S: Dedicated to Mrs. Buchholtz
BC: Our journey begins...
1: Honors American Studies p. 2 | by Alaina Z and Briget S | 5/22/2011 | . . . . . . . . . . . .
2: May 14th, 1910 Richard and I have been dating now for over a year. Hes tall, handsome, and full of promising futures! Richard took me to the Central Park today where he had set up a lovely picnic for us. He thoughtfully cooked my favorite meal consisting of chicken pot pie and sweet tea. I am pretty sure he had help from his sister Mary, whose cooking he knows I love. The setting was so romantic. There were daises, poppies, and lilies that perfumed the air. Richard couldn't have chosen a more perfect place. The most wonderful thing happened then! He unexpectedly pulled out a red velvet box containing a diamond ring. It was small and simple but still beautiful. The ring was also a hand me down from his mother who got it from her mother. I finally felt like a part of his family. It was about time he popped the question. My mother was getting antsy. Lilly Evans
4: August 21st, 1911 Richard and I finally got married a few weeks ago. The Wedding was brilliant and my dress was extravagant. My heart grew wings when we said "I do". I enjoyed spending time with our relatives so much that the cost was superficial. Now, after the wedding, I been very busy. Richard doesn’t think fondly of me writing and painting so often that I haven’t gotten a chance to write as often as I used to. Be believes writing takes away our time together. I guess I understand that I do have more to do now that we have bought the new home and that Richard Jr. on the way. At least he makes me happy. I catch myself humming in the mornings. I find joy in preparing Richard's dinner each day and greeting him when he comes home from work. Being a wife is just as perfect as I imagined. Lilly Evans
6: My favorite place to be is inside of your hugs where it's warm and loving. I Love You!
7: Dear Mother I wish you could have come to see little Richie. He is such a lovely baby. He cries only a little now, sleeps so much, and smiles all the time. I think he must know what we are all saying already. He has Richard eyes, my nose, and Papa's ears. He reminds me of papa and I smile so often now. Missing him for so long has been so hard until I met Richard. I have been talking to Mary. I get the feeling she is happy for me but she is still so sad. Hopefully, she can come and stay with me soon and meet Rich. Richard sill thinks that its unhealthy for me to paint. I wish he would let me. I miss it so much. He wasn't always like that. I remember when I used to show him my paintings before we got married and he said that he loved them. Hopefully, I can convince him to remember those days and he will let me paint again. Love, Lilly Evans
8: December 16th, 1911 I felt the urge to paint the winter sunrise today. Going behind Richards back made me feel guilty but when he caught me on the porch I instantly turned defensive and angry. He was so furious and scolded me like a small child! I have now decided to hide my paintings under the loose floor board of our bed. I cant listen to Richard forever. How will I survive? Maybe it was a bad idea to marry him. I feel like all of my rights have been taken away. Being a wife is not like what I thought it would be like. I just want to be free again. Lilly Evans
9: Freedom Oh, how I feel trapped like a bird in a cage I wish to see the hills and smell the lilies’ and sage Dreams of running free and wild like I once did Over the streams and meadows like a kid Oh, how I feel like a butterfly in a cocoon In restraints waiting to bust free soon I want to be the flow of the sea “Free! Body and soul free (Chopin p. 785)
10: April 3rd 1912 Richard believes that I have an obsession with art. He thinks I am unwell and makes me take medicine. “So I take phosphates or phosphites – whichever it is, and tonics, and journeys, and air, and exercise, and am absolutely forbidden to “work” until I am well again (Gilman p. 766). Poor Richard Jr. “I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous (Gilman p. 769). Mary is now living with us to look after Richard Jr. “It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby! (Gilman p. 769). I am still hiding my paints under the bed and pull them out when ever Richard is out of the house. So far, he has not caught me. But, I fell like nothing, not even painting, can fill the dark hole that Richard carved into my heat. What am I to do? I guess It least little Richie cant see me like this. Lilly Evans
12: I DO | June 13th 1912 I remember how Richard and I used to visit the movies and art museums. Oh, how I loved it when we walked together looking at paintings. Richard used to take me out of town to visit the plains and hills. I remember how the wind rushed though my hair as we rode together on the train. Theses times seemed like they were taken from someone else's life now. I think my love for Richard has now faded. I have to put of an act every time I am with Richard. It takes a huge toll on me. I don't know how much longer I can survive. Why can't out love be like how it used to be? I haven't seen little Richie for two months now. Richard prevents it. I don't even know what he looks like anymore or how he is doing. Richie royally thinks that Many is his mother. Lilly Evans
14: Dear Rose “I get unreasonably angry with [Richard] sometimes.” (Gilman p. 768). Sometimes I just can't control my feelings. He now thinks I need professional help. I have heard of those women whose husbands send them away. I don't deserve that. I have served Richard faithfully. And what has he given me in return? Nothing! He says I am childish and irresponsible. Richard lets me do less and less every day. We contacted a doctor a few weeks ago. Dr. Stevens says that I must always be on bet rest and not exert myself. I have to do as little as possible. I don't know how much more I can take. Richard barely allowed me to write this letter to you but I somehow convinced him. But, he has taken away my diary. I feel like I am beginning to be " (Wharton p.7) a part of the mute melancholy landscape" and this unfriendly silence anger's me even further. Sincerely, Yours truly
16: October 29 1912 I have to write on these napkins I stole from the dinner table. I hope that Richard dosn't find this. I also wrote to my friend, Rose. However, her responses are unhelpful. After reading her response, I “sank, pressed down by a physical exhaustion that haunted [my] body and seemed to reach into [my] soul” (Chopin p. 784). She acts sympathetic but I think that's only for my benefit and she actually doesn't understand. Rose urges me to listen to Richard for my health and visit a doctor. I am worried I have no one to express my thoughts to now. I feel all I have left now is myself and a small sliver of hope. Lilly Evens
19: Broken Promises You promised to always be there But now I feel the tension in the air I though you would always be by my side And there to always be my guide You promised to always cheer me up I felt like I was thunderstruck Where did your love for me go? I once trusted you long ago
22: "Love is looking into someone's eyes and seeing yourself perfect for the first time in your life."
25: Today and always, beyond tomorrow, I need you beside me, always as my best friend, lover and forever soul mate.