FC: Awakened | Prathija Prem | Callback Corporations.
1: Callback Corporations | Copyright(c) 2010 by Prathija Prem | No part of this document may be reproduced with out the permission of the author
2: To my family and friends for showing so much support over the years. | As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. -Ben Hogan
3: Foreword written by Sinduja Prem Preface written by Prathija Prem Chapter 1: Cosmic Perspective Chapter 2: Before the Bang... and After Chapter 3: Science Fair Chapter 4: Changing Skies Chapter 5: Must be Written in the Stars Chapter 6: Colorblind Chapter 7: Friends or are they Chapter 8: Reward Enough Chapter 9: Diary of a Performer Chapter 10: My playlist | Chapter 11: Crescendo Chapter 12: Evolution of Dance Chapter 13: Heritage Chapter 14: Adrenaline Chapter 15: The New York Experience Chapter 16: Dedication Chapter 17: Fight for you rightful Place Chapter 18: For better of for Worse
4: Foreword It seems like just yesterday Prathija and I were sitting at the lunch table, juice boxes in our hand, reminiscing about our Abraham Lincoln projects we presented in front of the whole class. Though it was 6 years ago, I still remember everything. We were best friends in class and out, and loved to have play dates where we could eat lunch together and have heart to hearts about all the people we hated at the time. However, at one point, hard to admit, we drifted. I was at Pinebrook Elementary and you stayed at Hutchison Farm. And because of our real physical distance, we drifted as friends as well. Later, we met up in tenth grade, older and wiser. It seemed that now we could have real intellectual conversations, but in all honesty, I find no difference in our attitudes since the third grade. Sitting with our Coke cans and gossiping about the cutest boys in our school, Prathija makes me feel like a child again. Sitting with Prathija and actually talking makes me miss my years as a child, and though it has been so long, I find no difference in what we were in the third grade. I don’t regret many things in life, but if there’s one thing I regret the most, it’s not keeping in touch those six years we both missed in between. I find that Prathija is not just a good person at heart, but one that I wish to keep in my heart forever. Prathija, please stay safe. I love you and I would never want to lose you or those memories again, as well as the memories that are yet to come. Thank you for being a best friend in every way possible. -Avni Bhatia
5: Preface Writing this autobiography took me to a different place. As I revisited many past events, new things sprang from them. I uncovered my deeper thoughts and learned more about myself. I never realized how complex the human mind could be until I analyzed my own. Before, I didn't think much of any of my feelings because I'm not a particularly emotional person. After this experience, I have found out that I am an emotional mess that can hide it very well. I feel awakened to myself, and am very aware of myself. Many can not say that they are fully aware of whatever they do. I'm just glad I had the opportunity to embrace it.
6: Cosmic Perspective Have you ever wondered? Wondered about life outside this seemingly perfect world? It's unreachable, uncharted territory beyond us. Or is it. All I think about when I look up is what if. What if I could casually fly out of this world and chill on the moon. Oh the bliss. No worries, no hesitations holding me back. I feel limitless. The canvas is to die for. So breathe taking. The little sparks from earth are like giant fireballs now, which they are. So beautiful, can’t take my eyes off them. Hydrogen and Oxygen mixed with god knows what, blows my mind how magnificent the sight is. I play connect the stars in a vast space of darkness lit up so precisely. Little Dipper holds its own. Aries charging into space, so noble and chivalrous. Aquarious, looking beautiful as ever shines brightly through the dark oceans. Reminding me of the beautiful planet I come from. Not wanting to leave so soon, I jet out even further into the sky. Now standing on nothing, I wait. BABOOOOOMMM!!!!!!! The sun collapsed. Somehow I manage to shield myself from the debris. I watch in complete astonishment. Flames roar, carrying out a century long vengeance. The blast reaches the far depths of the universe, carrying me along for the ride. Traveling at lightning speed, everything blurs. Time rewinds as the forcefield around the black hole increases. Mind Boggling. I catch a shooting star passing by, passing the earth’s skies. My parachute bloomed open and safely placed me on the turfs of Alaska. Just in time for the laser light show. Beautiful patterns of green, blue and purple scatter all over, wrapping me up in a blissful getaway. The warmth sparks a jolt and wakes me. Lying in my bed staring at the glowing stars on the ceiling thinking If only.
7: Before the Bang...and After Today, life is taken for granted, with an unknown origin. Some think that god created us, but who created him? Scientists think life was an accident caused by the lowest of chances. I’m talking 1 out of a million X billion X trillion X gazillion. You get the point. It would be a miracle if someone figured out where we came from, but then again, why would they want to know, and what would they do with that information? These are the questions that have intrigued me from my toddler ages. Researching these things have taken up an enormous chunk of my life, but maybe it might be headed somewhere great. One of my physical heroes Steven Hawking, the legendary physicist believes that he is on the verge of a breakthrough. He thinks that there’s an exact equation to the creation of the universe. How can this be. Is there really an exact amount of different ingredients that creates the very thing that created us? I believe that force behind all of this made it so that it would be impossible to recreate it. But sometimes I do wonder and let my train of thought wander throughout the cosmos. I just find it so intriguing how something so vast and empty is hiding so many secrets just out in the open. I might just become an astro-physicist myself to find out the answer. Even though everyone has different opinions on how the universe came to be, most people know or think they know that the world and everything as we know it is going to come to an end sometime in the hopefully distant future. On the more logical side if you think about it, in order for life to take place again, everything has to be cleared off to create a blank canvas for a new painting of life and start the cycle all over again. And who knows, maybe cosmic history will repeat itself. Only time will tell.
8: Science Fair My father always had an interest in the sciences, especially microbiology and medicine. At the tender age 6, he told me that I should do great things in the science fair. I did not even know what a fair was and I blindly nodded yes. High school course selections came around, and I was debating over biology or earth science. If I chose biology, the science research project would come along with it. I did not exactly know what project I was going to complete, so I stuck with earth science. When SRP season rolled around, Ms. Biwott asked us to brainstorm ideas. I had the perfect one in mind. THE EFFECT OF CARBON DIOXIDE ON THE MITOTIC INDEX OF ROOT TIP CELLS. I was going to test if plants grew faster in a higher concentration of carbon dioxide. She was clueless to the topic, being an expert on rocks and said "Yeah that's a really good topic!". I researched and researched for a multitude of nights and days. The process would never end. The next year followed, bringing more stress to the SRP.
9: Science Geek
10: Changing Skies In this world, people are usually divided up into conservative, and outgoing. I do not care to share with anyone my life experiences, so I would be considered conservative. I never had the courage to speak my mind. It is very tempting to rant about things when something is just itching down my back, but mummy and appa-what I call my parents- taught me well self-control. Before, everything I did was so generic because no one asked for anything special. Last year, the most riveting piece I wrote was on volleyball. I love volleyball, but it is by no means the most exciting in writing pieces. Not until this year, did I find out my artistic passion. I always think about these things, but never wrote them down. I was asked to write anything I want the first day of English, and had no clue what to write. It was obviously about school - how exciting- and how my first day went. When I heard Ms. Hans my English teacher and other kids' read their pieces, the jaw dropped and literally fell to the floor. I could not believe they just pulled that out of their head without thinking and processing before hand. I tried and followed the guide to "good writing". I still could not get the hang of it. I then brainstormed all about my life hoping something would come up. I started to remember about the things I did when I was very little. One of those things was not only learning, but experiencing space. I always wanted to learn the universe's secrets because of how "pretty" it looked. I was only 6 at the time, but it sounds a lot like what a superficial/artificial person would say. What I really meant was breathtaking, and exhilarating. When I write about nature, space, and anything worth admiring, I usually have this vivid HD picture in my head from what I have seen. Sometimes I find it difficult to translate it into words, because by nature I am a very indecisive person. I question myself too much. My indecisiveness contributes to my writing most of the time, but when I am having a good day, everything is different. On good days, I know the picture in my mind so well that it just comes pouring out through my eyes, and decoded into words on that blank canvas.
11: These so called good days are usually nothing special. The little things are what make them amusing. A good day might just be a relaxing walk home on a Friday. On these walks, my mind shifts gears to philosophy. I think about all the good in my life as I inhale the cool fresh air. Everything falls into place. It is usually just me, tangerine skies, and the crystal crisp air. I exaltingly cherish those moments, because they are like matches in that snowflake kind of uniqueness. When I arrive home, all my troubles that seemed so enraging become calming ocean waves replaying in my head. That to me might sound like a regular day to someone else but to me, priceless. It was not until recently, that I had discovered what I love to write about, and that is basically, anything worth admiring. I think it iss because of how my parents taught me to control my endless anger. My whole life has been revolved around controlling it, and the best way I cope with it is finding my center of peace. It changes every time I see new. I might dream of the auroras one day lying in the frosty snow, watching it as if it were a movie. Another time I might think of sitting on the ledge of the Grand Canyon, and over viewing the thousands of sandwhiched sediment layers. I have done it so frequently, that it has turned into my own personal getaway that translates into writing of any kind. Thinking about poetic things like that, gels with me and my pen, and works for me. I never would have guessed that my life would impact what I wrote, but as a matter of fact, my life is what I write. I have just been oblivious to it, and did not bother to listen. Now that I am listening, I can truly express what is inside without too much hesitation, just like the shy girl that I am.
12: Must be written in the stars Ever since I was little, I have always had a fascination towards the universe. I do not know why it fascinated me so much. The idea of an infinite amount of space, and the blindness of the great beyond always made me wonder. I grasped everything from the planets to the stars. There was still this one page in the encyclopedia that triggered an ongoing stream of curiosity. It was about how certain psychics could read a person like a book just from reading the stars. I started to realize that maybe it was not just mumbo jumbo because these predictions were spot on for me. When I was in India the summer before 7th grade, a particular event happened that made me a believer of this so called mumbo jumbo. On a regular afternoon, we were relaxing in the scorching 100* weather. We came back from a famous cake store with two fruitcakes. My dad of course was hungry, so he asked me to fetch him cake. The fruitcake was in a plastic bag, and all the plates were dirty so I thought why waste energy and threw it to him. I did warn him with a "here catch", but I guess his hearing did not pick it up. The morsel plummeted on his face and uncovered the red demon look that he always gave me when I did something wrong. He apparently thought that I threw it out of anger and frustration when it was really just a harmless gesture- well not physically I guess. That was the first "sign" as my superstitious grandmother would say. She is from my dad’s side, and lives in the village part of south India, so everything is based on god and superstitions.
13: As the days went on, I suddenly started to get short tempered easily. I even gave my own flesh and blood a couple of bruises, but in my defense she hurt me and called me the S word which was stupid. I do not know why I treat it like a cuss word which is strange because it is very common in India. The third major sign of anger that my grandmother saw was when I was holding my 6 month old brother outside. I was near her very hyperactive dog Raju. He was jumping all over short little me. She came outside and said in a kind of mocking tone in Tamil “Do not carry him, or you will drop him and feel sorry when it will not fix anything”. I was fed up of her always judging me, so I placed him in the living room, not really pay attention to where I put him. Blindly, I put him right behind my dad’s feet and stormed up the stairs. I heard determined footsteps following me and behold, there stood my dad. I swear anger is always hereditary. My grandmother followed shortly after. They had a long talk about how they were going to fix me. The next day was not pleasant at all. To fix my “problem”, my grandmother took me to multiple people in astrologists. I only remember one person that read me. Typically she was old and looked wise. My grandmother told her of my anger issue, and she began the following rituals. First she took ash from who knows where, and wiped it down my face. Her hand stroked my face as her mouth recited prayers. All the other fortune tellers said the same thing she did, which was that there was a devil spirit inside of me. I know I should not let this be an excuse for all my misbehavior but I always noticed that I feel like another person when anger takes over. The next day, we went to a special temple that cleansed souls. I was welcomed with a nice cool 75 mph jet stream of water to the face. The priest recited some prayers while circling my face with fire. I touched the fire and my eyes and prayed. He took a little piece of foil, and wrote certain prayers on it. Then he carefully placed in a little silver cylindrical charm that I had to wear until I was 16. There was another duplicate sitting in front of I believe Vishnu, while prayers were done before it. I could not have it on because of the sports I played. Eventually I stopped wearing it but still have it hanging on the handle of my cabinet’s desk. I do not know if it was bad luck to take it off, but I would have bad luck any way. Looking back to the astrology readings, I was shocked to find out that people could find out so much from looking at the stars and doing weird complex numerology equations. I looked at my birth horoscope, and it was dead on with almost everything. This brought me back to every psychic prediction that I had ever encountered. At the same time, I was chatting with my friend, and discussed how mind boggling it was. I told her some people get the information from a region in their brain, but we were confused on how it related to the stars. We went on and on about how everything was planned out perfectly whether it seemed like it or not, and the stars showed exactly what was going to happen. I guess you could say it was written in the stars.
14: To see in color is a gift
15: Colorblind The sun was setting on the eve of winter. It was the last day of fall, and was worth celebrating. To me, not winter, nor summer, not even the brilliant symphony of colors in the spring could even compare to autumn. I went outside and stood in my balcony, and was just in complete awe. I watched the leaves flow with each other, as if painted with the precisest of hands. The cool breeze kissed my face with an icy touch left behind, and right then I thought of the poor souls left behind. Missing out thanks to corporate greed. Most never appreciate the beauty of nature in its simplest forms. They do not acknowledge the time to smell the beautiful roses. The value of Life has desecrated, leaving more room for money, and all the happiness that comes. A simple green parchment arouses the voracious mind, poisoning our Paradise. The best things in life indeed are free. The Magnificent sites mother nature has to offer charges no cost, and yet offers so much in return unlike everything else in the world. What more could one ask for. Appreciate the way the sun peeks through the window to wake you, and how it creates this painting of pinks, and oranges as a goodbye present. Appreciate the dazzling stars and prominent moon that cradle you to sleep. See the world with open eyes and enjoy.
16: Friends or are they What makes a good friend? Many people very well know the answer to this, but fail to execute it. I will admit even I have messed up a couple times. To me, a friend should be someone that I can be my regular self with. There are only a few friends that I consider act “friendly”. Only since this year have I really realized how rude and ignorant even close friends can be. Last year, I had lunch with basically all my close friends, and it was just perfect. This year only every other day at lunch, do I see two of them. One girl that sat with me last year turned out to be one of my best friends on the surface, but underneath I do not know if she was annoyed with me. I would say something stupid because it came naturally, and she would smile with a nervous laugh. Everyone else would laugh like nobody’s business, except her. This year I rarely see her, so I feel like we have drifted apart even though we still talk. There is a definite change because in the hallways we always walk right past each other, with me so desperately wanting her to acknowledge me, and her just cluelessly minding her own business. I know a simple hi is not a big deal but to me, it makes my day. If not even my close friends will say hi, who will? Now on to the people that are going to be there for me the rest of my life. In eighth grade, I became friends with the most crazy annoying person on the planet. We were sitting together in science, and I really think this one embarrassing event actually brought us closer, and it gave me a good story to tell. So that was the first time I had met her, and I didn’t know what to expect. Right away, she came across as loud and obnoxious. I was trying to finish my work but she kept distracting me. She almost pushed me over the edge with her sick obsession with Michael Jackson. I could not take her palaver anymore so I wrote on dramatic neon orange paper saying shut the @$^#$%# up. I actually put astricts that were meant to be a bad word, but really they had no meaning. I l thrusted it into her yapping pie hole, and she took it and basically showed the whole class. The teacher glanced at it and did a double take. She looked like she had a mini heart attack when she ripped it up and threw it in the middle of the classroom. At this point, I should have been crying because she yelled at me, but I thought it was pretty funny the way each crinkle in her skin just got more intense in a matter of two seconds.
17: This last person, I know is going to be there forever. We fell out for a while because she switched schools. In third grade we had a little Indian clique going on with one other girl that moved to Chicago. We were as close as two friends could be. But when she moved, I guess that spark just went away. When I saw her in the halls in high school, we barely acknowledged each other. Only recently, we became close friends again because we unexpectedly just had a casual heart to heart when I dropped by her house to pick up some stuff. I would have never thought that talking to her for the first time in years would feel that natural. It was a sign that we are supposed to be lifelong friends. It might be hard to accept that some people just are not cut out for friendship but when I think about it, even if I we were friends they would make my life "unliveable". I still wonder if some of my “friends” are real in the sense of being honest. All I can do now is smile, look happy, and just treat others right because who knows, maybe someone else feels the same way about me and writes an anguishing story too. It is just too hard to tell, so I treat everyone as close as I possibly can.
18: Reward Enough Today was born, and showed little sign of benevolence. It was performance day. It proceeded as usual. A bowl of cheerios shook me out of somnolence. It was half past 11. The clock suddenly sent a jolt of lightning through my body to get ready. My family is notoriously late. I blame genetics. As I strap on my gold belt and pounds of jewelry, I race to the minivan hoping traffic is on my side. Iconstantly go over the routine in my head, so desperately not wanting to screw up the entire production. My dance instructor Prathima is the harshest person I have ever known and if she saw even one misstep, I would be literally fired off the program. I wanted to make her proud, even though she has yelled at me and nagged me numerous times. She ultimately wants the best for us. We arrive at the Jewish Community Center already 10 minutes late- how typical. My frantic mother dramatizes the situation. I tell her to stay calm, and just breathe. Her hormone levels lowered enough for her to help me with my make up. That was the worst part of the whole wardrobe. Now that I look back, I looked like powdered doughnut. It was too much, but it was necessary for the audience to notice our faces apparently. My face felt like a pound cake, but somehow it added to the whole vibe of the day.
19: Last minute practicing is always a must. Our group practiced in the absolute farthest room possible. My group was an interesting bunch. I was the youngest because the rest were either old teens, or adults, but they really were children at heart. It showed through their dancing. Practice went well, but nerves were still being juggled. If I was not nervous, then something must have gone wrong that day. We lined up back stage awaiting our cue. Everyone’s feet jingled with excitement. The percussions of our chalangay would stop anyone in their tracks. The host called our group out and started the music. The music we used was of course classical and sounded almost ancient. It was just some Indian song with words I had no clue what they meant, but still spoke to me. Whatever language, I understand any type of music. We walked out placing our wrists on our hips and took exaggerated heel steps to our spots. Step after step, turn after turn, perfect. The notes came to an end as we prayed our namascaram to god, who is the inspiration behind all Indian Dance. A smile crept on my face saying a job well done. I am always thrilled after a show no matter how it goes, just because I worked that hard. Prathima came up to us saying “You guys actually did pretty good”, which is an amazing compliment from the queen of dance herself. Everyone was jazzed by the sound of the applause. We fulfilled our desire for greatness. When everyone of our families ongoingly praised us, they reminded us of why we dance. It is not only make ourselves happy, but to bring high spirits to everyone else. That is the true reward of a performance well done.
20: Diary of a Performer It is the biggest performance of my life, or so I thought. Dressing up in all that glitters was still not enough. You have to know the people to win them over. Something someone should have told me a while ago. I still try my hardest. It did not get me my desired result, but it did give me something I desired. I just did not know I wanted it November 2nd, 2010- The flyer It has been a long day, and I desperately wanted flat out do nothing. What better way to waste time than being on facebook right? When I logged on before I did anything, something caught my eye. On the upper right hand side of the screen, I saw a little red event. The words talent show stuck on my eyes and I clicked without hesitation. All my life, I have loved performing. Whether it be singing, dancing, or playing an instrument. When I get recognition from people, I feel a sense of accomplishment. It started with dance. All that preparation and practice makes it that much more worth it. I would think that this is my time, and no one can take that away. Anyways, I read the info on the event, and it said to be at the black box after school for the audition. I clicked the attending button and anxiously waited for the audition day.
21: November 8th, 2010- Audition Day Today was of course the day of the audition, and to my surprise, I was not nervous at all. I dragged Avni to audition too, so I would be more prepared if I started crying or something. She sang some song by Colbie Calait that was absolutely beautiful. I thought for sure she would get a call back. She thought just because everyone else seemed better than her, she had no chance. I told her to stop talking like that and that she had a gift. She just needed to believe in herself. Surprisingly, she took my advice and walked confidently rather than sheepishly into the black box. I heard her singing through the walls. The judges' expressions were a little confusing but they sent her out on a good note. When she came out, seemed down. “They told me to try out for eagle idol because my voice is better for it”, she dryly said. I told her "Well that is how good they think your voice is". Her face showed little sign of hope but none the less, she supported me. There were two more people before me, and I was growing impatient. The songs I planned to play for them on the piano were Hey Soul Sister, Fireflies, and River Flows in You. I learned them over a year ago, but just recently perfected them a couple weeks back. I knew those songs by heart, so I hardly practiced. As Monica called my name, relaxed confidence fled through me. “Hi, what will you be singing for us today?” “Actually I will be playing some piano for you guys.” “Okay, let’s hear it”. I sat down, collected my thoughts, and played. When I finished, all the judges’ faces showed a smile that was pleasantly surprised. It was the smile that I get when I listen to something so plainly perfect. “That was wonderful. We’ll send an email to say if you’re in or not, and the call backs will be posted on the bulletin board right outside. Again, thank you for coming out.” I left the room feeling like I really put my all into it. As I pushed the exit doors, many of the other contestants congratulated me on a job well done. “I could hear you, and it sounded so good. You’re in already, so you don’t have to worry”. “Oh, I don’t know about that but I’m glad that’s over with, and can’t wait for call backs!” “Yeah, me neither. Best of luck” “You too Avni”.
22: November 22nd, 2010- Callbacks Today was the day Avni and I found out if we made the call back list. My science lab report was due today also, and that kept me up all night. I was working until 5 a.m. When I was looking up background information on stupid marigolds, I checked my email in case anyone sent me anything. Sender:Lina, Subject: Freedom’s Got Talent. My heart plunged to my stomach. I hesitantly clicked and began reading. “Congratulations, you have been selected to compete in this year’s Freedom’s Got Talent. Be sure to attend the dress rehearsals and be prepared. Please respond saying if you will be able to participate or not.” Words really could not describe the elation about to burst out. I fell asleep with a smile-the best way to fall asleep. At school everyone was congratulating me. Unfortunately, Avni did not make it. She was actually not sad at all. “Their lost, right? You should try out for eagle idol now” I cheerfully said. “I’ll think about it”. Then I came up with a brilliant idea. "I could accompany your singing with piano!” I said as I jumped up and down. “You know what, that’s actually not a bad idea. You plus me equals eagle idol” “Yes let’s do it”. November 28th, 2010- Dress Rehearsal Dress rehearsal day could not have gone worse. All the contestants performed, and they were amazing. There was only one other piano player, Sung-ju. He was hilarious and freakishly talented. It was my turn to go. I was so underdressed, wearing sweats and a dirty hoodie. I did my thing, but lacked the reaction I wanted. Someone said “I liked the last song”. I did mess up, but I thought they would like it. I came home feeling terrible and underappreciated. I made a promise to myself to practice every day as hard as I could until performance day. I still had to rearrange the songs into a medley. This week was going to be fun, I could tell.
23: December 3rd,2010- Talent Show All that surged through my head were nerves. I arrived late as usual but we had to wait for the audience to fill in. I practiced for half an hour but that still was not enough. “Show time!”. That is when it dawned on me that this was my first real performance. All the participants were still amazing as before. It was my turn to go. The host called my name as I awkwardly pushed the enormous piano to the stage. My cue received the most venerating applause. I looked around for any familiar faces but the lights were too bright. I then proceeded to get ready to play. I tuned everyone out, and just focused on the music. There were some notes that I missed, but who really cares. I believed in my music so much, that people barely even noticed. I could hear the murmurs and whispers in the audience. I could only imagine what they were saying. I played my last note, and complete silence fell. The crowd was ecstatic, but not as much as me. I turned around and faced the faculty judging panel composed of Wheels, Tornello, and someone else I do not exactly know. Wheels’ comment was the best. He just started singing and said ”It was great that you chose popular songs instead of classical songs to play”. Ms. Tornello said “You all should just make a Freedom’s Got Talent album”. All in all, the comments were rewarding. Now all I had to do was wait for the results. They called us all back on stage, to announce who made it into the top 3. Two of the contestants had strikingly similar names, and when one of the hosts called the one who did not quite make it to join the top 3, it was really sad to see them switch places. When my name was not called there was no remorse because I knew everyone else was very talented. I went backstage to collect my things to sit in the audience. As I walked into the seats, I hear “PRATHIJA PRATHIJA PRATHIJA”. Not my surprise, it was my crazy and not to mention embarrassing friends. They were so loud, my ear drums were about shatter. They kept yelling “you are the true winner”. They even screamed it when they were announcing the top 3. I am so lucky to have such supportive friends. Suddenly, the whole jv volleyball team attacked me. We are not really not close but at that moment, it felt like we were lifelong friends. Getting that much appreciation from people like that made me feel idolized. The spot light was on me and I loved it. I realized I needed to keep on performing. I needed the rush of the adrenaline when playing. When an audience awes at my abilities, I feel complete. I want to keep doing this for the rest of my life no matter what I end up doing. Music will always be with me <3
24: My Playlist | They say the sky high above is Caribbean blue ... ... if every man says all he can, if every man is true, do I believe the sky above is Caribbean blue ... | The sun is so hot. The drinks are so cold. Your clothes just fall off, as the day goes. | 'Cause I just set them up, Just set them up, Just set them up to knock them down | Girl I gotta know, how you dance like that d-d-dance like that, you dance like that | I'm on the edge of glory, And I'm hanging on a moment of truth | I'm beautiful in my way 'Cause God makes no mistakes | Don't hide yourself in regret Just love yourself and you're set I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way, born this way | For me to hold, and not let go, till the world ends | We’ll walk this road together, through the storm Whatever weather, cold or warm | I'mma sing for you I'll do anything for you to see you smile
25: When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again | Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me | A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes | I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map. And knew that somehow I could find my way bac | Everything I do, I do it big | The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out. You left me in the dark. No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight. In the shadow of your heart | I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly | You're so hypnotising could u be the devil, could you be an angel your touch magnetizing feels like going floating, leave my body glowing | if all you told was turned to gold, if all you dreamed was new, imagine sky high above in Caribbean blue | When you see my face I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell | Truth be told I miss you Truth be told I'm lying
26: Crescendo A gentle touch of the key And I knew you were the one for me. Others just wouldn’t do Because I’ve already fallen for you. The sweet melodies and soft harmonies Give me a sense of rhythm without boundaries. Knowing that you never change no matter the negligence of a person Just makes you that much more special to me. When I’m near you, I hear yelling outside my bubble. I stop and leave. It goes away. Once I start again, it comes back. Never ending war. I propose a treaty, but less of a compromise. I give in to the future because Reality is, I won’t survive. But there’s still a part of the yelling voice that says To keep playing until my fingers bleed the music I feel. It says to not give up You’ll get there some day.
27: Music is Life
28: Dance for Fun | Dance to me used to be everything. I woke up every Saturday morning, put my little chudithar on, and headed to class. It was funny how I got started out with dance. We came back from my friend’s dance performance, and my Mom casually asked “So do you want to do dance?”, and I said the usual okay with a little shrug of the shoulder. I wondered why my parents used to put me into all these Indian activities, but only now do I realize why. Immediately she looked for classes on-line googling Bharathanatyam, which was the name of the classical Inidan dance. They were always putting me in all sorts of classes I thought to find out which one had clicked with me. I tried skating, tennis, violin, swimming, and many more. Dance was the only one left. She called up my friend’s teacher and asked if I could learn from her. Unfortunately she sad yes. Her dance studio was her apartment which was very close by. This was way back when we were still living in Tysons. She was a very stout lady who looked very wise in a strict sort of way. Her face portrayed as stern. Her eyes blood shot most of the time, probably from yelling too much. I decided to take a risk and go anyway. She was nice at first but one misstep, and up went the decibel level. I was shaking inside. If there was one thing I could not take, it was disappointment from other people. Especially my elders who I look up to. If they yell at me, the whole world comes crashing down. I put up with her for a couple of years but then we moved to South Riding, which meant I had to find another teacher. My mom was worried that I would have to quit
29: Evolution of Dance We found the India School which was held at the Jewish Community Center. Savita was my teacher, and she was just lovely. She was very westernized and young. In fact, she came to America all by herself when she was only 14. I learned a lot from her but not enough. Eventually, she quit because her other job at I believe BB&T was getting to be too stressful to have another job. The lady that took her place was serious business. Her name was Prathima, and did not joke around with anything. Her word was the law. If one was late, they suffered. She made us stand in aramandi position for as long as she wanted. That was always painful. Our hair had to be properly secured. We had to wear Indian attire at all times. We had to have a sash tied at the waist, and the one thing that I forgot almost every week was that to have a bindhi on my forehead. I thought some of her rules were ridiculous, but they did teach us discipline. Even though she was a hard teacher, I improved so much. I did not make any mistakes during our performances because of her. For that, I have to thank her. As the years went by my parents kept pestering me into thinking if I really like dance or not. I knew I loved dance. The only reason they thought I did not was because I never showed any expression on my face, and the expression is one of the major elements of dance. I am not a very expressional type of person. I never like even smiling for pictures. I had to not just smile, but exaggerate the intended emotion such as anger, tradgedy, satire, and happiness. Eventually they urged me to quit, and I gave in. I really do regret not sticking with my gut. I guess that is why I ma such a rebel with my parents now because I want my way without any influence. But what I do not regret is the entire experience. It was the only thing that gave me part part of my Indian culture that I could never really grasp, and that I will never let go of.
30: Heritage Sunday as usual stressed me. Sunday was many things. Sunday was homework day. Sunday was sleep in day. Sunday was also Patuu class, or singing class day. Whatever it was, I never loved Sunday as much. I however did appreciate the value of Sunday. My morning typically started out late on this particular day. The angle of the light was peculiar the way it hit my wall. It was bright yellow coming from the west wall. I think I have a solar clock programed inside me, because I was dreading waking up at 12:40. The groggy morning after a late night from whatever is always awful. The same routine went on as I begged my Mom to let me skip class to do my homework. Our arguments never cease to entertain me somehow. I started to think about why she made it such a big deal. I realized why I had to go to singing class in the first place, waved the white flag, and went. I learn from the very wise Muragathum Auntie who is a very famous classical singer that is just an amazing teacher. If she was any different, I would have left the first week. Her clever wit is priceless. She acts like a little kid all grown back down, but I doubt she ever really grew up. When we arrive at her house, I try to do some last minute memorization of the song. I always have had a bad habit of last minute anything. Our class starts routinely late, just enough time for me to prepare. As we sit down criss cross applesauce, Auntie turns the sruti box on. It plays 3 beautiful sitar notes repeatedly. They are the equivalent to Do, So, Do, So, Do. It is suppose to help with pitch, but I just used my instict. She starts us off with the swaram or the S R G M (Do, Re, Mi, Fa) part of the song. We have to do it in a certain way so we can memorize it easier. We sing 3 lines 3 times and then move on to the next. Surprisingly, it works. Then we sang the sahithyam or the lyrics. By the end of the class, we always accomplish a lot. Right then I comprehended why in the world I drag my lifeless body to class every aching Sunday. I really do feel a sense of an Indian heritage inside when I sing. That is the reason why I love singing. My parents are always telling me that they are scared of me becoming totally westernized and leaving my roots behind. When I sing, all that changes. When I sin, I take a trip all the way back to Chennai, or Netangod, places filled with thriving culture. Singing is the last bit of thread that I hold on to my almost forgotten culture. I hope to never lose this feeling of pride in my country. They may think I have forgotten, but I am far from it.
32: Adrenaline Fear The fear of falling, climbing, jumping off a bridge Creation? The feel of the rush, whizzing through my brain. Tiny electrons surge through my system Just drain away the pain Still the fear resides. Adrenaline arrives Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip Just like that In a split second the unthinkable is done. Regret barely lingering inside. My worst fear appears Uncontrollable as it is random A simple drive could mean disaster. Trees go by, too fast Too fast for my mind to comprehend. The chemicals inside my head start to mix and react The byproduct is too much to handle. Fear drops by visiting Adrenaline As always. Randomness just testing me to my limits Never ending? Just keep on going
33: The New York Experience I have always wanted to travel somewhere without any parental supervision or annoying entities. New York was my chance to do just that. For my business class and DECA, they have an annual field trip to New York, specifically Manhattan. After I turned in my permission slip, rooming matters came about. I decided to room with my friends from the other club FBLA. . We booked the rooms and were on our way to New York. My parents always tell me to never room with anyone, because we would aggravate each other too easily. That was an understatement. The day of the trip, I arrived late to the bus so I was forced to find a seat with multiple sets of eyes staring at me. I found a seat at the back of the bus which was a three seater. Suddenly two freshman came up to me and asked very rudely if I would relocate so they could sit with each other, as if that would accomplish something. I have always found it funny how little girls need to be with other girls, otherwise they feel like an outcast. Sulkily, I stayed for a couple more seconds pretending not to hear them. They commanded me sit with Ms. Johnson, the FBLA teacher. I got up and strutted all the way to the front of the bus with all the other teachers. When I sat down, she asked me why I was not sitting with the other kids. I then told her about the freshmen. Ms. Johnson's furious face reminded me of strawberries and chocolate the way her cheeks were inflammed on the rich surface. I could have cared less about it, so I plugged in my iPod and fell asleep. What a wonderful start to my parent free dream.
34: It was bright and early, and we finally showed up to the bustling streets of Manhattan. I have been to New York but not Times Square. It was so remarkable how a city from nothing could be built up to almost an empire. We checked into the Renaissance hotel and changed to roam about the place. First of all, the hotel was amazing. It was such a strangely beautiful place, with peculiar art pieces. I really wanted to explore the place, but my friends Alyssa and Danielle were not too keen on it. They had the notion that our time spent here should only be on examining New York. I was crestfallen. No other word could describe that feeling of rejection. I was so confused on why we could not even spend 5 minutes to stop and smell the stupid roses. That was the theme of the trip. Never has that saying ever resulted into chaos like this. We shopped around a bit at stores that I despised. Then when they decided to let me choose a destination, there was barely any time left until the dinner and Broadway show. We hastily left forever 21, and ran all the way to the pizzeria. They consistently walked way too fast for me. I was out of breath by the time we reached the pizzeria. Looking back was not an option for their determined eyes. I felt left behind even when I was not. The dinner and show were amazing, but I what I was really waiting for was to see the grand Christmas tree at Rockefeller Plaza. It was just splendid to see this royal tree with so much poise and significance. The scenery was just right, and I wanted to take in every little bit of it. Of course they thought it was a waste of time to look at some bark. The weather was blistering cold, so it made them extra cranky. I gave the camera to Danielle as she grumbled something nasty under her icy breath. My non existent face looked beautiful in the frame. Her lack of care astounded me.
35: As the evening went on, we stopped by many sites, briefly of course. I took pictures of every possible thing that I could and apparently it was a crime. They stomped their intruding foot on my face far too frequently. All I did was take a few pictures. Well, I took a lot but I had never been to Times Square or Rockefeller Plaza. But just the way they made me feel made me want to cry and run all the way home, and I rarely cry. They have always given me problems before, but nothing to the point where it made me roar at them and blubber. I tried holding in the emotion just itching to come forth, but I kept telling myself one more day. Our curfew was 12, but it was only 11:15. When we were heading back to the hotel, and I of course stopped to take pictures of all the colorful works of art. They just kept on awkward walking in front of me. I was left behind to be harassed a by vulgar New Yorkers . The things they said to me were just horrible. The rest of the night was silent. The next morning, I tried making peace with them. We were okay for a little while, but I woke up too late for them, and the peace slithered away. We had an hour to spare, so we shopped. We needed to meet in front of the hotel right after to go to breakfast, but I was still waiting in line to make my purchase. They yanked me out of line and dragged me out before I was finished. That shocked me. What kind of human does that? Even my dog would not be so mindless enough to intrude like that. What kind of person does that sort of thing. Our breakfast was entertaining. I say one thing, and Alyssa just blurts out saying “that was so stupid why would you say that”. Finally, I loose it. The decibel level sky rockets in the restaurant. I felt free after that, because now she should know how I feel right? Wrong. She continued to argue in a tone of delusion and said ”oh my god, why are you yelling at me, I didn’t do anything to you.” Are you kidding me? Their feeble selves treated me like trash. I let it go, and hoped for the best.
36: The Madam Tusauds Museum was the worst part. There were over 100 statues of wax celebrities in there, and I intended to get a picture with every single one of them. After the first 3 that I asked Danielle to take of me, she grew impatient. The thought of asking Alyssa to take it was frightening. I eventually asked random people to take my pictures in return for their snapshot. I was getting sick of them, so I just left and went on my own. After that, we were scheduled to tour the Rockefeller Tower. City scenes bore me but the breeze was inviting. Their ego filled shoes were tired, so they sat down. I left, wanting to take in as much as I could. The whole energy up there was very relaxing. It seemed like hours went by and I could not spot anyone from the trip. I worried thinking they left. I scuttle downstairs to the exit line not surprised to find Alyssa and Danielle standing there without a care in the world. Nice friends are they not. We made it through the line, and Danielle being the navigator that she is says, "don’t worry guys, my New York instinct will help us back to the hotel." I had a good laugh with myself. We got lost and were traveling in repeated circles. I nagged them asking where are we going, where are we going. "WE’RE GOING TO THE HOTEL, NOW SHUT UP!" They could have said it nicer. We were the last ones there, and started packing to go home. We were on the trip back home, but stopped for a quick dinner. I only had a couple quarters left so I tried asking Alyssa and Danielle if they could help me out. I know it is not usual but for teenagers, I thought it was pretty common. I asked. Their insolent response was "Then maybe you shouldn’t buy food here.". They continue to shock me each and every second. I wound up having enough quarters for a sandwich, and settled for that.
37: Finally its was over, and my self esteem was spared the rest of the ride home. When we got home, we arrived to the first snow fall of the season. That put me in a pleasant mood, but then Danielle started to talk. She says “Well that was a fun trip, except for all that bickering. I mean I knew it was going to happen anyways, but it was fun.”. If I knew there was going to be bickering, I would have switched rooms in a heartbeat. All in all, it was a learning experience on how to act with certain people. That is what I always tell myself. Everything gone wrong is a learning experience. I did learn a lot. I learned to let people have their glory moment even when it is meaningless. I do admit it was a fun trip. I got to have a parent free vacation. I guess it is true that you do learn from your past. I hope I have learned from this and do not need to go through the painful process again.
38: The City that Never Sleeps -__-
41: Dedication I am honestly not a very motivated person. If I want something more than anything else, I will work for it. When my mom started me with volley ball, It was just another class to me. Little had I known that volleyball would create a lifestyle for me. I was signed up to participate in DSYS the summer after 8th grade. The first day was nerve wracking. As always, I was late. Bugged out eyes follow me throughout the gym. I waited patiently for them to group us. I had never played volleyball before and went in blind. We got through the first day, and it came naturally to me. I felt superior to the people that had been playing since 6th grade. That motivated me to be the best on the team. I went home and practiced 5-6 hours a day in my basement. It just happened. Never have I wanted something so desperately. My goal now was to make the freshman team. I continued my vigorous practice which resulted in gaping cracks on my wall. They were symbols of my hard work and dedication. As the season went on, I got better and better. I was up there with the hot shots. That gave me the satisfaction I needed to go above and beyond. It was the last day of the season, and we had a mini tournament. It was against CYA. Chantilly has rep of being the smartest, strongest,and just generally better than most clubs. I was scared to death when we faced them. Our team was up and strangely, we kicked butt. It was not easy but somehow we pulled through. CYA won at the end of the day. The season ended, which started my training to get a spot on my first ever team. Never had I tried out for anything, let alone a sport that I absolutely loved. Day in and day out I lived and breathed volleyball. Tryouts came around, and I was ready. I did some last minute practicing with my dad. All he said was “you’re ready”. I was actually going to “try outs”. It felt like such an American term, since sports were basically what run most people’s lives. Tryouts were a breeze to my surprise. Everyone kind of failed at even a simple pass. Still every single drill, I was debating who was staying, and who would get cut. I was on the cut list every time . I am just harsh on myself. It was the first day of cuts, and I walked through the dark inviting hallway and awaited an answer. Coach Savage said See ya tomorrow and told me to call the next person. Ecstatic, I go home and await the next and final day of cuts. It is amusing how coaches really never feel the same stress players do, even though they are every bit as part of the team. I push and push through all the pain because I know this is what I want, and I know I deserved it more than anyone. Again I walked down the dark hallway, although the walk seemed deeper and spacial. “Well Prathija, you have very good technique, but need to be louder because setters are supposed to be the leaders. Keep up the good work, and I’ll eh see you Monday”. Slowly, I turned around and started doing some weird spastic dance all the way to the car. We celebrated a hard summer’s work with Olive Garden. I am never forgetting that day. All my hard work and dedication payed off, all because I just loved the sport. This to me shows the real power of love. Anything is possible when the desire is so great. I am living proof of just that.
42: Fight For Your Rightful Place, a Speech Hi coach, I just wanted to talk to you about my position. I might sound a little greedy, but I want my main setter position back very badly. I have worked so hard to earn it, and I feel like all that work has gone to waste. Plus, I feel that I have the most experience setting. Setters have to be good at both hitting and setting, and I truly believe that I have the mental capability to do so. Also, they have to be encouraging to everyone. I encourage everyone as much as I can, and rarely have attitude if the point is lost. I understand that you needed a hitter for the tournament, and you did it because I missed the other tournament. What i don't understand is that now I’m back, why can't I have my position back? If I can't be the main setter the whole time, at least you could switch it out with the other two setters. And might I add that I don't recall the last time I got a double while setting. I’m not going to lie; I don’t want to be just a hitter even though you said setters have to be hitters too. I can’t be a setter playing a hitter position when my original position was taken away from me. I also do not want to be the second setter. I want to be the main setter so very much. I know I might sound greedy now, but let me tell you why I deserve the spot. Not why I want it, but deserve it. I truly believe that I have the best setting hands. I know it can be a little rough at times, but I feel like I’m the most efficient setter. I know what sets most of the players want and if I don’t, I communicate with them and we work it out together. I’m used to setting really high for my school teams, but just for this team, I’ve adjusted my setting so much. I try my hardest, my absolute 200% when I set the potential point. In our last tournament, when I set the "setters out" ball, it was alright in my eyes. But later when Jillian and I were out, she was telling me that she really liked that set. It was high and close to the net. Those words high and close to the net just linger in my head whenever I set her now.
43: That’s one thing I have an advantage over the other setters. I communicate with the other hitters and adjust myself to their needs. That’s what makes an effective setter. Also, when we were hi-fiving the other team at the end of the game, they distinctly said to me great sets when I was a hitter that game. I set two balls, and they noticed them out of all the other balls everyone else set. I feel that this shows that my setting is unique. More importantly, I’ve found out from this experience that I love setting. It’s not until something is taken away from you that you realize you love it that much. Now I positively know that I love setting. There is not one girl on this team that has a greater passion and desire to set than me. When I set those setters out balls in the game, it felt homey, as if this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Also, I feel that I encourage everyone much more than the other setters. Setters are supposed to be leaders, not necessarily the loud ones but the ones that work within the team. When I see that someone is not looking so good, I try my best to cheer them up and tell them what they can do and what they will do for redemption. The other setters don’t really care if someone’s down on themselves. They just get more upset.Actually, Kaylee was the one putting me down. She kept criticizing every single thing I did. She is not my coach. She is a player just like and has no right or authority to do so. Yelling at your own teammates does absolutely nothing when everyone’s in a rut and has no one to pull them out. I feel that I could be that person that could slowly help them up. I never under any circumstances put anyone and I mean anyone down. Sure I have my own opinions, but that’s not the point of a team. My emotions are off the court most of the time. If you see me, I’m smiling and laughing all the time because I change that negative energy into positive energy. If we lose point, I just laugh it off and think, okay well now we know one more thing what not to do. I think that my setting technique is the most effective, because I haven’t gotten a double yet this season. Kaylee on the other hand got 5 doubles in one game at capital classic. Both of them got a double at our recent tournament today. Setters even though they set the ball the most, should be the ones with barely any to zero doubles. Just saying.
44: One last thing. I absolutely love setting and volleyball as a whole too much to let you change it. I won’t stand for you changing what I love just because I missed one measly tournament. I mean I could’ve come to practice and spread the germs to everyone, but that’s why you miss practice so you have one player missing the tournament instead of 10. I have never loved something this much. I can tell I love it so much because in the summer after 8th grade when I was practicing to make it to the freshman team, I worked like nobody’s business. My standards for volleyball are A+. I don’t know what yours are, probably like a C average. When I first started playing volleyball that summer, I couldn’t quite play like some others that have been playing since 6th grade, so I went home and practiced day in and day out about 5 or 6 hours a day just banging my basement wall. Setting was the hardest for me. But because of my high standard, I wanted to perfect every aspect of volleyball so I set probably 10,000 times a day that summer. And guess what, I became the main setter for my freshmen team. I only sat out once in a game, and they lost. I don’t want to brag or anything, but they needed me. My wall has many cracks from the aftermath of my hard work, and it's still cracking. So when you just change my position like that, it’s like I broke my house down for nothing. If you step back and really look at the whole situation, you will see that you are a dumbo idiot that made a huge mistake. Please fix now before I quit the one thing that makes me happy in life. Thanks-The best setter you will ever have on your team :)
46: For Better or for worse Family is a word that is supposed to mean a bulk of words. It is supposed to mean loyalty, faith, respect, compassion, love, and maybe a little bit of humor. But is that what a family is really supposed to be? If even one of those qualities were missing, would they be considered a family? I have one of my own that I go to for almost everything. Sometimes we let some of those aspects slip away from simple meaningless fights. I am partly to blame. Okay I am fully to blame, but not always. I have gotten into countless fights with my younger brother and sister. I admit that I do pick on them at times, but I really do not understand all the messed up things they do to me. And I just sit helpless, because if I fight back, they fake being hurt and I get in trouble. My parents always tell me “tell us if they are behaving bad”, which is useless because even when I do tell them, they say “they’re just kids let them be”. My face freezes at the agony of being so helpless. Bickering is now part of the list. I try and get through it, and most of the time I shrug it off my shoulder. At least there are times when I legitimately love them. My sister is a new 11 year old as of a couple of days ago. We would have as usual fought, but something inside told me to let her have her day. I had just became more mature that minute. I guess that is how one grows up, piece by piece. Sympathy along with being mature had been added.
47: My 4 year old brother thinking that it was his birthday said he was 5. His whole aura radiates preciousness. Whenever I see his face, I turn happy. It is so sad to see that he is growing up so fast. I feel like a parent to him. Only now is he really beginning to talk full English because this was his first year of preschool at Montessori. The first time he started talking full sentences, he sang a song from school. It went like this: stand up Eva F, stand up Eva F, turn around, turn around, reach for the sky, jump up high, then sit down, on your spot. It was to the tune of Frere Jacques. If only that little inch of purity stayed with everyone throughout their lives. Now he still talks and acts all cute, but only when he wants to. If he gets mad, forget about it. He turns into a screechy little daemon child. Many casualties come about, like the new china set, Wii remote, plasma screen t.v. It is not even the cheap plastic toys that he goes for. He knows what is valuable to us, goes for them. After his rampage, he flat out cries for forgiveness. It is so heart breaking to see him like that, all helpless and unable to control any emotions. I take him into my arms, let his head rest on my shoulder, and say everything will be okay. Those are the moments that I absolutely treasure with him, because I know they will not last forever. We then exchange silly stories. I start out with a little boy and his dog lost in the woods with a mean monster chasing them that eventually turns nice. When it is his turn for the story, he just retells mine but his is inevitably more adorable. As he nears the end of the story, his lids grow heavy and eventually shut. I take him to his room and marvel at his innocence. I am so glad he came into this world and brought with him lessons of cherishing, which gladly join the list. A lot of people say that me and my brother are exactly alike. My parents especially say that we have mirror personalities. Both of us have anger management problems. I think it comes from my dad but he denies it. My dad I have to say is probably the best possible dad that I can have. I am not saying that just because he is my dad, but I really believe I could not have received a better one. First off he is an amazing person in general. He does not drink, smoke, or do any of that stuff. He tried it because everyone says it is the most amazing thing on the planet- naturally, they were drunk- but he hates it. Thank goodness he does for his sake. He would have snagged a spanking from me every time he did it, because I with a burning passion absolutely hate anything in the field. It sickens me to see people do things like these, harming themselves and the environment. Anyways, besides that his whole personality is very calming in a jovial way. At work, he puts up with all the attitude and handles it very well. I wish he would do the same with me though. I know I have an anger problem, but it gets too hard for me to control. It is not like I can just leave my anger at home. He corrects and lectures me and what he says makes perfect sense, but I cannot give in so quickly. His anger problems and mine collide too frequently, and it disturbs the entire house. He yells I yell, and nothing ever gets accomplished. Just my throat pays the price. After we cool down, He talks to me casually, and me being the teenage rebel that I am, ignore him. Silence lingers between us for weeks, sometimes even months. Finally the forces are tired of pushing us apart and give in. Somehow, we both start laughing at something and become friends again. It really is a miracle how it happens sometimes. Thank you Appa, for bringing compromise to the table.
48: I think my mom has a lot to do with the treaties. I always hear her talking to him saying you should not be like this with your own daughter. He comes to his senses and tries to make peace often times. She really is the backbone of this family and I take her for granted. She goes out of her way to do so much for us. She even got a job to support all the things I do. On top of that, she does all of the house work. I feel so guilty just watching her suffer through everything. When I get older, I want to be her provider and repay her as much as I can. She has been so tolerating toward my anger, and helped me with everything. In return my actions are too horrible to describe. All I can say is that she does not deserve any single bit of it. Without her, I do not know where I would be. I wish I was a more expressive person so I could show how much I appreciate her. Thank you Mummy for showing me support, one of the most important additions. Every day, I try and better myself learning from yesterday’s mistakes. It is certainly not getting any easier, but it does prepare me for the future. Now that I think about it if my whole family was different and did not aggravate me, chances are that someone in the outside world would. I know people cannot pick their family but I believe fate does. Fate has a plan, and every detail counts. Fate wants everyone in the family to benefit from everyone. Even if someone thinks they were born into the wrong family, everything does happen for a reason. Family essentially molds you into the person you are, and should never be taken for granted. Family is family whether they seem like they lack loyalty, faith, respect, compassion, humor, or even love. On the surface they are invisible but in the sub depths they have been there all along.
49: LOVE COMPASSION LAUGTER PATIENCE LOYALTY FAITH LOVE RESPECT COMPROMISE SUPPORT FRIENDSHIP CULTURE LOVE COMPASSION HUMOR LAUGHTER JOY TOGETHER GROWTH BE SADNESS APPRECIATION SUPPORT CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE LAUGH LOVE HAPPY FAMILY SWEET LITTLE BABY MOTHER FATHER SISTER BROTHER PARTNERSHIP BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT LOVELY CHARMING DELIGHTFUL CUTE ADDORABLE INVINCIBLE CARING MEMORIES JOURNEY LIFE TREASURE HISTORY ADVENTURE REMEMBER FOREVER FOR INFINITY DAUGHTER SON CHILD PARENTS GRANDPARENTS FAMILY JOY CHERISH HAPPINESS CONTENT JOYFUL GAZING AMAZING BEST COMPASSION LAUGHTER LOVE HUMOR FRIENDSHIP PATIENCE LOYALTY RESPECT SUPPORT BEAUTIFUL MAGNIFICENTLIFE BENEVOLENCE INNOCENCE FAMILY TREASURE PRECIOUS CHARMING SWEET BITTER PUSH PULL JUST TO CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE FOR THE MOMENTS THAT COULD NOT BE PUT INTO WORDS MEMORIES LAST THROUGHOUT THE LONG AGES SAFEFTY SECURITY HAPPINES LOVE FAMILY HUMOR MEMORIES COMPASSION LOYALTY BEAUTIFUL CHERISH TREASURE HAPPY
50: LOVE COMPASSION LAUGTER PATIENCE LOYALTY FAITH LOVE RESPECT COMPROMISE SUPPORT FRIENDSHIP CULTURE LOVE COMPASSION HUMOR LAUGHTER JOY TOGETHER GROWTH BE SADNESS APPRECIATION SUPPORT CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE LAUGH LOVE HAPPY FAMILY SWEET LITTLE BABY MOTHER FATHER SISTER BROTHER PARTNERSHIP BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT LOVELY CHARMING DELIGHTFUL CUTE ADDORABLE INVINCIBLE CARING MEMORIES JOURNEY LIFE TREASURE HISTORY ADVENTURE REMEMBER FOREVER FOR INFINITY DAUGHTER SON CHILD PARENTS GRANDPARENTS FAMILY JOY CHERISH HAPPINESS CONTENT JOYFUL GAZING AMAZING BEST COMPASSION LAUGHTER LOVE HUMOR FRIENDSHIP PATIENCE LOYALTY RESPECT SUPPORT BEAUTIFUL MAGNIFICENTLIFE BENEVOLENCE INNOCENCE FAMILY TREASURE PRECIOUS CHARMING SWEET BITTER PUSH PULL JUST TO CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE FOR THE MOMENTS THAT COULD NOT BE PUT INTO WORDS MEMORIES LAST THROUGHOUT THE LONG AGES SAFEFTY SECURITY HAPPINES LOVE FAMILY HUMOR MEMORIES COMPASSION LOYALTY BEAUTIFUL CHERISH TREASURE HAPPY
51: LOVE COMPASSION LAUGTER PATIENCE LOYALTY FAITH LOVE RESPECT COMPROMISE SUPPORT FRIENDSHIP CULTURE LOVE COMPASSION HUMOR LAUGHTER JOY TOGETHER GROWTH BE SADNESS APPRECIATION SUPPORT CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE LAUGH LOVE HAPPY FAMILY SWEET LITTLE BABY MOTHER FATHER SISTER BROTHER PARTNERSHIP BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT LOVELY CHARMING DELIGHTFUL CUTE ADDORABLE INVINCIBLE CARING MEMORIES JOURNEY LIFE TREASURE HISTORY ADVENTURE REMEMBER FOREVER FOR INFINITY DAUGHTER SON CHILD PARENTS GRANDPARENTS FAMILY JOY CHERISH HAPPINESS CONTENT JOYFUL GAZING AMAZING BEST COMPASSION LAUGHTER LOVE HUMOR FRIENDSHIP PATIENCE LOYALTY RESPECT SUPPORT BEAUTIFUL MAGNIFICENTLIFE BENEVOLENCE INNOCENCE FAMILY TREASURE PRECIOUS CHARMING SWEET BITTER PUSH PULL JUST TO CHERISH THE MOMENT LIVE FOR THE MOMENTS THAT COULD NOT BE PUT INTO WORDS MEMORIES LAST THROUGHOUT THE LONG AGES SAFEFTY SECURITY HAPPINES LOVE FAMILY HUMOR MEMORIES COMPASSION LOYALTY BEAUTIFUL CHERISH TREASURE HAPPY