn’t happened, I’m still up all hours of the night/early morning straining every ounce of myself to feel some sort of relief. (That somedays never comes) I am honestly convinced you’ve somehow given me some sort of gum disease. I tell your grandmother almost on a daily basis that it’s gingivitis. Which isn’t very far fetched, but still she thinks I’m nuts. I have yet another round of the double ear infection thing; Which is the third time this has happened throughout this pregnancy so far.It’s getting uncomfortable to sleep. (Which is why I am up at 2:28 am writing to you)I can lay down and be comfy for about 0.2 seconds, then I toss and I turn and can’t get back to that exact position where my big belly isn’t being a pain in my ass. The whole placenta previa thing; Scares the shit out of me. I want you here little boy/girl & I want you healthy; and I would also like to live through this pregnancy. I’m pretty sure I’d like to write a book about surviving the whole ordeal.
15: The everyday aches and pains are pretty much second nature now. Which is discomforting to say, but what can I do, besides complain and get on everyones nerves? Which I don’t do much of, cause that gets me just as far; Nowhere. On a “goodish” note; I took a intelligender test to find out what you are; Cause I can’t wait until June to find out; But I’m pretty sure I tweaked it and messed the whole thing up. But it said you were a boy, I’m not convinced until I see a penis on that ultrasound screen. Now that I have been thinking about it though, my hopes and dreams want a little boy with dark curly hair & blue eyes. But I wouldn’t mind a little girl with curly hair and blue eyes either. Truth is, I adore you no matter if you’ve got “balls” or not. So I think I’ll go laydown now, and if I make it to sleep tonight; Maybe I’ll dream of what your beautiful little self will look like. I love you more, now than I have ever; but it’ll be more than that tomorrow. Mommy.
16: Weeks 17-19 | Getting bigger by the hour, or so it seemed!
17: 06/17/2011 The "Big" day's brother! | No questioning that!
18: 20 & 21 Weeks
19: 22-24 Weeks More than halfway!
20: You are MY lucky charm.
21: 25 Weeks | I love you.
22: Cravings.. | Always orange juice & olives, or pickles! | Breakfast! | Cottage Cheese!
23: Chicken Nuggets with every kind of sauce! | ..Oh where to begin?! | Steak & Potatoes!
24: "A moment in my tummy. A lifetime in my heart."
25: 3D Ultrasound
26: Dear Baby Awesome; It’s been awhile since I’ve written to you. (Although I talk to you, everyday.) Your Mommy has been a busy one, with getting ready for your arrival. I can’t sum it up in words how eager I am, to have you here with me. I swear to goodness, I’ll be so obsessive that I’ll even watch you when you sleep. No matter how tired I am. :P Things have been semi stressful lately, well part of the time anyways. My emotions are getting the best of me, but I suppose that’s what pregnancy is all about. I’ve been very happy and very sad within the past few months. But nothing makes me more happy than thinking you’ll be here in less than 11 weeks. Maybe a little sooner, if you wish? I experienced your first hiccups the day before last; What a feeling. People say when they are “in love” they get butterflies in their tummies. Well that’s exactly what it feels. Like butterflies. Just flying around in there.Knowing that you are breathing inside of me, kinda freaks me out. For what if you choke on my fluid or something? Okay, so I’m irrational. & That’s just something you’re going to have to get used to. :) | Letter Number Six!
27: You move around, like a nutcase. I shall name you after a boxer, maybe Mike Tyson. Because you’re “kicks & punches” sometimes really move me. Literally. You’re a strong little man, that’s for sure. You get that from me, I’m almost positive. :P Pretty sure you’re gonna come out kicking ass & taking names. Which wouldn’t surprise me, in the least bit. A few weeks ago, your Nanny and I went on an adventure. Clear down to Lancaster. (Which is a world away in Nannys eyes) To see you, in 3-D & 4-D. Let me just say, what an experience. To say the least, you were stubborn. Also another trait from me, I’m suspecting. The whole entire time, except for a few mere seconds did you have both your hands, and your two feet in front of your face. At one point in time, I saw all ten of your toes; On your FOREHEAD! We learned that you are transverse. Which basically means you are using my placenta, as your pillow. Lazy! :P We did get a few decent pictures though, when you weren’t being “shy”. It’s almost like you knew though, to be “guarded”. After paying lotsa money to see you’re sweet face, and the only time you would show me is whenever you thought it was convenient.
28: And when it was convenient you had an attitude. (Sticking your fists up, like you wanted to fight; Opening your eyes and sticking your tongue out, and kicking the technician a total of three times.) You weren’t very nice. But I still love you all the same. Oh & by the way. I prayed that you didn’t have my big nose, or my fivehead But sorry kid, you’ve gotten both. It’s alright though, cause you’re gonna be handsome as hell and you already have a one of a kind personality. And you got me, a Mommy who is head over heals, in love with you. Until next time,Mommy
29: & You were still a boy! :) | Such a cute little thing!
30: Weeks 26-29
31: Weeks 29-31
32: Preparing for your arrival did not take long with the help of your Nanny.
33: You have changed my life in more ways than one. I used to be a size one but for you, I'd gain all the weight in the world!
34: I was overwhelmed with love for you. & I still am!
35: You were a Penn State Football fan; before you even knew what football was.
36: ..ATTITUDE | All about..
37: 32-34 Weeks!! ALMOST THERE!!
38: Letter Number Seven! | Dear Baby Awesome; I feel as if I failed you already. :P I told myself I’d write a letter to you every month and I have not done so. But things have been hectic, and crazy; & even if I don’t write not a day goes by that I’m not telling you how much I love you, or talking about you in every conversation I have with anyone & everyone. Lately though; Things have been amazing. At the beginning of this, I was pretty nostalgic. Sad, and mostly pissed off at the world. I no longer have any hate in my heart towards anyone; for it’s not even worth it. I’ve come to realize that the choices I have made, and the things that have happened up until this point, have landed me here, right where I am. And I have never been happier. I will be though, when you arrive. Things will be absolutely perfect.
39: We’ve had a few doctors appts since the last letter I wrote; and were right on track with everything. Besides the fact that you’ve always been bigger than you should be. Which is okay with me, just means you’re a quick developer. & Hopefully means I’ll deliver a healthy you, sooner rather than later. The last doctors apt however was definitely an exciting one. I laughed until I cried, three times within fifteen minutes. I’m sure you’re already all accustomed to my obnoxious laugh. (I hope, for I don’t wanna scare you.) It was greatness at it’s best. To say the least, I hope you have my personality and my sense of humor, cause if you do. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when you’re older.. Oh the joys of looking forward to the future.
40: You already know this, but I’m gonna tell you in writing; Right when I was getting used to the idea of it being just you & me; Forever. No male role model involved; Mommy met a nice man.. (Nice; doesn’t even give him enough credit though.) Whom loves you, as much as I do. He holds you, kisses you and talks to you all the time; I think it’s the sweetest thing in the world, to be quite honest. We’re pretty lucky to have him in our lives. You’ll find that out for yourself soon enough though. & As long as he loves you, I’ll love him. Simple as that. For you, come first. No matter what. Always. But I have room enough in my heart for him too! :) Today we have made it to the eighth month mark; Which means you could be here anytime! And I can’t explain in words how ready for that I am; To hold you in my arms right now, would be nothing less than the most amazing thing ever. & Plus, I’m kind of sick of being pregnant. And hopefully when I plan to give you a brother or a sister, he or she doesn’t give me as many problems as you have.
41: You still don't have a "for sure" name yet.. And it's bothering me, for were getting down to the wire and I can not decide on this, to save my life. I know the middle names I want to use, but as for a first name; I absolutely can not figure it. I need you to have a solid name, it needs to be unique and needs to fit you. Maybe I won't have one until you're here and I see you. Maybe then I'll know. But honestly, I'm making myself sick over it. I've looked up and down, probably have been on 100 different sites, and nothing is flying out at me. I have a few that I like; But I'm not in love with them. | The ones I don't find absolutely revolting; Kaedyn, Camdyn, Keehgan, Blakely & Grayson. But problem is, none of them fit with the middle names I want to use. :/ This is so very frustrating, and wouldn't be such a hard time if you were a girl.. But you're not (thank god). You're Nanny, wants me to name you Chanceler Benjamin; Cute but it doesn't roll off my tounge the way I want your name too. I guess we'll just be undecided for now. :P
43: Oh & one more thing; looking at myself in the mirror anymore, is a little bittersweet. I love my belly, for it’s all you.. But the fact that I have a bubble butt, and my boobs are 5x the size of what they once were; I’m excited about having my body back, but not near as excited as I am to meet you. For you, my precious little man.. Are absolutely everything to me. & I am still, and will always be your biggest fan. I love you, Mommy.
44: 35 & 36 | soo close!!
45: my last picture as a pregnant lady! | 37 weeks