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Confessions

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Confessions - Page Text Content

S: MSA

BC: AlwaysK

FC: CONFESSIONS

1: Dedicated to the one person who reminded me of who I am As time brings me closer to the end, my life seems to feel the unavoidable need to hang on to the smallest connection to you. I am not sure what I should wish for since there is no permanent seal on the bond we jealously created through these months. I don't want to understand the reasons for your departure, all I know is that it hurts too much to keep me sane and calm. Becoming less than lovers but more than friends has built a solid state of confusion in my daily life. Will the wind ever carry your aroma back to me? Will your eyes ever lay delicately on my smiles? Will I ever feel your fast paced footsteps approaching me as my heart bursts with excitement? So many things were there, yet so many never arrived at our time. 11/ 11

3: Here I sit thoughtfully and silently on the verge of a mystical mountain staring into the open view.Each breath I take fills my life with hope as scattered images flutter by gracefully behind my patient eyes. My perception is heightened to full awareness and it penetrates so deeply that I feel one with all that surrounds me. The fresh cool breeze caresses my spirit making it stir cautiously as if too afraid to be awakened by surprise. Silence seeps in and plays its own melody subtle and harmonious as it has swayed gracefully towards me from a distance. All my being is mysteriously immersed in bliss during this finite moment of time.

5: Currents of Thoughts Vast amounts of wonder fill the never ending valleys and mountains of our beings. They nurture our souls and create crevices and abyss as well. They have currents of bold thoughts and emotions that originate with an immediate force, causing whirlwinds and turmoil when we least expect it. Each grain of sand that embraces the earth's floor is made up of vanished memories and experiences created in the unforgiving birth room of time. Rainstorms have their own beauty because they are never static and it seems to generate a contrast of reality vs. fiction. As I grasp my strength to forget the moments of weakness that are driving me towards my endless wreckages, I recognize how much I need this sense of selflessness. My actions are as doubtful as the gusty air streams that sway back and forth trying to reach the illusion of a sacred peak. Each drop of water permeates an essence of unfulfilled desires. This valley is immense enough to harbor all the secrete sins I disguise. It allows for them to breathe, take life and with wild fury propel themselves out into the vast universe. How much do I know what's behind this tempest? Can it bring me laughter, joy, remorse or fulfillment? I am scared to dive into your realm of consciousness, afraid to face my reflection in your eyes. It makes me feel alive; it makes me want to live another life. Why can't I discover new boundaries, reveal new precipices and arrive at a solitary land of bliss and lust? How can I ever uncover your treasures and embrace your dreams? What is beneath all of this? The view is cold and blurry and I just feel lost.

6: Awakening To hear you say your thoughts were mine for a second of a day makes me feel exhilarated. It makes me wonder how the image was created, how it infiltrated your perceptions and what sensations it produced in your being? As I look up into the sky each day I dream away pretending that you and I can for once meet out of the shyness of curious spectators. I know this will never become a scene to be lived but I comfort myself recreating it so many times it ends up feeling real. I hope someday in eternity this will be the spark of a deja vu and it will warm my heart knowing that what I once longed for materialized into life. I don't know why I feel the way I do, I just know it feels so right and it makes it feel so natural when I look into your eyes. You're known to me in a way I can't describe; it's so familiar to my essence that it just blends into me. Today I don't want to think of how I will be judged and how sinful my desires are. They can torment me and tear at my soul another day, another time. I want to explore my emotions to the fullest, feeling free to believe in you, and your intentions. I want to share my dreams and fears as I stand embraced by your caring arms. I want to lose myself in the immenseness of your eyes. Passion invades me like never before and has me longing for a never ending kiss to seal my pact of commitment. Your caress is firm but gentle allowing my senses to flourish and explode deep within me. In this celestial fantasy I am loved, desired and made into a complete woman.

9: Time Time they say is eternal and it overflows ever growing into each one of our lives. Making sure it is used to the best of our abilities is quite a complex skill. I believe it is one of the greatest mysteries that defines our lives and influences our destiny. It is time that makes things happen;it is also in charge of making things vanish before our very eyes, as well. It is a source of continuous life events. taking place within a dusty old road with undefined beginnings and ends.We all wish at one moment or another we had a perfect compass to help guide our needs, dreams and emotions. However, it is as rebellious as a young child holding its intention deep within, not allowing for curious by standers to make inferences nor suggestions. Could there be anything more precious and frustrating as time? It comes without announcement creating unforgettable moments that just wander away swaying swiftly with a cynical grin.

10: Silent Barriers | Longing for the mystery of wished but unspoken words, of touch so desired but arrested by the notion of universal laws. How can I forget who I am and long to be? What I judged so harshly, such hypocrisy stirring inside my soul. Weakness invades my essence and strengthens my ego like childish dreams. As I continuously replay your images just to infatuate myself, I feel the guilt grow stronger as it impregnates my pores. Your eyes make me want to break away from my reality just to stand in time and forever make them mine. YOU, a stranger, has slipped into my conscious and pulled strings around my heart, awakening dormant emotions I had resigned from in the past. Do we make this happen virtually by wanting it or is it a double angle edge of the parallel life I once dreamt? Time is pure untouched and unbiased but it makes me wonder why destiny placed you in my path? My little corner of the world so far from yours, yet there you appeared as dropped by an angel by my side in a moment where I was lost and crumpled lacking all hope of happiness. So why would you exist in my world to make me doubt myself, my life, my dreams? I believe I must learn something valuable from this aching pain I have, as I await one more look from your truly bare soul. Have you ever longed for something so badly that it made everything around you dissipate and gradually vanish just so you could focus hard enough to make you feel it is real? There are bubbles bursting down my throat, butterflies in my stomach. The ticking of each second, as time smears the possibility of seeing you once more. The forbidden taste of lust has intoxicated my senses. Shame is locked up in the furthest stem of memory I have left. Stranded in a sinful state of mind and spirit I pray for a light of conscious to erase your name and presence from my life. I acknowledge that I have fallen into impossible desires of affection marked by an ending of this undefined relationship.

13: Did You Know? Did you know we existed long before we saw each other? Did you know our lives cross and bend at unknown corners? Did you know we both grabbed on to the same second in time as it flew by? Did you know one look into your eyes takes me to eternity? Did you know destiny smiled and sighed in relief the moment we met? Did you know your words are the melody I want to hear as I fall asleep? Did you know you hold the key to my hidden treasures? Did you know wanting you is my number one weakness? Did you know there is no storm powerful enough to erase you from my memories? Did you know it's impossible to control my mind when your image pounds fiercely on my heart?

15: Images A stranger's eye captures a scene that has been dormant inside this world. It highlights its forgotten treasures and permeates its essence through its virtual being. It is unique in this vast universe of minds and hearts. Its innocence will continue to flourish through the years, yet it may never become aware that it has been imprisoned with sentiments of desire and amazement. Humbly it has become majestic as light and passion fuse into one shot.

16: Dreams A free open canvas has been delivered for me to color my dreams onto it. All shades of happiness and joy from lightest to darkest will be displayed in the open sky.An unending path surrounded by secret hidden emotions will carve its way into a sea of desires. Brush strokes covered in expectations and fulfillment will color all coasts with blazing memories.

17: My World Create me a world just with you in it and I will build walls of trust and love to protect it. Color the skies a timid shade of illusion and I will design a border of dancing dreams to frame it. Sing me a story where there is no ending and your words will wrap me up in warm caresses. Cover me in petals of wishes that are gradually puffed into the summer breeze and watch them flutter away with the inspiration of wild desires.Build me a mountain teeming with vibrant colors and you will feel a bold force expel through those crevices all strong passions produced by your gazing eyes.

18: Heaven's Road If I had to choose my heaven it would be made up of white sandy beaches brushed down with blue crystal clear warm soothing water. There would be palm trees swaying gently like luau dancers from side to side. The most colorful sunset joins in with a rhythmic musical background as it embraces gently each exhausted wave that passes under its light. Candle lit bamboos would stand in guard of my path to the hut, as beautifully adorned and lively colored macaws decorate the tips of the trees around it. In the short distance, a millenary rocky green mountain would pose highly with elegance reminding me of its legendary existence. | A virgin stream of clear sacred water would slide down the stony hillside, creating the most fascinating view of cascading dreams. Three of these angelical waterfalls would blend into a black ash stone pool hidden shyly at the entrance of a secluded cave. These peaceful surroundings make my heart still and warm allowing for forgiveness, tolerance and understanding to build in me, as I settle in and drift slowly deep into my soul. I am not sure why things have happened to me the way they have but I just hope that in this heaven some answers will melt away my confusion. I believe our true mission in life will only be revealed through the passage of time into eternity.

19: I seek to find something forgotten but still beating deep inside. There is no sense, no clue, no idea formulated. I will simply drift vaguely as the wind presses against my skin and reveals my new direction. I have faith good did prevail and it will mark my path with integrity and human kindness. | I chose this life and I need to learn to make the stiff turns and slopes with grace and intelligence. At times I feel I have run into a dead end, but I am sure it is a necessary stop to check on myself and readjust my unstable instruments. There are many roads along the way, making it difficult to decide which one serves more or less a sacrifice. Today, I may just sit along a curve side and take the time to meditate on how I got stranded in this moment, and when I am ready I will rise again with courage and determination to reassure myself I am traveling the path I want.

20: A Taste of You Out of so many events and disorders in this vast dimension called life our destiny selected this particular moment of time for us to meet and express emotions held deep within. At first it took time to adjust to your presence, as it always seems we are a bit like strangers. Then slowly small talk warmed me up and moved me swiftly to a sense of closeness. As our ideas and laughter timidly crossed over the unbearable space tingling between us, our hopeful eyes engaged in a discrete seductive dance to recreate in our minds the next steps towards the much desired wordless communication. A short and simple phrase dashed out directly from a true heart tearing down the doors of shame and placed us in an outburst of passion that had been pounding fiercely within us for several moons. Tenderness was fused into physical attraction producing the long awaited infinite display of kisses that burst with wild desires. Your lips drenched in delirious lust so moist on my skin have produced urges deep within me that leave me breathless. I feel myself become one with the moment as I let go of my reality to submerge myself in this deep provoking sensation. I lose total control as my senses are wide awake and desperately seeking the slightest touch, breath and stroke coming from your being. Smooth and gentle are your hands as they spontaneously explore my body, I quiver with excitement begging for eternity. I can feel the heat rise in me like the warmth you take in as you walk out to a hot summer day, and you feel every inch of skin adapt to the pleasure. Every kiss inebriates me with a profounder hunger for more. My blood rushes frantically through my veins confused and dazed by an unexplainable craze that has my body and mind fighting against my arrested consciousness. Words are forbidden in this unforgettable experience because they are not extensive enough to express with preciseness the immensity of its meaning. They would limit all emotion, action and desire to the simplest of knowledge and this would rip away at the essence of this encounter. Therefore, these limited and simple descriptions have already fallen short of what it was really like to be partly yours for a few seconds of this precious time.

23: Irresistible You Tortured by your absence I lay asleep in a tormented world. Images swiftly parade in front of me, but I have no awareness of its reality as I am immersed in my short memories. I dream you with every breath I take. Like an old movie you are replayed as part of the scene that makes me feel alive. I wonder if you think about me, if your body misses my presence as much as mine does yours. Each moment with you that life has jealously provided me is a true miracle of hope. I long for your eyes to lock with mine and for our lips to speak the words that overflow deep within us. You say we both feel the same, yet we have not yet been close enough to feel the essence of these live emotions. If I had a wish come true it would be to spend a whole day next to you savoring your smell, your taste, your sound. My hands loose control and helplessly long for your skin. I know I need you now like I never imagined I would. I would go as far as my desires take me with you. You are definitely so irresistible to me that I am afraid to loose myself in you.

24: Need You Now Having you in my world has made me more aware of the true colors of life. The sound of happiness and the warmth of emotions. I have learned to question my decisions and understand their roots and ramifications. You provide me with an energy as pure as the essence of life. My wanting you escapes all of my mechanisms of control. To see you by my side is like receiving a long awaited gift from heaven. My heart and soul have found a home near and dear in your eyes. When I see your hands my body quivers with passion. As I hear your voice my mind settles and rests upon clouds of dreams to stream your words into a tender blanket I search for your encounter night and day eagerly seeking a moment of truth and confession. These pages can't hold on to the weight of my need for you now. Each day that goes by I suffer your absence and pray that time remembers where I sit patiently awaiting your touch.

27: My Hidden Treasure A speck of light has shown down from your halo to illuminate my life. Sparkles dance around my dreams of you and sprinkle smiles into my gestures. Your eyes mysterious and inviting as a summer maze have captured my heart. Every time I let go and try to run free from your enchantment I find your image in my reflection. Something without words has me running back to you when I am ready to surrender. You are my untold treasure filled with forbidden desires and unexpected future. Like sparks of fire I await for bits of light to guide me into another magical moment next to you. When your eyes look into mine I feel what it means to be alive and my body yearns to be held by your embrace. Time is secluded in other partner's hands and jealously without knowing they give away worn out pieces that seem of no good use for you and me to create eternal fantasies out of scrap. Time spent with you is the gift of heaven brought down by secret hands all mighty.They are blessings immersed in crystal bubbles which I frantically seek to hold endlessly in my palms with all gentleness.

28: Flow of Illusions I am experiencing complete ecstasy as the fresh taste of illusion is still humid on my lips. Your eyes hypnotizing and desirable create the central pieces of a collage of ever-loving pleasure in front of me. A natural high infests my spirit and the essence of womanhood flows discretely, as it carves with stinging detail all parts of my craving body. Conscious awareness of your movements makes time seem fluid in the never ending river of desires. My wishes are concentrated on the potential pleasure that your kisses may produce in me. My mind wanders through your sculpted body caressing the brawny structure that defines your composition. At the same time, I imagine your gentle hands designing virgin paths over my famished body. Can you be any more desirable? I don't know. All I covet is to have you take me in forever and vanish every name and place that reminds us how out of order we truly may be. With you by my side there seems to be only right and no place for mistakes. One day, I will fall deeper than I had imagined and true bliss will transform all fear, and you will be my muse for that majestic moment.

30: Because of you my life is full of sparks and luminosity. | Every day is filled with an untamable desire to see you and become lost in your presence. | You provide me with an unknown feeling of wanting you to the limit. | Your spontaneous style hypnotizes all my senses making me vulnerable to my primitive needs

31: Who YOU Are To ME Your presence, in a state of matter or just by recollection, can ignite the most hidden and intense senses my mind and body can experience. A look from you can transport me to a level of high that no drug effect could ever produce. The thought of you transports me to a forbidden land of fairy tales where I can be who ever I dream to be. Your words so smooth and gentle make melodies that caress my ears. Each word you write or speak is in perfect sync with what my wishes hold dear. You are part of each minute of the day as I await a message that will make me smile and long for the next. You say I am close to you and I can truly relate to that when everything I encounter creates an illusion or a connection of who you are. I can bear my soul out in the open space in front of your very eyes and still hold no fear because you fill me with such peace and security. I have experienced an encounter of a different kind when it comes to our interactions as they are simple, real and clear allowing a flow of trust to seep through our ideas, feelings and actions. There are moments when your image just takes complete control of my thoughts and leaves me stranded in a valley of sporadic memories. Your touch is unknown and reserved as all sacred things should be, yet I am sure it must have the strength of the unbreakable and the tenderness of all that is heavenly. My dearest, I could go on describing who you are to me and still not grasp one word to define you. Not always do the parts complete the whole as in your case. Time has denied me any right towards you and I must surrender to its cruelty. I am just thankful for what I have been given and I will not dare to ask for what has not been assigned to me. Fate has me held by the hand as it guides me blinded through this unknown path. I have to confess that I sense the risk is greater than anything I have ever experienced but I have not lost my faith

32: Surreal As I lay still staring into your photograph my heart throbs with an indescribable excitement. I can literally feel the flush of racing blood through my veins. I catch my breath wanting to hold this moment in eternity. The words you say lift me up graciously and transport me to a virgin paradise of free desire and awaited passion. I keep thinking this is not happening; I try to walk away but your eyes haunt my every move, my very thoughts are kidnapped by your placid and tender smile. As you speak my legs feel weak, I sense a complete melt down wanting you closer than I know is possible. Temptation invades me covering every living cell and screaming silently to the wind for this want to materialize. I keep imagining what it would be like to spare a moment of silence in your presence just staring deeply into your angelical eyes and feeling your warm embrace. There is something about you that makes me feel alive and present. I can't stop thinking about questions you could answer for me. I want to know who you are. Are you real? How could you snatch my peace and turn it into this exhilarating tornado of emotions? I long for the slight touch of your hand on my forbidden skin, for the warm breath of your words pressing against my neck. I loose myself to your control. Can this really be happening? Where did you come from? How did we get to the point of not being strangers? Something wild and free is growing deep inside me, some sensations that must have laid dormant for many lives. It may just be a speck of dust in the infinity of time but I know I want to breathe it all in. It will change who I am and I am not sure I'll remember the path back to where I was before. However, how do I know this is not truly home when it feels so familiar? I yearn for it like the stars need the skies embrace. I feel so right in your presence that I completely forget how wrong this all is. I desperately call out to your soul in search of life, the kind of life that brings meaning and revives all spirits. What lies ahead? I don't know, but I am at the point of no return and fear has been laid to rest.

34: Proud Serene Majestic Cautious Powerful Reserved Observant Perceptive Determined Traditional

35: The Best of Life I can now surrender to the circumstances presented. I no longer have a need to break away from the settled compromises we acquired before our lives met. I had an impression you would come to change my life, yet now I see how much you have changed me. You do not need to be mine for me to have a part of you. For I have learned to understand my needs based on my absences. To continue wishing for the unspeakable would just lead me to a barren place with no real floor to lay my bubbly head. Yes, we are both free to feel and think as we wish but our reality has us hooked up to different paths that have no yield and no crossroads together. I will let you go as a dear friend who came by to say hello and display vibrant colors to my life. I know you will be happy and successful in all of your endeavors. So, I will also make a compromise to make my life worthwhile an achieve all you have taught me silently; cherish the moments,treasure the opportunities, and build on dreams. Hopefully, we both took exactly what we needed from each other and with that seed we will reproduce hundreds of life long experiences. I guess I will never have special moments like the ones I've had with you, but to tell you the truth they have meant so much that they are sure to last me for several worlds. I've gained more than I have lost. Time and space have played a combination of scenarios that are purely cosmic. Even though time is superfluous it does have some kind of infinity when it connects to or inner being. Minds are endless because they are the product of our souls, and that is why I know you will always be there whenI need you, to remind me of who I am and who I long to be. Time has come and gone leaving traces so profound that they lay present pulsing with the pain of old scars gained from lost battles. I will declare victory only for the fact of having met you, having known another world exists, and having built a connection with you as I have never done with another man. You know me even better than I know myself. I am not sure if you are taking anything valuable from this moment in time, but at least I hope to have been a pleasant reminder of what a blessing it is to live this life. He was wrong we did end up being the best of friends!

37: Dim Existence So the time has come to say our goodbyes. Reasons overflow like a broken dam tearing down weak structures created by my fantasies. It rips through with the force of the overpowering, like a demolition truck frantically racing through enforced barricades. The mutilation of unfulfilled dreams produce deafening wounding screeches of agony, as those heard with our last breath of life. The air is thick and moist from the tears of sorrow that have flooded my grounds. Silence is occult behind moans and groans of never ending pain, so futile and intense it can breakdown the strongest of its enemies. Through the same door it came in, it shall return. Wondering where it all came from, and why it had chosen this heart and soul, will be a securely unanswered question. Could I wish it never came? Not at all. My senses alert and ready to provide the richest of memories will guard all events and recollections from becoming lost in life's demands. Before you existed I was simple, pure and controlled; now I am left with mazes and missing puzzle pieces that only reflect chaos and recklessness. No more excuses or fabricated lies to produce my stage of desires. I am fighting hard to gain the strength to stand on my own two feet and search for a way out. Lights are dim the road is crooked and unbalanced; many rocky cliffs are lurking around the corners. I have a heavy burden on my back, filled with life choices made before the unimaginable was yet to be made flesh. Chained to the mercy of times wishes, I lay beaten. surrender to fates sentence with no hope in my head and much less in my worn out heart. It's a blur, I can't think straight and I don't think I want to either. Maybe just fleeing to another region of time and space will allow me to gain forgiveness and bury regrets. I need to let go of my inner wants and sacrifice my all. Too many casualties will result from my wildly driven ego. So, I know now just how far I would be willing to go. A new creation of my secret side was let loose with no control and now it must be seized and laid under arrest for life against its free will.

38: Goodbye With each day that dies my chances of knowing you grow weaker. Seven moons sketch themselves in warm skies of sorrow before my last goodbye. Each star dangling like fragile crystal chandeliers will be a witness of my dried up tears. Long silent nights covered in forgotten dreams will abduct my spirit and hold it against its free will. Painful sighs will be the only given sounds allowed to vibrate through the dense air of solitude left with your departure. Memories will haunt every corner like magic whispers being scattered randomly by gusty winds. My heart broken gaze will stare deep into the distance when I recall your presence..Silence will be my ally, it will carry my burden and together we will make journeys back into these precious memories you have left me with. Always, will be the word that defines how long you will live in my soul. As lives go by, a promise I will keep, to never forget your essence and be forever thankful of having known you..

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  • Title: Confessions
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