BC: "If you want a rainbow, you have to deal with the rain."
1: Table of Contents "The House on Mango Street"-The House on a Cul-desac "My Name" - The Thing about my Name... It's wrong "Alicia Who Sees Mice"- Oblivian "Darius & the Clouds" - Con Te Patricio "Papa Who Wakes" - The Sleeping Rock "Geraldo No Last Name"- Your Name Again? "Sally" - Temporarily Permanent "Beautiful & Cruel" - Young & Reckless "The Monkey Garden" - Keddy Boulevard "Alicia and I Talking" - It's Not An Option
3: Little house on the cul-de-sac Summer 2003. My mother was tired of living in an apartment and wanted a good neighborhood for her baby girl. She searched everywhere in Chicopee before she found the house. A threeroom, one bathroom, one kitchen, unfinished basement house on a nice cul-de-sac neighborhood. The house was rusty, with peeling paint all on the outside. The windows were thick with dust and dead spiders. The walls were all white and had hammer holes in them. The door, took forever to open and the yard had no appeal. With it’s long dead grass, falling apart brick garden, and over flow of brown bushes. Why my mom actually bought this house is beyond me. But now my sister, who was not born when we bought the house in its original state, and I have our own rooms and the house looks wonderful inside and out. All the way from the silver not rusted chain link fence to the refurnished basement we now have. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
4: The thing about my name... is it's wrong. My name is Kaihla. Pronounced by most Kay-la. Supposed to be pronounced Kai-e-la. Meant to be spelt Kahila. When I was born my mother spelt my name incorrectly when they asked because she was still on so much medication from the emergency C-section I put her through. During birth I almost died due to the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck twice. But here I am at 16, with the Hawaiian based name I’ve been saddled with. I’m not really sure how Kahila really came along, because when I asked my mom the other names she planned on naming me she replied “Alysa or Ella or Grace.” So how Kahila spelt the native way or altered as it is now I'm not sure how she changed her mind to that. A majority of my friends call me “Kay” which is okay with me seeing as I don’t really appreciate my name. If I could change my name to anything I think I’d change it to Hazel or Alaska. I’m not sure why but the names intrigue me. They seem very deep, and to me I feel it leaves a story for someone to uncover of why their parents would name them a color or a state. But it’s much more than that.
5: 11th, 1998
7: "Alicia Who Sees Mice" -Oblivion People believe in different religions and different types of beliefs but I... i actually am lost on what I should believe in. Is there a Heaven? A Hell? A Purgatory? If I don't do something will that affect my chances of getting into one of those? If I do, do something will that affect my chances of getting into one of those? Who's to tell me which answer is right and which answer is wrong? My biggest fear is oblivion. Where do we "live" after we no longer live? What about all the people that I leave when I "leave"? Do i get to see them again? Thats my fear. People have this image of a place you can either be accepted into to live out your days with people that have already passed on with you. Unless of course they were denied entry. Will i ever se my great grandmother or great grandfather again? or my Uncle? I like to believe so but my biggest fear is not knowing what will happen. Fear of the unknown I guess. It's like walking alone in an unknown area and you turn every corner waiting and watching to see what happens next. Could the one you love be on one knee asking you to spend the rest of their live with you? Or a loved one plagued with an incurable disease leaving them little time? You just never know what could happen. What if you're standing at the alter in your beautiful white gown, jewels passed down from generations of your family around your neck, and what you thought was the love of you life right by your side... but then he looks at you and cries, apologizing because he really isn't truly as in love with you as he thought he was and didn't want to put you through more pain by saying "I do." What if? You just never know...
8: “Darius & the Clouds”- Con Te Patricio My best friend of the year was leaving to go college an I was scared to death I would never be able to see him again. To share all the things Id used to share with him. To not have the comfort of him always there. I looked up at him shaggy haired and teary eyed and said "please don't forget about me.." and he looked at me and said "how could you ever forget someone you love so much" an we stood there like that until he had to leave... it truly surprised me because I'd never really believed it until just then.
11: “Papa Who Wakes”- The Sleeping Rock My uncle. Loud (in a good way). Loving. Talented. Adored. Gone but never ever forgotten. My uncle was the rock of our family. The glue. He held the three sisters together. Held the cousins, siblings, and even couples together. His wife, my aunt Sharon, had breast cancer at the time he was alive. When she went into chemo therapy and got cleared as a survivor of breast cancer he was well and doing great. A little while down the road he was working out and he had a major heart attack. All at once the curtains were drawn, people were crying all over the place, the school had a benefit in his honor. Everyone was shocked. At loss. His son, fifteen at the time, was going slightly insane with the thought of his father being gone. He didn’t know how to cope. The rest of the family? Fighting and crying constantly, distance, missing holidays due to “work”, silence, more tears, more fighting. The foundation of this “house” that was beautifully crafted. With intelligence, talent, comedy, and love most importantly was gone. Washed away in the time is takes a wave to hit shore and go back out to sea.
12: "Geraldo No Last Name"- Your name again? My sister was extremely ill. We were at the hospital and she was being admitted to the ER in about 30 minutes. I was sitting outside with her waiting for my mother to get the car because she couldn't walk. All of a sudden a slate gray Nissan pulled up in front of us. An older man in a brown sweater vest was in the passenger seat and a younger woman with short brown hair was already out of the now parked car and getting out a smaller than usual wheelchair for the man. I was sitting so close I could hear her mumble her stress out loud. So I offered to wheel in the man in to the hospital doors while she parked. She thanked me and the man and I immediately introduced ourselves. "Ray Hansen! What's yours dear?" "Kaihla! Pleasure to meet you!" "The pleasure is all mine." I stayed with Ray, a 94 year old, rebellious, jokester for about 20 minutes while watching my sister outside through the window. This man was one of the most interesting people I've met and he was only there for such a short amount of time. In those 20 minutes I learned he rejected fighting in WWII because he refused to kill other peoples children and was sent to jail for 5 years, he has four daughters whose names I can't seem to remember, he's been married for 51 years to his beautiful wife Cindy. The jokes he told me to tell my sister to make her feel better... priceless. "Never let anyone get in your way Kaihla. Keep your head up high and your dreams even higher." This man managed to take my attitude about having to be at the hospital, having my sister in the state she was in and just about life in general to a better mind set. An then just like that I never saw him again...
14: "Sally"- Temporarily Permanent Between your roughly cut blonde and brown hair I see eyes that never really look up from the floor. You have confidence, no doubt, but to me it seems like it's not really there. Your friends stop you in the hallway to catch you up on the latest news about this girl they're after. You laugh, nod, and give a quiet "See ya man." An off to your next class. Why aren't you the one chasing the girl? Why aren't they falling all over you? Or are they? You have such a realistic personality how can you be so fake? People see such a different side of you. A side that you put on to show off. A side you don't really want to be. Because I know... we've met before. We grew up together and I know. That's not the boy you were on the lonely street we lived on. This is different. Was it a phase? Have you grown out of it? That nice boy or should I say man? Taking after your father since mothers gone now. You've forgotten about me. Only when you need something from me do you say how "genuine and great" I am to you. Why do you act like that? Is it cool? Is it fun? Don't you get it? It's not a game anymore. It's time to really grow up and face they people that have always and will always be there. Not the temporary ones. Those won't really matter later. But the permanent ones... why throw them out? They're all you're going to have. An once they're gone... they're gone. I was temporarily permanent and now I'm temporarily done and permanently gone.
15: what you have before its gone...
16: is far to short...
17: "Beautiful and Cruel" - Young and Reckless I'm almost 16 now and I'm starting to take in all the pros and cons of being that age. One of those pros is driving... which of course my mother is thrilled about! My uncle who lives in Oregon comes down every other month for about five days. Whilst he was there he took me out driving at night so there's no one on the road. Seeing as I live on a cul-de-sac it was plenty easy to learn the basics. Gas, break, park, drive, reverse. He'd never taken me outside our little circle. But one night I asked my mom if I could drive down to the drug store we live near, instead of her. She said "No." I pleaded "It's down the street mom!! It's 8:30 and down the street." "No." "But Uncle Sean let me drive!!" "Fine, Kaihla. There! Not back!" I was overjoyed! I got on the driver side and put the car in reverse like I already had before. drove up to the top of the street and stopped at the stop sign. Then I pulled out into the street going about 30 and smiling profusely. Then a car was coming toward me on the opposite side of the road. I had no idea why but I was freaking out. Me just having turned 15 about four months ago, swerved to the left and crossed so close in front of the other car is could have kissed us then proceeded to scream and go down that street while the other car drove by blaring it's horn. I cried... I felt stupid. Wrong. Scared... all because I wanted to show my mom how "old" I could be.
18: "The Monkey Garden”- My serenity – When I was a kid I'd take my bike and ride around my circle but that wasn't enough for me by the age of 10. So I asked mom if I could ride out side of the sheltered, quiet, neighborhood. When she agree to let me go out of the nest, I'd ride down through other neighborhoods that I've yet to see on my "two feet”. One day I found a nice park with little to know people there. But around the outskirts there was a large amount of forest area. I walked into the woods and spotted a cave type structure made out of cement. Graffiti lined the sides of it. Ever since I saw it that day it's become a spot where i can go to be alone. A serene, war place full of life and mysteries.
21: "Alicia & I Talking" - No, you cant go home again... You can't face defeat of knowing whatever your plans were... they failed. That big house you wanted to live in? You didn't have the money for it because, that huge interview for that great job you thought you'd have? You didn't get it. Those dreams you were looking to fulfill and brag about? They didn't work out. The person you were going to run off and marry? They ran off with someone else... But you can't go home. You can't show up at them door and explain yourself. Even though you know you could easily do it and you'd have a roof over your head and someone to love and protect yo, you can't give in. There's to much shame. To much pride that'll be crushed... is that worth it though? Giving in to your pride and facing even possibly more failure?