FC: . | A Very Holly Book of Vignettes
1: People shape you. Don't even deny that who you are today was influenced by other people. lots of people shaped me. My mother. My cousins. My teachers. I am the combined effect of everyone I have ever met. Even more so however, I am who I am because of my earliest companion. My big brother, Daniel. It was always him and me. The whole of my 15 years has been spent around him. Everything that happened, happened to the both of us. The gaining of pets, the birth of our little sister, moving houses for the 1st time, every injury, my parent's divorce, another move, my mother's remarriage, gaining step siblings, his graduation, the death of pets, vacations, memories, all of it. He was my constant. My rock. When all of it was changing he was there. Always. | Always Doesn't Last Forever
2: Of course we didn't always get along. In fact the majority of the time we were arguing. Or I was annoying him and he was treating me like a baby. But thats love. Thats affection. That is the strength in all relationships. You're ability to loathe someone, but at the same time, love them entirely. Bur relationships change. People get older. We got older. He moved out, and left me to go it alone. I wasn't supposed to cry. It wasn't fair to him. He was 20 and it was time for him to move on. I had gotten 2 more years with him than most siblings would have. So I waited until he left. And then i let my sorrows overtake me. But i had to be there for my mother. Who had just lost her first born and only son.
3: She didn't see me break down. But I had lost the only person in my life who was always there. My only brother, the only one who went through it all. So he won't always be there now, but he will forever be my older brother. A part of me. A part of my life. We built each other. Learned from each other. People shape you, and without him, I would be a colossally different person.
6: stunning. | Snips It was weighing me down. Holding me back. So I had to let it go. My experience with growing up is most likely different from most others. Firstly I do not for one second believe myself at 15, to be grown up. I also know that I am still remarkably naive. And most would say painfully innocent. I'm not saying I'm immature. I've been told for as long as I can remember that i was "born 40". I just know that I still have a remarkable amount of "growing up" left to do.
7: But those first steps. The beginning of that next stage in my life, was marked by 2 snips. Everyone always loved my hair. A simple brown. Long. Falling down my back. I didn't see the appeal. I was bored. I told my mother and the appointment was made. Now I had to be patient. But I was in 5th grade and a week felt like a year. No one believed me either, when I said I was cutting it. They used that long brown hair to identify me. It tied me to my past. Everything in my life changed in 5th grade. But my hair was keeping me in past times. Weighing me down. Holding me back. So I had to let it go.
8: She put my hair in 2 pig tails, took a pair of scissors, and with 2 snips, I began to feel free.
10: It's an act of selfish selflessness. I've been doing it all my life. Performing. I was practically born in the spotlight. For as long as I can remember I've been acting, or dancing, or doing something where everyone is watching me. The acting is different though. Putting on a show. Being in a play. I don't understand how most people live without it. It's organized madness. And it takes so much time. Time preparing for an audition. Doing the audition. Time spent waiting. And that moment when you finally see the cast list, | A Selflessly Selfish Payoff
11: and if your name is next to a part, if the director wanted you, theres almost no better feeling. And then you spend time learning lines. A set list of words that you will memorize and then spit back out, though it is so much more. than that. Time rehearsing, time preparing, practicing, working. And then the time comes to give it everything you've got. To make all that time and effort worth it. And you're on the stage. And the house is packed and your friends are out there with you. And there is no where else you would rather be. Because those people you spent all that time with. These people that are the greatest ones you'll ever meet. They all do it for the same reason For the payoff.
12: The payoff of blowing the audience away. Of putting on an incredible show that people actually enjoy watching. Amazing people and taking them to a different place in a different time and showing them a story. And when that story ends, and they're brought to their feet because of what you did. That truly is the greatest feeling imaginable. So we do it for them. We spend so much time and effort into putting on a show so that someone else can sit back and enjoy it, can get away from their lives for an hour or two.
13: Because their enjoyment is our greatest achievement. Our highest goal. Putting on a play that allows a person to do all that makes us proud. Makes us happy. Our selflessness in giving them a show is actually rather selfish. For we seek to please. To amaze. We need it to live. Truly, it's an act of selfish selflessness. And we couldn't have it any other way.