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Rachel's blogs Jr/Sr year at UGA

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BC: Consider it all joy, Rachel, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 I love you - Mom

FC: Blogs of a College Junior/Senior Rachel House 2010-2012

1: MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2010 Excuse me while I'm self-righteous..... I think the title pretty much explains itself. I HATE self-righteous people. Correction: I hate the self-righteousness, not the people. But still. I hate it. But what I think I hate more is the fact that I can see the self-righteousness in them because I am CONSUMED with it. For four years I struggled with the same thing. I am not good enough. I am not pretty enough. I am going to fix this. Let me go throw up a hot dog. Ok. I know that's pretty bold. But it's the truth. That Rachel is gone now. Completely gone. Healed. New. Thank you Jesus. BUT. I was used to that struggle for so long, that now that it's gone, I feel like I am a good person. You know? Like sometimes I look at myself and I'm like "Damn girl. Other than the fact you just said a bad word in your head and now you've posted it on your blog, you are a pretty good person. Go to church. Go to Wesley. Keep up with your grades. Exercise and eat right. Are nice to others. Love Jesus. Yup. You've got it all. Just keep it up. It's all smooth sailin from here." WHAT THE WHAT is that? No. Not ok. No. NOT OK. I was actually walking to class today and thinkin of how much I've got it together and how I can't find anything wrong with myself right now.

2: And then I proceeded to tell myself... "You are big fat liar. Continuously deceiving yourself and being deceived. I AM A DECEIVER. Thinking that I've got it all together. Geez. I might as well be Oprah now and give away like 5 whales. 'You get a whale. You get a whale. You get a whale. Every. body. gets. humpbacked whales!!!' (Yes. I just quoted Dane Cook.) But I was honestly ashamed of myself. Talk about a self-righteous bitch who tutors kids after school because she thinks the kid should be honored to have her as a tutor for even just a little while. If I keep having this Oprah mentality, that could be ME!" Ugh. I was just so frickin disgusted with myself. YES. I know that I am a bad person. YES. I know I need Jesus. But when you get to a point in your life when you're like "Dang, I'm really not that bad.", YOU, sir, are self-righteous. Selfy self, selfishly selful, self-righteous. Go feed the poor or something. Seriously. Gosh. I need Jesus. BAD. I need 'im BAD. Save me. I'm lost. Keep me from bein confused. Show me what I'm lookin for. (I don't even know what song that is or who sings it, but it's catchy. AND it's relevant. So DEAL.) Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 8:26

3: TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2010 If you're an atheist, stop using this book to prove your point. It's only hurting you hun. Ecclesiastes. The book I am referring to is Ecclesiastes. And once again, my thoughts and my convictions have brought me to this book..... For those of you who don't know, Ecclesiastes is a book about the meaning of life. Written by a cynical teacher. Told from a negative perspective. This book discusses how meaningless life is. Literally. The word meaningless is used 37 times throughout the whole (relatively small) book. That is a stinkin lot of meaninglessness. Sheesh. And the reason I bring up this book today, is once again, I wrestled today with the reason of why I am EVEN HERE. Just having the mindset that I had when I was depressed. Remembering the feelings I had about my life. The feelings I had towards myself. The feelings I had about my purpose. And they all equaled zero. Every time I tried to think of a reason to live. To continue on. I couldn't think of one. You live your life. Make decisions. Form an identity. Become whoever you want to be. Accomplish whatever you want to accomplish. But all for WHAT? Would it even make a difference if you were gone? There are others who can do your job. Others who have the same personality traits. Others who will accomplish what you would have and more. So why are you needed? There. is. no. reason. for. you. to. be. here. NONE. So why am I? What is my frickin purpose? WHO am I apart from personality? WHAT am I apart from flesh and bones?

4: I am NOTHING..... NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. without Jesus. He IS the only purpose I am here. He IS the only reason for living. He IS my identity. I am no longer just a shell of a man (or woman I guess in my case. ha). But I am the fullness of joy. The beauty of grace. And the strength of salvation. I am not here for me. Because "me" is so meaningless. "Me" is so boring. "Me" is empty and unfulfilled. So I will no longer live my meaningless life. But I will live His meaningFULL one. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 11:33 AM

5: TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2010 Go Make Fishers of Men. But Don't Forget to Fish Yourself. You Might Starve.... It's that time again. When I should be doing homework, but alas, I can not for the LIFE of me find an ounce of motivation to concentrate, even though it is of the utmost importance. So I figured I would do a little something else productive. Like, blog. I haven't really thought about what I was going to blog about up until this very second. In fact, this very word. BUT, never fear. I think I can squeeze a little bit of intellectual juice out of this already exhausted brain. I have found myself guilty. AGAIN. But of something a little different this time.... I have been a Christian since I can remember. Have learned all the Bible stories. Heard the same messages over and over. Read the same verses time and time again. And I just thought, "Hey. I've done enough Jesus-learning these last 19 years for me to be able to take a break for a little bit. Plus, I've already heard it all anyway. So what else IS there for me to learn?" So I've been focusing on evangelism. Preaching the gospel to others. Loving on others. Pouring out my heart, soul, and TIME to others. So what is left for me to give to God? Where is that time that I so desperately need with Him? I'm out there making fishers of men, but what if I forget to fish myself? I'M GOING TO FRICKIN STARVE! You know? Like, I feel as if a lot of Christians just see the Bible, the WORD OF GOD, as a gateway to strengthening their new faith. Understand Christianity and such. But after a certain time, they stop focusing so much on the Bible and instead, turn to "playing it out" in their everyday lives. WHICH IS GREAT. But where is the fuel for that fire? Where is the bread for that hunger? How can you pour out when you yourself are sucked dry?

6: And God had to bring me to my knees YET AGAIN. (He has a dirty rotten way of doin that! :) And had to show me my fault. Show me my motives. Show me my heart. And no one ever wants to see their own filthy heart. Anyways. Just stop trying so hard. GET in the Word. TALK to your Daddy. THEN, go make some new brothers and sisters. Change my life so I can change others. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 6:47 PM WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2010 Speak to me, in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning. Oh the desires of a sinful nature. The cravings of an unrighteous flesh. The thoughts of a tainted mind. Isn't that what the American work ethic tells us? Do it bigger. Do it better. Push harder. Be the BEST. Why do I find myself acting like a dog? Wanting to return to its vomit. Wanting to dwell on what has been expelled. Forgiven. Forgotten. Oh. But I have not forgotten. I have not forgotten those feelings of immediate gratification. The joy through the pain. The victories through the struggles. Isn't that what life is about? Just get by?

7: Live with a goal in mind. Set your eye on the prize. Win, win, win....... no. matter. what. But as one such C.S. Lewis said... "If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here." These cravings are too strong. These desires are too great. NOTHING in this world can satisfy. Maybe for a time. And believe me, I loved that time. Feeling fulfilled in a worldy sense. Feeling good enough. Having "purpose". But this desire is so much greater. This want and need is so much stronger. And so, I can only conclude...... I was not made for here. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 6:06 PM SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2010 the POWER of prayer. I have always underestimated the power of prayer. Partly, because I have felt let down numerous times by God in my life. Partly, because I misunderstood the importance of prayer. And partly, because I thought to be a good Calvinist meant I just left everything in the hands of God; prayer said, no prayer said = no change in outcome. No harm no foul, right??

8: False. False. False. False. LIESSSSS. Oh how DECEIVED I have been. No wonder my prayer life has suffered so much over the years. I didn't see the IMPORTANCE to it! This revelation that could have come only from God and not of myself happened, SURPRISINGLY, at my home church this morning. I say surprisingly because I haven't heard an amazing sermon there in a while. Partly, because I'm only there once every two months or so. But still, sorry Mom and Dad. I left feeling convicted. And honestly, CHANGED. That this belief system that I'd been holding on so tightly too, That my prayers really don't matter, That "what I have to say God already knows so what's the point" mentality, These things were liessss. This is what prayer is.... Prayer is three things: 1. Builds relationship with God. 2. Begets peace. 3. Brings results. THIS is what I have been missing out on. THIS is why I get anxious so quickly and am having a hard time trusting. And although I knew somewhat of the first two points, the third is what I was reallyyyy struggling with. Do my prayers bring results? REALLY??? mmm hmmm. I'm not so sure. But they DO. Yes, it is true that God knows all things and there is NOTHING that will change His eternal plan. But it's ALSO true that prayer brings results. So how do the two coincide?

9: It is exactly because of this particular reason... If God was good enough and sovereign enough and all-knowing enough to already know the outcome of a situation, don't you think that He is all-of-those-things enough to know that you will PRAY as well? It is called SECONDARY CIRCUMSTANCES (I think....). That God may have one thing that He could definitely do (such as allow your friend to die from cancer) but He knew before time that you would pray that this other certain thing would happen (such as praying that your friend lives) happen, so therefore, He already KNEW that He was going to let your friend live, but it was the prayer that helped bring about the result. Ahhhh. God is so good. I will end telling you this story our pastor told us today.... George Whitefield and John Wesley were speaking at a conference one weekend. They ended up staying at the same hotel together that night, and even shared a room. They both were getting ready for bed. John Wesley, believing in the utmost sovereignty of God, got ready for bed and then, began to pray. He thanked God for the destinies of the people that were at the conference and prayed that God would continue to be sovereign and for His will to be done, and then got in bed. John Wesley, believing in the importance of human participation in God's plan, and also in the importance of prayer, saw that George had prayed such a short prayer and said, "Oh George, is this where your Calvinism has brought you to?" And then, proceeded to get down on his knees and begin praying. In the middle of the night Whitefield woke up to find Wesley, still on his knees next to the bed......asleep. He then proceeded to say, "Oh John, is this where your Arminianism has brought you to?" This moral of this story is not to bring favor to one view of prayer or the other, it is simply this.... That prayer is important. Whether you "let your words be few" before God, or come before God with "prayer and supplication, making ALL your requests known to God", prayer. is. important. .........And my world has been rocked. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 6:24 PM

10: SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2010 I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP. Yes. I said it. As I listen to the sound of the apartment above me flirting with death (because what else do you call underage kids who get wasted every night and use the F word every other word and pick fights and call names and don't give a BEEP?), I can only think that this phrase, that "I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP" is the only way to describe my life right now. The first thing that comes to my mind is relationships. Dating. Marriage. Personality similarities. Personality differences. And I can only wonder..... what if I was different. What if I was a little less funny sometimes and I little more serious. What if I was actually the perfect Christian instead of a struggling one. What if I actually knew the right thing to say every time instead of fumbling over my words. What if I CONFORMED to a certain stereotypical "perfect. Christian. girl." Then would I be good enough? SCREW the stereotype. And SCREW conforming. Because I won't! I hate it that people think that Christians don't conform. BECAUSE. WE. DO. We freaking conform every. single. day. We don't necessarily conform to the world. We decide that we'd rather "die to ourselves", "pick up our crosses", and "follow Him". But DO. WE. REALLY. MY guess, is that we actually just CONFORM to Christianity. To the religion. To the practices. To the stereotype. YES. There is REAL. TRUE. heart change when we become made new in Christ. But our sinful ways tell us that now. We. Must. Conform. Why can't we just BE? Be the way that God has made us? We are perfect because of Him. Not because of our religion. Not because of our practices. Not because of the stereotype. But because He died for us.

11: We are IMPERFECT because of our sin. Because of our shortcomings. Because of our nature. Because of the fall. But we don't have to conform to pretend that we're perfect. Because we're not. And I won't pretend like I am anymore. I hate it that I feel like I have to for someone to love me. I hate that the Christian culture tells us that if we do all of these certain wonderful Christian things that we will find the perfect Christian mate and have the perfect Christian happily ever after ending. Sorry to break it to you. But in the words of the oh so wise Miley Cyrus...... nobody's perfect. So I'm going to stop pretending that I am. And secondly, WHY do we as Christians INSIST in buying into this PROSPERITY gospel. That we can do it bigger. and better. and BIGGER. and BETTER. Didn't Christ tell us to drop EVERYTHING and follow Him? So wouldn't you say we are actually preaching and living out the exact Opposite of what Christ taught? That we can both have it all and be a Christian. Isn't that like an oxymoron or something? Either Christ had it wrong and we have it right. Or Christ had it right and we are just screwing the F up with our life. Seriously. I'm sorry if this offends someone but it just makes me so stinkin mad. We AS THE CHURCH need to get it together. We need to do a TAD less judging and a TAD more loving. A TAD less getting and a TAD more giving. A TAD LESS CONFORMING AND A TAD MORE BECOMING. LIKE. CHRIST. I don't know about you. But my name's Rachel, and I'm a non-conformist. Oh. And I don't give a BEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 8:10 PM

12: SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2010 I don't want no scrub. I think it is safe to say that the majority of us have been graced with this wonderful TLC song at LEAST once or twice in our lifetime. "I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me. Hangin out the passenger side of his best friend's ride. Trying to holler at me...." Yes. Beautiful isn't it? Well, let me just tell you.... As one of my best friends once put it, "I don't want no scrub." And no, she wasn't talking about one of those guys on the hit tv show "Scrubs". Although, that would be pretty sweet. And sitcomy. But she was actually referring to a young man. A fine young man. Who may not be ready to be in a relationship. OK. Let's be real here. Who IS not ready to be in a relationship. Sucks. Right? I mean, you like a guy. But you KNOW they are not ready for a relationship. AT ALL. And NO, I am not referring to myself here at said moment in said time. BUT, I am referring to myself in the general sense that.... "I don't want no freakin scrub." I want a man who is passionate about following the Lord. Who knows what his goals are in life and trusts that the Lord is the only one who can help him fulfill them. Who respects himself enough to respect someone else. Who loves the Lord, and loves himself enough to love someone else. And who doesn't. play. the. freakin. game. GAME PLAYERS ALWAYS LOSE. That's all you need to know. ESPECIALLY if you are a guy reading this. You will play the game. It will appear as if you are winning. So you will continue to play. And you will eventually lose. Sucks. Right? So just don't play the game. Don't do it. Please. Because I don't want no scrub. There are so many guy and girl scrubs in college.

13: I may or may not be one of them. And I trust that the Lord knows when I will graduate from scrub school into mature kid school. Because that would be great. But until that time, I will play the waiting game. No. It is not the same as "The Game". Which is infamous for it's continuous ability to make. you. lose. But I'm talking about the game where I thought guys were too immature in middle school so......I will wait. I thought guys were too immature in high school so.......I will wait. I may or may not think guys are still too immature in college so I may or may not wait....... (Forever!?!?) These are the facts. Except, the common denominator every time is ME. So maybe, I'M the scrub on this one. Maybe I'M not ready to date, and the Lord knows this. Oh how He knows me better than I know myself. So until I, or the person meant for me, is ready..... I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me. Forever His (because I'm not going to be a scrub's), Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 7:28 PM

14: THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 Philosophy Statement of Rachel House This is the Philosophy paper that I had to write for my Health Promotion class. I wrote it about Jesus. I attempted to put Jesus in a philosophy paper. God help me. I am praying that the Lord is with me as my possibly agnostic/atheist teacher reads this paper and grades it. The Lord will either reward me for my faithfulness or show me how much the world does not like Him. I hope it is the former. I pray it is the former. Please read my thoughts about life and about health and about everything...... I hope you enjoy reading it just as fully as I enjoyed writing it. Here it is....... Normally, I would start this paper off by using big words to sound smart. I would write about things that I thought other people would buy into. And I would describe my philosophy about life and about health as other people would see it. People would be impressed and maybe partially satisfied by my thoughts, but this would in no way describe how I really feel about life, about health, and about helping others. So what am I to do? Write about something that I feel other people may want to hear? Or write about something that I am passionate about, that defines me, that represents me to the core? Although I am risking a few ruffled feathers and stepped-on toes, I am convicted to choose the latter. Before I describe how I feel about life and about health and about the world as a whole, I must first put a warning label on this philosophy statement. I know it may be quite politically incorrect to speak the name of Jesus Christ in a philosophy paper. It may be even more politically incorrect to bring him into the field of health promotion. What right does he have to be there anyway? But I cannot help but bring him into this matter. He is the reason I am in this field. He is my purpose in life and the philosophy of it. He may make some people uncomfortable, but then again, I’m not here to make people feel comfortable. I’m in this field to help people, to love people, and to change this world for the better. To embark on such a journey, without Jesus at my side, would be foolish. He is what sustains me.

15: My philosophy of life can be defined by one word: joy. Webster’s dictionary defines joy as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation”. Although I find myself agreeing with Webster on this definition, it is not what I mean when I say joy. Rather, I am referring to the reason for my life; and by this, I mean what my life consists of. And that is exactly what it consists of: joy. Jesus. Others. Yourself. My philosophy is to put Jesus first, because it is by His grace that I am currently breathing. Then, I focus on others. This is the reason I am in the field of health promotion: to put others before myself, to love them unconditionally as Jesus has loved me, and to give them the tools to live a healthy and purpose-driven life, regardless of their beliefs. Lastly, I focus on myself. Who I am, what my goals in life are, and what I am here for. I want to be a light to others, plain and simple. This is my purpose in life and my philosophy of it: to radiate joy, and to give others the tools to find joy in their own lives as well. My philosophy of health can also be defined as one word: happiness. Now, I could sit here and type a bunch of stuff about health that I also do believe. Like, “I believe health is a combination of daily choices”, or “I believe health is holistic and consists of many different aspects of life”, or “I believe health is something that everyone deserves a chance of having”. Don’t get me wrong. All of these definitions of health are well and good. I believe they all define health in one way or another. But they do not get across my major point. My point here is that health is equated with happiness, whether we like it or not. Let’s be real here. When we are not healthy, we usually are not very happy. And when we are not happy, we usually don’t have our health at the top of our priority list. So how do we go through life and remain consistently healthy, when happiness isn’t always so consistent? That is exactly why I am an in the field of health promotion. I want to show people that we can be both happy and healthy regardless of what life throws at us. Also, I think it is quite unfair that so many people in this world are not in good health. Many of them were born sick. Many of them have gained some type of sickness from their daily lifestyle, or from their lack of available health resources. Many of them are sick because they are malnourished. Many of them will die today because of a lack of this good health. This is just not fair. We, the people of the United States, have the resources to help cure the diseased. We, the people, have the food to help the malnourished. We, the people, have the knowledge and the skills to help get many of these sick people back into good health. What we, the people, lack is the desire. We don’t care. Over half of the world currently lives on less than 2 dollars a day. That just doesn’t seem fair to me. I would like to see the day when health became a right, not just a privilege. So let’s make that a possibility. Let’s go out there and actually care. I want to have the same love for these people that Jesus has for them. I want to actually give a crap. Health promotion is such a broad concept, and an even larger field. There is so much that you can do within the realm of health promotion. I entered this major with the idea that it was mainly just a route to nursing. Just one more stepping-stone on my way to becoming a midwife, and that was all. But health promotion has become something so much more to me. It is a field of great compassion, and I want to share that compassion with anyone and everyone. I have so much bigger goals for my life now than before I entered this major. I simply thought I would become a nurse, get my masters in midwifery, get married, have kids, and then live happily ever after. I wanted the modern American dream. One day in class we wrote out what we wanted our lives to look like. We included goals that we wanted to accomplish and things that we wanted to do. That just gave me so much higher standards for the goals that I wanted to achieve. I feel like I might be called to Africa now.

16: I might help with the HIV/AIDS epidemic over there when I graduate. I may deliver babies in the African bush. They may have HIV. I may be their only hope at survival. These are the kinds of things I could see myself doing now, and it is all thanks to health promotion. I think realism is a beautiful thing. Yes, I am a realist. I may talk about saving the world, and I may talk about doing great things with my life, but I know there is only so much I can do. I know that promoting health is such a big job, and I am such a small person. What impact would I have on the world anyway? I’ve never accomplished more than writing a 12-page paper and running a 10K, and these weren’t even large feats. What if I wanted to cure the HIV/AIDS epidemic? What if I wanted to stop poverty in its tracks and have every child in India become well nourished? Could I accomplish this? Rather, could I do it on my own? No, I couldn’t. My philosophy of life, and of health, and of the world is so big. I have such big plans. But I know that I couldn’t accomplish any of it without the one who has accomplished it all already: Jesus. He conquered the grave for me. I think I can conquer this global health epidemic for Him, one small step at a time. I hope this philosophy paper hasn’t offended anyone too much. It was merely my thoughts and my beliefs placed onto the front and back of one sheet of paper. They are merely words. Now, let me get out there and make them reality. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 6:40 PM THURSDAY, JANUARY 27, 2011 Jesus is not an accessory. I've always been a fan of rockin out the Jesus fish. Some of that WWJD. And the Jesus cross. But it wasn't until today, while I was getting ready and trying to figure out whether my cross necklace went with my shirt or not, that I realized something: Jesus has become an accessory to me. He is no longer the meat and potatoes of my life. He's not even the salad. He's like the croutons you put on the salad. Dang. So is that really what it comes down to? Is that what I'm making of my Savior these days? A crouton? It's only when I need Him that I really access Him. Only when it's convenient for me that I decide to be with Him. Our relationship is like one of those screwed up abusive type. And I'm the abuser. So when did it come to this? How did it come to this?

17: I heard a song once by Derek Webb. It's called "Wedding Dress". And one part of the song says "I am a whore I do confess. I put you on just like a wedding dress. And I run down the aisle." I must be a pretty skanky whore. A no good slutty harlot type. Because I keep putting Jesus on like a wedding dress. Trying Him on again and again and again. But I never really go through with the wedding. You know? That may not even really have made sense..... But I know that I've been doing it. And I just don't have as much trust in the Lord these days. I betcha bottom dollar it's because I don't really have the best RELATIONSHIP with Him in the first place. He's a crouton to me.....remember? Sometimes I wonder how the Lord allows me to even be in His presence FACE DOWN. And breathing. Sometimes I wonder if He will strike me dead. Or stop my breath. Or take the life right out of me. Because I am so unworthy to be in His presence. Jesus, I want to want to make you the center. Now help me WANT to do it. I love you. I need you. You are more than a cross necklace. A WWJD bracelet. A fish tattoo. I can not keep You. You will not be contained. Let me live in this freedom that you so freely give. P.S. I'm sorry I compared you to a crouton. Baddddddd simile on my part. Forever His, Rachel

18: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2011 Struggling to Breathe I. (gasp) can't. (gasp) breathe. (gasp) the weight of it all. (gasp) is. (gasp) great. (gasp) Could I ever measure. (gasp) up. (gasp) to Him? (gasp) There is so much that. (gasp) I. (gasp) want to say. (gasp) So much that I. (gasp) want. (gasp) to do. (gasp)

19: But I can barely. (gasp) catch. (gasp) my breath. (gasp) Sin keeps on squeezing. (gasp) tighter. (gasp) and tighter. (gasp) Using the very. (gasp) deepest. (gasp) parts of me. (gasp) To leave me cold. (gasp) barren. (gasp) and alone. (gasp) And I am dying. (gasp) Struggling. (gasp) Losing. (gasp) Control. (gasp)

20: Fighting. (gasp) Someone. (gasp) Please. (gasp) Help. (gasp) Me. (gasp) SOMEONE. (gasp) PLEASE. (gasp) HELP. (gasp) ME. (gasp) PLEASE!!! (gasp) I. (gasp) CAN'T. (gasp) ANYMORE. (gasp) I. (gasp) I. (gasp) I. (gaspppppppppppppppppppppppppp)......................

21: JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in. out. in. out. in. out. im breathing. in. out. in. out. and He is good. and I am breathing again. Praise be to God. Jesus, there is pain. And You are redemption. And I am free. I can breathe again. Inhale. Exhale. You are Life-Giver. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 11:49 PM

22: MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2011 RAW. im in the mood to be real with you. to be stripped down to the very essence of my nature. to take my bleeding heart and hold it out for the world to see. to take the dirt of my past and the shame of my youth and share it with the world. im in the mood to be RAW. i dont really know what compels one to share all. to tell all. to be read like an open book. but i figure.... for so many years, i lived a lie. i manipulated. and covered up. and kept hidden. and after so many years of it, i just couldn't do it any more. it was like i could see this light, but it just kept getting farther and farther away. not closer and closer like i wanted it to. and you know i wonder, did i do something wrong? i thought there was shelter in the shadow of Your wings.... i thought that good will come to those who love You..... i thought once You had me, You wouldn't let me go.... was i so naive? to think that if i trusted the God of the universe, that He would keep me safe? what did i do wrong. why me. why that. why then. and i guess i will never understand fully the weight of my sin. i cannot even comprehend. so much goes under my radar. so much sin goes unnoticed. but i know that even though i hated myself my entire childhood, even though i have more selfishness than everyone in the world combined, even though i hurt my body just to feel something, even though i hurt those i love because i can, even though i turned my back on God an incessant number of times, even though i turned to food for satisfaction, even though i turned to satisfaction to find worth, even though i put myself as my top priority daily, even though i have cursed God and hated Him and at times have thought it was better if i had never. even. been. born, I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME. but He doesn't like the hard, stone-like, put together version of me.

23: He likes the soft, broken, messed up version of me that i absolutely HATE. because it means im weak. it means im broken. it means im NOTHING. and HE makes me something. He takes the RAWNESS of my clay. and turns it into a BEAUTIFUL masterpiece. "No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her), and you land Beulah (married). As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your GOd rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:4 I am RAW. He makes me new. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 9:40 AM FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2011 I don't want to be safe. Sometimes, I hate feeling safe. I hate feeling secure. Now, don't get me wrong, I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is always rest in the shadow of His wings. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He is the reason that I have been kept safe thus far. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He simply loves me....for me. BUT, I don't want to be safe anymore. Because it is when I am safe, I become comfortable. And when I become comfortable, I become complacent. And when I become complacent, I am frickin screwed. I build my own version of the Lord's house and put MYSELF at the center of it.

24: Like He is the door keeper but I am the owner of that house and it is ME and ONLY me that lives inside of it. I need to feel safe. I need to feel secure. So that I am comfortable. And happy. And without Him. Because I can take care of the house on my own, I can dust, and cook, and clean, and mop, and make the bed, and sweep the floor andddd.... Be a WOMAN for crying out loud! Isn't that where we belong anyways? In the kitchen, slicing the bread, makin a sandwich..... .......That was my failed attempt at a woman joke. [otherwise known as the "we are men and need to feel better about ourselves so we'll make fun of women because they are weaker than us" jokes] I like to crack 'em every once in a while....... But I'm being serious here. I can handle the house on my own only for so long. Then I get lonely. And I was too full of myself in the first place to let anyone else in. I built this house half with Pride and half with Fear. Neither of which constitute a very beautiful house. So I need a HURRICANE. To just come in a TEAR THE WALLS DOWN. I need a BURNING FLAME. To just BURNNNN ALL OF THE WALLS DOWNNNN. I want You to come in Jesus and to just make. a. BEAUTIFUL MESS of me. We always ask for Him to renew us for our good..... But why do we never ask Him to frickin MESS. US. UPPPPPP. for our good? Ya know? And for His glory. So I don't want to be safe. I don't want to feel secure anymore. Come and make a beautiful mess of me. If DESTRUCTION is what I need, then I will receive Lord, from thee. You are my hurricane. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 7:36 PM

25: WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2011 Love Letter. Dearest Daughter, You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are beloved. You deserve to be FOUGHT for. I have made you unique, and there is no one else like you. Never doubt your worth, child, because you are SO worthy. Do you even know the measure of my love? I made you because I love you. I submitted my son to torture and death because I love you. I see NO fault in you. You are blameless in my sight. STOP washing the wounds of your past. They are already healed my child! Why do you keep the bandaid on??? Take it OFF an show your scars. They are what make you beautiful. Find your satisfaction in me, daughter. Stop using other fleeting lovers to fill that hole. They will only let you down. I, alone, can fill it. I CREATED it for. that. purpose. I am the completion of your soul. Without me, you will always be lacking. Wanting. Come to me, and be filled. Do you not know how beautiful you ARE???? Daughter, I have made you in my image! Everything you have comes from me. Your voice is a gift. Do. not. waste. it. Use it to sing to me. I love it when you sing to me. Your sweet praises fill my halls and I delight in you. I gave you your voice so you could glorify your maker. So come, daughter, and give me glory.

26: Your joy is a gift. It testifies to who I am and what I have done for you. Never take it for granted. You have a gift for making people laugh, daughter. So stop WORRING about what people think and be. yourself. Be who I created you to be! Your wisdom comes from me alone. Who else could supply you with the secrets of my presence? Seek after knowledge. Never. stop. seeking. Because it is THEN when you will find me. Your eyes are bluer than the deepest sea and the most radiant oasis. They shine brighter than the brightest sun and sparkle more than the largest star. Stop questioning your beauty. Your beauty is striking. Your personality is warm. I have given you BOTH. Use them for MY glory. I could go on and on, daughter. There is an immeasurable amount of love that I want to lavish on you. So come to me. And I will give you rest. Seek me. And I will show you the secrets of the universe. Trust me. Because I love you more than you could ever know or comprehend. You are mine. Always and forever. Love, Your Daddy in Heaven Read this and be blessed my child. For it is only when you understand how worthy you are in Christ's eyes, that you can live in the fullness of His freedom. And in it, be captivated by Him, who alone is worthy. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 10:57 AM

27: THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2011 Overwhelmed and Overjoyed. For a while I have kept myself from writing, because I haven't felt inspired, or better yet, I have had too much stuff on my mind to even begin to process my thoughts. And honestly, I don't have anything super profound that I am going to say to you or anything super interesting that I am going to take apart piece by piece. I'm just speakin truth in love right now. And it's all comin straight from my heart. I have been so overwhelmed the last few months. For the first time in my life, I get it. I get what it means to be in the presence of the living God. I understand what He means when He says that in His presence, there is fullness of joy..... I've experienced it! I have seen His face, and He is lovely. I have heard His voice, and it is pure. And as He has revealed Himself to me in immense ways the past few months, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with freedom, passion, knowledge, and JOY. Overwhelmed with this new desire, this new CRAVING for the Word. And for the first time in my life an utter ravishing for PRAYER. I hated prayer. HATED it. Why would I want to come before God anyway? I had nothing to say. Nothing to offer. Nothing to ask for. But mainly, I didn't trust Him with my prayers. And how can you really be fervent in prayer when you don't even really believe what you are SAYING! I felt abandoned. Unloved. And just hurt. And it is still a healing process. I still hold onto this lie that somehow the Lord abandoned me when I needed Him most. WHY do I believe it? I know it's not true. So why do I cling to it? He says in John 14 that He will "NEVER abandon us as orphans". He's never abandoned me! And at the beginning of John 14 He tells me to TRUST Him. John 14 was basically written for me. haha

28: But I can't just believe it with my head. I want to believe it with my HEART. I want it to SATURATE to the very core of my being. I want my relationship with Jesus to not be based on some "feeling". I want my relationship to be grounded in TRUTH. And in that truth, that there would be all the fruits that come with it. Like love, joy, peace, patience, etc. I WANT IT ALL! And I know that it is a process and that I am working out my salvation DAILY, but I just want to fall at the feet of my King and anoint His feet with my tears every. single. day. I want to be so dependent on Him, that all I hear is His voice and NOTHING else. I am so filled with joy, because I know that He who has started this good work in me is going to finish it until completion! I need to stop whining about my unbelief and just TRUST Him. BELIEVE Him. KNOW His voice and FOLLOW. It's so simple. The story of the gospel is SO SIMPLE. Trust, Believe, Obey, Follow. LOVE. Gosh. Jesus, fill me with an immeasurable amount of faith in You. That the things You say You can and WILL do through me, you will DO them! That You ALWAYS show up. Not just sometimes, or when I have an extra special amount of faith. BUT EVERY TIME. Help me to receive Your spirit every second of every day. That I would always want more. And be satisfied in all that You are. Press into my heart more and more. Know my ways. Give in me peace. Help me to trust. I want to be obedient to You and You alone. I am so unworthy, but You make me worthy. And so I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, because it is when I am weak, THEN I am strong. Because You make me strong. I am overwhelmed. But in Your presence, I am overjoyed. You are my joy. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 10:52 PM

29: THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 2011 To FEEL or not to feel WORTH. It is talked about a LOT in the Christian church. Where do you find your worth, is your identity in Christ, etc. etc. etc. And I understand that in order to FEEL truly worthy, we need to place our full identity Christ. To KNOW who Heeeee says we are, and that is IT. But what if we still don't FEEL worthy? What if we KNOW it in our heads, but do not KNOW it in our hearts. What do we do then? What happens next..... To place our identity in Christ is a big enough step as it is. You are LITERALLYYYYY taking a leap of faith. Finding your worth in Someone that you aren't even sure of sometimes. That you may have your doubts about. Or maybe you don't! Maybe you are super confident that He will always come through. But still. You are giving your worth to someone else to hold onto, instead of trying to foster it yourselves. BIG frickin deal. SO. This is how the whole thing should essentially work out..... You feel worthless. Christ comes in and steals your heart. You are His. He tells you that you are worthy in His sight. You KNOW you are worthy. You FEEL worthy. You live as if you are the most worthy flippin thing on the planet. (But still remaining humble about your worth....don't go all Kanye proud on me now.) ........Happily. ever. after. But what if you don't get to that second to last step. (Or maybe it's third to last....regardless...) The part about you now FEELING worthy. You KNOW it in your head. But maybe that doesn't translate to your heart...... Feelings come and go right? So how do we let our HEAD dictate the way we feel about ourselves? Like letting the fact that we KNOW we are worthy make us live as if we truly were....even if we don't feel like we are.

30: I just don't really know how you can make yourself FEEL someway that you really aren't. Especially when you KNOW it. You KNOW the frickin truth. You just may not quite believe it..... I don't just want to KNOW I'm worthy. I want to FEEL worthy. "You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God." Isaiah 62:3 He calls me precious. I believe it. Now help me to FEEL it. Forever His, Rachel POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 6:28 PM THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 2011 Sorry I'm not sorry. I wrote this in my journal a while ago, but it is seriously rocked my world tonight as a cried before the Lord for Him to punish me of my sins and to stop loving me so much. Then I read this.... Even when you are at your dirtiest... and you have no desire to be clean... and you feel like there is no way any kind of grace could cover you... the Lord does something crazy....... He makes you clean ANYWAYS. He says, "Sorry, my daughter, but it's already been done!" WE CAN'T EVEN RESIST IT! Even if we try. He is simply irresistible! (No pun intended.) And His grace is always enough. Even when I'm ignorant and stubborn. Even when I'm prideful. Even when I promise Him my whole heart, my whole devotion, and yet continuously give myself away to fleeting lovers of the flesh. EVEN WHEN I DON'T WANT HIM TO CLEAN ME. He simply looks at me with tender love in His eyes and says 3. simple. words. IT IS FINISHED. And my friend, IT. IS. Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 12:17 AM

31: MONDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2011 Surrendering does not equate suffering. I think that for a long time, I equated surrendering with suffering. That if I wasn't suffering, then I wasn't fully surrendering to the Lord. Like I had to be struggling with SOMETHING in order for me to prove that I needed God. And that I wanted to surrender. Ok so in order for me to surrender....I must suffer? Wait...WHAT? Ya. Doesn't really make sense right? Why do we as Christians feel that if we are not suffering, not walking through the pit, not struggling with our sin.....that we are not fully depending on the Lord. That if we feel even an ounce of freedom, that we are now being self-reliant. And therefore now surrendering to self, instead of to the Lord. When did that EVER become reality? When did that EVER become truth? I do NOT have to be suffering for me to be fully surrendered, fully dependent on the Lord. In fact.....I can be walking in the most truest walks of freedom and still be surrendered to the Lord. Actually, the fact that walking in freedom means that I must COMPLETELY rely on the Lord FOR that freedom is enough to say that there is no way that I could do it without the Lord. So I am being even MORE reliant on the Lord as I am walking in freedom. Because the road to freedom is a very narrow one, and the second I let go of His hand, I am done for. So WHYYYYYY do we think that we must be struggling in order to be dependent on the Lord. Or WHYYYYY do we think we must be struggling in order to be refined. We may be being refined even MORE so when we are not struggling. Because it is then that the Lord is working on our roots. Making us stronger from the ground up. So that when that storm of life comes again.......we will not be shaken. So praise the Lord that I don't have to suffer to be close to Him. Praise the Lord that I don't have to be struggling to be learning from Him. I will choose to believe that walking in freedom will reap JUST as many benefits. That walking in freedom will, in turn, lead to walking in infinite truth. Surrendering does not equate suffering. But Freedom does equate surrender. Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 10:18 PM

32: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2011 How beautiful are the feet that bring good news......but are those MY feet? Jesus kind of scared me silly today. I asked Him for what His heart was for me for the future....what His plans were for me.....where He wanted me to go. And what He told me, really scared the $h!t out of me. I'm not gonna lie. I was sitting there, on my knees, praying that Jesus would reveal Himself to me. Speak LIFE into me. And that's when He told me this simple truth. Something I know, and I've heard before. But something I take for granted. That it is ON MY KNEES, where I begin to heal. where I begin to hear. where I am able to fight. where the victory is won. where there is nothing left of me, but EVERYthing left of Him. And..... it is where He equips me. Then, that led to the realization that He was actually equipping me for SOMETHING. And then I started getting scared. He started saying... "How beautiful are the feet that bring good news!" .....And was like: "But Lord, are those MY feet?!?!?!" I said Him.... "Who am I but a child?! I do not know how to speak or where to even BEGIN if I am called to missions! What then shall I do?" And this is what He said.... "Rachel, you must go EVERYWHERE and to EVERYONE that I send you and say WHATEVER I command you to!" DANG IT. .....That was literally my reply. That....and What the heck!?

33: But I am afraid. I do not know what to say, or how to speak. I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid of persecution. I am afraid that what You ask of me will be too great for me to bear. I feel that this fear comes from my doubt. I feel that You will draw me out into the waters and then leave me there to drown. To be hurt. To be embarrassed. "BUT do. not. be. AFRAID of them, for I am with you, and I will rescue you," declares the Lord! He said.... "I MUST equip you before you go, daughter. So STAY on your knees. And I will prepare the way. I will ready your heart. So do not fear. For I have CALLED YOU BY NAME. You. are Mine." Stinkin scares me to the core. But if He wants to use this broken vessel for His will, If He wants to use me in ways that I can not use myself, Then GLORY be to God. For He has been glorified in my life. So until He calls, I will remain on my knees. Wondering if THESE feet, will be bringing good news to the distant end of the earth.... Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 9:51 AM

34: THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2011 Let me see darkness, so that I may see light This was my prayer this week. Lord, Show me the darkness, so that I may see the light. That I may appreciate the light. That I may learn to love the light, all over again. So show me the darkness....whatever that means. ......and let me tell you..... He showed me. He really did..... And praise Jesus! Because lately, I've been very numb to my sin. Unaware of the gravity of it. Forgetful of the gravity of its consequences. My "norm" of what was "ok" or of what sins "didn't really count" was changing. They were being stretched. Pulled. Manipulated. To the point that I was justifying my sin. Rationalizing with myself. Making myself feel better. Even when I KNEW I was wrong. I knew it. I know it. I've always known it. The ways that I sin. The things that I struggle with. I KNOW they are wrong. And yet I do them anyway. And I have been telling myself for so long that they are "not a big deal", that it got to a point where I really believed that they WEREN'T a big deal. If I didn't think they were a big deal and they were only hurting ME, than maybe Jesus didn't think they were that big of a deal either. And maybe, just maybe, He was ok with it for now.... How did I even get on this trail of believing that? And on top of my numbness and inability to see the weight of my sin, I was still believing I wasn't worth fighting for.... I knew I had to fight. I knew that was the only way satan couldn't continue to control me. The only way my sin wouldn't play me for the victim. The only way I could fully surrender. I still had to fight.

35: But it is SO hard to fight for something that you don't believe is worth fighting for. That's why I wasn't fighting. I could fight for every other person on this planet that I dearly care for. But not me.... because I'm not worth it. The Lord is slowly changing this way of thinking. My twisted way of thinking. Feeling like my thoughts, in order for them to leave, must ALWAYS turn into action. Every action has a reaction right? So I think a lie... Believe a lie... Now I MUST act on this lie.... Or it will NEVER GO AWAY. It was my only way to quiet my thoughts. But at the same time, I was quenching the Holy Spirit. Telling Him to shut up. Because I'VE got it. I don't want to fight. That has been my reality. It is so much easier to decide to completely disobey. Then to want so badly to obey......but then disobey anyway. And the guilt and shame that comes with it! But I know that I wasn't made for guilt. OR for shame. And so I will fight. Till my very. last. breath. Satan is literally at the end of his rope. Struggling to find new ways to seduce me. New ways to lead me astray. Because he KNOWS how close to victory that I am. That I can literally TASTE freedom. It is so near! And that I have already walked in it once...... Just wait till I walk in it again. I'm never. going. back. And honestly, I think the biggest struggle in all of this is my INABILITY to feel the love of Jesus.

36: Being so near to Him right now. Hearing from Him. Learning new truths. Having a DEEP relationship with Him. And yet STILL struggling. And unable to feel His satisfying love. THAT has been my biggest struggle. It's like being with your best friend. You guys know the depths of each others hearts. You hear them. You know them. And you KNOW that they love you. But right now, you don't FEEL like they love you. That is how I feel with the Lord. And the Lord has just been showing me SO much in His Word in visions in the things He says to me when He speaks of how dearly loved I am. I just think He is trying to instill patience in me right now. There are so many lies woven into the fabric of my heart. He is just going to take THAT much longer and with THAT much more care to weave new TRUTHS into the fabric of my heart. So many truths, that there won't even be one more thread of a lie left. Praise the Lord that He is continually making all things new. He is turning my darkness into light!!!! Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 12:46 PM

37: THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2011 The Gift is NOT. LIKE. THE TRESPASS As I sit here, sobbing uncontrollably, tears hitting the keyboard......I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my sin. Overwhelmed by what I have done. Who I have hurt. What has come of my sin. I am unable to contain my sorrow. I have messed up. I have sinned against God, and I have sinned against the ones I love. PULLING them down with every hurt and every struggle. Allowing them to bare my burdens. But even more so, unaware of how much that actually was. I don't even know where to go from here. I am free. Because He has set me free. But that does not mean there weren't consequences. I have hurt so. many. people. in my life. LIED to so many. And done so much damage to my friendships. To my family. ALLOWED them to shed tears for me. But even worse, often times was so numb to it, that I didn't. even. care. So selfish. So vain. So hateful. Where do I even go from here. Allowed relationships to crumble. Ignored those who I care about. Where do I go from here. I asked the Lord, in the midst of my suffering, to SHOW me the weight of my sin. The gravity of it. The depth of it. And I thought that He had. That He had already done that in the midst of my struggle. But even more so, He is showing me NOW. I can not even go a day without weeping over how much I am unworthy. Unworthy of His grace, love, forgiveness. Because of the things that I've done. The way that I've hurt people.

38: I can't STAND it that He would even be able to look upon someone like me. And IN LOVE, no less. But even more so than showing me the weight of my sin. The ways I have hurt people. The damage that I have done. He is showing me the DEPTH of His heart. The WEIGHT of His grace. The CONSISTENCY of His love. And it never. ends. It never fails! And it never gives up on me. I may be living in freedom. Walking in truth. Asking the Lord that every cell in my body would rely on Him, and Him alone. But that doesn't mean there aren't still struggles. Bridges to rebuild. Friendships to reconcile. Forgiveness to ask. All that I can do is rest in His provincial grace. That He IS enough. And that He IS restorer. And will restore all things. Whether in this life, or the next. I just keep returning to Romans 5. OVER and OVER again. And praising God. Falling at His feet. Weeping in joy.... That the gift is not. like. the trespass. And that where sin increased..... GRACE increased all the more. Praise the Lord that His grace covers me. And covers my sin! I will weep in repentance. And my mourning will again turn to joy. Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 10:59 AM

39: MONDAY, MARCH 26, 2012 Thank you, Kelly Clarkson. But I don't wanna be Miss Independent, anymore.... "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13 "I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8 Paul and David. Two FIERCE men of the Lord. David was named a man after God's own heart. Paul wrote like half the New Testament. You want to know how they did it? How they were so strong, fierce, bold? Stood firm in the faith? They DEPENDED on the Lord. .........That's it. They gave up everything. And depended on the Lord. With dependence, comes self-sacrifice. With dependence, must come an undivided heart. Unwilling to yield to any other. ......Dependence. Paul says He knows how to be absolutely, completely, perfectly, incandescently content. In every circumstance. You know why He can say that? Because he can do ALL things through Him, who gave Him all the strength He needed. ......Dependence. David says that He sets the Lord ALWAYS before him. CONTINUALLY before him. He says he can NEVER be shaken. Why? Because He set the Lord always. before him. Complete and utter dependence. To sit in the silence, and know that He's there. To fall on my face, and cry my heart out till there's nothing left. To know and believe, that He is really the only one who can ever bring me joy. To see His restoration in my life, and know that it was HIM ALONE who has brought beauty from pain.

40: Lord, I have wandered so far. But I thank you that even though I have "wandered to the most distant lands under the heavens, from there You have gathered me up, and brought me back". Deuteronomy 30:4 You are my God. There is no other. Therefore, I give my everything to You. And say I DEPEND on You. Without You, there IS no. life. Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 7:37 PM The Lord's heart for the "Perfect Dance" Daughter, I have MISSED you. I watched you look back. To the past. To your faults. To your sin. You told me to hold on......just for one second. You told me you would be RIGHT. back. You just needed to make sure that you were done for good. That that chapter of your life was really closed. You just wanted to make sure you said goodbye.... But as you walked across the beach, and got farther and farther from Me, you began to realize, that what you were looking at in the distance, was never really there. And it left you standing there. Confused. Empty. Wandering.

41: You didn't know where to go. So you decided to come back to Me. You WANTED to come back to Me. But as you turned around, you saw that your footsteps in the sand had been washed away by the waves. And you couldn't remember the way back. You realized you couldn't get back to me. You didn't know HOW to get back. My heart ACHED for you. YEARNED for you. That you would simply CALL OUT My name. And I would have been right. there. But in your pride, you decided that you would do it on. your. own. YOU would try to find your own way back. But as you searched and searched, and searched some more..... you just drifted farther and farther away. Because here is the thing, precious daughter.... You can't get back. Or at least, you can't do it on your own. And you couldn't do it on your own. So with what little you had left, with your last breath, you called out My name. MY name. And I was right. there. I had never left you. Never lost sight of where you were. I just needed you to call out My name. And I would come running.

42: I gathered you from the ends of the earth. Picked you up. Dried your tears. And CARRIED. YOU. HOME. "Even if you have wandered to the most distant lands under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will bring. you. back." Deuteronomy 30:4 Matthew 18:13 "I tell you the truth, He is happier about finding that one lost sheep than about the 99 that did not wander off. He is not willing to lose you." Daughter, you are that one lost sheep. And I am not willing to ever lose you. You are perfect to Me. Forever His, Rach POSTED BY RACHEL HOUSE AT 8:03 PM

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  • Title: Rachel's blogs Jr/Sr year at UGA
  • Her thoughts last 2 years of college
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  • Published: about 4 years ago

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