S: 'Til Death Do Us Part... Journey of the Celi(ca)
BC: Passenger Laws 1. This is a monarchy, not a democracy Your opinion is not wanted, not will it be tolerated. So hold on and STFU. 2. Seatbelts are not an optional accessory. Do not make me tell you more than once. 3. The radio, iPod, laptop or any other music making devices are my property. You do not automatically have DJ priviledges. No one is allowed to change song, volume, or settings unless I specifically authorize it. Your iPod, laptop, or CDs are not acceptable in my car unless I request them; do not bring them along on the ride. If I turn the volume on the radio up, it means I do not want to speak to you. You do not have the right to turn the volume down to talk at me. You do not have the right to talk over it. Take the hint and shut up. 4. The air conditioner and heater are my property. If you are hot, cold, or uncomfortable, please inform me politely, or just sit there and shiver. You do not have the right to adjust the temperature. I will do it for you if you ask properly. 5. Windows and door locks are my property. I will roll them up, down, sideways, any fucking way I feel like it. You may not. Do not play with the buttons. 6. This is not a cafeteria. Food and drinks are unacceptable. They will not be within ten feet of my car. Leave them at home or you will be left at home as well. 7. Alcohol and drugs are not allowed anywhere near my car. You will not bring them with you, nor will you indulge in them before riding with me. If you are intoxicated, call someone else or get left behind. Vomit on, in, or near my car will not be tolerated. 8. This car does use gas. Therefore, you will help with gas money. Any amount I ask of you is non-negotiable and will be paid in advance. 9. My word is law. Nay, my word is commandment. What I say goes. No argument or excuses will be accepted. If you disagree with me, get out. If I ask you to do something pertaining to my car or the drive, you will do it immediately and without argument or comment. 10. Any compartments and anything contained within are my property. You are not allowed to "go exploring". Therefore you will keep your hands to yourself. If you wish to investigate something, you will ask politely. 11. The only comments pertaining to my driving or the drive will be restricted to: a. Cop alerts. b. Lane change "clear". c. Road conditions that are not obvious (i.e. If you know the road and I do not, you may warn of bumps and potholes.) Passenger and backeseat drivers will NOT be tolerated. I know how to drive. If you have a problem with the way I drive, get out. 12. This is a non-smoking passenger vehicle. I may smoke. YOU may not smoke. If you disregard this law, you will be expected to buy me all new interior, regardless of damage incurred. 13. Shot-gun is a priviledge, not a right. If you have not earned it, you will not receive it. I reserve the right to assign seating according to weight distribution and/or if I like you or not. 14. Whining will not be tolerated. 15. Complaints and disrespect of my vehicle and/or person will not be tolerated. I know I'm a bitch. I know my car's imperfections. You will not speak of them. Any failures to comply with these laws will result in immediate expulsion and possible imprisonment, torture, and/or fines. If you do not like it, you do not have to ride with me. By entering this vehicle you agree to abide by these laws and any others I deem necessary.
FC: 2001 Toyota Celica | July 2006 - December 2008