S: David Myers - Vision Series - 2010/2011
FC: Your Vision..... | ...It's In Your Hands
1: David, You are someone who truly epitomizes the three "T's" - Time, Talent and Treasure. Thank you for spending the tremendous amount of your time it has taken to compose these articles and for sharing your talent for guidance and insight with us all. You are a treasure to all the lives you touch! With love and appreciation, Your TMC Family
2: Over the past few weeks we have been sharing with you how important it is for each of you to have a compelling vision of what you want to accomplish with Travelers. This team is very talented, but to maximize each of your individual abilities each of you need to develop a compelling vision of what you want your future to look like! The focus that you will develop through a compelling vision will create the energy and discipline that only the most successful have. It is not enough just to talk about vision; we believe we need to teach you how to create a powerful and compelling vision. We are lucky at TMC to have David Myers and his many years of teaching people how to be top achievers. David has developed a step by step process to create compelling visions for individuals who have gone on to have amazing success in a variety of professions. David is excited to share his formula so that you can do the same in your motor club career! HERE ARE THE PROVEN STEPS YOU NEED TO FOLLOW IN ORDER TO CREATE YOUR COMPELLING VISION AND EXPEREINCE THE SUCCESS YOU DESIRE! 1.Write it down on paper; be specific, use visual language. Be as clear about your compelling vision as you possibly can 2.Share it with someone else. Ask them if they can see the same picture. If they can’t, you’re too vague. 3.Read your vision every day and continue to clarify it when new ideas come in. 4.Create a physical image, a drawing, a real photograph, or a collage that represents your vision. Put that vision where you will see it every day. 5.Create an action plan to realize your vision, and take even some small action every day; i.e. like the number of sales you’re going to make. 6.Get the help you need. You do not have to do it alone. (David’s phone number and email address: 253-941-0279, email@example.com) He is eager to help you create the future you want!
3: . Once you have your vision, ask yourself: ARE YOU MORE COMMITTED TO YOUR COMPELLING VISION, OR ARE YOU MORE COMMITTED TO YOUR CURRENT SITUATION? Our current reality interferes with our vision because we see what is not ideal around us, and that is far more vivid than a vision of what we desire that still lies only in our head and heart. That is why it is important to follow these steps and spend time with your vision every day, gradually bringing it more and more into focus and finally into reality. Remember.. you can set the vision, your vision and make it a reality, or you will let someone else tell you what they think you should do, how much money you should make, what kind of house you should live in, the car you should drive and pretty soon if you’re not careful, that becomes your vision. Whose hands is it in?
4: Efficacy and your Inner Strength In the last couple of weeks, we’ve talked about building a compelling vision...one that is so strong that you will not only grow yourself, but you will also show the people around you how they can grow too. We’ll talk about how to develop the goals you never thought possible - personal goals, team goals, spiritual goals, family goals and financial goals. There’s no limit, I can guarantee you. So, let’s get started on some concepts that will help you begin to create the person you choose to become and build the business you deserve. Let’s begin with your ability to increase your self-efficacy----your ability to make things happen---both personally and professionally. Then we’ll get into comparing negative, restrictive ways of thinking with positive, constructive concepts that we’ve had at our disposal, and maybe we just didn’t know how to use them. You will recognize that most barriers to growth are self-imposed, and that we live and work some times on partial belief, partial truths and at times we function with false beliefs. As we move through the weeks ahead you will discover one of the basic concepts is that we act, work, behave and produce not in accordance with the truth, but the truth as we perceive it to be. What you will learn is that if we change the way we think, we can change the way we act. Let’s look at the concept of self-efficacy. The word efficacy simply means to cause, bring about or make happen whatever it is you desire, whatever you want to bring about. Here’s what typically happens; you are confronted with an obstacle or situation. What goes through your mind is simply “Is it bigger than me, or am I bigger than it?” Now, if you have the knowledge, the skill, the wherewithal inside of yourself to be able to deal with it, you jump on it right now, you go after it rather aggressively and easily. In fact you seek out those kinds of opportunities. By learning how to develop your efficacy and your inner strength, you’ll discover ideas and techniques to build in your mind the ability to deal with future challenges. Sure, there are a lot of things (imagined and real) that are scary, but as you develop your can-do, make it happen beliefs in yourself, your goals get bigger and you take on bigger challenges and find the attainment of your compelling vision much more imaginable. .
5: What I’ve found over the years is that so many people undersell themselves because their appraisals are wrong. They need to build their inner strength. So what if you get knocked down a few times. When you believe you can make it happen, you get up and go after it. Another important thought to getting up after these challenges is that you need to have a fierce commitment to see them through. Don’t let the first setback cause you to stop your effort. You need to be unintimidated, highly resilient, and ferociously committed. And, know this, it’s developable. You have the power to take your mind and project it into the future. It's forethought...your ability to conceive the future. Next week, we’ll introduce you to more tools so you can confidently set new goals with bigger and higher aspirations. It’s in your hands. .
6: Become an option thinker and get to know LoLo One of the obstacles to creating a compelling vision is that most people lock-on to doing things a certain way and they lock-out a more creative productive course of action. We lock-on to the “truth” as we have been conditioned to see it or believe it to be, and who do you think you are trying to tell me I’m wrong? Once we lock-on to an opinion, belief, or attitude about ourselves, we find it difficult to see or understand new “truths.” We become less aware – perhaps completely unaware – of alternative areas of action. This lock-on process makes change, flexibility and creativity extremely difficult, because we can consciously see or think of only one thing at a time. If you lock-on to making 20 sales a week you may be locking out doing it in one day. You might be locking-on to calling on families and locking-out small businesses. You get the picture don’t you? How’s this one “Why are you setting those long range goals”? Why can’t you be happy with what you’ve got”? We’re doing just finethis is good enough for you”. And "If you don’t win that contest it will make you unhappy and then nobody wants to be around you”. That type of thinking is ineffective and downright dangerous to our self esteem. But it makes the point that when we lock-on, we lock-out so many possibilities. What I’m saying is be careful of the way you listen when others talk to you, and of the way you talk to yourself. If you tell yourself there’s no way, your subconscious will be sure there is no way because you can’t look crazy to yourself. Have you ever had trouble finding your keys to the car and you tell yourself, “I lost them.” You look all over the house, but you don’t see them, even though you’re looking right at them. Your spouse comes by and says,“They’re right there,” and you say “Who moved them?” Are you beginning to understand the lock-on/lock-out concept? It’s the same with people who say how tough times are and that there’s no solution. They make difficult times more difficult. So do you if you’re not careful. Your subconscious won’t let you find the answer if you believe there is no answer. It’s making sure that what you believe, what you’ve locked-on to, happens.
7: Who gives you your beliefs? I want you to become an option thinker, efficacious and constantly asking yourself “What have I locked on to in my life, my business and my abilities to grow and develop?” Maybe...just maybe, we’ve locked on to the wrong things .....and because of that we never thought about stretching ourselves by building a picture of what we really want, not just wishing and hoping for something. Perhaps we never attempted it before, we didn’t understand the power we had in ourselves to make it become a reality. Put your goals out there and say, “It may be bigger than me, but I’m going to become bigger than it.” It’s all right to start off intimidated but it’s not all right to stay intimidated. We are going to become bigger than what scares us. The answers exist. Find them. It’s in your hands.
8: Isn’t enthusiasm contagious? Where do I get my shots? Have you ever noticed that people who have the most enthusiasm are also generally the ones who have the most energy? There’s actually a scientific reason for this. Neurologists tell us that when we do something with enthusiasm, it requires only about one-tenth the energy and effort that it would normally take. You probably already know this from your own experience. Think back to an activity or event that you were especially enthusiastic about. You really looked forward to it, didn’t you? While you were involved with it, and even for a time afterward, you felt great. Do you remember playing outside in the snow or in the swimming pool when you were a youngster? The adults practically had to drag you inside, didn’t they? Well, it’s no different when you’re older. The people that are enthusiastic about their work don’t feel worn out or exhausted at the end of a long day. Instead, they are likely to feel energized and exhilarated. Students who are excited about what they are learning are usually the same ones who have about five other things going for them after school. By the way, the word “enthusiasm” comes from Greek roots that mean “to be inspired by God.” That’s how good it feels. And it doesn’t just feel good to you. It feels good to everyone who comes into contact with you, because enthusiasm is contagious. So, it’s important to show your enthusiasm when you feel it. When you are enthusiastic and having fun while making your presentation, don’t you generally leave with new members and great referrals? “But I’m not like that everyday...... It would be too hard”......oh really? How about this? When you change the way you think....you change the way you act. Start taking charge of your thoughts. Think about what I’m going to tell you.....enthusiasm and pessimism are incompatible. The spirit can’t contain both at the same time. So, cultivate enthusiasm and optimism in your life and the lives of those you truly care for. Makes you kind of excited to think about adding more to your compelling vision, doesn’t it? Remember ..... It’s in your hands.
9: How the Reticular Activating System allows you to see and seize opportunities Remember the other day when I said...we act not in accordance with the truth, but the truth as we believe it to be. Let me tell you about a fantastic part of your brain that helps you accomplish goals. It’s a powerful tool that when used correctly allows you to achieve more than you ever thought you could. You see, we all have a netlike group of cells located at the base of our brain to the central cortex, the Reticular Activating System (RAS). You may be thinking, so what, who cares? What difference does that make? Well, the RAS has the job of controlling consciousness and awareness. It’s your altering devise. It controls what gets through your mind. How’s that for so what? You see, you’d go crazy if you had to be aware of every little light and sound going on around you. So, automatically, the RAS blocks out information that is of no personal pay value to you. Like a good executive secretary that screens out the unnecessary mail, bothersome phone calls and annoying people trying to waste your time. Once you decide what’s important, then the RAS allows the information to get through. It works like this; a mother can sleep through loud airplanes and radios, but let the slightest cry from her baby in the next room, and she’s immediately awake. It isn’t the loudness of the information that gets through; it’s the importance of the information. Knowing this makes you even more efficacious and your aspirations and goals become bigger. When you set a goal, you declare a new value and all sorts of information gets through that wouldn’t have before you set the goal. Once the goal has been set, the RAS goes to work to help you find whatever you need -- the money, support, resources, information, people, time etc., this awareness is heightened as you visualize your goal. You build “blind spots” to irrelevant or useless information, but you recognize quickly those things that will be of value to you. So your goal, your target, comes first, and then you see. That goal is what you visualize. Almost instantly, you pick up cues, tips and knowledge that will help you achieve that goal. Picture the new reality as though it is happening now and the means and the methods will fall into place. You will be quickly alert to information that helps you achieve your goal—then you may explore options, you “add to the party,” so to speak. Picture the new reality as though it is happening now. Then you will be inspired by how fast you will learn, how quickly you will find the means and the methods. You can become what people call lucky. But it isn’t luck. It’s thinking effectively. The key is this: first you set the goal, then you see. You do not see first. Remember ... It's in your hands.
10: Discover The 90/10 Principle It will change your life (or at least, the way you react to situations). 10% of life is made up of what happens to you...90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have NO control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in the traffic. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. Do not let people fool you. YOU can control how you react. Let us use an example. You are having breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what has just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your wife and you criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish her breakfast and getting ready to go to school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60.00 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minute late, you realize you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your wife and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day? A) Did the coffee cause it? B) Did your daughter cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it? D) Did you cause it? The answer is "D". You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say: "It's okay, honey, you just need to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you go upstairs and change your shirt. You grab your briefcase, and you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you reacted.
11: You really have no control over 10% of what happens in your life. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 Principle. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, or getting stressed out. How do you react if someone cuts you off in the traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (a friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Who cares if you arrive 10 seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 Principle and don't worry about it.You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time to find a new job. (Maybe you ought to run an ad for these folks. Who knows.they might be your next TMC salesperson). The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passengers, why stress out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90/10 Principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90/10 Principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this Principle. The result? You will see it by yourself! Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and headaches. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 Principle. It can change your life! Enjoy it! It only takes willpower to give ourselves permission to make the experience. Absolutely everything we do, give, say, or even think, is like a Boomerang. It will come back to us. If we want to receive, we need to learn to give first. Maybe we will end with our hands empty, but our heart will be filled with love. And those who love life, have that feeling marked in their hearts. Author: Stephen Covey
12: It’s about unlocking the hold backs and creating your future...... Where’s the keys? A few articles back, I talked about the Lock-on/Lock-out concept and how if we are not careful, we limit ourselves, and can’t figure out why we don’t grow. Why we stay “stuck” and can’t seem to get going. So, how can being sure of something keep you from growing? Most of us like to feel sure of ourselves and of what we know. It helps us to be confident and comfortable. But when we lock-on to an idea, one particular version of the “truth”, we usually lock-out other possibilities. Maybe this will help explain how the Lo/Lo concept works even further. The other day my neighbor, who was born and grew up in England, had her retired brother fly in for a visit. Connie and I have known Cliff for years and always have a great time when he’s in town. He told us a very interesting story about this man in England who has done something truly remarkable. It seems this fellow is a music lover who especially loves violin music and he’s also an inventor. What he did was combine both qualities to create a new kind of violin that creates the same richness of sound as a Stradivarius. For years, violin makers thoughout the world have been trying to duplicate the quality of those made by Stradivari, without success. But, you see, they were locked-on to the idea that a violin had to be made of wood. They knew this as a fact, the “truth” and there was simply no question about it -except what kind of wood to use and how exactly to construct it. But this inventor wasn’t so sure. His mind was completely focused on the end result he wanted – the quality of sound – and he was open to all possibilities that might produce that result, so he tried something new. He made his violin out of a high-tech, man-made material, and it worked! Now, Cliff says concert violinists are lining up to own one – at a fraction of the cost of an authentic Stradivarius. So...... how could it benefit you to let go of some the things you’re sure of – ideas that may be limiting what’s possible for you? Like the number of days you work. If you lock-on to the income you need and the number of days it takes to get there.......you know where I’m going don’t you? Maybe, just maybe if you looked at your vision.....you know, that compelling vision I continue to elude to......it might help you discover that your current lock-on won’t allow you to get to that new vision. Then what? If the vision is stronger, you will create ways to make it become reality.
13: Connie just came into my office and asked what I was doing....and I told her I was writing another article for the TMC newsletters...... She asked “do they know what your overall intention is?” Wow! She’s pretty smart and has a way of keeping me on track. Let me tell you why I’m doing this...... and Gene, Dean and Mark are behind this initiative. It’s Phase II and how to grow this company. And as this company grows, you become contractual owners and your income grows. That’s why week after week we want to lead up to the convention giving you tools to help you unlock areas of your life that are standing in the way and holding you back. But it all starts with you and your vision.... what you want for your family, the lifestyle and possessions you want and what you can do with what you have.....for your church, community and projects dear to you. I believe you all have the potential and the ability...... what I want you to do, is think about your future, you know, if you are open to new possibilities in your life, then just that openness alone begins to change things for you. You may not build a better violin, but you are very likely to build a better you! It’s in your hands.
14: Bow wow baby! Let me show you what I can do! The other day I was doing a seminar with folks just a few years away from retirement. I was teaching the same things I write about and cover when I’m at the TMC Conventions. After one of the sessions, the group was walking out to go to lunch and one of the participants asked, “Do you believe the old saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” My response was “I believe it depends on the dog, on the trick, and on the teacher. In other words, it doesn’t have a darn thing to do with how old the dog is.” What I’m talking about here is the strength of habits, attitudes and beliefs, and resistance to change – not the effects of aging. Because the truth is, that older folks can learn as well as kids in school – if they want to, and if the teacher is good enough. Maybe the question that’s really much more important is “Can you teach you new tricks? You see, all of us live, to a certain extent, by habit. And sometimes we get so used to doing things a certain way or to thinking a certain way that any change upsets us. We dig in our heels and begin to defend our limitations and the status quo. How’s this...”I’m doing fine with 8 – 9 members a week. I can count on that”. “Why are you trying to make me do more”? (Whoever you is) “It’s your numbers not mine”. And you know something? You’re right! They are not yours, because you don’t have the picture in your mind of what those new numbers will mean to you month after month. But maybe if you sat down and began to write what you’d really like the next few months to look like.... what the additional income would mean to you or your spouse or the kids.... and more importantly why you want to do it. Who knows, you might take the first step in developing your vision. You know, someone once said that if you argue for your limitations – sure enough, they’re yours! But using the techniques of internal goal setting and visualizing what those goals look like and how you feel when you achieve them – you can change with ease.
15: I’m not talking about willpower and forcing yourself to do things differently. No, that causes stress and anxiety and it gives you the ability to cop out, using the excuse “I’m trying to do this for you...and it’s not working”. You see, what usually happens when you try to force change on yourself (or someone else) is that part of you starts to push back, to resist, and what you often wind up with is frustration and failure. I’m saying that by simply sitting down by yourself and writing what you want your weekly sales to look like, the areas you will be selling in, the referrals you will be given and the successful outcomes you will be receiving, you will be putting the picture of the NEW YOU that you truly want into your subconscious. Once you’ve done that, then begin to write out some goal statements... I am a terrific salesperson, because people like to hear my presentations and my sales make me feel incredible. What do you want it to look like? How do you want to feel? What will it do for you and your family? What can you do with the new income that you don’t have now? It’s that easy....it really is, I’m saying that by using internal goal setting and visualizing the new outcome, YOU can change a habit or an attitude with minimal stress and minimal effort. And when you can do this, change stops being something you have to guard against, and it becomes an exciting adventure! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Remember,... It’s in your hands.
16: Let Mr. Victim stay outside.......I know how I want to feel. Here’s a question for you; Do you think you are in the habit of letting the outside environment dictate how you feel? Let’s think about what happens when we let what’s going on outside us in our environment determine how we feel on the inside. When things are going well, we feel good – happy, cheerful, optimistic, and positive. But when the least little thing goes wrong, we’re in trouble. And when something really big goes wrong, we come unglued. We feel like victims, and we give up control of our lives. The fact is, we are victims, because, consciously or unconsciously, we’ve chosen to be that way. Read it again, we’ve chosen to be that way. “I don’t have any control over who will buy.....and when they don’t, I don’t make the sale.” “It’s not my fault; I’m trying as hard as I can.” “I’m in the wrong location.....maybe I need to go further out.....but that burns gas and keeps me on the road too long.” And the list goes on and on.....poor me. It’s been said that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. Because, instead of choosing to be a victim, you can choose to take charge of how you respond and what you do, regardless of what’s happening around you in your environment. You know, there’s only one thing in life that we can have complete control over, and that’s what goes on inside our minds. But you have to choose to control it. It doesn’t happen automatically. Let’s look at what it takes to overcome the victim mentality and how to get on top of things and how to stay on top. In the past we’ve talked about causative power and self-efficacy and I thought I had broken it down, but let’s go one step further. You hear people talking about self esteem like it’s a candy bar you eat – and I’m not so sure they really know. Well, self esteem simply is how we feel about our self.... our feeling of self-worth. People with high self-esteem expect more from themselves and perform at a higher level than folks with low self-esteem. Most employers in the companies I work with know this, and they just hate to lose these superstar employees. People with high self-esteem don’t usually get fired for poor performance. In fact, they tend to get promoted and advance quickly in their careers.
17: They are always looking for ways that they can do what they do better – more efficiently, more effectively. They look for ways that they can raise their productivity and sharpen their skills. They don’t just do what is expected of them – they do more than what’s expected, and they don’t feel that they have to “blow their own horns” all the time, either. But they value themselves and others. If they lose their job for some reason, it doesn’t throw them for a loop. Sure, they have to look for a new job, and that may not always be easy. But somehow they manage to find one, even when everyone else is complaining that there are just no jobs out there. And if the market for their skills has dried up, they’ll do what they need to do to get a new set of skills. You see, high self-esteem helps you to persist when things get tough. It helps you work more effectively as part of a team, as a stronger family, and it help you to value not only your own contributions, but the contributions of others, as well. Further, high self-esteem gives you resiliency and confidence – and when you choose to take charge of your thoughts – of the things you tell yourself – you become very, very powerful. Sure, you may feel disappointed when things go wrong, but you choose to use those things as opportunities to grow. You’ll develop the ability to quickly bounce back when you hit an obstacle, and you’ll begin to build the incredible strength that comes from standing up to and overcoming adversity. It’s in your hands.
18: High self-esteem .......where’s the tall ladder? Week after week I tell you stories and ask you questions so that you can look honestly at yourself and take the information and apply it to yourself to build a better you. That is, if you want to. As I said earlier, as we move toward the convention, I want you to be armed with the best techniques and tools to grow your business and provide your family with everything they deserve - income, comfort, savings, lifestyle, and the ability to help family, church, and community. I want you to ask yourself what “truths” have you locked-on to about yourself, your career, and about the people you live and work with. What so called expert advice have you accepted as the “truth”, without question, that may be holding you back, keeping you from attaining your dreams? What do you believe is possible for you, your children, and your family? How have your beliefs about what is possible shaped your reality and your behavior? Who gave you those beliefs? Do they serve you well and help you become the person you most want to be? Or, do they hold you back and limit your growth and stop you from taking the risks you need to take in order for you to grow and flourish? Not just you, but this company and the Phase 2 initiative. After all YOU make this company what it is. I want you to think about those important questions before you go back to designing your compelling vision. You see, if we don’t look at what’s standing in the way, and uncover the things that are blocking your achievement ...then we won’t set the kind of goals to move us. We won’t put pen to paper and write out what we really want. Why should we? We know we won’t get it. Pie in the sky, wishful thinking. Years ago I worked with the McDonalds Corporation, and I learned something very important about Ray Kroc, the founder. Everybody that knew him before he met the McDonald brothers used to call him “Danny dreamer , just a dreamer, a Danny dreamer.” Now had he listened and said “You know you are all so smart and bright and know more than me...you’re such experts in business..how could I be so foolish?” You see, he had been building a picture in his mind of finding the right business that could use the milkshake machine he was selling. He had been “dreaming” of the success he could have and the business he so much wanted to build. Did he have written goals? A written vision? You bet he did! Danny dreamer.
19: Remember a few weeks back when I talked about self-esteem? Do you think Ray Kroc had high-self esteem? Do you think he felt sorry for himself because he was older and he had wasted his life with this “unreal, unimaginable picture” of what he truly wanted? You see, you don’t just snap your fingers and it comes to you. But when you have high self-esteem, what you do have is the ability to stay on track...to be tenacious because you have a road map to success. And it’s written out so you can see where you are in relation to what you need to be doing. Having high self-esteem doesn’t mean you feel good about yourself every minute of the day. That’s unrealistic. There are times you feel guilty if you’ve behaved thoughtlessly or cruelly, or feel deep regret if your self-interest has caused pain or difficulty for someone else. It’s natural to feel sad if you’ve suffered a loss, or angry if you’ve been betrayed. But if your self-esteem is generally solid, painful feelings go by more quickly. Why would you need to feel sorry for yourself? You have the tendency as the song goes, to “Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and start all over again,” trusting you’ve learned something. Go back and look at the questions and answer them and start setting your course. Who knows Danny dreamer? It’s in your hands.
20: Invent the future? Move out of the way.. I’m becoming what I think about The other day I was talking with some of our salespeople (you’re trying to guess who, aren’t you?) and as we talked, I discovered that many of you read the newsletter and check out the birthdays, anniversaries and the standings of who sold what for the past week. They said that they read the articles and “enjoy” what they read - some articles are more “thought provoking” than others. Then I’m told many of you move on to your daily routines and go through another week just like the previous week. They say that it’s a “habit” or “it’s what we’ve gotten used to.” You’d probably be surprised to know what my thoughts were after hearing that bit of news. You see, as I have said in previous articles, I want you to see value in each article and be able to use it as a learning tool to help you grow yourself and your business. Let me ask you a question ...do you believe in the power of imagination? I can tell you, I sure do. Remember the article last week that talked about Ray Kroc y- ou know, the guy with the brilliant imagination that built the largest and most famous fast food empire in the world? Think about imagination this way. EVERY THING that has been invented, built, painted, composed, and created or otherwise brought into this world by a human being first started out as an idea in someone’s mind, in their imagination. Then, after the WHAT part of the idea was born, the HOW got invented and from there it became REALITY. Historically we have invented our future, day by day, year after year, century by century, because we are built to do it. Think of it this way, the powerful and unbelievable imagination is probably the greatest gift next to life itself that we could possess. What I’m saying is this - you and I invent our futures the same way. That’s why when I talk about building a compelling vision I’m talking about building such a powerful picture that you can’t stand the way things are now. Your picture of the new reality is so strong that you move toward and become like that which you think about. Your present thoughts of the “desired” way you want your life and your business to look like determines what your future will be. Now, if you move toward that which you think about, then your ability to control
21: what you think about, who you listen to, and how you understand and talk about your experiences is essential. By controlling these things you in turn control your direction in life. So, I come back to what are you thinking about? Are you imagining the success you can have and the terrific outcomes that you create, or are you looking at this week and next week, and hoping you will sell what you sold last week? Or are you planning and able to see yourself selling 10 more this week effortlessly because it’s what you expect? Can you see the difference? Future thinking to create your lifestyle and how you and your loved ones prosper. I’m not talking about just the money but the way you and your family can do things that you want... college, vacations, charities ...you get the picture, don’t you? So, if you are beginning to get the picture, what does it look like? Put it down on paper. Close your eyes and dream then put it on paper ...gradually you will start to paint the picture of what you can create and deserve. The long term vision once written out and imagined in your mind over and over again becomes the new reality and it drives your short term weekly appointments and sales. The WHAT is just that. What do you want your life to look like? Your family? Your business? Then, you develop the HOW-how am I going to make this become a reality? And you know, when I coach and work with people, they say that the “how” is their most creative and fun task you start putting the pieces together. But, if you can’t imagine yourself doing more becoming more, then you sure as heck can’t put the “how” into action and you blow it off by saying its wishful thinking. If you become like that which you think about, your character and integrity are involved, aren’t they? Repeated thoughts generate actions; actions repeated over time determine character; and character, as the great writers and thinkers of the world will tell you, is destiny. In other words, what happens to you in life is not accidental. It’s a direct or indirect result of what you think and what you do. Remember .... It’s in your hands.
22: What are my priorities...is time running out? For many weeks I’ve been writing articles to help you think about what you do, what you would like to do, and have tried to encourage you to purposefully design what your ideal future would look like. The feedback I get from some of you is “I’m too busy to do the stuff you write about” “It will take too much time to do” and “what if I don’t do it right?” My response is, if you are truly accountable to create your own future and you aren’t doing it, then what other things are you too busy to do? Too busy to stay in shape? Eat properly? Take a vacation? Read the books you’ve wanted to read? Take up a hobby? Really enjoy your life? Perhaps you have your own “too busy” list, and you tell yourself that someday you’ll catch up and have plenty of time to do the things you want to do. So, let’s consider two very important things. First, the most valuable thing you have is time and the only time you have is now. Second, you can tell what’s important to you in life by the amount of time that you spend with it or doing it. I remember talking with a plant manager some time back, who told me the most important thing in the world to him was his family, yet when I asked how much time he spent with them he said he was “too busy” to spend as much as he wanted and someday he would do better. You know what I thought, yeah, you bet, someday will never come. He’ll be an old man talking about what he wished he would have done. So, do you want to end up 10 years, 20 years down the road saying “If only I would have” ? How do you spend your time? Are you too busy to write out your goals? The number of sales you expect this week? What about next week? The kind of areas you want to work? The businesses you’ve thought about but have been reluctant to visit? Building a successful business with the right salespeople that you continually attract? When I ask you these questions, let me tell you, I ask myself the same ones and many more.
23: So, let me give you a tool for you to take charge of your time. Keep a journal for a week or two (that is if you’re not too busy to do it!). Buy a Week at a Glance calendar that shows each day broken down by the hour i.e. 7:00, 7:15, 7:30, 7:45 and 8:00. Every day, write down everything you do and how much time you spend doing it (7:00 am - 5:00 pm). At the same time, make a separate list of the most important things in life to you, and see how the list and your journal match up. Maybe you need to do some rearranging. And don’t give me the excuse that you don’t do it because you don’t know how and are afraid to do it because you don’t want to do it wrong. Reread the two sentences in bold above again. I want to get you uncomfortable with the things you think are working for you that in reality are just excuses and holding you back. If you get uncomfortable when you read these articles, then use the tools I’m giving you. It’s for you and your family WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO LOOK LIKE? Then get your pen and journal and sit down with your spouse and begin to write out what ideally it would look like - remember, you move toward and become like that which you think about. What you write down today (present thoughts) becomes reality in the weeks and months ahead. If you take charge of your time, you will begin to take charge of your life. It’s in your hands.
24: Let me see what I look like in my new..... Let’s go back to last week’s article .... you remember, to make a journal of the things you do and time spent doing it and a separate list of the most important things to you. Boy oh boy, have I gotten a reaction from that. Good! That is what I want to make you think about - what you truly are capable of doing. Did you know that you can try on the future, much like you try on a new suit of clothes or a new pair of shoes? What I’m talking about is the fact that we all rehearse the future with our thoughts. Take for example the Corporate Headquarters in Oklahoma, when the architects made drawings of the “new building.” They did it to help the owners have a clear “picture” about what the building would look like. The more precise their drawings, the more completely they could “see” the building. Not only from pages and pages of individual offices but in such detail that everyone could visualize the finished project. And from there, if need be, to models of the building and even models of the separate businesses within. The point is: you see it done completely before you start construction. No secrets. Nothing left out. So, what’s the difference between you and the architect? The answer to that question is that you’ve done it many times before and probably didn’t know that you were doing it. You know, you do the same thing when you visualize or imagine yourself into a future situation. You say to yourself, “Now, exactly how do I want this to turn out?” Then you very carefully, very thoroughly, imagine yourself behaving in ways that are most likely to bring about that result. You imagine the end result as if it has already happened, and you vividly see yourself experiencing it and feel the feelings that will accompany it. If you can clearly see yourself being and achieving what you want, you’re far more likely to be and do those things. If you can’t see it, how in the world can you expect to be it? It takes commitment, time, and energy to create reality from a vision, but it happens all the time. Whenever you look forward to something and create a picture in your mind of how you want that something to be, you’re using visualization, even though you may not know it.
25: When you plan a Christmas dinner, you’re using it. When you think about how wonderful your summer vacation is going to be, you’re using it. You can only grow as far as you can imagine yourself growing. You can only be as successful as you can envision yourself being. You develop your vision over time, step by step. First you see it, and then you become it, inventing the “how” as you go along. Now, a word of caution, the more anxious you are about the “new situation”, and the greater your fears, the more important it is that you control the kind of rehearsing you do. If you don’t take charge of your thoughts, you may be imagining the worst possible consequences and creating a negative, self fulfilling prophecy. You are literally programming your subconscious, and you will behave according to the picture that is dominant in your mind. The key is this; control your thoughts, and you control your future. Make sure you focus on and imagine what you want, not what you don’t want. And remember, the more rehearsing you do, the smoother the final performance will be. Does this give you more confidence in building your own vision of what you want your life and career to look like? It’s in your hands.
26: Who’s setting your sights..are you sure they’re accurate? You know, I notice that when I write these articles or when I’m talking with you, I use the word hope. Not hope as a wish kind of word but hope as a word that moves you as though we are looking forward to something good happening. Has anyone ever cautioned you against having false hope, or against giving false hope to your children or others? Not too long ago, I was talking to a mother of young children who was on welfare, and she said “I know it’s a good idea to think positively and set goals and to help young people feel good about themselves, but I don’t want to give my kids false hope.” Before I could answer her, a friend of mine chimed in, “What do you mean false hope? How can there be such a thing?” And, as I thought about it, I knew he was right. If you hope for something in the future, there is always some uncertainty. You aren’t sure, but you hope things will turn out the way you want them to. So, how can you have false uncertainty? How can there be anything but real hope? You see, what this mother really meant, I believe, was that her kids shouldn’t set their sights too high, because they might not make it. And if they didn’t make it, it would be a harmful blow to their self-esteem. If they had a few of those happen to them, they’d be inclined to give up more easily. “How many times do I need to fail before I give up and quit... this isn’t for me.” Think about that, a kid trying out for a sport and doesn’t make the team how many times does he/she try out before they decide “They’re better than me..why keep trying?” Or it could be the spelling test or the reading group or whatever and they say to themselves “They’re smarter than me.” Start growing up with that happening year after year and someone says “Come on, you can do it” and you know you can’t and you can’t believe they are trying to get you to do something you know you’re not good at. Because we base so many of our present and future decisions on past experiences, wouldn’t it be great if we could go into our sub-conscious storage center and update the “truth” that is recorded there? Wouldn’t it be useful to be able to deliberately adjust the negative self-image that was handed to us as kids and maybe adults, so that it better reflects our true potential and leads us to health, prosperity, and love rather than stress, failure, and conflict? The good news is that you can change the way you think. You can become accountable for your attitudes, expectations, and beliefs. You can deliberately change your self-image, your ideas about your capabilities, your convictions about what is possible for you and the world in which you live, your belief about who is responsible for your happiness and success. In my experience, the problem is seldom that people are setting their goals too high. The real problem is that they back up their goals to meet their expectations or beliefs about their present ability to achieve them. They are setting their goals too low. Teach your kids that they can grow into their goals inch by inch, just like they grow into clothes that are too big when you buy them and out of the sneakers that you bought them last month. Give them, and yourself, endless hope, because, really, there is no such thing as false hope! When you change the way you think, the way you behave changes. And when you behave differently, you get different results. It’s in your hands.
27: On your mark....get set.... Well, another year has come and gone and it seems that each year moves faster than the last. So, how did you do this last year? Did you achieve all the goals you set? Did you make the income you said you’d make? Did you go on the vacations you dreamed about? Did you lose the weight you said you needed to lose? Did you spend the quality time with your children? How about your grandchildren? Did you help others who were less fortunate, lost a job, down on their luck...you know, the folks we see in food lines or mission lines? Were you able to donate to those folks because you are blessed with a fantastic job and a tremendous income? Well, like I said, another year is behind us. Maybe we’ll get lucky this year. Maybe David Myers won’t ask so darn many questions. Yeah right! Let’s take a look at what we want...scratch that want....what we expect. Now that’s better...what we expect this year. Have you bought your new 2011 Week at a Glance planner? Have you sat with your spouse and talked about what this New Year will look like? Is it in writing? Do you have a clear picture of what it looks like and more important, how you will make it happen? Unless we give serious thought to our goals and how to reach them, our time, money, and priorities will usually be determined by others. Think about that for a few minutes...reread that last sentence...why would you let someone else determine your outcomes? You own your own business! If you own your business doesn’t it make sense that you should have a plan? How about a well written plan? After all you want to be successful, don’t you? OK, let’s get started and get serious about 2011 and identifying specific goals that will result in healthier relationships with family and friends, and the peace of mind that comes from a well-planned strategy. Once your goals are listed, write why fulfilling them is important. That way, you'll know your motivation for each goal you set. For instance, your plan may be to pay off the mortgage within five years. Why? Your reason might be to live without debt or you would like the assurance of your home being paid off should anything happen to your health.
28: The purpose for asking why causes the internal motivation for you to continue on your path when other things come up that could be a distraction and cause you to back away or abandon your goals. The key is to validate the importance of each goal and why they are worth attaining. The point here is that as we develop our goals we become deeply committed to them because we can “see and feel” the end result. Commitment is the key to success in achieving any goal, whether it concerns a relationship, your business, health and fitness, or personal and professional growth. If you’re fully committed to a goal, it means that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it, and everything you do is going to reflect that commitment. Being committed means that you’ve made a choice and that you take time to fully involve yourself with what you’ve chosen. That’s real time, by the way, as measured on the clock, not just a few hours here or there that you justify by calling “quality” time. If you’re deeply committed to an activity, person, goal, or project, the time you spend on it will reflect that commitment, in both quantity and quality. It means that you’re willing to give the best you have and that you pay close attention to the results you’re getting. What I’m talking about is entering into a relationship with whatever you are committed to, be it a person, your career, or even committing to be a person whose word can be honored. (When you say you’re going to do something..you do it.) You need to understand that you can’t gain any greater satisfaction from that relationship than you’re willing to put into it. Commitment requires a huge investment and I do mean investment...using all of your resources to go after your goals, because there are potential dividends down the road for you as a result. Putting your money into investments can be risky, but investing your time, energy and resources in goals you care deeply about has guaranteed benefits that you can’t put a price on. So, look at the questions at the beginning of this article...reflecting on your accomplishments from last year...did you achieve them? If not let’s get started...ready....set. ... Remember ... It’s in your hands
29: You’ll never know what they did to me . . . you’re right . . . don’t tell me . . . I have discovered something very interesting as I have been talking with our sales people over the last month. I’m thankful that each and everyone has been candid and honest, as they have shared their thoughts some very positive and rewarding, and others that I’d like to address. Let me start by saying that from time to time in a family or business, things come up people say things without meaning to be hurtful, are in fact hurtful. What you say perhaps, as a kidding comment, isn’t received as a kidding comment and unfortunately we don’t tell the person speaking that it was mean spirited; we hold back and become upset. Do you know what I mean? So, let me ask you a few questions, then let me make a recommendation ...who are YOU carrying a grudge against? Is there someone who has done you wrong or hurt you in some way that you just can’t forgive? Have you, yourself, done things in the past that you’ve been unable to forgive yourself for and forget? I want to impress upon you the incredible damage you can do to yourself if you don’t let go of these painful memories. Confucius says, “To be wronged is nothing, unless you remember it.” He was absolutely right, and here’s why. Every time you remember something bad that happened to you, some wrong that was done to you, every time you feel those bad feelings all over again, you record the event in the neuron structure of your brain and you record it in your subconscious. Now, your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between a vividly imagined or remembered event and the real thing. It’s ALL real to your subconscious. When you subject yourself over and over again to painful, angry memories, eventually your system begins to break down. The poison of unforgiven wrongs and anger attacks you from the inside out. It’s unhealthy and downright harmful to harbor these thoughts - why do you want to replay these events? Don’t you have better things to spend your time and energy on? Think of how many times you’ve been upset with someone and you tell your spouse what they said or did that caused you to react with anger. Weeks may go by and you run into that person, and what if you talk it out, but you don’t tell your spouse about the reconciliation - you were too busy or other things got in the way. Do you know that your spouse and whomever they’ve told this story to still holds resentment toward that person. When will your spouse find out? I’ve seen this happen and months go by.”Oh, I didn’t tell you we made up? Sorry dear.” Can you see the damage?
30: That’s why the twelve-step programs emphasize the importance of forgiveness, because they recognize that forgiveness is the key to action and freedom. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him while He was still on the cross, and urged that we love our enemies. So, if Jesus can do it, why can’t you? “Oh, you don’t know what they said and how it hurt me.” Ok, role model, teach that to your kids and grandkids..you’re so smart. Stop it! You’ve got better things to do with your life. I suggest you make a list of the people who have hurt or wronged you, and forgive them. Forgive them? Yes! That doesn’t mean you have to have dinner with them tomorrow. But it does mean it’s over, once and for all. Then, burn the list and forget your grievances. You will feel much better, both physically and spiritually, as a result. So, please’ take charge of the thoughts you put in your mind It’s in your hands.
31: No wonder my have to’s aren’t working. The other day when I was talking to a couple of our sales people, I realized that my enthusiasm and directions for building a vision and categorizing goals were being met with a little hesitation. What the salespeople were saying was “I’m not used to doing what you are talking about and I’m a little uncomfortable right now.” Wow! Great feedback! You see, I know how powerful and life changing this information is, and sometimes I need to slow down and make sure you understand what I’m saying and how to use it ...more importantly, how to internalize it. What they were telling me was that they want to use the tools and techniques but that they were a bit overwhelmed by the concepts since they had never used them before, or weren’t sure they were using them correctly. That’s OK, and that’s why as you begin to plan and write your goals and expectations out, you need to do it one step at a time. The most important concept you need to understand is that all meaningful and lasting change starts first on the inside and then it works its way out. Maybe that’s why we sometimes have trouble getting going or get stuck after we get going as we move toward our goals. It’s like this, you’ve got a plan, but you just can’t seem to get started. Or you’ve made good progress, but for some reason, you find yourself spinning your wheels. What do you do now? How can you get moving again? Will Rogers once said that “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” Fear of what will happen if you don’t get going is one way to try to motivate yourself into action, and if the fear is strong enough, it will work – but I don’t recommend it. You see, when we feel we “have to do something, or else,” our subconscious starts coming up with all sorts of ways to get us out of it, and we don’t even know its happening. That maybe explains the reason you never lose the weight you want to lose, even though you’ve been on a diet for as long as you can remember. Why your thirteen year old son used to bring home A’s and B’s from school last term, is now having a hard time getting C’s. We find ourselves stuck and we don’t understand it. Are you beginning to see what’s taking place? If it’s not something you really want and freely choose to do, you’ll either find a way to get out of it altogether, or you’ll do it halfheartedly or sporadically, and the results will reflect your efforts. Something very interesting tends to happen whenever you believe you have to do something. It’s called pushback, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. When you feel coerced, manipulated, or pushed into doing something you resist, rebel, and push back. You procrastinate, practice creative avoidance, and become easily distracted and unable to concentrate. Or you do the job badly, get sick, or do whatever it takes to get you out of it. Your creative subconscious is taking care of it for you very nicely. It’s that powerful.
32: So, what can you do? Perhaps a better way might be to spend some time every day vividly picturing the end result you want and feeling the good feelings you’ll have once it happens. Then, couple that with your goal statements, a positive, present tense, personal statement of how you will feel once you’ve achieved the end result. (When I say present tense, I mean that it’s spoken as if it were happening right now.) Combine that with the use of using your imagination (Imagery) and visualization---powerful tools that create energy and a strong desire to make current reality and your vivid picture match up. Once that happens, you’ll find that you just automatically start moving again. When you are motivated in a constructive way, you feel excited and enthusiastic about doing something you really want to do or achieve. You’re convinced that you are moving forward in a positive direction, toward an end result you truly desire. Nobody has to remind you to do it persuade you to take the next step. It’s true motivation...I want it ...I like it ....I choose to do it ...it’s my idea ...I can’t wait to make it happen! What I’d recommend is that you take a look at the things you are having the most difficulty achieving and see if you’re not putting them on a “have to” basis if so, you now know how to create the picture and put it on a “want to basis”. Remember ... it’s in your hands.
33: Maybe I should look at my expectations, ’cause the cars not for sale Do you think your expectations help shape your life? I’d say I sure think so. So, let me ask a few more questions. What do you expect for yourself? Do you expect to be able to do the things you dream about without too much difficulty? Or do you expect to have trouble come knocking on your door as soon as things start to go well? Maybe you just got lucky? And you know it well never happen again. And since you know yourself so well, are you wondering if you should try again? What do you expect from your spouse, kids, grandkids, coworkers? Do you expect excellence, integrity, affection and respect? Or do you expect to have to monitor them and that they will continually fail to meet your expectations? As long as we're on the subject of expectations, let me ask a couple more questions. Have you noticed that the things you expect (with the possible exception of the weather) somehow seem to happen, just as you thought they would? Why do you suppose that is? Remember, we just naturally move toward and become like that which we think about. And we behave, not in accordance with the truth, but with the truth as we believe it and perceive it to be. So when you expect the best from yourself and others, you behave in ways that almost guarantee a positive response. The same is true when you expect trouble. You set yourself up for it in countless little, and not so little, ways that you aren’t even aware of. And --- sure enough! You get it. What I’m talking about ultimately is success, and the importance of your goals and expectations and how they need to be internalized as highly successful outcomes and it’s not a matter of luck or of talent or of being gifted. More than anything else, success is a matter of belief and persistence. If you don’t believe you can succeed, no amount of talent or money or good parenting will help you. If you believe it and refuse to give up, no matter how hard or long the struggle, no setback, no obstacle, no disadvantage or failure or lack in your upbringing is going to stop you.
34: What if you encountered a roadblock or obstacle on your way home today? Would you put a “For Sale” sign on your car and give up? Of course not! It might take you longer, but you’d figure a way to make it home, wouldn’t you? I think that’s because you’d have a crystal clear picture of the goal in mind. You’d believe in your ability to achieve the goal, and you wouldn’t quit until you got there. “Alternate routes” would be easy for you in this context. So, if you can hold in your mind a clear picture of the end result you want and refuse to give up until that picture becomes reality, you can pretty much count on achieving your goal, assuming it lies within your power to achieve. If you expand your goals beyond what you presently know how to make happen, and if those goals are stronger than current reality, you set in motion a powerful process that will help you with the “how”. Possibilities that you never noticed before will jump out at you. Your creative subconscious will become incredibly resourceful about inventing the way to close the gap between your current situation and your goals. Now, since you haven’t sold the car and you know you are pretty creative because nothing, and I mean nothing, has taken you off the goal of getting home, why not begin to put that to use for you in your business? I come back to how I started. What do you expect to have happen in your personal life? Your family? Your relationships? Doesn’t it make sense, then, to expect the best? It’s a habit that can be learned, and it’s probably the best habit you can practice and I’d suggest you get your children into the habit, too. Don’t teach them to expect to get knocked down by the world and call it just being realistic. Give them a better expectation than that, and watch them make it happen! Remember... It’s in your hands.
35: Conflicting beliefs? Help me straighten the picture it doesn’t look right For months we’ve been talking about a compelling vision, goals and the tools to help you achieve your desired end result. When you’re an end result thinker, you create clear, vivid mental pictures of what you want, and you continually strengthen it by thinking about it over and over in a deliberate, systematic way. You use the power of your conscious and subconscious mind to create a picture that is so emotionally forceful, so vivid, that you are driven to bring it to reality. And, I was thinking, maybe the reason some of you aren’t able to build that picture is because I haven’t talked about what might be standing in the way of making this become reality and it’s the principle of cognitive dissonance, which means just what it sounds like. Disharmony, disorder, conflict (dissonance) having to do with what you think (cognition). So, what I’m saying is this cognitive dissonance occurs whenever we try to hold two conflicting ideas (beliefs) about reality at the same time. This inevitably creates a strong desire and drive to resolve the conflict. Let me give you a couple of examples, you have a picture in your mind of what the inside of your house should look like. It’s a clean, neat, and organized place dishes washed and in the cupboards, beds made, nothing cluttered or out of place. Now, a friend comes from out of town to stay with you for a while and you know something? They’re not as clean and organized as you. You don’t recognize this until you come home from work and find soda cans on the coffee table, newspapers on the floor and sweaters and jackets on the back of chairs. They’ve been shopping and what they’ve bought is scattered on the dining room table and several chairs. As you check the room out you notice candy wrappers on the couch and you look around and come to the conclusion that your living space is completely out of order. You don’t live like this and you have come to the conclusion, that this guest of yours doesn’t have the same standard of cleanliness as you. You get the picture, don’t you? So what do you do to resolve the cognitive dissonance you’re experiencing, the difference of your mental picture of how things should look and the picture of how they actually do look right now? You could make your picture match by restoring order and putting everything back in order, as you know it should look without saying anything to your friend. You might (as nicely as you can) discuss the housekeeping “standards” with your friend, or if you let it get to you, and I mean really let the dissonance (getting upset) continue long enough, you might even tell your friend to leave. You could rationalize that maybe you overdo it with how clean and neat things should be you know, it’s what Mom made you do maybe, in reality you don’t need to keep it that clean, you’ve overdone it again just like most things.
36: I hope you’re getting the point maybe you need to relax your standard or hire someone to help you so you can spend quality time with folks you want to, without the guilt of needing to clean all the time. What I’m saying is you have options when dealing with cognitive dissonance, but one thing is for certain - when you’re experiencing it, you feel powerfully motivated to resolve the dissonance and restore order. Even if you’re not consciously aware of it, you’ll be driven to adjust the outer and inner pictures of reality so that they once again match. Like when you see a picture on the wall and you “straighten it up”, because it doesn’t look right to you. This is simply how human beings are built in order to maintain sanity. We need to see our beliefs about reality confirmed by what we see and experience. When this happens, we feel that we have a handle on things, that we’re in our comfort zone, and, as we’ve already seen, that is where we like to operate. When this doesn’t happen, we feel compelled to correct the mistake. Here’s something else you need to know about cognitive dissonance. Whenever your system (the way you believe things should be) is thrown out of order, there is a tremendous amount of drive and energy generated to restore order. Then, once the order is restored, the extra drive and energy turns off, because it’s no longer needed. Let me give you another example once you achieve a goal, there’s no longer any cognitive dissonance. The picture in your mind (the end result, the desired goal) and current reality used to be different and that’s what caused the drive and energy to make the picture match (achieve the goal). Once that goal has been achieved there is no dissonance you (we) flatten out, lose drive. We feel disheartened, edgy, and maybe even depressed. So, what do you do? You set your goals through, not just up to your end result. You don’t wait until after you’ve achieved a goal before setting new ones. Think of when you’ve been at your best as you began to reach your goal you set a new one and then you did it again. Goal setting is a powerful force, but it needs to be ongoing and continued if it’s going to get you anywhere. And after all, isn’t that what you want? Remember, we need to control what we think about It’s in your hands.
37: Character building may require more from you....are you ready? One of the true tests of character (and there are many) is when you commit to changing something about yourself. Think about it, when you finally decide to set goals that will stop you from doing things that you automatically do without thinking about, that aren’t getting you anywhere, to doing something that moves you in a whole new direction. It could be as simple as making your word good to yourself. Maybe it’s deciding to increase your days in the “field” from 2-3 days to 5 days. “Man oh man, that would be a real hassle. I’d be working every day almost”. Yeah you’re right, but if you seriously set goals to increase your sales because you could use the new found income to pay down the principle on the house, or you could start saving for the kids or grandkids college, the vacations, the charities, and the things you would do if you won the lottery. What I’m saying, is to deliberately determine what you and your spouse truly want, and then to go after it. Sometimes, when you start to make changes, red flags go up, and we don’t understand what’s going on. Well, when we’re committed to personal growth and change, family members or others who are close to us will do everything they can to try and get us to change back to the way we were even when the way we were wasn’t so great. Did you ever wonder why that might be? Well, for one thing, when people are used to their lives being a certain way, any change...even when it’s an improvement, more money, even a better life style, can feel threatening. It’s also frequently true that people who are stuck in negative habits have a hard time tolerating people who are making obvious, positive efforts toward change. What? Going from negative to positive? That’s right ...“I don’t want you to be better than me.” “If I do too well, my old friends will think I’m a snob.” Maybe you should realize if someone is trying to hold you back, they may not be that good of friend...do you really need them? Tough choices aren’t they? That’s why for these last few months, I’ve talked to you about the importance of sitting down with your spouse...writing out what the two of you absolutely want, so you can grow together and support each other on this new journey. You can support each other through the tough times and give each other encouragement and approval as you begin to see results. Can you see how important it is for you to be able to set and share your goals and that goes both ways.
38: If you are selling 5 days a week and moving in the right direction financially, you can’t come home and start squabbling over how hard you’re working, and not help out around the house. And if you really don’t want to help out, then hire someone to do the house cleaning, the yard work, the things you feel are standing in the way of a wonderful relationship. You are not a martyr...or a victim. Remember, you set those goals together, so that you could enjoy the rewards. If you have to go it alone, though, let your “significant others” in on what you’re trying to do and tell them how it will benefit them as well as you. Paint them a vivid word picture of what the end results will look like, and ask for their help in achieving them. If you don’t get that help, be patient. It may take time to convince them that you’re serious and that you intend to stay close to them, even though you’re changing. If it ever comes down to the difficult choice between continuing a painful relationship and developing yourself as a person, pray on it, ask what the new you is causing concern over. Remember that you always have the right to choose growth without guilt. Character building? You bet.do you know why? Because .... It’s in your hands.
39: Your purpose..or somebody else’s? Let me share what I’ve learned What will it take to have you make the commitment to not only grow your business beyond paycheck to better paycheck, to ups and downs that you might call “tough times." "It’s the economy,and I’m doing pretty darn good compared to what I used to make”. I know you are, and quite frankly, I’m proud of you and more than happy with what you’ve done with TMC. So, if you’re where you want to be, making the income you really want, with the savings for retirement, the kids’ college money in the bank (or the grandkids for that matter), then great. If your spouse doesn’t need to work and can donate time, talent and treasures in your community, what more could you ask for? If the home you live in is exactly what you want and vehicles you drive are what you always wanted, then you truly are living the life you’ve designed for your family. I say these things because for over 30 years I’ve worked with people from all walks of life, and they all wanted something better. Better relationships (with spouse, to kids, to parents and siblings) better jobs, income, education, homes, cars, vacations, and yes a deeper spiritual connection. What is amazing to me, is when I meet these people they look like and come across as “already having” most everything. When I talk about purpose, vision, and their ability to grow and become better at what they do and achieve the things they want, the internal struggle begins. So, I want you to know, what I hear from you in our conversations, is no different than anyone else who wants to do better. The difference with you and them is that I usually spend three days with them teaching and workshopping every concept, so they can develop and internalize each step The feedback I get from the people I’ve worked with is that many think that purpose descends on you, sort of like the old Biblical movies, where everyone is roaming the desert.and then there’s a loud voice coming from heaven telling them what to do. But, since they never quite hear that call, they drift, sometimes they drift in fortunate directions - more often they follow the path of least resistance and end up doing whatever they see others doing, blindly obeying their parents’, or spouses, or others wishes, or simply latching on to the first acceptable thing that comes along. They marry, have children, work at a job, have hobbies and friends they enjoy, but they don’t really put their hearts and souls into any of it, and they don’t feel particularly fulfilled or enthusiastic about their lives.
40: I think that some fortunate folks seem to have a distinct sense of purpose at an early age, but for most of us it’s not that simple. We have to deliberately decide on a purpose, whether for a lifetime or less, through a process of conscious soul-searching. This process may be difficult or lengthy. It may take place after we’ve already become adults and, in some cases, long after we’ve made some major life decisions. For me, the idea was always to do something that had benefit to the people I worked with and to share my life with Connie and raise healthy, fun loving children and to be thankful to God for His blessings. But the conscious choice came when Connie and I attended a three and a half day retreat. It turned out to be a tough three and a half days, all right, but not in the way I expected. You see, the retreat required me to examine every belief I had about who I was, how I got to be that way, why I was alive, why I was doing the things I was doing, and my relationship to God and other people. It was during that retreat that I developed a vision for my life that was far more compelling, expansive, and full of exciting possibilities than anything I had previously been able to imagine. Furthermore, I was convinced that I could do it. Connie and I came away with a clear sense of direction and purpose that has served as the foundation for what we do. I began the series of articles several months ago by simply asking if you had a compelling vision. And from there, the concepts and ideas have been to help you fill in the blanks ,so to speak,, giving you the tools, if you choose, to begin a deliberate and thoughtful way of clearly building a vision that your spouse and you could not only see, but believe.
41: At the convention last year, Gene, Dean and Mark began talking about the “new office” and the introduction of TMC University, but more importantly, they shared their idea of a “Wall of Fame”. And as they shared that idea, I was reminded of the firm I worked with..and how the top producers, the Chairman’s Club Award winners, whose performance developed the standards that became the benchmark for everyone else to work towards. It was an international company because we grew it to be one. And upon walking into the headquarters, there was a long wall that had the pictures of those who had earned the honor by exceptional performance. It was a statement that the company made to all the others that they could do it, and if so, they would in-turn be honored by being on the wall. I tell you this so that you can begin to develop a picture for yourself, seeing yourself on the “hall of fame” wall, being recognized by your peers and more importantly to the newcomers of TMC, that they will be able to have role models that may not have been any different than them, and went on to show their greatness... sales, income, training, mentoring and providing hopeful encouragement. I’m looking forward to seeing you at the conventions,sharing stories and meeting the new members of this fantastic company. As I have gotten to know you over the years, I can see you on the wall. Can you see you on the wall? Remember,.. It’s In Your Hands.
42: With Gratitude, Dean, Gene and Mark