S: Makin 'em Count
BC: I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see. Painted faces fill the places I can't reach. | You know that I could use somebody. Someone like you. | December 18th 2009 | MILY
FC: It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life | Making 'em count
1: I always knew that I would want to do one of these for you. I have only ever done them for the girls, because they have been the ones who I have made the best memories with... until you. You are the first- other than my grandfather, and probably the last boy that I will do this for, it is a very personal gift, that I have found I give to people to let them know that I truly cherish and love them and the times that we have shared. This book can't capture the little moments , the private and quiet moments which hold the true value of our relationship. It can hardly capture the feelings that we have for one another, and the love that we have shared in our time together. I truly do believe that what we have does not come around everyday, even though we are young, our relationship has been short lived, and people say this all the time; I do believe that together we have found something special and something real. No matter what happens, you and our relationship will be always be something that I hold closely.
2: This Year: Summer 2009- Summer 2010 Memories that will last forever. Times of smiles, love and life at its best. The adventures by each other's side. M.I.L.Y.
3: The First Picture | The Beginning: Forbidden Feelings
4: Tobago Love | stop fucking ! | with | my | mind
5: Summer 2009 begins:!! | Night by Nick | The Honeymoon
6: Nights at Zen | when the clock strikes midnight on the rooftop
7: Harts Cooler Fete '09 | The Countdown begins: August 16th 2009
8: August 17th 2009 Last Night at Loggerheads
9: August 18th 2009 Random night at Jmalones. The agreement has officially FAILED.
10: August 20th 2009: The Last Night | When you look me in the eyes, & tell me that you love me, everything's alright, when your right here by my side. When I hold you in my arms, i know that it's forever.
12: remember me. | All of my life, | Where have you been? | I wonder if I'll ever see you again
13: If that day comes, I know we can win
14: sometimes you have to be apart from the people that you love, but that doesn't mean that you love them any less... Sometimes it even makes you love them more- The Last Song | The 4 Months Apart | The Long Distance relationship | If you can wait 'til I get home, then I swear to you that we can make this last. If you can wait 'til I get home, then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in the past, it might be for the best. | I'd rather be anywhere but here.. without you
15: The "official" Relationship | December 18th 2009: The return, the birthday, the beginning. | Honey, | I'm home! | you always find a way, to keep me right here waiting
16: I love you, I loved you all along, but I missed you, been far away for far too long
17: Katalyst Night
18: Love Birds
19: Carnival 2010!!
20: I won't hesitate no more | It cannot wait, I'm sure,
21: I'm Yours. | theres no need to complicate, our time is short, this is our fate
22: sexy | Love Birds | You never see it coming | and the next thing you know.
23: I love you | \Trust me? | more sexy | ....unconditional love....
24: photo | I'm gonna keep on loving you, cuz it's | the only thing that I wanna do. | I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on loving you. | snaps
25: When I said that I Love You, I meant that I'd love you forever... | CHAMPION!!
26: WANTED | status: Convicted Serial Killer & Resident Psycho | Matthew Joseph Jardim | Ethnicity: White | Sex: Male | Height: below 6ft (haha) | Age: Looks about 26 | "eats tiny Asian girls for breakfast" | if found report to Mel Yung for sentencing | I better find your lovin, | I better find your heart
27: Zen | I better find your lovin, my love, and nothin's gonna tear us apart.
28: If we ever meet again...
29: I won't let you go away. | Katalyst Love
30: The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie awake and miss you
31: The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly | As many times as I blink, I'll think of you tonight
32: Could this be out of line, to say you the only one, breakin me down like this
33: You' re the only one i would take a shot on, keep me hangin on, So contagiously
35: you're better than the best, I'm lucky just to linger in your light, you're cooler than the flip side of pillow. you make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee. Just the thought of you can drive me wild, oh you make me smile :)
36: SUMMER BEGINNINGS | I'm the one who really loves you baby | As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
37: As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there. | Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting | Whenever you need me, I'll be there.
38: it's always better when we're together
42: I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing, Watch you smile while you are sleeping, While you're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever, Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES, I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP CUZ I MISS YOU BABE AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING EVEN IF I DREAM OF YOU THE SWEETEST DREAM WILL NEVER DO, I'D STILL MISS YOU BABE, AND I DON'T WANT TO MISS A THING. Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating, and I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if its me you're seeing. then i kiss your eyes and thank God we're together, I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever. I don't wanna miss one smile, and i don't wanna miss one kiss. i just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this, I just wanna hold you close. Feel your heart so close to mine, and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time. | It's been my favourite song for as long as i can remember. I never meant the words about anyone, until you :)
43: Forever and Always. | To be continued...
44: So I couldn't think of anything to really get for you for our anniversary. I didn't want to get you some random thing that would only mean something because it was from me, I wanted to get something suited to you, something you would really appreciate and love. When I looked up anniversary gift ideas, they had customary guidelines for certain anniversaries- 1st, 5th, 10th etc. For 1st they said PAPER. Now I’m thinking, what? He's not going to appreciate a paper ring, or and origami football hahah, but then I figured I would just write the greatest words you've ever seen on a piece of paper. Now I’m not getting your hopes up to make you think that this is going to be great, because we all know I’m not amazing with words and speaking about how I truly feel. I hate that because I want to get across to you how important you are to me and how much I feel for you, but when I am put on the spot, it all just escapes me or sounds dumb out loud. But this time, I have it written out; so that way I know the words that I have to say I never have as great answers as you do to the questions that I ask you, but obviously I ask you because I want to know your answer, because I know mine, but when you ask me the question back, it seems like I don't know the answer. So I’m going to try and answer them now. What do I think of when I think of you? I think that you are everything that someone- that I could ever want. You're an athletic guy, you're a worldly guy, you're an environmental guy, you're a funny guy, you're a social guy, you're a sweet guy, you're a handsome guy. You're a family guy. You write poetry- sometimes, you are knowledgeable and always interesting and informative, you appreciate nature and the beauty that it has to offer and like to go on hikes, you love dogs and even cats, you want to travel and see the world, you know what you want to do with your life, you're intimidating at first glance, but a pleasant surprise when you see what's inside. You treat me like a gentleman, you are patient with me, you support me and you love me better than anyone else. You have great taste in music, one of my favourite memories is when we were in Tobago laying in bed, tangled together by two sets of headphones and we played songs for each other and listened to the music lying in each others’ arms. You love your sports- well the ball sports anyways, I love watching you play and seeing the great passion that you have for it. For God sakes you even coach little kids and do it well- from what coach Dion tells me You are THE Perfect Guy and the perfect guy for me. I know you've said that I am the “girl of your dreams” and I honestly don't think that's true, but I would have said that you are the man of my dreams, except you're not. .. I was going to ask you the other day, what flaw of mine do you like most. I have an answer for you if you were to ask that question, not that it's a flaw, it's just one of our main differences. You are realistic, I’m idealistic. I like to believe in fairy tails and magical moments, you live in the moment.
45: I have grown to love and appreciate the fact that you are just a realistic and more reserved person in contrast with myself who wears her heart on her sleeve and lets people in too easily. You're realism has frustrated me in the past. The thing about it is, that no, you don't say all the things I want to hear when I want to hear them, you take a long time to say things or do things to show the way you feel, but at the end of the day, it is what it is, it's REAL. Its real when you tell me things, and it's real when you think of things on your own, and I appreciate it. I mean I’m not telling you to take your sweet time and not say the things that you need to say or do the things that you need to do before we part, because these last days are truly so important to me. This anniversary that we have sort of made up means so much to me because I wish that we would actually make it that far. I know that we're supposed to believe in fate and destiny, and just say at the end of the day, if it was meant to be it will. But the thought of it not meant to be hurts, and looking forward at the hard times I have ahead of me without you by my side hurts. It hurts everyday thinking about goodbye and knowing that it IS coming, and it's coming fast. When I think of you, I wish it could be forever. I wish that you could be the one for me, I know it's unrealistic, because we are so young and so much will happen in our time apart and our lifetime after this, this seems minute in the scheme of things. But when I think about you and us, that's what I deep down wish. Every time I look down at my rings- I see CEMMistry- the girls- and HOPE- you. I would love to have faith that we will be together sometime later, but its so hard to even think that because I don't want to be hurt by what happens in the time that we're not, I don't want to be crying longer that I already am going to while I learn to live without you and dealing with the idea that we may both find other people. It's hard to see myself being with someone else, feeling this way with someone else. I know everyone says that and eventually they are able to move on, but I don't want to think that either, I don't want to think about moving on, why would I when I have the guy I love in front of me? I have never said I love you and meant it more than when I say it to you, I waited so long to say it, and I really mean it. I’m someone who likes to believe in happy endings and in true love. I have always wanted someone to fall deeply in love with me—and I believe I have had that. I’ve only recently just found out that the missing piece was that I wanted to fall deeply in love with that person back- and I only realized I hadn't ever really fallen ..until you, and I had never been swept off my feet and blown away by someone until you. | I love you | Happy Anniversary Baby | Forever and Always
46: THE LAST DAYS