S: APRIL 12-16 2014 THE ROCK-N-ROLL-FOREVER-PRO-FOOTBALL-IS-MY-LIFE TRIP OF A LIFETIME
BC: Hasta la vista, baby.
1: Where Brett Favre meets Paul Reed Smith. (And it's a beautiful thing.) | Rufus does Ohio | A guidebook of sorts, to answer the who-what-when-where-and-why questions burning in your mind two days before you hit the big six-oh. Happy birthday, and happy travels.
2: Your milestone birthday calls for something extraordinary. Something epic. Something totally out of the realm of any idea you could have conjured up in your wildest dreams. Good thing you have me, because, I have have come up with just that. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . By now you may have guessed a few of the bits and pieces of this present. Let's get this party started and see how well you've done at figuring it out....
3: Why? | Because...they say it's your birthday. (We're gonna have a good time.)
4: When? | Saturday. (Yes, as in tomorrow.)
5: At oh-dark-thirty you'll be jet-setting your way across the country. Your bags are packed, and you're checked in, with a ticket in the "A" group....and since it's your birthday, you even get the seat by the window. | You've got plenty of drink tickets...and we all know it's 5:00 somewhere. | One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. | Gimme a ticket for an airplane.
6: Cleveland, Ohio. | Where? | Actually Canton and Fairlawn Ohio too, but....
7: Cleveland rocks. | ...well, you know...
8: Who? | You. (Of course.) | Well, for starters, You. (Of course.)
9: ...along with your two BFFs in the whole wide world, Michael Cortner and Tracey Buxton. (You lucky dog.) | You've got a friend. Or two.
10: The lovely Lucille will pick us up tomorrow morning at 5:00, and drive us to the airport. We will jet across America, and land in Cleveland Ohio, where we will pick up our 4 door rental car, and drive off into the sunset..... | Gimme a ticket for an airplane. | Saturday | (In less than 12 hours...) | Life is in the details, as they say. Let's look at a breakdown of just how we will be spending the next hundred and fifty hours, give or take:
11: Tom Bodett may be keeping the lights on at Motel Six, but you won't see him, 'coz we'll be staying at the Hampton Inn in beautiful Fairlawn, Ohio. Where in the Blankety-blank is Fairlawn Ohio, and why are we staying there, you ask? Because it's halfway between Cleveland and Canton, silly boy. | Lay down Sally ...er..Ralph, and Tracey, and Mike.
12: Sunday | (They say it's your birthday!)
13: After breakfast in the room (or sausage biscuits en route) the three amigos will take on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, baby. | We know it's only Rock n' Roll, but we like it.
14: Monday | (Are you ready for some football?!)
15: Hellz-yeah, we KNOW you are. We're all about the pigskin today baby, as we drive to Canton for. . . . . . wait for it.. . . The Pro-Football Hall of Fame!! | Put your game face on. (Go Hawks!)
16: Wild thing, I think I love you. | Tuesday | (Wild nights....and days) | It's STILL all about you, and today is a Wild Card Day.
17: Will it be back for more Rock and Roll in Cleveland, or a return trip to the Pro-Football Hall of Fame? How about a visit to the Amish Country, to tour Homestead Furniture, the Amish company that crafts the wooden furniture for ALL of the American Embassies in the world? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . It's TOTALLY your call, Birthday Boy. Tracey and Mike are just along for the fun. (And potential thrift shop stops en route.)
18: Leavin' on a jet plane. | Wednesday | (Gimme another ticket for an airplane, with early bird boarding, thankyouverymuch.)
19: Aaaaaah, back in the friendly skies with your two besties, bonding over peanuts and drinking for free. Trust me, turning 60 just don't get any better than this.
20: Thursday | (We be 'chillaxin'.)
21: Clearly, if we do this thing right, we will all NEED a vacation day to recover from our vacation. Heather is lined up to cover ALL of your shifts: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday. This way, Friday will be......well, FRIDAY at work. (And then we leave for the weekend with Cookie, Hank, and Kellie Pickler!) | Time is on our side. (Yes, it is.)
22: Sixty rocks. | Let the good times roll. | We're outta here.