FC: My Mind, My Heart, My Love
2: Los Angeles: I No Longer Love You Bright sun, clear blue skies, palm trees, the beach, beautiful salt water, and a photograph. That's all I've ever known of that place I wanted to live. The name was enchanting, Los Angeles. At 12 years old, aspiring to sing it sounded like a place where dreams came true. I never really forgot about L.A. till that day. That day. Everything about it is still so vivid. I wondered how a place I had been so many times was only now making me breathless. Cincinnati. The moment I saw the skyline and my heart skipped a beat. The skyline was gorgeous. Stunning in fact. Cincinnati is the home of the Cincinnati Reds. My brother was a fan as was I. For his birthday my parents bought tickets for a ballpark tour. Six stories above the city streets I saw the most gorgeous building ever. It was at least 20 stories tall and on top it had a sculpture that looked like Princess Diana's tiara. It was made of iron , but to me it looked like it was made from pure highly polished silver. It was a cloudy day, but it stood out with amazing beauty against the sky. On this tour of the ballpark we could stand on the dirt path in front of the dugouts, but we could not touch the grass. I dearly wanted to, but I was afraid of getting kicked out of the ballpark. The grass was greener than a fir tree in the summer. The dirt was a red-brown hue darker and more beautiful than southern Kentucky clay. the fresh white chalk lines put even the cleanest snow to shame. The sky was the color of iron. It looked strong unbreakable and larger-than-life. It was ominous. Cincinnati, in that moment I decided was my destination. In 3 hours Los Angeles had lost my love and care. Los Angeles never crosses my mind anymore, but Cincinnati will never lose my love and respect. It brought peace to my insanity, happiness to my sadness, and took me out of the hole I had been put in by those who did as they wanted with no regard to what pain they caused me.
4: "Your Day" Isn't Always Yours " We'll have to call and reschedule your party." That fateful statement. It was the day before my13th birthday. I woke up the day before I was supposed to turn 13. I was home schooled so I was Doing my math worksheet when the phone rang. My mom's voice took a dark turn when she said, "Ok," Just before she hung up. That is when she said those words. She told me what happened, my dad's aunt, who had cancer had died.Everyone knew she was going to die, it was just a matter of time. Once I had a second to process what my mom had told me, I broke into tears and they came faster than water rushes down Niagara Falls. They came rougher than any rapids in the Colorado River. I cried not really for myself, but for my dad, for my grandmother, and for everyone else who knew her well. At almost 13 I hadn't yet had anyone close to me die that I really cared about. I had been to the funerals of my great-grandparents, but I wasn't close to them. All I had done is sat and listened to preachers talk while lots of people around just cried. Funerals and dead bodies didn't bother me. To me death was as normal as waking up in the morning. I hadn't been sheltered from the fact that everyone dies so it didn't affect me or even cause me to cry. It's supposed to be sad, but to me it wasn't. I didn't really understand why I had to put m,y life on hold for someone who was dead. She was old and had died. I was the opposite young with my whole life ahead of me. At 13, I had never had to do something like that and I was annoyed. Over time I came to finally understand it, however, I didn't tell anyone but my brother that I still didn't like changing my party date. I was going from an awkward kid to a social teenager like my friends were. Eventually I got to have my party that was all pink and purple and being a teenager.I had fun t the party, but it wasn't what I expected or hoped for. It was ok, but not close to the dreams I had for it originally.
5: It was like every other birthday before it. I learned how fast things can change. Life is like a river smooth and calm one moment and stormy the next. You might have to change things, but in the end it will turn out ok jut with a little different timing. | .
6: If I Want It Red skies, waves lapping up against the shore, big, tall skyscrapers, bright lights, and twisting roads in front of a river. That is what I wanted to see every evening beforeI closed the curtains. If I plan on getting to that place in my life, I'll have to do it myself. to get that, it will take much more than just wishing or wanting. There's no such thing as a free lunch in the real world. It's not a soft, cuddly world. I might have to work hard for the life I want, but the reward will pay for itself because I want it that much. To me its a small price to pay for something I've wanted for so long. It's easier to get what you want when you're a little kid. Once you start growing up you learn that you have things that you are responsible for and that if you want them you'll have to get them for yourself. You learn to wait and you really begin to think about what you want in your life. The difference between want and need can become very visible and clear.You learn to work for what you want instead of expecting it. I want the place that I love more than anything to be the place where I make my life something spectacular. I want it to be somewhere that's not so small that no one has ever heard of it.I want it to be somewhere that I won't feel so forgotten. if where I'm at isn't forgotten maybe I won't feel so forgotten. I've been the forgotten child at many times so to be remembered is all I have desperately craved and wanted for years. I try to prove it intellectually or physically. I learned I am somewhat superior to some people intellectually so I use it as a reason to be noticed.Something to make me exceptional. For me it's always been go big or go home, all or nothing. I've always planed on going out with a bang. I love Cincinnati so much that I'm willing to work my tail off to get where I'm going. Cincinnati is to me like water is to life. I need Cincinnati because it is a place that accepts me and gives me peace. It is part of my heart. If I can't be beautiful, I'll at least be somewhere beautiful. For me Cincinnati will be one of my first loves even if no one understands how I can love a place. Even if I lose everything I'll at least have found where I had a love. The photographs are for if my memory fails me and my memories and dreams are if I lose the photographs. I made up my mind so long go that I would go to Cincinnati and be so much more than some think I can be.