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1: Which One Are You?
2: Which One Are You? Copyright © 2011 Daniel Hill. All rights reserved. Author: Daniel Hill Company: THE DC WAY Edited By: Shameka Peters
3: Table of Contents Beginning Thoughts p.4 The Dedicated Mother p.5 My Reasons, Your Reasons p.11 Just Trying To Fit In p.15 The Way Of Life p.17 Tradition p.20 A True Best Friend p.23 In Every Church p.26 That’s Why! p.30 The Price Of Love p.33 The Evaluation p.37 Why Didn’t I think first? p.41 The Good Example p.45 Success p.48 Which Way To Go? p.51 Are They Really Mine? p.55 The Good Father p.58 The Preacher p.60 No More Sand p.64 Can’t Tell Me Nothing p.68 Final Thoughts p.71 Thank You p.72 Now, Which One Are You? Your Thoughts! p.73
4: Beginning Thoughts People always think that no matter what you do in life, in the end everything will be ok, but we all know that’s not true. We have seen it in our families, friends or maybe even someone you just know or heard about from around the way. If you do wrong then most of the time your ending won’t be the same ending that you nor God had planned for you. I think life is a sequence of events that people believe they have no control over. They say regardless of what I do its going to happen anyway, because I’m not God. The truth is you are right you are not God but when He tells you to do something, not to do something, let something go or hold on to something and you choose to do whatever you want, then you are playing God. But the truth is when you do something or nothing, something always happens regardless of if it happens to you or to someone you may never meet, whether it is in this generation or the next. That’s why God always teaches us to watch what we do and who we associate with because in the end He is trying to guide us to do right but some people just won’t listen and others don’t even acknowledge that fact. UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE!!!!
5: The Dedicated Mother Everyday, I held her in my arms never wanting to let go. She was so precious to me that even one moment away was too long. I knew the best thing to make sure she stayed safe is to hold her even tighter so she would not slip away or fall. That’s a true mother’s job to hold them always never letting them get to far away. Yeah, that’s a real mother’s job, or is it? I always told my sister that to be a really good mother, you have to be overprotective, but she said no. She said that she was just going to let them grow up. Yeah! She found out later who was right. Since the first day my husband and I met, we just knew that we were going to get married and start a family together. My sister also met a young man around the same time, but he was kind of wild just like her. Somehow, they found a way to make it work and eventually got married.
6: My Reasons, Your Reasons Man, I can’t wait to get out the hospital so I can tell my boys the truth. I should have known that this dude was fake, but hey it’s the rules. We have everybody back in the gang, no matter right or wrong, but that doesn’t mean they will have your back. It all started when I was young. Growing up, we always had to defend for ourselves. It was either be a punk or get down. Once I started getting older, I started getting involved with the wrong people. It seemed like I really didn’t have a choice. If you lived in the Heights, you were the Killers. But if you lived in the Bottom, you were the Head Busters. Me, I lived in the Heights. I always liked fighting growing up, but that was with my dudes who I knew was down for me. The thing is I don’t really know why some of these dudes are in it. I mean some are in it because that’s their life and that’s all they know. Then,
7: Just Trying To Fit In Fitting in was always my goal in school, and I finally did it. I’m the most popular girl in school; everybody knows me. All the boys want to talk to me because they know that I’m different from all of the other girls. I mean, there is no feeling like this in the world. During my middle school years, I was kind of an outcast. I mean, I had friends, but I didn’t really hang out with the so called cool crowd in school. I was more with people who would study and party occasionally. I remember there was this one girl who I use to always want to be like, but knew I never could. All the boys liked her and her crew. They use to have parties all the time. It seemed like she
8: The Way Of Life Look at him – just standing here shaking, itching, sweating and peeing all over himself. Why would he do this? He knew what would happen, but for some reason, he still did it. Then, from all the people who could have asked him to do it, it had to be him. Growing up, we were all about getting money. We didn’t care who we hurt or how we got it. We just wanted it. We didn’t care if the person spent his last dime with us; we would still sale it to them. We pushed dope all of our life and that was all we knew. I remember people always told us that if we sold dope, we should never take their last dollar, do not mess with people who are close to you or whom you have known forever. My boys and I thought who ever wanted it could get it. We didn’t care if
9: Tradition As I rush over there praying that she will be ok, I could not help to think that this was all my fault. I was raised up to be a very strong woman. My family always told me that keeping your family together was the most important thing, no matter what happened. My mother told me this, just like her mother told her. I mean, her husband cheated, left, came back and beat her, and she still kept the family together. She was a true woman. She made sure that we always put in our minds that you should never get a divorce no matter what. Nothing is that serious. Well, I grew up went to college and got married. My mom made sure that we married someone who wanted to go somewhere in life, not just some ole average so-called ‘I-want to be a- star.’ I had
10: A True Best Friend Man, I can’t believe we got away with this. I just knew we were caught this time, but we made it. My boy and I have been kicking it since we were little kids. We have done everything together. Man, we pulled all kind of girls, sold dope and robbed people. Yeah, that why he’s my boy. I believe that was the only person I have ever trusted. Man, as soon as we graduated from high school, we pretty much lived in the streets. I mean, we didn’t care about anything. His house had dope, and mine did too with pistols and AK’s if a person wanted to try us. Man, it was like whatever. He and I have never really had anybody because our moms were on drugs, and our dads just weren’t there. Our grandparents tried to raise us, but they were just too old and couldn’t handle us so we left around 10th grade. That’s when we just stop caring, but we said we were going to graduate and nothing was going to stop that, even though
11: In Every Church Every Sunday and Wednesday, I am in church praising the Lord. I just do not see why so many people do not go to church. I mean, my pastor always tries to get people to come to church plus we also have the outreach ministries that go out and meet people but for some reason they come once maybe twice and then do not come back. I just do not know the reason why. I guess everybody cannot be a Christian as good as me. Since I was young, I have been going to church. My parents raised me in the church and were involved in many of the functions, but I never really joined anything because I am more of a support kind of person. You know someone to praise them once they get it done. Once I grew up, I moved away and started going to another church. I knew which church was for me because as soon as I entered it seem like all eyes were focused on me. I met everybody plus they had some nice gentlemen too with good goals in life. The church was growing really strong for awhile, but then it just seemed
12: That’s Why! Why wouldn’t she stop? I told her over and over again, but she just kept doing it. Now, I’m sitting here watching and know that she is going to die, but she just kept on. I mean, she had to know that I knew what I was talking about because I went to school for it and explained it to her perfectly, but I guess some people won’t take good advice for anything. Well, I guess I should start off telling you that it is a struggle to become and being a doctor. People just don’t understand how much stress we go through. They always say that we get paid too much or that we are insensitive. We work 70 to 90 hours a week. We have to watch people die and deal with it immediately because we can’t
13: The Price Of Love I’m just sitting here rubbing my head, unable to believe that it turned out like this. It seemed like everybody told me to just leave her alone, but I thought I truly loved her and she truly loved me. But looking at this wall, I guess I was wrong. Well, my life starts out like any other love story: in high school. I remember it took me forever to get her, but I did. She was the finest girl in the school. Everybody wanted to talk to her. Some even tried, but I took care of that. I would either fight anybody who tried, or I would just scare them really bad. Well, I always talked about going to college. I tried to get her to want to go to college too. But for some reason, she just did not want to leave home. I guess she felt like
14: The Evaluation I’m just standing here trying to give a speech to inspire people to be just like me. I want them to be a strong person just like I am. I want them to understand that is the one reason why God put us here. I’m sure once I finish they will be strong just like me. Well, growing up my parents always sent me to the best schools they wanted to make sure that I did the best in life. My teachers always made sure that I tried my hardest in school. Throughout my teenage years I loved school and I loved everybody around me. Then one day my senior English teacher gave us an assignment to do. She wanted us to learn about our history. She even inspired me to read this one book that could explain everything. I started reading the book and like how it started. Then the more I read the more I started seeing to believe that I could only trust my culture. I read more and more and realized that
15: Why Didn’t I Think First? Barely able to breath while the wind blows through my lungs. I believe that I have made the right choice, but things keeping running through my mind. Maybe, I was wrong. UM!! I don’t really know. It began with my parents always telling me that I must strive for the best. That was cool, but they also said try to get all the power you can, no matter what. I have always lived by that, no matter what. I didn’t care who I hurt. I mean, even in school I used to tell on people, steal there homework, tear up their test just to make sure that people believed in me more and thought I was the smartest. I really didn’t care about relationships. I used other girls just to get information or to make them tell other girls how good I’m treating them so that I could get the next best thing. I mean why stay with some one when there is something else finer next door. In college I joined a lot of groups so that I could
16: The Good Example Standing here, crying and feeling the pain of a new life coming into the world, watching all the hopes and dreams I had just fall away. I just can’t believe I couldn’t have stopped this. I should have tried or at least try to listen to the advice people tried to give me, but I didn’t. Well I would talk about my childhood, but it wasn’t anything but being hot in the pants. I was always out kicking it. I use to sneak out of the house and go visit boys until I got pregnant at the age of 16 and had to drop out of school. People thought that this would change me or slow me done, but it didn’t stop me. I just kept on kicking it. I partly raised my child when she was young, but I was still young myself so I continued kicking it until my mom passed away. Then, I had to pretty much take care of myself. She wanted me to finish school and go to college. I could have, but I thought
17: Success I’m just standing here praying that someone comes and helps this person, because I don’t know what to do. They are bleeding, choking, and look as if they only have a few minutes to live. I hope someone comes soon, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Growing up, I never really had to try all that hard. I mean, my parents had so much influence in our community; I could pretty much get away with anything. I could practically tell the teachers what I was going to do, and they would let me. All through high school, I would either not do my work or have people do it for me. I didn’t care who really did it because I always could make something sound good regardless of how they wrote it. My parents made sure that I had a very extensive vocabulary. I felt like I was the smartest if even scores said I wasn’t; I graduated from high school with a 3.5 GPA. My ACT score wasn’t good, but
18: Which Way To Go? It’s sad that it had to end this way because I thought that we were going to be boys forever, but some people just will not change no matter what. My boy and I grew up side by side. It seem like we were more like brothers than friends. We use to always get in trouble in school when we were in elementary. No matter who did it, we wouldn’t tell on each other; we just take the punishment. We stayed really cool all the way up to the last day of middle in the 8th grade. Then, I had to move to the other side of town. We stayed boys, but the only problem was that we weren’t able to kick it with each other everyday like we used to, so we each picked up some new friends. My boys at my new school weren’t really wild like my boy from my old hood, they were good kids so I kind of slowed down when I met them. My other boy was on the other side of town wiling out, not caring about anything, but luckily I
19: Are They Really Mine? Lying here just thinking about all that I have missed out on. I could have learned at least something instead of thinking that there is nothing else I wanted to do. I thought that there was nothing that could ever stop me. I remember the first time I picked up a football. I was five-years-old. My father put it in my hand and said, “Son, you are going to be a football star.” I just smiled and said, “Yeah.” I started playing peewee football. I remember I use to run all the time and even started trying to do push ups that I saw professional people do, but it was a wrap. I would get to about 10 and fall out. By the time, I reached middle school I was already lifting weights and running sprints everyday. I was unstoppable. I mean when I ran that rock, people just pretty much moved out the way or got crushed. My coach made sure that I studied back then though. He said, “I don’t care how good you are, you need to
20: The Good Father Looking at her and thinking to myself about how did this happen. I know, I showed her all the love in the world, but she still chose the wrong man. Well, growing up I always was into violence. I thought that was the way life was. I mean my family was always into with someone or each other. Most of the time, my father took it out on my mother though when he got mad, but she still loved him, and they stayed married until she got sick and died. They said it was ulcers or something like that. Well, I grew up hitting almost all my girlfriends because I wasn’t going to let them get smart with me; I’m the one whose suppose to always be in charge. Well, I pretty much broke up with all of them until one day I found the right one. She never got smart really except a couple of times. Then, I would smack her, and she would come back to her senses. Well, we got married and had two kids a boy and a girl. I raised them the same way, I was raised. I had them like straight soldiers. My parents did have one daughter too, and my father never
21: The Preacher Every day, I did what I was supposed to do. I followed my calling just like I was supposed to do. I never let anyone down, and I was always there for the people who needed me however, through it all, I forgot the most important thing. I forgot to take care of my house first. I know that I did all of the right things. I was there for everybody no matter what was going on in my life. I guess I still left out some people. Being a pastor is a 24-hour job, and some people just do not understand how hard it really is. Since my kids were young, I have been running up and down the highway at least three to four times a week, not counting church on Sunday and Wednesday. When my children were young, it was easy for me to be there for them and the other kids at the church because they were all on the same path. All the kids played sports and went on the same trips together, but as they got older, it seemed like
22: No More Sand I can’t believe that I’m hiding in the closet with tears falling from my face, praying that he won’t see me. All because I just couldn’t listen. My grandmother told me when I first met this dude, he was trouble. I told her she does not know him like I do. I told her she just needed to give him a chance. She said, “Baby I pray you are right, but I know what I know.” Grandmother, you just don’t understand what it means to be in love. We started off so good, and we focused on money. I mean it was so real. No matter what, we had each other’s back. We were both working with him pushing a little weed on the side. We moved in together and were doing it, but he had bigger things in mind. I was thinking he was talking about going to school, but he was talking about pushing more weed. Well, since we were in love so deep, I just couldn’t tell him no. He went from selling quarters to ounces to halves to pounds. I wanted to tell him to slow down, but the
23: Can’t Tell Me Nothing Man, I knew my parents were wrong. Talking about these people will get me killed one day. I was like, “Ok, whatever. I don’t even do what they do, but they were like, “You still are known to be with them so everybody thinks you are one of them.” Yeah, look who is right now. Well, growing up it was always this and that. My parents were always talking to me about how I’m hanging around with the wrong people. It didn’t matter though because I was still making good grades. They could say what they wanted, but I knew the truth. I was sure everybody else knew that I was just cool with them and not really involved in their clique. Even though my parents didn’t like them, but my parents were still good people and allowed them to come over. We would kick it and stay out all night, then come home and hear my parents’ mouths. Talking about, “You are going down the wrong path, son. You need to stay focused.” I told them, “look, I’m
24: Final Thoughts So in the end which one are you? Are you going to be the one who always takes the door leading to nowhere but to the same bad predicament, or are you going to be the one who actual does the right thing and takes a chance. Then finds out once you open that door there were a lot more doors and windows of opportunity. Everyone has a choice in life what they want to do. Whether it is good or bad, right or wrong, or simply nothing, but in the end we all have to answer for what we have done. Being selfish in life will cause pain and doing nothing will help nothing so try your best to pick the right choices in life, because God wants us to succeed and have a great time in life without killing ourselves. That’s the reason He tells us not to do some things is because He wants us to
25: Thank You This is just a special thank you for all the people who contributed to the making of this book. First there is Tyra Jones who put me in contact with the book making company, my editor, and also did some editing herself and encouraged me along the way. Then there is my main editor Shameka Peters who edited most of my book. Next we have my mother who also did some editing in my book. Then there is my sister for connecting me with my book illustrator. Then, finally all the people who have blessed, helped, and encouraged me along the way. Thanks!!!!