S: My Mind - My Struggle - My Views
BC: There is just one more thing that needs to be said : "Thoughts are not meant to be controlling, the person is." - Brandon Carpenter
FC: My Mind My Struggle \ My Views by Brandon Carpenter
1: My name is Brandon Carpenter and I have been dealing with depression, Bipolar Disorder, anxiety, and suicide for about two years now. In those two years I have learned so much about my life and life in general. I was hospitalized twice, I attempted suicide twice and cut myself to ease my pain. On November of 2008 I took a handful of pills to try and attempt suicide. I had so much stress that I put on my body that I lost almost 40 pounds in just a short time frame. The doctors told me that I really damaged the lining of my stomach and that I could of easily could of given myself a heart attack because of all the anxiety I was suffering from. After talking to my parents I decided that I was going to check myself into our local hospital's Mental Health Unit where I would be placed on medication, be seen by a psychiatrist and therapist and be under surveillance twenty-four hours a day. I was there for seven days and I felt great. I left with medication that was going to help me and I left with tons of techniques and coping techniques to help with the stress. On May 21, 2009 was one of the worst, yet most eye-opening experiences in my life. I took more than 200 of my prescribed medications that placed me in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for two days. I was hooked up to everything imaginable. They placed me on a ventilator because I couldn't breathe on my own and the doctors said that I probably wouldn't wake up because I have probably fried my brain. But to my shock, the ER doctors shock and families shock I woke up two days later. I don't remember much because I was passing out continuously because I was so weak. My last night in the hospital I called in the night nurse every fifteen minutes because I was continuously choking on my feeding tube. Then the next morning I was told that I was going to be transported to a Mental Health Unit forty minutes away by two security officers. I was there for nine days and the first three days I was held there involuntary because I lost all my rights as a citizen because I attempted suicide.
19: When I was going through my depressive states I thought that I was the only person that was going through these problems. After a lot of thinking and realization I was wrong. There are about 20-30 million other people with my condition. After I was hospitalized twice, and two attempts of suicide I didn't give up there. I did Partial Hospitalization (PHP) and Individual therapy. But to help me along the way I was also seeing a psychiatrist that was finally putting me on medication that would really help. Recovery is going to be a on-going continuous battle for me since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I am going to suffer from this disorder for the rest of my life. I am constantly going to be recovering from this but it will get easier over time. I am glad to report that my life has done a complete 180 and I am recovering successfully. I have my bad days or weeks but I still have good days and weeks also. I am also seeing a nutritionist that is helping me out with my eating habits that believe it or not has a lot to do with the mind, body or in other words "depression". Thanks to a third party, all the costs are being paid for because they strongly believe that it was going to help me. To my surprise it has helped me tremendously and I am on my way to become physically healthier. I would like to say thank you to the third party for helping me out figure things out. Thank you to Steffen Jakob for the use of his textures. http://www.flickr.com/photos/43642018@N00/