S: The Big Book of Mungoisms
BC: "I loved this book!" "This was, far and away, the greatest collection of words and phrases commonly used by individuals I don't know and kindly compiled by friends and relatives of said individual I've never met that I've never read." "This...is...book...and...things...United States...freedom...[Mungo]...entertained." -Thomas Jefferson "Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto somebody's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh. Because, what is that thing?" - Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy "The Big Book of Mungoisms changed my life and made me a better person." -Jesus? | -What Stephen Colbert might have said if he could be reached for comment | -Barack Obama did not say this. | This book is dedicated to Mungo "Candice" Covey in recognition of her 21st birthday Published by S&J Babcock Publishing Inc in correspondence with Mixbook.com (mostly just Mixbook.com) (Actually, to be fair, they pretty much took care of the entirety of the publishing aspect of the project) (We did all of the writing though) (S&J stands for Sean and Jasmine, in case you didn't know) (because we made this) (That's a lot of parentheses) (Anyway, happy birthday) Recipe for an Adios Motherfucker (AMF): .5oz Vodka, .5oz Rum, .5oz Tequila, .5oz Gin, .5oz Blue Curacao, 2oz Sour Mix, top with 2oz 7-Up in chilled glass with ice, stir
FC: THE BIG BOOK OF | MUNGOISMS | A New York Times Best Seller | Now A Major Motion Picture!
1: MEET MUNGO | Mungo is many things. For example, she is a perpetual ball of forever-emanating spunk, attitude, and pure, immeasurable energy. She is a student, a sister, a daughter, a friend, something else, probably some other stuff, more things, and, by some estimates, 75% blonde. | See? What is often overlooked about Mungo is her remarkable ability to bring joy and laughter into the lives of all of those around her, much of which is delivered in the form of clever little words, phrases, and sometimes weird little incomprehensible noises that don't actually mean anything, known to those close to her as Mungoisms. The following pages contain a compilation of such words, phrases, and sounds, so that all may share in the joy they bring. So, dear reader, welcome to the vastly and unimaginably entertaining world of Mungoisms.
2: Technically | Technically --adj 1. the state of being kind of accurate, sorta maybe, but only in a way that exists on the farthest edges of usable relevancy 2. not actually technically in any way, shape, or form...like, at all. 3. blatantly and unmistakably true | examples: "Technically, Cancun is like Pullman, in that they are both places." "Technically, we should have won that game that we instead lost by an inconceivable margin." "You guys could technically get a dog."
3: MUNGO FACT: Mungo once totally outran a coyote in the woods. Have you ever outran a coyote in the woods? Didn't think so. | MUNGO FACT: You can kill off all the people you want in your movie script, but god help you if you kill the horse.
4: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! | NOOOOOOOOO!!!! --Interj a prolonged exclamation of concern, remorse, or disapproval antonym: YAAAAAAAAYAAY! example: "Did you hear about that massive natural disaster affecting tens of thousands of families in that one far away nation?" "No, I didn't..." "Yeah, I heard Jason Mraz is canceling his tour to assist in the relief efforts." "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
5: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! | YAAAAAAAAAAY! --interj a prolonged, often soft-spoken exclamation of delight or mild approval antonym: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! examples: "Oh no, the University of Washington got knocked out of the NCAA Tournament, leaving the state of Washington entirely unrepresented." "YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" | * * * "Jason Mraz rescheduled his Seattle tour date with proceeds benefiting the American Red Cross for that one natural disaster that happened in that one place somewhere." "YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" "On the weekend we're all out of town." "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
6: Pullman (WSU) | Pullman --Noun 1.a magical, mystical land of infinite perfection and awesomeness 2. the greatest place in the friggin' world 3. waaaay colder than where you live, you stupid wimp examples: "In Pullman, everybody naturally knows how to drive in the snow like perfect little snow-driving angels who's only purpose is to drive in the snow flawlessly." "We have fry-sauce in Pullman. Why don't you have fry-sauce? Oh, you do have fry-sauce? Well, it's not as good as our fry-sauce, which incidentally can also drive in the snow better than you."
7: Huskies (UW) | Huskies --Noun (plural) 1. bunch of cheating cheater-faced cheats 2. probably all sex-offenders examples: "We would have won if the Huskies hadn't paid off the refs." "I don't care if it's the only thing on, I don't want to watch the stupid Huskies." UW --Noun 1. Where you go to school if you're an asshole douchebag. 2. "educational institution" with classes focusing mainly on teaching how to rig sporting events in ways that are not immediately noticeable but noticeable enough for us to know that they totally did it somehow we're pretty sure
8: MUNGO FACT: Parts of cellular structure are totally fair-game subjects in 20-questions...and they're technically edible. | MUNGO FACT: She doesn't care what the reviewers said on Rotten Tomatoes, she wants to watch the movie with Ashton Kutcher!
9: It's Ok... | It's Ok... --phrase 1. Oh dear God... 2. Seriously, you better realize that it's not ok 3. Sean! Why have you still not figured out that it's not ok 4. Run, dude. Just run. Example: "I'm going out to a movie tonight with that one friend of mine that I haven't seen in fourteen years." "Ok..." "Are you sure that's alright?" "Yeah." "You're not mad?" "It's ok..." Several days later, a search party turns up a badly-beaten, unrecognizable Sean Randall in a ditch several states away. He is rushed to the hospital, where they treat his wounds and keep him for observation. After dark, when most of the orderlies have retired to their homes, he hears the door creak open. "Who is that?" he asks, his voice shaking dramatically. No answer. As a shadowy figure of a blonde woman emerges from the doorway, he tries to emit a scream, but pure and unrefined fear prevents him from making a sound. The young woman smiles sweetly, raising the axe she grasps in her hands. As she prepares to swing, she whispers to him. "Don't worry, Sean. It's ok..."
10: Oh, [name] | Oh, [name] --Phrase 1. An extremely versatile expression of endearment, embarrassment, or disapproval variation: Aww, [name] examples: "Oh, Buttons!" "Candice, I bought you these flowers to express my undying love for you and/or prevent you from beating me again for going to that movie with my friend." "Aww, Sean!" "I was going to apply for that job, but played Xbox instead..." "Oh, Sean..." | What the fuck was that!? | What the fuck was that!? --Phrase 1. an exclamation of fear-driven inquiry regarding the nature of something that could be scary but probably not 2. not used often, but she did say it this one time and we laughed pretty hard because...you know...she said a bad word
11: There is much debate among Mungo researchers regarding the nature of the kissy face pose. Those who have studied Mungos exclusively through Facebook tend to argue that a Mungo's face is permanently stuck in a perpetual state of lip-puckering. Those who have seen one in person tend to believe that the expression is merely a subconscious natural reaction to the presence of a camera within visual range of the subject, perhaps due to the Mungo's mistaken belief that the camera is in fact a mate. In any case, it is universally agreed that the kissy face occurs a lot. Like, really a lot. Seriously. All the time. | The Kissy Face
12: No, it's true! | No, it's true! --Phrase 1. Similar to "technically" in that it's probably either not at all true, or blatantly and unmistakably true. 2. Most commonly spoken in response to laughter regarding the fact that she thinks we didn't know whatever it was she said examples: "Did you guys know that Stephen Colbert has his own flavor of Ben and Jerry's ice cream?" [laughter] "No, it's true!" | They cut me off! | They cut me off! --Phrase 1. An exclamation of frustration while driving, usually uttered when pretty much anybody enters the same lane as Mungo within a mile in front of her vehicle examples: "What exit number are we loking for?" "I don't know. It's still like thirty five miles ahead of us." "How can you not know!?" "I'll tell you when we're getting close. I know where it is." "This is terrible! We'll be lost literally forever! Why didn't you just get directions from MapQuest? You are a horrible, horrible...OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT? THEY CUT ME OFF!" "Uh...no. They merged in front of you. Like a quarter mile in front of you..." "No they didn't! They cut me off!"
13: Back in the day... | Back in the day... --Phrase 1. a period of time in the distant past (such as two or three years ago), when something was slightly different than it is in the present 2. not intended to make you feel old, but you will example: "Ya know, back in the day, gas was only $2.70 a gallon!" "Did you know that back in the day people in Seattle called Macy's The Bon Marche?" | In this photo: The ancient and long-forgotten days of 2008
14: Emoticons And Symbols In Common Mungo Circulation | :) | :-) | :o) | ;) | :) :( <3 :o) | Smiley Face Displays happiness or approval "Glad to be home :)" | Smiley Face 2 Displays happiness or approval, but with a nose "I love riding my horse in the sun outside :-)" | Smiley Face 3 This time the nose is like pressed against a window or something "Cancun in only three days! :o)" | Winky Face Used to make anything sound inappropriate "Had fun in the hot tub with Jamie Jessup ;)" | Combo A thrown-together mixture of several emoticons to express a variety of emotions but mostly happiness (two happy faces) "Sometimes words cannot explain the colliding emotions :) :( <3 :o)"
15: MUNGO FACT: In said career at ESPN, Mungo will also explain to viewers worldwide how Manchester United and Barcelona are just the luckiest teams to have ever existed in any sport. | MUNGO FACT: In her future career as an ESPN sports analyst, Mungo will vehemently insist that the smartest move for the high-profile NFL franchise would be to draft every player from the college team with the 2-10 record.
18: Don't call me Mungo! | Don't call me Mungo! --phrase 1. an outright dismissal of one Mungo Catherine Covey's (party a) legal birth name, as outlined in the legally binding verbal contract between parental caregivers, Niel and Maureen Covey (party b) and sibling-to-be, Jasmine Janine Covey (party c) in which full naming rights of party a were transferred from party b to party c with no specified clause pertaining to restrictions of naming options 2. don't make us bring lawyers into this, Mungo
19: May 25th, 2011 | May 25th, 2011 --date 1. a day of extreme significance to Mungo's life 2. the date on which Mungo can finally stop pretending she does not consume alcohol on a regular basis in Pullman 3. your motherfucking 21st birthday! | And so, on this glorious day, we (Jasmine and Sean Babcock) present to Mungo "Candice" Catherine Covey this compilation of Mungoisms in recognition of her 21st birthday, with the much-appreciated help and support of Maureen Covey (who we would like to apologize to for saying "fuck," "motherfucker," "asshole," and "douchebag," as she probably did not anticipate that this level of cursing would be involved in the project). While we suspect that there must be a wide variety of further Mungoisms that we failed to include or just plain forgot (probably involving more cursing or weird-looking vampires from crappy romance novels), they will have to wait for volume two. For now, we must recognize that it would be simply irresponsible for us, as older siblings, to allow you to proceed through this right-of-passage without bestowing upon you some important advice from our own journey through life-after-twenty: 1) Do not, under any circumstances, allow Sean to discourage you from accepting a drink from that guy at the bar. Do you know how much alcohol costs? Drink that shit! It's free! Actually, wait...make Sean take a sip first, and when you confirm that it's not drugged, drink that shit! 2) Coors Light is not beer. Nor is Bud Light. Or anything else you can buy at the gas station. You live in one of the greatest microbrew hubs in the world. Enjoy it. There are children in Africa who will never taste Mack & Jacks. 3) Don't mix wine and vodka. Mix wine with another glass of wine. And then another glass of wine. And then another glass of wine. And THEN break out the vodka. 4) There is no added benefit to doing a body shot over a regular shot. A body shot is just a guy at the bar attempting to lick you. That's creepy, so have Sean punch that asshole. 5) In all seriousness, never hesitate to call if you get yourself into a pinch. Any one of us. Any night. 6) Most importantly, have fun! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!