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S: "I'm a Geek!" - The Life & Times of Barry Lynn Kline - The First 50 Years!

BC: Happy Birthday, you hairy ass!

FC: "I'm a Geek!" | The Life & Times of Barry Lynn Kline The First 50 Years!

1: His name is Barry and he is a Geek A true friend, loyal and kind It is in honor of his birthday that we shall speak A better man you could not find! Many good words could be used to describe Beek But we shall stop the flattery 4 now ... 'Tis better always the truth to speak Than it is to milk the cow. One last kind thought we must here share With all our love and affection We wish you a happy birthday, you hairy little troll Now on to the infliction!

2: Barry ... the Formative Years | For every man there are moments and events that shape the future and color their perceptions. For Barry these are some of the defining points of his childhood. | Barry's childhood hero! | While most children of Barry's generation were chasing Woolly Mammoths, Barry focused his energy on more technical pursuits. Indeed, poor Mr. Kline had to change careers and open a TV repair shop just to keep up with Barry's destructive endeavors. | A small sample of young Barry's creativity. | Barry off to work with his dad and brother, Bruce, before the accident.

3: Prepubescent Barry spent his spare time rubbing up against poles and positioning himself to peek in second story windows under the cover of installing radio and TV antennas. | A young man dreamed of sitting alone in a room talking to strangers thousands of miles away while twisting the dials and knobs of inanimate objects.

4: Barry's First Romance Began in College ... | Barry's first sweetheart. | Barry began a secret lifelong correspondence with his gal using coded love notes. His fellow students had no idea why he really spent so much time in the Computer Center.

5: My Dearest Barry, I love it when you compile me! Your touch sends shivers down my hard drive. ctrl c

6: Barry's Home Away From Home | As befitting Barry's trollish nature, he lived in a room in the basement, away from sunlight and far from the disturbing noise of normal people. | Sherwood Dorm, Juniata College

7: Many of Sherwood's residents found Barry's monthly trip to the showers disturbing.

8: It Was New When Barry Was Young | XXX Downloads | Media has always been important to Barry. Whether it's cave paintings or flash RAM, Barry relies on it to supplement his failing memory.

9: Every night before he goes to sleep, young Billy prays that one day he can be just like Barry! | Early in Barry's professional career, he developed a lifelong hatred of Microsoft and its arch pimp, Bill Gates. Barry's love of computers is pure and virginal. His laptop floats upon gossamer wings, it's disk drive untouched by the hands of another. Bill Gates wears a purple hat with a feather. He has prostituted computers with diseased software for the sake of easy money and the lure of fame. He is a cesspool from which new viruses are spawned.

10: Barry's first day of Kindergarten. | Barry's Humor is ... Unique

11: Barry Envisions His Future

12: Extra Curricular Activities | Barry volunteers his time taking photos of young men in tights. | Where Barry goes to get away from Dewy. And they pay him! | Barry does lots of other really important stuff but we aren't allowed to talk about it. Besides, it's really boring.

13: "Hello, this is B.L. Kline Associates. What the fuck is your problem?" | Over the years, Barry has generously donated his time to various worthy and noble causes. This just doesn't happen to be one of them. To date, Barry has lost over 7 years of his life that he will never get back giving and giving and giving to the ultimate time sink hole. The people who he has helped the most don't know who the hell he is and couldn't hear him anyway.

14: Linux and Barry, a Match Made in Redmond | For years Barry wandered in the Wilderness of Code. Lost, aimless, clueless. He was driven to abandon Windows by its inherent failures. Barry almost despaired. But then, from the East came ... LINUX!

15: Barry had achieved Enlightenment! Linux was simple, elegant, configurable and free! Basking in the golden glow of endless possibilities, Barry at last completed puberty. Powered by Open Source, he matured into the man he was always meant to be, Uber Geek! Using the power of Open Source, Uber Geek is able to code and compile, troubleshoot, program and Beta Test in a flash!

17: Notice a resemblance?

18: In The Beginning... | It is difficult to explain Barry's belief system. It is probably best characterized as "Open Source."

20: Barry and Hamfests | It is complicated for Earthlings to understand the compulsion that drives Barry to attend annual Hamfests. The need to surround oneself with obsolete and decaying electronic gear is foreign to most vertebrates. It can only be likened to the overriding compulsion that drive Salmon to return to the stream where they were spawned. But really it is quite simple. Barry was beamed down at an early Hamfest and he attends as many as he can in hopes that the Mother Ship will return someday and pick him up. | Barry's junk is more valuable then anyone else's junk because ... well, it's Barry's!

21: Dayton Hamfest, 2010 | It is difficult for Barry to part with his junk ... errr, "Treasures." That is why Barry rents 3 storage units to store it all. As with all rodents the instinct to horde is almost overpowering.

22: Delicious Roast Chicken 1 chicken kosher salt & pepper to taste garlic salt carrots celery Preheat oven to 350. Wash chicken inside and out. Be careful to remove all feathers. Reserve feathers for small down pillow project. Place chicken in roasting pan, breast down. Wash carrots and celery. Cut into 1-2 inch pieces and toss around chicken. Sprinkle with kosher salt, garlic salt and pepper. Roast for approximately 2 hours. | A father and son share a moment of bonding.

23: A haiku by Z.F Uncle Barry Hound His feet do not touch the floor When he's in a chair | Name: Barry L. Kline Height: 4ft 6in Weight: Unknown Kingdom: Animal Phylum: Mammarian Genus: Geekus Maximus Species: Homo Phlacid Mating Call: #$^%@*! Computer! Diet: Doritos & Diet Pepsi Significant Other: Chicken | Barry is a morning man!

24: A lot has changed for Barry over the years.... His voice has gotten deeper. He has more hair in some places and less in others. He's mostly potty trained, his hygiene has improved and he has a real job. Of course, some things haven't changed much at all. He is still short. His feet are almost square. Dogs still bark when he approaches. Milk curdles and children cry. But Barry has grown up at last. He has new skills, grown up hobbies and even new heroes. | Barry's Grown Up Hobby | Barry's Adult Hero | Barry Today

25: Let's see. You are what? Fifty in human years? How does that work out for your species? Don't let that AARP application get you down. Once they get a look at you, they aren't gonna want you anyway. Happy Birthday you hairy little troll!

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Karyn Fasel
  • By: Karyn F.
  • Joined: almost 8 years ago
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