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BC: P | Patti Swear-Smith

FC: Through My Eyes and From My Heart | Patti Swear-Smith

1: From a very young age I loved to write and always kept my writing hidden in secret places. Through the years they would reappear ... crumpled up in a shoe box, in an old photo album, address book, or other places that had been forgotten through time. When these little treasures resurfaced, I would read them ... smile, laugh at how corny some were, or cry because one brought back a special memory. Instead of putting them back in their secret places, I placed them in a folder that kept growing and growing. So here they all are...corny ones and all. Enjoy my life's journey through words. | To Michael with Love

2: Faith, Family & Friends

3: TALK TO JESUS This world is changing quickly, it's filled with pain and strife. But Jesus won't desert you, He'll always save your life. Don't let the pain confuse you, don't let the hate control the way you think you need to live, don't let it take your soul. They'll try to make you waiver, to see the pain upon your face. But know no matter what they do, you'll have our Father's grace. They'll want to make you fearful and try to make you stray, but none of that will happen, if you listen to what I say... Hit your knees and talk to Jesus, He'll listen, wait and see. Open up your heart to Him, and He will set you free. | JESUS Jesus, dear Jesus, I've let you down, you've fallen from my heart. I strayed from you, ignored you, after I promised my new start. How can I get you back, there has to be a way. In looking back I'm fearful of the price I'll have to pay. Jesus, please Jesus, take me back, come into my heart. I'm praying, truly praying for us not to be apart. Jesus I love you, more than I knew, please just hold my hand, and let me know I'm forgiven and that you understand. | LETTER TO GOD Dear God, I'm full of fear today and I so much want to cry. I'm trying to turn it over to you, but I can't, and I don't know why. My heart is getting heavy and my mind is filling fast, with thoughts of impending tragedy, how long will this feeling last? I feel guilty of something, of what I don't know, I've searched my soul clear through, and I haven't done anything grievous, of late, what am I going to do? It's days like today I should lean on you more and also my family and friends, because if I continue feeling this way, I'm afraid my faith will end. I need to just stop and take a breath and speak to you in prayer, allow myself to open up and let you take me in your care, to remember what my priorities are, and where they all should be, not on my little fears and woes, but on others...NOW I SEE! If I forget myself and focus on you and others that are in need, the unknown fears will be lifted, and I'll be better, much better indeed. So God, thank you for listening, I guess I got swallowed in pride. I'm a still a work in progress and should know you're on my side. | STEPPING UP No matter how hard a day I've had or how many tears I've shed, nothing seems to matter, when I receive the wine and bread. On those days when I start slipping back, and my faith begins to falter, my spirit will be revitalized, when I step up to that altar. | Enter my body and soul, oh Lord, let Your spirit fill within. That I may feel Your presence and begin to live again.

4: LIGHT OF LOVE The light of love shines o'er the earth, on every land and sea. It shines on all God's creatures, every flower, every tree. The rays brighten darkened minds, embracing them with peace. They shine on and on forever, too strong to ever cease. This light of love is a gift from God, it will never go away. And know this light shines over you on this and every day. | JESUS Jesus, I left you. But, didn't you leave me too? Where are you now? What about your promises? I want to come back but how can I now? I've gone way around the bend in life... the point of no return. I'm in a well with slippery sides... scratch marks on all sides of the wall getting lower and lower. Where are you? | A PRAYER Bless the world and bless the men who are trying to make peace, it seems like we've tried everything, will it ever cease? Bless the people near and far, and bless the evil minds. They need your help and need to know your love is there to find. Bless the believers who always help the ones who are in need, help them with the good, that they will always take the lead. And please bless my family and friends, they have opened my eyes to see. And most importantly thank you Lord, for being there for me. | SO CLOSE... God, I need to understand why there are those times I can't talk to you, can't feel you, can't hear you. God, I need to understand why, no matter how hard I try, your presence slips away. God, I need to understand why you can seem so close to me but so far away... God, I need to understand. | HOW TO PRAY I've been to where you are right now, alone and full of fear. I didn't know which way to turn, couldn't see through all the tears. I couldn't see the good in life, I saw just clouds and rain. My heart was filled with nothing but excruciating pain. I wanted so much to turn to God and ask Him how to heal, but I couldn't find the words to tell Him how I feel. I went to an old friend of mine, those words linger to this day. She said that when it comes to God, it's what we feel, not say. We do not need a special "code" nor fancy words at all. Just open up our hearts to Him, and He will hear our call. I took a walk and shed more tears, and asked God to take my hand, not with words but with my heart and now I understand. On that walk and through the tears I gave up all control. I didn't use a single word ... I opened up my soul. Do as my friend suggested, don't think of words to say. God will hear you no matter what, there's no wrong way to pray.

5: TO MICHAEL The thought I have before I sleep, and each morning when I rise, is the hope to be the "me" I see, when I look into your eyes. I Love You! | I'M SORRY (To my parents) It's hard for me to write to you, my heart has loads to say. I want to say I'm sorry for the pain I sent your way. I sometimes wish the hands of time could turn back a little while to the days when you would see me, not with fear, but with a smile. You've had to suffer more than most, I've put you through pure hell, but I'm trying now to set things right; I've changed as you can tell. I love you both so much it hurts, to me you are the world. I'll always need you desperately ~ I'm still your little girl. | MOM AND DAD Here's another poem for you to put in your love-bound book. I wanted to let you know that I've taken a second look. I'm on a better road now, a new life had to start. And although the miles keep us away, you're always in my heart. I'll never lose the trust and love I hold for both of you. It seems to keep on growing with all we've been going through. I know I've burdened you with much more than you should hold. I am a work in progress with new lessons to unfold. You've been more than parents to me, you've been very special friends. And every night I thank God for you, you're a blessing that He sends. | TO MY SON In your young life you've been hurt so much and survived a life in Hell. I wanted to make a home for you hoping love would make you well. I know you see no end in sight, and I too sometimes agree. But somewhere deep inside your soul, there's peace, which in time you'll see. We both need to understand the pain you've had to face, and I know with all the help we have the hurt will be put in place. And always know, when the answers come and all is said and done, you're worth everything in life to me, I love you, you're my son. | MOM There doesn't seem to be much time to tell you everything, your mind is slipping way too fast. I tell you how much you mean to me but the words don't seem to last. I want you to look back and smile on all our family times, but now there's just blank stares. I try to remind you of so many things but the memories just aren't there. Where are you mom, you've gone somewhere, a place where I can't go. Help me get to where you are, because I miss you so.

6: WITH PEN IN HAND Don't ask me why I'm writing this, I really do not know, but sitting down and writing always helps my feelings flow. It's like a tear that needs to drop, I need that pen in hand, to write down what my heart feels and then I understand. You've been a special friend to me, but lately it has grown. You've brightened up my life so much, I'm not so all alone. We've shared the joy life brings each day and the pain that comes as well. And looking back on certain times without you, I'd have failed. I guess my heart is saying what should come out loud and clear, the words that some won't say and even dare to fear. I love you friend, I'm proud to say, I know you understand. Just as I do while reading back on what came with pen in hand. | LET ME TRY We've had our share of troubles, we've shed a lot of tears. We've discovered many things in life, and discussed our many fears. We've spent many lonely nights wondering what else could go wrong, and listened to the radio crying to a favorite song. All these things sound very sad, but we've had some good times too. But the sad times I remember as I shared them all with you. You see you are my sounding board, you're the only one who sees way down deep within my soul, the one and only me. You're honesty has brought me up, your smile has kept me high, and for you I'll do the same if you'll only let me try. | THANKSGIVING (For Bob & Susan) Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give thanks for all we have received in life, but we should reflect and give thanks throughout the year as well. One of my reflections is on very special friends I've received. Friends with which I have been able to laugh, cry and share with very personal and cherished moments. This type of friendship comes only once in a lifetime and should be held sacred forever. The friends I am speaking of are the both of you. No two people have given more of themselves or openly cared as you. You are very unique people and I am very thankful you have chosen me to be a part of your lives. I only hope that in my lifetime I will be able to give of myself as you have and be as special as you are to me. I can reflect on the past and smile, knowing you are my friends. I'll always hold a special place for you in my heart. | LETTING GO Sometimes I'd like to search for you and ask you to move home, because I know the streets are dark and you are so alone. I want to hold you in my arms like I did when you were young, to comfort and protect you from the pain that has begun. But there's no one that can help you, until you can truly see, the steps you need to take alone, to face Him honestly. There's only one thing I can do, that's pray for you each day, that God will keep you safe for me, and guide you on your way. I understand the pain you have, you will understand in time, that I'm not really letting go, you're His child first, not mine.

7: YOU'RE MY FRIEND I try my best to make you smile, I'd do anything to see the sparkle back in your pretty eyes that means so much to me. Your life is in true turmoil, but with time these things will soften, you'll have peace of mind and happiness, the pain will be forgotten. I know you're very frightened and trying to understand, but we can't question everything, it's all in God's own hand. I hope you will see daylight soon and doubts will quickly end. I worry sick about you, I love you, you're my friend. | POEM TO RON (A stargazing friend) Yes Ron, I see Jupiter, I can see the circle too. I smile when looking up, as it makes me think of you. You're a friend and dear companion, you mean a lot to me. You've rekindled my lost spirit which I needed desperately. I'm glad we've shared some good times, hoping more will come our way. A friend like you is hard to find, understand me when I say... Yes Ron, I see Jupiter, I can see the circle too. I smile when looking up as it makes me think of you. | ODE TO A FRIEND I feel an empty spot down deep within my heart. My tears are uncontrollable, why did they have to start? I try to be so hard and cold, but damn, it's just not me. They say I care too much and my feelings are too free. I guess I value friendship more than some, but should I be put to shame? I think not, as it's the "hard" ones that are to blame. The scoff me when I cry from hurt, like the day you went away, but tears sometimes are comforters like some who like to pray. The point I'm trying to put to you is that I really care, for the masquerade I tried may have made you unaware. You've been very special to me and I guess that's how you'll stay, and if fate is real, as it may be, I'll see you down your way. | THANK YOU Friendship is a sacred part of every person's life. Especially when things go wrong, when all is pain and strife. You've been there when I needed your understanding ear, to listen to my life's concerns, my heartaches and my fears. This poem's a thank-you token though you deserve much more. For being a true friend indeed, by opening your door. | SMILE When the world seems upside down and you feel you've gone astray, don't keep stepping backwards into the pain of yesterday. Think of all the good times - the good deeds you have done, the people who have loved you - you are a special one. Don't feel bad about today, forget about the sorrow. Put a smile back on your face, there's always a tomorrow.

8: Loss

9: FOR THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED You lit a candle in our lives that shined on us each day. Your friendship meant so much to us we can never count the ways. We miss you friends, you've been a gift that can never be replaced. The candle's flame has flickered out, but the love can't be erased. | ALONE (In Memory of Betty Jo) My friend is gone, dead, far away. I weep silently for her; I can't understand why she was chosen. Here alone in my room I wonder and remember. I feel uncontrollable tears run down my cheeks. Down in that grave is her life and mine, all the moments, happy and sad, are all memories now. I can still hear her voice, so full of joy and happiness, her sparkling eyes and dimpled smile reflect in my mind. Now her eyes are closed, her smile is gone, only now she rests. My life was her life, now I must make it alone... with only her memory beside me. | MY LOVE When your light was extinguished another one shined, the one with the memories you left behind. Like the music we loved, those old melodies from years gently gone, like frail autumn leaves. Your dancing, so gentle, holding me in your arms, how you brightened my life with that smile and that charm. They will always be cherished, those moments we shared, the things that you did just to show that you cared. God knows how I miss you, but a light shines above, that holds what is special ... your undying love. And I need to move on now, sometimes frightened to start, but your spirit lives with me, embracing my heart.

10: WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND? (In memory of Lori) Will you be my friend, someone I can turn to and count on to the end? Will you listen to my heart and keep me safe until my fears depart? Will your arms grasp me tight to give me strength to continue with this fight? Will you gently hold my hand to comfort me so I know you understand? If I need to go away to find answers up above, will you remember me with love? Yes, dear friend, I will... forever. | DOTTIE'S WORLD The sky was blue, the sun was warm on the day that you were born... Starting Dottie's World Growing up was hard but you showed them all you could rise to the challenge instead of fall... In Dottie's World With the lessons you learned you openly shared. You helped us so much by showing you cared... In Dottie's World You opened your heart as well as your door. You taught us to live and so much more... In Dottie's World Your music was laughter that created our smiles, so we wanted to stay for quite awhile... In Dottie's World The wind now sings a different song, a lonelier one now that you have gone... From Dottie's World | FOR MOM Up above, far from sight shimmers Heaven's gate. With the Blessed Mother my precious angels wait. She's been their Heavenly guardian until my work on earth is done. Ready to place them in my arms, where my little ones belong. Blessed Mother, I give you thanks but you now can be relieved. My mother entered Heaven, she'll hold on to them for me.

11: SMILING EYES In looking back on knowing you, much to my surprise, the only thing that comes to mind...your beautiful "smiling eyes". They seemed to smile on everyone, they gave us all a lift. They seemed to brighten life itself, a truly special gift. They showed us all the love you had, which death will not erase. The warmth will last forever, like a gentle, kind embrace. As all of us, in our own way, whisper our good-byes, I know you're looking down on us with those "smiling eyes". | TO OUR RONI We always think time is our friend, that there's always one more morning. Not knowing it too can be a foe, by stopping without warning. Such is the case with you dear friend, you left so suddenly. Before you really knew how much you meant to others and me. So I'm writing this through a veil of tears those feelings left unsaid. How truly you were so admired, by the way your life was led. You touched all aspects of our lives, you lent an understanding ear. You hugged us through our dark days, you smiled away our fear. Your laugh was so contagious, it infected all who came your way. Your joy of life pushed clouds aside, to make a sunny day. Your heart was like an open door, you always showed you cared. You were a loving friend indeed, you cried with us, you shared. You let us come inside your soul, we always felt "at home". You unselfishly were there for us, so we wouldn't feel alone. Words cannot express... and time will now allow the minutes, hours and days to tell you how, You've touched so many lives with your warm and loving ways. How blessed we are that you're in our hearts, which time can't take away. | YOUR LEGACY (In memory of Jim Benefield) The struggle is over; you're reached your reward for all you have done in the name of our Lord. You've counseled so many and healed broken hearts, instilling the courage to begin a new start. No number of words can completely describe, how you have them the strength to be open, not hide. To finally be free of their fear and their pain, to move forward in faith, and start living again. Those lives you touched have been blessed from above, a wonderful testament of the power of God's love. There is sadness and mourning, now that you're gone, but your bountiful legacy, Praise God, will live on.

12: LOST CHILD I'm writing a song for you, little lost child, a tune for my dear little boy. Your life brought me light, my little lost child, you showed me the way to sheer joy. Can you hear my voice, my little lost child, I'm trying to sing loud and clear. I'm trying to reach you and trying to touch you, I feel as if you are so near. I'm dying in loneliness, my little lost child, for you cannot be by my side. But you're now on your own and with Jesus you'll roam, for He wants you and we must abide. | FROM GRANDMA The tears are endless when thinking of you my precious wonder. You came into the world a bit early but I'd been waiting so long to love you. How little did I know you were waiting too. Your first touch softened my heart. Your first smile warmed my soul. Your first laugh lit up my life. Holding your arms out to me picked me up. Hugging you tight game me comfort. And now you're gone too early. | MY LITTLE ONE My little one, you left before you woke, and I fear you did not hear the words I spoke. I wanted to say I love you and wanted to explain, God moves in mysterious ways to us, we cannot see through the pain. I'll miss you and still love you, for you're mine forever and a day. I had you for such a short while, before He took you away. My saving grace is knowing that God is holding you for me until I enter Heaven, and be with you eternally.

13: POSTMARK HEAVEN Dear Daddy, I'm feeling better now, but kind of scared and sad. When I first got here all alone, I thought maybe I'd been bad. Because I had no toys or friends, I'd never been without. I was all mixed up and confused, not knowing what it was about. Daddy, I was lonely without you by my side, when I saw you were not with me I sat down and cried. Daddy, I heard a voice, He's calling out my name. I recognize His face, His pictures look the same. Daddy, don't cry, I'm alright now, Jesus is standing here. He said to tell you I'll be fine, that I'd be in His care. Everything is going bright, Heaven has blue skies too. Time to say good-bye now, but Daddy, I love you. | I DIDN'T KNOW (In Memory of Richard, Sarah and Matthew) I swept you away so long ago; I tried to move on, to forget. I continued my life as if nothing occurred, ignoring the regret. Feelings of anguish would surface, which I couldn't understand. I would shrug it off, chalk it up to life, just issues to withstand. I didn’t know that it was you, opening my eyes to see, That you wanted to be remembered as a special part of me. The sadness grew and followed me, no matter how hard I tried to run. There was nowhere else to go; my life had come undone. Finally reaching out for hope, I learned the reason for my strife. I hadn’t mourned for what was swept so quickly from my life, I didn’t know that it was you, opening my eyes to see, But now you are remembered and are a forever part of me. Love, Mommy

14: Love

15: WEDDING POEM Your life as one begins today, the melding of two souls, to share with one another your desires, dreams and goals. You made your solemn promise and God's blessing was bestowed on the joining of two separate paths, into one long loving road. Together you will face the world, your hearts will lead the way. And forever remember what brought you here, on this very special day. | THE ANSWER Don't you ever wonder how the rivers swiftly rise or how the thunder shakes the earth or lightening lights the sky? My love I know the answers, they're not a mystery, nature is just showing what's inside of me. The rivers rise from tears of mine, the thunder is my heart, the lightening is the light of love which you've become a part. | REMEMBER ME I think I'm going to die tonight, I feel it deep inside. Before I go, the words unsaid I now dare not to hide. You've always meant so much to me, though we can only be just friends. I want to say I love you, it's useless to pretend. My life has been so good to me, you've made it very real. We've shared a secret feeling that now I can't conceal. My final wish for you my friend is love eternally. I only hope that when I'm gone, with love, you'll remember me. | TIME Time seems to be drifting by like fluffy clouds up high. With no intention of slowing down, no reason to even try. It's going much too fast for me, frustration is creeping in. I want to savor special times, they're gone...did they begin? I remember loving times with you, but they seem so far away. It's like a foggy dream to me, all the things we had to say. I try to bring those moments back to feel again the love we shared. But like the soaring clouds above... time flies, no one is spared.

16: ROMANCE We stood by moonlight holding hands, the stars were gazing down. The wind was whispering peacefulness, a mellow lovely sound. The river glistened, with the shine of fireflies in the night, the moon golden, full of warmth, shone on the lovely sight. We looked into each other's eyes, no need to speak, just feel, we read each other's minds, that the world was ours, for real. We dared not say good-bye for fear we'd break our silent bliss. We held each other close, then we parted with a kiss. | SPRING Sky is blue, grass is green spring is in the air. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, nothing can compare to the beauty and light of this wonderful season when love comes quick without a reason. How can this be? It's hard to conceive, it's hard to prepare, it's hard to believe, that when this time comes without a doubt, the emotions come, pouring throughout. Every heart, every mind with this springtime love, the answers must lie in the clouds above. | GAMES I watch you as the lights come up, smiling at the roaring crowd, playing your guitar so sweetly, you can put them on a cloud. You're really making headway when you're standing on that stage, but they just see the cover, I have turned the page. You played a song for me and I joined in harmony, but you were playing games when I loved you faithfully. You're a chapter in my book of love in the part that says I've failed. I thought you were a human being, but you're just a fairytale. You can work the crowd with your sweet songs and get them on a high, but the lights went dim within my heart, I need to say good-bye. | A DREAM Hi, it's me, your love, remember? I'm the one who cried for you, shared my love and gave my heart. I'm the one you loved, who held your hand along the darkened beaches. I'm the one you embraced and whispered sweet nothings to. Remember "us"? We were always happy together and no matter where we were, we smiled and loved each other. You have to remember, but when I wake up will you be there?

17: HE'S LEAVING He's leaving soon, time's going fast, much too fast for me. I love him so, so he can't go, I love him, can't you see? He is so kind and generous, he really is for me. I love him so, so he can't go, I love him, can't you see? His heart is so warm, his touch is too, "Don't go", my final plea. I love him so, so he can't go, I love him, can't you see? Well, now he's gone, an emptiness has built up inside of me. I loved him so, but he had to go, I loved him, can't you see? | LOVE? Is this really love, it's hard for me to see. I feel a warmth inside when he is close to me. Wanting to be near him, every day and night. His absence causes such a void, the day does not seem right. When we are together, the dark clouds go away. I truly feel that his sweet smile brings out the sun each day. Is this really love? What else can it be? There is no other answer, and it's very clear to see. | FAIRYTALES Once upon a love, he was near to me, like Prince Charming, making me smile and feel very secure. We would be very close and just be satisfied to be with each other. Then a change came, he wanted me too much. My love melted into a hate and disgust. Once upon a time I had a true love, but true storybook tales have happy endings. | ALONE It's hard to start a poem like this to someone I don't know. I'm going to try it anyway because I'm feeling low. I face each day with loneliness, an aching sort of fear, knowing how it all will end, my soul will disappear. Life has not been good to me, my fault it's been unkind. I move from love to love, never making up my mind. Am I incapable of loving with all my heart at stake, or am I afraid the next time, he will make the break? They say when love does come you are sure to know. Do you feel it in your heart and does the feeling grow? I wish I had an answer, I need one can't you see? I'm giving up all hope and losing faith in me.

18: THE BOUQUET How can words describe the way I feel today? I want to say "forget me", then you sent me a bouquet. It reminds me of the good times, and the dreams I had of you. But I hurt from feeling helpless with the things we're going through. Being torn between two people, a lover and a friend is something I can't bear inside, will it ever end? I'm hoping things will brighten as they did for me today. I'm looking towards tomorrow as I'm seeing your bouquet. | I LOVE YOU I love you, still, always, forever. No matter what. I love you when we're together, and apart, forever. I love you when you smile, when you frown, forever. I love you when you love me, when you hate me, forever. I love you still, you are gone, forever, still, always. | QUESTION I love him so, it's in my heart, the feeling of well being. Is it just a childish crush or is it for real? Every time he comes near me I get a tinge of excitement. Being near him is all I want. His moods are various but never-the-less, he's mine forever. He doesn't know how I feel, but it seems like he understands. He's timid when he's near me, I am the same. What is going on? Is this something that will never work out? No, it can't be, I love him so, I know it would last. It's his feelings that worry me. Are his feelings the same as mine? Is something preventing something terrible to come, or is my happiness being prevented? Why can it not be explained? | A DREAM You're my inspiration for this poem my friend, I hope you understand. You've inspired me in so many ways, when my life was so unplanned. You've helped me see the good in life, how to love with all my heart. I'll keep the feeling always, although we need to stay apart. You think I'll find another, but it's impossible to do. I could search the world all over and never find another you. You're all I ever needed, you made my life have meaning. I'll remain here for you always, though all that's left is dreaming.

19: YOU KNOW You know, you're something else, no one has ever made me feel the way you do. You know, you're different, you understand my life and what I'm going through. You know, you're alright, you listen to my heart and mind, you smile instead of frown. You know, you're perceptive, you see me as I am, you know what's coming down. You know, you're beautiful, to let me share your life with you, although they say it's wrong, You know, you're something special, although we have these detours, my heart's where it belongs. | IN LOVE? Contemplating a friendship ... close, sincere, honest. So together, yet so far away, a feeling of awe. Is it possible? No, it can't happen this way. What if it is, what then? | LOVE Love is a four letter word that means a lot to me. There seems to be some differences of what it is to be. It doesn't have to mean a wife or marriage in the plan, nor does it mean forever to only just one man. To me it means a feeling of understanding points of view, to which there is no hurt involved when thoughts are misconstrued. A feeling of togetherness though not for every night. The separation for awhile makes feelings come out right. My definition for that great four letter word may be taken wrong by some or even sound absurd. But many feel that I am right by feeling as I do... no need to make it permanent, to me, that seems so true. | HE'S GONE My life has disappeared forever, only the memory of things past run through my mind. Why was he cruel? He took away my love and gave me sorrow. He took my life and severed it into small pieces and let my tears wash away the hurt. Was I wrong? No, not I. I gave my heart and soul, why did he reject it, why?

20: Random Thoughts on Life, Dreams, Sobriety

21: LONER This life of mine is so dark and sad, dark clouds are everywhere - I stagger through each dreary day with no need to even care. I watch my friends embracing life and reaching all their goals. As I just stumble from place to place, no embracing life ... no soul. I've tried to fit in with the other world, to try and be a part, but each and every time I do results in a broken heart. So is it time to give up, accept my life, have another shot of gin - and accept I'll always be alone, on the outside, looking in? | WHAT BECOMES What becomes of cherry trees after they have blossomed or flowers bloomed? They are reaped, picked, handled vigorously through the years. What becomes of land after it has been trampled, or rocks moved? They are piled high and left in solitude. Then ... what becomes of the people? | DREAMS Dreams, sweet dreams, come quickly. Turmoil is encompassing us and we are prey to deterioration. Come now and take us, we fear you not. We only fear our worldly destiny which is coming closer. Come quickly and sweep us into our life's dream and remain true to us. | PAIN Take away this pain I can't seem to bear. It sears through my heart like a flaming arrow. My whole existence is shrouded with doubt, fear and loneliness. There is nothing but darkness. | HOW How can I help you when I can't help me? How can I guide you when I am off the path myself? How can I see your pain when I'm surrounded with my own? How can I reach into your soul to bring out hope if my soul is empty? How can you help me? | LIFE Life's a funny thing you know, never knowing what's up next. You can't judge life's book by the cover, you've got to read the text. You really think you have it, for once, life's game is beat. Then from out of nowhere, it knocks you off your feet. Turn around, look up and down, you'll never understand. Life's a mystery novel, abrupt and so unplanned. But all in all, life's really right, ignore low blows and sorrow. You had a bad one yesterday, but what about tomorrow?

22: THE BOX Speak, ye slaves of the box, hide not the turmoil and strife from within. Rejoice with vigor and tell the world. Dare not to the box and hide, identify with yourself and real persons among you. They need the companionship you can give as you need theirs. Let's rid ourselves of this temptation of identification with boxes and be whole again. | RELEASE (A thank-you to my AA sponsor) How to describe the fear I had of sharing all my sins. Those lifetime shames enveloped me, I was frightened to begin. To write them down was hard enough, to face the written word, but revealing all to someone else seemed outrageous and absurd. You patiently allowed me time, knowing well my need to wait, until I knew within myself I was ready to relate. You listened without judging to the many lies I told, and let me tell you everything so my new life could unfold. When all was done, I felt anew, a rekindling of my soul. You took the pieces of my heart and helped me make it whole. Thank you friend for listening, releasing me from strife. Your love not only helped me grow, it truly saved my life. | WHY Why can't I feel like you, surrounded with those things familiar, those things that make us feel whole? Why can't I feel like you, with a heart filled with hope and security, love and gratitude? Why can't I feel like you, seeing a glass half full instead of half empty, seeing a life full of promise? Why can't I feel like you, why can't I feel? | THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE Life, a wonderful experience; but who are the lucky ones to experience it? How are we to know who has gone through life and who is living in death? Are we ever to know? Who can answer us ... God? Is He here, or are we in His kingdom now? We go through pain and sorrow, love and happiness, but is this life? Our world is imperfect, but is it a world at all, or is it the great unknown after death? These questions, like a spiral staircase form an everlasting chain. Will we ever know? | SHARING To share with my fellows is such a release, the pain and the sorrow will lessen then cease. You all understand me, because you've been there too, the struggles and fears that I'm going through. You freely give answers to what lies ahead, and give me the hope that replaces the dread. So thank you dear fellows for letting me share, it's a sobering moment ... I know that you care. | THE JOURNEY I came through the dark entrance and saw nothing. Darkness is all about, light was forever gone, so it seemed. I traveled through tunnels of time, still seeing nothing. My feelings were concrete and emotions were stone. The tunnel was becoming very small and through to the end there was light. When I came to the end I saw the light, my feelings became soft and my life seemed worthwhile. If only one could die then live.

23: THE BEGINNING The kids are at school, the house is quiet, now she has time to think. So she enters the kitchen, opens the cupboard and pours herself a drink. She begins to feel lively and starts with the housework, but soon she begins to brood. So she fixes a double and sits on the couch, hoping that will improve her mood. She looks at the pictures on the living room wall, she used to be young and alive. What changed her into such a weakling who needs a drink to survive? With an effort she rises and goes back to the kitchen, depressed and so alone. She fixes another then starts to cook dinner, for soon the kids will be home. | DEATH Earth, birth, death, one can't exist without the other. Death comes but too soon for many but isn't life a living death? The earth was made and then man died. A birth, another death, a chain of events unchanged. We all never realize death is what we are living for. Every moment brings us closer to our never-ended destiny. Death comes not too soon, but never soon enough. Death is beautiful, an everlasting peace. With death there is life, a life of eternal rest with no regrets. Death is life. | THE PAST THE PAST ... Dark clouds that smother the sunlight. It's like tentacles that reach into every part of our heart and soul and pull away any hope of serenity. FACING THE PAST ... Going into a cold, damp dungeon with the door locked and no key. You can't turn around and go back and you resist with all your might to go forward. ACCEPTING THE PAST ... Entering into that dungeon, with trepidation, but resolve. Taking slow but steady steps into the unknown chamber. LETTING GO OF THE PAST ... Illuminating the chamber by allowing forgiveness. Letting the clouds blow away so the sunshine can free your soul. | WITH EACH PASSING DAY With each passing day, new memories are created, new friends are made, more knowledge is gained. With each passing day, a life is renewed, more blessings come, God is closer. With each passing day, I look ahead with serenity.

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Patti Smith
  • By: Patti S.
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