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S: Things we learned while biking across Canada.

BC: Made in Canada. (in all its stereotypical glory)

FC: Things We Learned While Biking Across Canada Who: Heelniak Where: All the way from Charlottetown Why: I don't know When: May 12 - Aug. 12, 2010 | Things we learned while biking across Canada | Who: Heelniak Where: All the way from Charllottetown Why: I don't know When: May -Aug. 2010 Wind: yes

1: #1 - CONFEDERATION.

3: #2 - We can't lift our bikes over curbs. #3 - In the province of New-Brunswick, we are rock starz. | This shoulder is of appropriate size.

4: #4 - The detour around the Gaspe peninsula is, in fact, worth it (after six months of reflection).

5: #5 - The Gaspesie has yet to leave the 1750s. No wifi here. | #6 - The 1750s had nice sunsets.

6: #7 - We are fashionistas. Spoiler alert: MEC disagrees.

7: #8 - Along with the 1750s, the Gaspesie is also home to the land of Mordor.

8: #9 - Biking across Canada has its share of glory and hilarity.

9: #10 - Gaspe road engineers were clearly bipolar.

10: #11 - I can't regulate my own body temperature. #12 - You can't draw bikes.

11: #13 - Biking across Canada requires an enormous bottle of naprosen and the application of too much shammy butter.

13: #14 - TOO MUCH ONTARIO.

14: So much juxtaposition over the next two pages... sad things and happy things. | UNDESIRABLE.

15: # 15 - Although Ontario is 95% unbearable, it isn't anything that rain ponchos, clear glasses and infomania can't fix.

16: #17 - Emo time. Just when you think you can't possibly bear the wind, the pavement, the monotony and your own thoughts any longer, you infallibly end up meeting someone that makes life better. It seems there is always someone in a grocery store, on the side of a highway or in a gazebo waiting to offer up food, laughs, a scabin, music, books, a bed and good conversation right at the time when you need it the most. I dare Canadians to be more kind and generous. Special mention goes out to all other cross-Canada cyclists we met as well, even the ones going East always had uplifting anecdotes to share. Or just wind rage. | #16 - Nothing is more hilarious than sharing food stories with other cyclists. Actually wait, I lied, sharing ANY story with Pavel.

18: #18 - If you decide to sit around instead of biking, someone will give you a boat ride. Which leads me to #19 - If you're not sure whether to call the random boy's parents, do it, 'cause you're getting a boat ride.

20: #20 - In what scientists are calling "really fucking awesome", Ontario eventually comes to an end.

21: #21 - Contrary to popular belief, you are - on occasion - competent. Or alternatively: There is a God. Shammy was right.

22: the red jersey on the horizon...

23: #22 - Being with a cycling family is just better. Or, alternatively, there is a person out there who will put up with us 24h a day for a month. It takes a special person... Aaron Bernstein, we salute you. | "Stove on the floor guys"

24: #22 - Saskatchewan is not NOT uphill.

25: #23 - Saskatchewan is not NOT really nice.

26: #24 - Canadian weather hates us. Always has, always will.

27: #25 - It's OK to eat 7 meals in one day.

28: And now for some quotes from my journal... (This "font" looks like something Stephenie would use in one of her "books") | + | = | "penaten tonight"

29: Ladies... | "Maybe it will be a deportation boat" -- helen whispering some topical Canadian humour "Helen's handlebar bag is too close to me." -eriak "The last hill of the day made me question my abilities as a human." -eriak "I can't keep a straight face, but I hate you." -heeln "It feels like my ass has been stabbed." -eriak "Obama has a mamie face." "Food today: fruit loops, old chinese, tims, chips, mcdonalds." "You met Nate Small in Wawa, he works at Naturally Superior Adventures" -nate small" | One night I was obviously really tired because this is what I wrote: -sergio good in bed? -need to pay tuition -helen helped matt with emotional problems -ryan not so much -mosquitoes, black flies, headwind -itchy -helen changes shirt -yes -ryan to hold helen in future -helen changes pantz -overtired?" | "BC!? that's really far!" - everyone.

30: Thin lips, raised eyebrows, inappropriate quotation marks, great way to stay in shape. A day in the life of the cycling family.

31: "Turns out Paul's name is actually Pavel. Awesome." "You guys have BRAS!?!" -Aaron "Do you ever smell your shorts and then wonder WHY you smelled them?" -Aaron "Seriously, tornadoes again. God." "Aaron set his pants on fire." "MANITOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Aaron's 5 words to describe the trip: -Chamois dance -Night Danger -T(h)ought -I'm awesome -Eh? "what would shammy do? WWSD" "waterslide hilarity ensued"

32: #26 - I didn't learn anything about BC: my arrogant "this province is the shit" attitude was only further validated.

33: #27- Even after riding over 5000km... | ... we still aren't good at biking.

34: #28 - Hilary Kennedy's ability to describe hills cannot be trusted.

35: #29 - It's easier to pee in front of 24h bike friends than random drivers.

36: #30 - we rule. (guess that's not so much a thing we "learned" as a thing we "already knew")

37: #31- We can hit all these milestones and still look THIS good.

38: #32 - Road engineers made some questionable decisions when designing Highway 3. Heelniak also made a questionable decision when riding it in its entirety.

39: #33 - We CAN climb 7 mountain passes in 7 days if promised a bbq/pool party/dairy queen cake at the end. | A gratuitous number of hills.

41: # 34 - Prairie winds, turbines, lakehead, boat, rockies, sunsets... great way to stay in shape. (these pictures are unrelated but I wanted them to be in the book).

42: cram it, Jake. | ##35- travelling by bike is just better. | a | No validation or fines here! Polish heat, however, can be found near ossoyoos.

43: All jokes aside, that trip literally made my life. Who would have thought that we could pull this off with absolutely no training or any idea what we were getting ourselves into. I always knew we'd be able to do it, but I could never have expected that it would be what scientists are calling "the greatest thing to ever happen. ever." I could never think of anyone I would rather adventure with; you truly are the worst friend ever and I am mad stoked for future epics. BFF. -Heelniak/2

44: Thank you to: -Your family -My family -Aaron Bernstein -Thao, Carmen, Morgan -Francis -Rose -Pavel -Emrys and his family -Nate, Chris and Meg -Nate's family -Reggis and Edouard -Dennis Kelley of Nuisance Wildlife -Murray Corner gas station owner -Florence and Frank -Eric and Sylvette -Tristan -Doris and Chess -Michelle in Campbelton -Bev's sister in Medicine Hat -John and Stephan -Semi driver with juice and towels -HydroQuebec man -Steve and Nancy -Gilles, Annik and Alex -Marcel et Lucille -Dany et Andreanne -Dany's parents -Lady with hottub -Anna and Kyle + old man with lawn -Nathan and Aurelie -Bryce and Aussie Tom | -French Canadians in Sturgeon Falls -people who gave us money -people who gave us food -drug dealer mike -Gail from T.B. backpackers -Amex -penaten -my uncle Roger -Florent and Maurice -Cross-Canada Cardio Challenge -all the other cyclists we met -12year olds who work at tim hortons -Tim hortons -nutella -Specialized -Chamois butter -Hey Rosetta! Said the Whale, Stuart McLean, Risk!... etc. -everyone who said "that's far" -public pools and lakes -the movie theater in Brandon -cheap motel owners -motels that don't have stairs -communism -infomania -bike shops -home made food -good books -canada post (begrudgingly) -Highway restaurants -Garbage cans that bear proof our food | Dear Erika This book needs to be on your coffee table. I wish I could deliver myself, but this picture will have to do

45: SUPERFLUOUS PICTURES OF US. | p.s. there is something hidden within the pages of this book. Hint: Pierre.

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