FC: My Ridiculous Yet Wonderful Life | By Taylor R. Jeurissen
2: Preface My name is Taylor. It means one who makes clothes. But that is not me and it never will be. I am my empty hermit crab cage still filled with shells. I am my many pets who bark, squeak, or make other various sounds. I am my old scripts highlighted yellow. I am the poor stray cat in my neighborhood. She has a trail of kittens following her. If only I could help her. But I am just Taylor, the girl who is much more than making clothes
3: One of the cats many kittens
4: That Thing My Parents Call Kiwi There goes that thing my parents call Kiwi. It looks so funny! I begin to giggle. That thing has four short legs and a long body. Her ears stick straight up. She's orange, white, and furry. Her breath smells like salty french fries as usual. That thing is so funny. I continue to giggle. My mom screams dinner. The thing that my parents call Kiwi runs over to my mom and eats the food in the bowl that my mom is holding. Her mouth is finally occupied. Usually she barks non-stop at anything from lady bugs to the t.v. She's funny when she eats. I laugh out loud.
6: Stroller Dog My grandma's coming over today. She does every day. She lives next door so it's easy to visit. My grandma's bringing her dog named Myka. Myka is small, white, and fluffy. She's just my size. She's the perfect playmate. As she bounces into the house I can hear her claws hit the wooden floor. I run to grab my pink stroller that was made for baby dolls. I don't have to say one word for my grandma to know that I want Myka in the stroller. My grandma picks her up and sets her in it.
8: I happily push Myka around my house. She just sits and pants. Sometimes her tail gets stuck in the wheels of the stroller. She gives a little yelp and my grandma runs to help her. She tells me to tuck her tail in when I take her for rides. I don't listen. Even though her tail still gets caught she stays in the stroller and is very tolerant of me. I love Myka so much!
10: My Brother When I woke up this morning my grandpa came to get me out of bed. Usually my mom comes to wake me. Why isn't she here? My grandpa says that today, February 27, is a special day. He says that my mom and dad are at the hospital and when they come back they'll bring my brother with them. I've heard about my brother and all of the wonderful things he'll be. I'm very excited to meet him. My brother was born at 1:11 P.M. so my grandpa helps me get dressed and puts me in the car. At the hospital we're told to sit in the waiting room. What is only five minutes seems like an hour to me.
12: Finally they tell us we can see him. I come into the room and see my mom laying on a bed in a blue hospital gown. She's holding a small bundle in her arms. As I come closer I can see a tiny person in the bundle. My mom tells me to say hello to my brother, Carter. He has bright blue eyes and light hair. I am now a big sister and I know that I'm going to have to care for him the rest of my life.
14: Poison Berries I'm at my grandma's house today having a cookout with my grandparents, my uncle Sean, and his girlfriend Jodi. I'm really bored so I run to the fence to see if my best friend Allison is home. I scream her name a few times, but she doesn't answer. I guess she's not there. Suddenly my attention is drawn to something different. I see some vines on the fence. On the vines I see some little red berries. I pick one up and put it in mouth. It's more sour than a lemon! I spit it out into my hand and go to show my mom that I had tried a new food. When I show her the berry she asks where I got it. I quickly point
16: to the vines. My mom seems upset but I don't understand why. What is her problem? My grandma says to call poison control so my mom picks up the phone and begins to talk. She asks me how many berries I ate. I'm not the best at counting, but I'll try. I tell my mom that I ate 1, 2, 3, 6, 9. Yeah! That's probably it! My mom runs me to the bathroom and washes my mouth out with water. I finally tell my mom that I did not swallow any of the berries and that I think I only had a couple in my mouth. My mom keeps asking me if I'm tired or feel sick. I feel fine but it seems like she doesn't believe me because she keeps asking me over and over.
17: I don't understand what all of the fuss is about. The next day I see my grandfather working out in the yard. He's cutting down all of the bushes with the berries! Why is he doing that? The berries are so pretty!
18: Mango Mom said that she's going to Kentucky for the day. She said that my grandparents are going to watch me and my brother for the day. My mom said a lot of things, but the most important thing she said was that tonight I'm getting a puppy. Actually she said that I might get a puppy, but there's no time for doubt when there's a puppy on the way. When my mom leaves and my grandparents come over, the first thing I say is that I'm going to get a puppy! My grandparents aren't convinced about this, though. For the majority of the day my brother plays with a tea set and I try to
20: come up with ideas for things I could do to get on my favorite show, America's Funniest Home Videos. I trip, fall and do somersaults. It is almost bed time when my mom finally walks through the door. In her arms is a tiny puppy! I begin to scream "A Puppy!" over and over again. After my initial shock is over I look at the puppy and pet her. She has short fur that is dark gray and white. Her eyes are bright blue and her ears are floppy. Her fur is silky and soft. My brother screams "puppy". The puppy gives a loud, high-pitched yip. My mom tells me to sit down and she puts the puppy in my lap. My grandma asks me what
21: I'm going to call the puppy and I say Mango!
22: Two Young Models My mom's favorite store is The Children's Place. She goes there all of the time to buy clothes for me. Today mom says that Carter and I are going to model for The Children's Place this afternoon. I am going to stand still just like the mannequins. I tell Carter to do the same. When we get to the store the people who work there hand us each pants, shorts shoes and sunglasses. I have orange pants that are covered with flowers, a plain white shirt, red shoes and orange sunglasses. The people who work in the store tell us to stand in the window. I try to
24: stand still at first but that doesn't last long. I begin to walk around the window and wave at the people who stop and stare at us. When we are done modeling my mom buys the outfits for me and my brother.
26: Finally a Kindergartener! Mom says that I should have started kindergarten a year ago when I was five. When I ask her why I didn't start then, she says that I didn't get into the school she wanted me in. This year I am second on the waiting list. Mom says that today is the first day of school. My new school is called Burris. It's the building right behind my favorite playground. The playground is amazing! It looks like a castle, has three slides and a sandbox. I know that my teacher is Mrs. Huffman. I met her when we went to register. She seems really nice
28: and the classroom is colorful and filled with books. That's a sign that I'll like her class. The car ride there seems incredibly long to me. The whole way I ask mom questions that she can't answer. The main question I ask is if there will be a class pet. I love animals! When we walk up to school I hold my mom's hand and say to myself that I think I can. My preschool teacher had read us The Little Engine That Could the year before. When we got to the room I squeezed my mom's hand and stepped through the door.
30: Jungle Book I stand behind a curtain waiting for my cue. My heart has dropped to my stomach and my hands are clammy. I know that I've been studying my lines and blocking for about a month now but, this being my first play, I'm extremely nervous. It wouldn't be so bad if I was a minor character, but I'm a major character in this play. I am Baloo the Bear in Jungle Book. As the lights go out I, with my blue, furry costume and blue face paint, run out to the middle of the stage and curl up into a ball. I'm supposed to look like a rock. As I stand up to say my lines I pray that
32: the audience can't see that my whole body is shaking. All goes as planned until the last scene. In this scene we were supposed to fight the tiger, Sher Khan. My character is supposed to grab Sher Khan by the tail and pull him. I have never practiced with the tail before, but I don't see much of a problem with that. I begin to tug on the tail, but instead of pulling the tiger back, the tail pops off of the costume! The audience laughs and my face turns red behind my mask of face paint. I'm having so much fun, though, I'd like to do this acting thing forever!
34: Cilantro or Walnut? What a boring day! All we're doing is running errands. We were just at Walmart buying some fresh greens for the class guinea pig, Guinea. We have been taking care of her over summer break. Guinea is a full grown female guinea pig. She has a brown and white smooth coat of fur. Now we're at PetSmart buying fish food. Suddenly I see two cages sitting right outside of the fish tanks. I run over to see what the cages hold. Inside each cage is a beautiful long-haired guinea pig. One is orange and white and the other is gray and white. I fall in love with
36: the gray one immediately. My mom has the greens we bought earlier with her because it is so hot outside. We ask permission and the begin to feed parsley to the pigs. My mom can't stop talking about the gray pig. Before I know it, we've adopted the guinea pig from the shelter and are headed home. My mom suggests calling the guinea pig Cilantro and that's his name for a few days. I learn in those few days that Cilantro is a very hard word to pronounce so I suggest calling him Walnut and that would forever be his name.
38: Great Wolf Lodge The minute I step through the doors of Great Wolf Lodge I know that I'm in for a great spring break. The first thing I do is run to our room on the third floor and change into my favorite yellow bikini. Even though the colors are beginning to fade, I love it! My parents rented a Kid's Cabin room. It's a normal room with a little log cabin inside. In the cabin is a bunk bed. I happily take the bottom bunk so that my brother can enjoy the top bunk for a change. It doesn't take long to get everybody in their swimsuits and to the water park. My brother doesn't
40: like thrill rides so he runs to the little kid water slides. I decide to go on all of the slides from the most easy up to the scariest. Not many of the slides make much of an impression on me. In fact, the only one that gets to me is the water coaster. The coaster fits four people at a time and has many steep drops. My heart falls to my stomach on the first drop and I scream the remainder of the ride. As terrifying as it is, it soon becomes my favorite part of Great Wolf Lodge and I hope we will come back many more times.
42: Swimming with Dolphins Today is my tenth birthday and mom says that she has a surprise for me. I've been trying to figure out what's going on for weeks and today it's finally happening. My whole family piles into the car and we begin our hour long drive. Our destination is The Indianapolis Zoo. I love the zoo, but after all of the talk about a huge surprise, I'm not too thrilled. I love animals but I've been to the zoo several times before. I go around and look at all of the cool animals. My mom and I also ride in the front seat of the tiny roller coaster. I think it's a pretty good day when my parents start
44: talking about being late for something. We quickly run into a small building. The building is filled with educational posters and books. It's really boring so I ask my mom why we're here when we could be looking at the cute little meerkats. My mom tells me that we're not here for the zoo. Instead, we're hear so that I can swim with the dolphins! I'm taken to see the dolphin show with a group of other kids who are going to swim with the dolphins, too. After that we all go to a small room to be educated about dolphins. When we finish with that we get wet suits and I go into a locker room with my mom to
45: change. It doesn't take long before we're in the water. When I touch the dolphin it is so soft and smooth. I get to hold my hand over the dolphin's blow hole when it blows out and I even learn hand signals and get the dolphins to do tricks! I also get to hold both of a dolphin's fins and they take a picture of me with it. I know right then that I will never forget this day.
46: First Cotillion My mom is making my hair into a beautiful masterpiece as I sit waiting in my little black cocktail dress and long white gloves. Tonight is my first cotillion class. All I know is that it's basically a class about manners. When I get there I see a couple of my friends. We talk for a few minutes but the instructor quickly puts us into two lines. One line is for girls and the other is for boys. The person who is across from us is our partner. My partner is a very tall high schooler with a beard! He's an assistant. We hold hands and walk to a pair of seats like the other couples.
48: The instructor tells us to get up and stand in a circle. She tells us that we're going to learn the waltz and she shows us where to put our hands for this dance. My right hand is supposed to be in my partner's left hand while my left hand rests on his shoulder. I have to reach up very high to achieve this goal. Once I figure out how to reach my partner's shoulder I understand the dance. I have so much fun at this class! I love cotillion and wish I could go every week!
50: The Meanest Kid in Town I stand backstage as nervous as ever. My heart drops to my stomach and my hands feel clammy, as usual. In fact, the only difference between this and the other countless plays that I've been in is a different stage. Now I'm performing The Best Christmas Pageant Ever at the Burris auditorium. I'm Imogene Herdman, the meanest kid in town along with my siblings, Ralph, Leroy, Claude, Ollie and Gladys, that is. The basic plot of the play is that the Herdmans come to church and take all of the lead roles in the Christmas pageant. Imogene takes the part of Mary! Once I step onto the stage I
52: become Imogene. I scream "MY GOD" as many times as possible, push Carter whenever he's on stage, fighting over the baby Jesus doll with my older brother Ralph (Max Chezem) and hold the Jesus doll by it's foot. I love being Imogene. Theater is the only time that I can and will be mean. That's one of the reason's I love acting so much. I get to pretend to be something that I'm not.
54: The Haunted Hill My friend Makaylee and her family own The Haunted Hill. My friends from Cinderella and I decided early on that we would visit The Haunted Hill near Halloween. I have never been to a haunted house before, but I agreed anyway. Now I'm standing outside Makaylee's house waiting for our number to be called. Lacy is scared so she's going to wait for us to finish. I hear them call number two and the four of us start walking toward the hill. My friends and I link arms and walk slowly. Lacy's mom stands in front of us and yells at all of the people who work at The Haunted
56: Hill. She knows all of them! I probably scream less than anyone. We all thought that Kevin would be the bravest since he was the only guy in the group, but it's the exact opposite. At one point he gets scared and pushes Peyton in front of him! Peyton then proceeds to push me in front of her! I then see something absolutely terrifying. It's a girl dressed as a porcelain doll. She has a rag doll dress on a white mask with red lips and messed up pony tails. It's not her costume that freaks us out though, it's the way she acts. At first she's just sitting on a bale of hay with her head cocked. Then she begins to slowly walk towards us with her head still cocked. Peyton
57: guesses it first. She starts to say "Makaylee is that you?" over and over again. Makaylee takes off her mask and hugs us. I'm glad when we come to the end and that we made it out alive. I can't wait until next Halloween!