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Finding Her Voice

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FC: Finding Her Voice | Jazmyne Kae

1: I started writing poetry as a teenager. In a span of just a few years I wrote over 40 poems. It was my salvation. Most of those poems were lost and long forgotten. As an adult I tried at various times to get back into writing but life was so busy and when I tried, it just felt forced. Then one day my husband got tickets to see Blue October. I knew almost nothing about them but liked what little I'd heard. We decided to go to the show and check them out. From the moment they hit the stage, there was just something different about them, something mesmerizing. Their music resonated deep into my soul. They connected with every member of their audience. I was inspired. The next day I picked up a pen and the words just poured out. I wrote about past hurts, current love, and everything else that came to mind. Thank you, Blue October, for waking up a part of me that I thought had long been buried and for allowing me to rediscover my voice. | email: JaztheDragon@hotmail.com Facebook: Stacy.Hendrickson@facebook.com Twitter: @JazmyneKae

2: Written by Jazmyne Kae, 2012 Designed by Jazmyne Kae through use of Mixbook.com, 2012 Published by Jazmyne Kae, 2012 All rights reserved. | Warning: this book contains explicit verbiage and strong subject matter. Reasonable discretion is advised (do not read if you are easily offended).

3: A Child Left Behind Shayna sat on her bed and envisioned all the places she'd like to be...anywhere but here. Here was such an unhappy place. In this Midwestern town she felt shackled and forced into a daily ritual of torture and degradation. In school she tried to avoid the crowd that seemed to relish in her pain, but each day they found her. Each day they tormented her. She was too shy, too quiet, too goody-goody. She was book-smart and not into all the fashion glamour. She just wanted to disappear. If only to be invisible. If only to just be left alone. Then one day she'd had enough. They had ridiculed and pulled her hair just one too many times. She had dealt with it for years and she had reached her breaking point. And in one empowered moment, she stood up for herself. She spoke up. Shayna told them off. But her moment was short lived. Her time of bravery came with a harsh consequence. The bullying only became worse. It was no longer just a few people harassing her with a group standing around laughing. The whole group threatened death, some even threatened to rape her if they caught her. They didn't just find her at her locker or in the halls. They followed her into the bathrooms, hit and pushed her in the classrooms, chased her home. She tried to get help but the school refused and insisted if she didn't want to be bullied she could find ways to avoid it. She tried going to a counselor but they just wanted to medicate and put her on a daily therapy ritual. The head psychiatrist diagnosed her without ever even meeting her. She was told she was mentally ill and would suffer the rest of her life. She decided to drop out of school. There just had to be a better way to live. She was exhausted and wasn't able to learn in school when she was constantly watching her back. She tried looking at different schools, maybe a fresh start was just what she needed. The counselors told her parents it was a waste of time that they should institutionalize her because she'd never fit into society. Nobody understood. So she sat in her room, sick with fear and disgusted that nobody gave a damn. Shayna turned to writing. The feelings of hurt just poured out of her heart and onto the paper. And even though it didn't ease the suffering, somehow there was a comfort in seeing her thoughts on paper. It gave her a safe way to voice her pain. It was someone to talk to when nobody really wanted to listen. | 1

4: A Lost Soul I died a few years ago Happiness and hope left me but my body was left behind along with a piece of my mind and as my sanity cries for help I feel desperation overcoming me And nobody hears my screams And I realize that I'm alone trapped in a world of torture and I'm scared ...............................help me Help me I feel myself slipping I'm grasping the edge I'm trying to climb But everything crumbles And as I search for a way to save myself from despair I see you You are in the distance I call to you, beg for you But you do not hear me And as I grow weak And begin to lose hope I'm left to wonder Will you notice in time? Can you rescue me? or will life just go on without me? | What Goes Around Come Around I envisioned butterflies flying with grace splashed in beauty all over the place .......but someone plucked their wings I watched the fireworks exploding in the sky in awe I stared as the colors caught my eye ....... but they turned black and gray And in horror I screamed and in terror I panicked but everything went numb the colors of the world left and the drudgery of life's end beat alive Life exploded to death beauty ran off sorrow replaced it and as happiness died Evil laughed with delight Loneliness became primary it thrived on the souls suicide was bliss and nobody was left alive to meander this twisted world of play The sun infinitely eclipsed and the moon and stars cried the end overcame even the dead leaving Evil to himself to wallow in his own self pity ... And what goes around comes around... | 2

5: Dead Blackened walls surround a spiraling staircase shattered mirrors reflect taunting images I reach into darkness, frightened by my mortality Running from the thoughts consuming my mind Passion has left me, numbness abound Feeling trapped, overwhelmed, can I do anything right? The happiness sucked out of me, I feel empty inside Trying to relive the memories of better times Without the euphoria, they are just distant reminders What is wrong with me? What is going on? Why can't I stop wishing I were... | Darkness Descent Looking up to sunshine that doesn't exist Raising my voice I shout, I'm so pissed Rain, oh, rain Will you just go away? You ruin my life You darken my day I feel my life slipping, a psychotic descent into a never-ending cesspool as real as recent The picture grows clearer my mind wonders fast my life is worthless my soul has passed What's the conclusion life's brought on to me simple as daylight there's nothing left to see | 3

6: A Second Chance Shayna found a new school in her town. It was smaller and she was no longer just a number, lost in a mass of students. She was no longer part of a school that only cared about the jocks and prom queens while discarding the academics, the ones willing to question the world around them. This school was accepting, it cared. It was filled with misfits just like her, kids that society had thrown away. She made friends, she made Student Counsel, she excelled. And without the constant survival mode necessity she had previously grown accustomed to, she no longer felt desperate, fearful and alone. She was enjoying life. She had a best friend, Michael. They would drive around and talk for hours. He had shown her respect like she'd never known before. It was just an honest, pure friendship. Her creativity turned towards feelings of empowerment. It was no longer about questioning whether life was worth living. It was about strong characters, misfits. It was about fighting back. | Psychotic Psychosis Psychotic psychosis Estranged as may Feels like killing Every day Rioting outbursts Triggering anger Decides on his weapon Sharpening a dagger Stalking the prey Thirsty for blood Stabbed in the back Left in the mud A monster now Ego on power Strikes again The brave massive tower Terminal suicide Watching the roses Forever ill with Psychotic psychosis | Black Widow Vixen I wrap my enchanting web around your neck day and night blend into one as I draw you into a trans bewitched, you wonder is this for real? Am I falling for the Vixen of Death? Devilishly, I laugh your strength surpassed you draw into my beauty the danger unknown I'll sacrifice your blood enwrap you to me the prey taken hostage you succumb unto me and your life, to my spells as you wither away was it worth it to you? one moment of pleasure for a Black Widow Vixen | 4

7: Undead Revenge Screaming, chanting their corpses free strangled, shot undead and angry time is of virtue see them come to escape alive you'd better run They're alive, they're alive hear them cry their spirits, their spirits they didn't die They're coming after the first one they see they don't care whoever may be chasing for blood grabbing for more coming forth to settle a score With weapons galore they chase after you inflicting their pain and suffering too you scream as you fall running for your life and as you get up your back, stabbed by knife Revenge, revenge it's alive at must now it's your turn it's you that will rust | 5

8: Hope and Love With her new found empowerment, she continued to flourish. She and Michael continued to hang out as friends and confide in each other. She was gaining confidence daily. She started dating. Never had she imagined that she would find someone who would like her, let alone want to date her. Having someone to adore her, to care about her was so new and felt so wonderful. Shayna loved it. She loved that feeling of being in love. | Love is Everlasting The gaps and spaces of time fill the iridescent way to the fields of peace to the foundation of happiness and beauty plays its role in the victory of mankind as nature overwhelms the spirit of intimidation and everyone is left standing vividly witnessing sunlight overpowering the darkness of gloom the clouds lose the battle because love is everlasting | Forever Your Eternity Eyes of truth spilling over onto a new day reaping away the habits of darkness and descent casting away despair unto happiness holding sacred the emotional trauma of a free-born soul a smile arises the air is of peace and joyful bliss which rises above a clouded horizon madness is led astray and the ashes of turmoil are blown free scattered away until nothing is left but a heart filled with passion beating on until the end forever true forever eternity forever for you | 6

9: Do You Remember Me When, Where Are You Now? Where are you when I need you at day and miss you at night Do you remember me? Do you think of me, wish of me wrapped in your arms? Do you hurt for me, dream of me with all of my charms? When I yearn for you, desire you do you feel my pain? My passion for you ignited, driving me insane Cuddled under starlight do you fancy the thought? Romancing and snuggling with love burning hot Do you think of this sometimes when you are away or does the memory burn out and get led astray? Do you think of me when, where are you now? | What Dreams Are Made Of Ask me what dreams are made of And I will tell you how they are They're made of love, hope, happiness And aspirations from afar They should fill your wildest fantasies Stretching to exotic lands They should bring peace, joy and ecstasy And romance in the sands Dreams should move mountains With magic and grace Using beauty and wonder Like satin and lace So dream of me whispering Sweet nothings in your ear Making mad, passionate love To only you my dear To know that I'm yours You could never make me blue Because always and forever I will completely love you. | 7

10: The Advocate in Training It was her senior year. Both she and Michael were preparing for graduation. She had started the school six months behind but had pulled herself up and finished three months ahead of her class. She was Student of the Year. Her poem, What Dreams Are Made Of, was selected by the graduation committee to be read during the commencement ceremonies. She modified it slightly to be more appropriate for a graduation but kept it's inspirational feel intact. She was honored that out of all the pain she had endured and the creativity that was born of it, she was being acknowledged and praised for her work. She was shining. After high school she went to college. She was studying to be a counselor. Motivated partially by a need to prove wrong the psychiatrists from her childhood and expose their unethical practices, and also out of a desire to understand human behavior, she took on psychology and sociology. Shayna wanted to help children who were victims of abuse. She took a look at the world around her and was disheartened to see all the children suffering from neglect, verbal abuse, beatings, and sex crimes. She wanted to change the world. She wanted to heal the children and teach everyone to love and respect each other. She wanted people to wake up, take action, and end abuse. | 8

11: This Society Blond to burgundy hair baggy clothes, anorexic tendencies stealing, drinking, self-destructive patterns, and suicidal obsessions is this a child gone mad, a criminal in the making or maybe a screaming soul begging for help drowning in the mist belonging to a tortured heart charred by the deception of a selfish society a deliberate infliction of pain thrust upon an innocent child abandoned, lost in despair feeling denied and unwanted How can this be? Why such a waste? The lesson of society, a society who can terminally hurt a being and not look back at the destruction one who can devastate a person with a single blow and ignore the recourse of its actions a cruel society in which a child can be born without a future of prosperity, happiness and success a society who only promises the threat of danger and a reality of insecurity a society who kills the spirit, causes a helpless soul to scream, chars the hearts of people, takes away the ability to feel and leaves an air of distrust, hatred and instability this society | The Hurt of Unjust The hurt of unjust painful at must cries out for help scream or you'll bust As you try to hold in the anger inside you try to make your life abide Going insane crazy at might all you're feeling are emotions of fright So outraged that you blow your spout pissed at yourself because you let it all out Now they know feeling will rust repeat offenders of the hurt of unjust | 9

12: The Ultimate Betrayal In her senior year of college she started dating a man who seemed to share a similar past of harassment, neglect and abandonment. James had a lot of deep-seeded hostility but treated her like a queen and she thought maybe she could use her training and experience to help him heal and be happy. After a short time they were engaged. She was preparing for graduate school and making plans for the two of them to move together to a new town. She felt like she was on top of the world. But it was short lived. Soon after moving, James started turning his anger on her. He isolated her from her friends, and would berate her for hours. He accused her of emasculating him by working but called her a gold digger when she spent money on food. Shayna was all alone, miles from family, and living with a man who threatened her regularly. She had fought so hard to make it to graduate school and had overcome so many obstacles. Leaving him would mean giving all of that up. She decided to toughen up. James hadn't hit her yet, so maybe if she could just stick it out for another year, she could finish school and not have to give up her career aspirations or the town, the job and the friends that she loved. Then one summer night everything changed. The evening started like many before it, with hours of James yelling accusations, insults and threats. But slicing her with words was not enough for him. Just when she thought maybe he was finished for the night, maybe he was tired enough to leave her alone, he starting running his hands on her. She backed away. She told him to stop and tried to push him off. He told her that if she didn't stop fighting back, he would take it as proof that she had been cheating on him and would kill her. He pushed her on to the bed. She cried and stared out the window. It was dawn now and she could see people driving and walking about. She prayed that someone would realize what was going on, that they would come up and stop him. But nobody came. And when it was over James turned to her and seethed, "Before you go thinking this was rape, remember you stopped fighting back! You go tell the cops. They'll just laugh at you. Nobody will believe it was rape!" She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. How could he do that to her? Afterwards he simply got ready for work and left. She was alone and terrified. And in that moment, despite how hard she had worked to survive her past, she realized she was not safe. A master's degree, a successful career, it all meant nothing if she was dead. Shayna filed a restraining order, quit her job and school and moved away. | 10

13: Exhaustion I sit, my mind a sponge-like vacuum Absorbing your cruelty, your hatred explodes I'm juggling the collective regurgitation of your retched disgrace You laugh wickedly, reveling in the pain Your words forever singed into my brain I wonder why, what could I have done I gave you my heart and you ripped it out You accuse, you berate, you slice me with names I'm beyond exhausted of your fucking games You spew your veiled apology, I just make you so mad I'm lucky you tolerate me, I'm pathetically naive I know nothing of the world, I need to grow up And be thankful you haven't hit me...yet I try to leave, I need to get away You block the door and force me to stay I wonder why, what could I have done I gave you my heart and you ripped it out You threaten, you berate, you slice me with names I've beyond exhausted of your fucking games The flash in your eyes shows your true intent You've trapped, you've conquered, you want to devour You've impaled my soul, my innocence destroyed Voiding my "no" with coercion of death There's nowhere to run, nowhere to go I lay sobbing for help and stare out the window. I wonder why, what could I have done I gave you my heart & you ripped it out You rape, you berate, you slice me with names I'm beyond exhausted of your fucking games I deserve better, you're sadistic and cruel I'd rather be dead than to be with you So pack up your shit and get the fuck out Don't call, don't write, just forget I exist I'm reclaiming my life, and just to be clear Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you ...my dear. | I'm Not The One A meeting of chance? Naively drawn together I saw a kindred spirit in loss and pain If I could just heal you, take away the hurt So I tried and I tried, my efforts in vain You built me up, this wounded soul Lifted my esteem, or lack there of And foolishly I believed you I fell in love But it was just a ploy, a seductive game A game to manipulate, steal control And now I stare out the window Laying here with a broken soul Your words they cut, a jagged knife Ashamed and suffering in isolation You took my life and the happiness I knew I sit in pure blackness, total desperation How did everything turn out like this? I'm the rock, the fighter, the advocate I know all the signs. I work to prevent I'm not the one who takes the hit I'm not the one who take the hit | 11

14: Starting Overs Pick up the pieces put the puzzle back together smile on my face let no one know the pain don't say the words don't confess the hurt talk around the issues all is right with the world dying inside screaming so loud deafening sounds no voice to hear stomach in knots live in the facade distract, distract the air of humor make believe moving on eaten alive Why all the work? Why all the tears? Destruction of another salvation of self Why bother? Who cares? No one will know what to look for Fall in the pattern Live it again no more left no more left | A Better Start Fueled by a fire burning deep inside me, the tragedies I've had to survive Motivated by angst, the rebel within You will never fuck me over again. You stole my life, my trust betrayed And found pleasure in my misery You berated me, threatened me, broke me down Weighted my soul with an attempt to drown I put up with your shit for far too long Thought I could heal your pain But you tormented, tortured, tore me apart So I left you behind for a better start I gave up my friends, my job, my degree With you I just wasn't safe You callously refused to allow me "no" And there was no limit to how brutal you'd go I moved away to find peace, a new life And couldn't be gone fast enough I started over again, a new job, a new love Reclaimed my soul and rose above I put up with your shit for far too long Thought I could heal your pain But you tormented, tortured, tore me apart So I left you behind for a better start Advance the clock, your reign has died I have a strength you will never break So fuck you and the misery you gave I can stand up to you, I will not cave I have a happiness and peace unlike before I know love, compassion and respect I took back the parts of me you stole My life is fulfilled, complete, whole I put up with your shit for far too long Thought I could heal your pain But you tormented, tortured, tore me apart So fuck you, I made a better start | 12

15: Time to Heal Back in her Midwestern home town, Shayna searched for Michael. They hadn't seen each other in a couple of years yet he was the only friend she felt she could still count on, the only person she knew she could feel safe around. She wasn't quite sure how to contact him so she searched around. After just a few short days she found him. And in that moment it was as if their time apart was just a distant memory. In all that time that they had just been friends, she had never noticed the soft glimmer in the blue of his eyes. She had never noticed the handsomeness of his smile. But here they were face to face and she found herself smitten and looking at him as if seeing him for the first time. She knew that being with him is exactly where she needed to be. They spent months driving around and just talking. They discussed their childhoods, their aspirations, their philosophies on life. She wanted desperately to be more than friends but was scared. She didn't want to jeopardize the friendship. She didn't want to lose the only person left that she still trusted. And she didn't know how he felt about her. So she waited. Then one day he asked her out and they started dating. It was the happiest she'd been in a long time. And after only two weeks of dating Michael asked her to marry him. It wasn't a lavish proposal, but it was perfect. They were in love. | Your Heart Your eyes...so deep, so true I could get lost forever in your blue glimmer gaze You lips...so warm, so passionate I want to hang for eternity on your soft tender kiss Your arms...so loving, so strong I never want to leave your gentle embrace Your smile...so charming, so adorable I melt in the brilliance of your laughter Your heart... oh, you heart...so unconditional, so full I am grateful everyday that you let me inside your beautiful heart. | Soul Mates Enveloping embrace spilling over with the truth of a new dawn candlelight dancing in the honesty of a compassionate touch a gentle whisper hinting at the passionate spark a burning inferno of an eternal moment caught between the beating hearts the rapturous thoughts of a love so true only the soul could speak of such a union | 13

16: And Then There Was You Once I lived in a world of darkness Led astray by the shadows of anger and deceit I searched desperately for a reprieve For someone to ease my anguish But every turn brought me more pain And I spiraled deeper down a mountain of despair Until nothing was left but fear and betrayal And then there was you And with a smile, with a touch You brought me hope You chased away the clouds that haunted my existence With you there is trust, joy, compassion And a laughter unlike any before In the comfort of your arms, you melted my fears And lifted me from my imprisonment Because of you, the shadows are gone And all that is left is unending happiness You opened my soul and healed my wounds You looked past my scars and cherished me You've shown me respect and admiration More than I could have imagined And because of you, I have love | Dream Come True The other day I had a dream I was frantically searching for love, the love of a lifetime, unconditional and pure I saw myself reliving all the bad relationships I had experienced which hurt me so bad in the past I felt desperate, despair then a voice came telling me to have hope that I would find a love so true a love of all loves someone meant for me the relationship of a lifetime Puzzled, I turned away slowly, I started to wake up Feeling foggy and confused, I opened my eyes There you were next to me sleeping ever so peacefully and suddenly I realized All my dreams had come true | 14

17: United in Love The following August, in a beautiful outdoor ceremony, Shayna and Michael were married. She cried as she looked into his eyes and read her vows. It was the happiest day of her life. Just a few short months later, they welcomed a little boy into their world. He was perfect. And now they were a family. As time went on, they had their share of struggles. They worked opposite hours and didn't see each other often, money was tight, and raising a child as a new parent isn't easy. Somehow, though, they always fought through it and found a way to let it strengthen their bond. After four years they were pregnant again and welcomed a second beautiful boy into their family. On their fifth anniversary Michael surprised Shayna with a vow renewal ceremony in front of a lakeside fountain at a romantic bed and breakfast in California. It was one of the most beautiful, heartfelt moments she had ever experienced. After more than ten years of marriage, they are still together, stronger than ever. Growing old may not be ideal, but at least they're doing it together. And in a world of uncertain times, they know they can count on each other, on the family they've created together. | I Will Always Love You Holding your hands, looking into your eyes I feel a love like I've never known pure, full of passion. I melt at your touch and come alive at your smile. You make my world brighter, happier, hopeful. I feel blessed each day having met all those years ago. And I want you to know that as each day passes and I feel closer and closer to you that with all of my heart, to the very depths of my soul, I will always love you. | Love Making love all night with a desire that rings true into the hearts of any who knows its beat. Holding onto passion with such extremity and intensity that like a candle it will never fade away but burn into the soul, embedded in one's heart beating on the truth of love. | 15

18: Hun I gaze into your eyes, lost in your soul I see compassion, intellect beautiful and bold Your support gives me strength to assert myself to stand up, speak my mind put my fears on a shelf We've been through so much more better than worse our hearts intertwined We've weathered any course Your humor, your wit lightens my day bringing levity, grounding me lifting the weight You're my most trusted friend you make me whole You're my one, my everything the key to my soul We are so connected We can steal each other's thoughts We complete each other You're all that I want So no matter what My heart belongs to you My love, my hun forever and true | Our Intimate Ecstasy Feeling your hands grace across my skin my pulse quickens as your embrace draws me near your lips dance along my body my soul longing to be at one with you I run my fingers through your thick, dark hair entangling my legs around you kissing your neck, I pull you even closer I want to fulfill your every desire Your hands glide along my nape as our lips press firmly together I run my fingers along your torso our hearts beating wildly in unison I lay back, beckoning you our bodies passionately intertwined I invite you to me and feel your embrace the moment of rapture looms upon us Slowly, you enter inside me, filling me up I quiver and gasp, moaning with pleasure I press my nails along your back the love we share consuming me We are one now, moving together I can feel every fiber of your being as you glide back and forth, in and out the fire between us, an inferno You hold me tight in your arms embracing me with your soft, gentle kiss we lay without moving, an emotional paralysis the desire between us connecting our souls As our heartbeats slow down, I kiss you goodnight you touch my face and I get lost in your eyes I prepare to drift to sleep, anticipating your arms along my side and as we surrender to the night, gently I whisper I love you! | 16

19: Why Do I Love You I love you because... Without you I would not be who I am because you inspire me to grow, and to learn, and to be better I love you because... You love me more than I ever could imagine because you are my everything I love you because... You are the love of my life, my very best friend, my past, my present my future, my forever I love you because... just because | Her story is far from over, but after all she's experienced she's learned that no matter how challenging life gets, surviving those adversities is what makes a person who they are. For all the pain and all the struggles, Shayna wouldn't be who she is today without them and she might not have the happiness she has right now. And for that, she wouldn't trade her past for anything in the world. Today her writings range from pure fiction to true life, from past hurts to current loves, from that which brings happiness to that which frustrates and everything in between. She has survived a lot and has come out stronger for it. | Longing I long for a simple touch of a sweet embrace enveloping love of support inspired by the purity of unconditional positive caring I long for the trust of another's company a laugh of humor and the confidence of positive regard without the fear of unforeseen circumstances I long for the respect given by one towards an equal that I am of value, my decisions of merit that my thoughts have value and I deserve to have basic rights I long for the happiness I sacrificed to brighten the day of another that I lost to stop a sinking ship that was wounded in the robbery of innocence I long for the loss of pain experienced throughout the years but to do so would lose the wisdom of the lesson learned to lose the good in the person I've become What I long for is something I've never found in another as much as I've had in myself and I will long no longer | 17

20: Nocturnal Hypno-Seizure Delight Twisted degradation, a heartless soul Is it soulful or soulless? How should I know? broken memories, untraceable touch living hallucinations, intolerable, too much Nocturnal hypno-seizure delight 3-ring circus, private fight Invisible sadist, thief in the night mental terrorist, dead give-a-way, fright seductive delusion, darkened despair dancing with danger, choices unfair Nocturnal hypno-seizure delight 3-ring circus, private fight Seething pulsation, fight or flight reach out, disappearance, can't trust your sight temptful loathing, secret rage truth or fantasy on center stage Nocturnal hypno-seizure delight 3-ring circus, private fight Sleepless excursion, fitful passion homicidal insomnia, bent on a mission preservation deteriorated, persecution unreal failed reality, unable to feel Nocturnal hypno-seizure delight 3-ring circus, private fight Nocturnal hypno-seizure delight 3-ring circus, private fight | What Were You Thinking? I tiptoe, sneaking up on you overwhelmed by vengeance Thought you could fuck me over and evade consequence? Scream and run I'll tear you apart Your terror fuels me This is only the start The dawn of the day has finally come and ultimate justice is sweetly mine Thought you could fuck me over taking a friend in time With a flash of the knife you flinch in vain after all you've done I'll bathe in your pain Your time to get away ceases to exist thought you could fuck me over now suddenly you're remiss!?! Blood flows onto the floor your heart in my hands You'll hurt no one again end the hourglass sands Your reign is done Your life is no more Thought you could fuck me over? Thought you could fuck me over? Wrong! | 18

21: Abandonment Turning around to catch a whisper to grasp a touch in an air of emptiness Hope dashed away disappointment settles in The pattern begins Expectations forgotten depression abound despair on the forefront. Where to go from here The trust of another the only in the world dwindling as a candle fighting in the wind How to pick up the pieces Fresh out of start overs Anxiety of loneliness What to look forward to Why the cycle What was missing Left unforeseen Fight back the pain Shouldn't hurt - so unrealistic Should have known better Should have been smarter Third degree burns A heart bleeds for days Roses cry in darkness Doves without feathers sway in flight and drop out of the sky Where is the world I need to know? | Who The Hell Do You Think You Are? Looking up your darkened staircase Towards the depths of rotting despair You tower above with a pretentious smile Transparently pretending to care Who the hell do you think you are? Cutting me down when you don't know me Surrounding yourself with bullshit lies Hoping those around are too blind to see A time of innocence and courage A memory, a precious reality torn Before the poison of your sadistic tyranny Shackled a voice with venom and scorn Who the hell do you think you are? Running your game like a fucking snake Manipulating, tormenting the people around you Thriving on the souls of those you break You fake that you give a damn While masking your maniacal intent Crushing, wearing down the strongest of heart Evil bastard with no regret Who the hell do you think you are? Getting off on perceived control Dismissing the intellect of the talent around you And stealing their credit to put on a show Who the hell do you think you are? Trampling on the freedoms we all deserve Who the hell do you think you are? Killing the happiness of all with your pressure Who the hell do you think you are? Who the hell do you think you are? Tell me who the hell do you think you are? I'll tell you... You're a nobody. | 19

22: Growing Old Together Years apart and worlds away our lives so separate we lost touch, moved on my life was so desolate Then a chance meeting, a whisper and with a flash of your eyes I knew all that I had missed you were all that I wanted And with that time stood still we talked forever about dreams and plans about memories and pain I felt so connected We drove for hours, going nowhere just enjoying the peace that comes with sharing a moment together how I wanted to be more than friends We healed together, laughed together as if we had never been apart staying up for hours so we didn't miss a thing I was dying for you to kiss me Then came the moment, our first kiss I have never been so nervous terrified of disappointing, rejection I was so in love And soon we were an "us," happily dating spending every free moment, inseparable two weeks later, engaged, we just knew my heartache history, my dreams come true Down the aisle we walked with personalized vows and my heart in your hands we were united as one Then came a son, a symbol of our love and a second, four years later a wonderful family, through joy and tears weathering all storms Fast forward the clock, it's been over 10 years We've endured more better than worse and with each new experience I find myself even more in love with you and looking forward to Growing old together | 20

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  • Title: Finding Her Voice
  • Novella with Poetry
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  • Published: over 5 years ago