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Shit Dr. Knopf Says

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FC: Shit Dr. Knopf Says

2: "I shouldn't tell a lady this, but you're not exactly light."

3: "Have you ever seen swamp people?"

4: Pt: "I'm studying the architecture of Bangkok, Thailand | and comparing it to the architecture here."

5: Dr. Knopf: "Is everything there built out of bamboo?"

6: "You have trucker teeth!!"

7: "If I could make egg rolls, | I bet I could make them better than Linda."

8: "I NEVER had a comb-over!!"

9: "Yeah Jenny, when you were pregnant, | you were as big as a house!!"

10: "AHH!! THE GUM | "I see that your silver fillings are very shiny, do you chew gum? Blah, blah, blah... Do you know how they used to make gum back in the day? They would collect the dust from train stations and it would be put into gum. That's what makes your amalgam fills so polished and smooth. Blah blah blah...

11: SPEECH!!" | Blah, blah, blah... So, next time you're about to put that piece of gum in your mouth, STOP! | Think about that piece of gum. Think, the actual cost for that piece of gum is $1,200 because it's going to end up getting you a new crown."

12: "This is Nashika, wait, Nakeysha, um... She's GREAT! She'll help you!!!" | It's Na-key-cee-ah!!! (Nakecyia)

13: "Cookies and brownies are a food group." | Dr.K to an asst when she's having trouble: "Are you reinventing the wheel?"

14: Young & Stupid Knopf: "No, hygienist! I don't want you to clean my teeth because you don't know what you're doing. I want the dentist to do it."

15: "Maranda, you look even younger now that you're no longer fat. Wait... you're not planning on getting fat again, are you?"

16: "Now, I can say this because Amanda will be the first to admit it. When she was pregnant at Jessica's wedding, she was as BIG AS A WHALE!" (whoever is reading this now, ask Dr. K to imitate Amanda being pregnant at Jessica's wedding)

17: "No offense, but you don't exactly have a small mouth, sorry." OR "Hmmm, I'm surprised you have such a small mouth because your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend was telling us otherwise."

18: Dr. K: "Linda is from Thailand, that's why she makes such good egg rolls." Linda: "Dr. Knopf, I was born in Austin, Texas. My mother is from Thailand." Dr. K: "Well, your egg rolls are so good, I figured you were born there!" Linda: "I make good spaghetti too. I suppose you'd also think I was from Italy." (BTW: Linda's last name is NOT Thai, it is Laotian, her father is from Laos.)

19: "So, I was sitting on the toilet this morning, and you know I have my best ideas on the toilet... I was counting the bathroom tiles and I'm sure this gas bubble is no longer needed. I'm going to talk the eye doctor into getting this bubble out of my eye!!" (Insert Dr. Knopf's floater/sinker jokes here)

20: Happy 62nd Birthday, Ken!!! This book was made because we love you!!!

21: Some shit others have said: | "Dr. Knopf, do you remember the Titanic?" (It sank in 1912.) "Butter pecan is old people ice cream flavor. Wait... you like that one don't you, Dr. Knopf?" "When I die, I'm gonna have this person write my autobiography." "I don't like blue cheese because I don't like moldy cheese." (Cheese is mold.) "Linda, this camera was made in Thailand. Will you help me fix it?" (We'll leave the area below blank so things can be written in later)

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  • By: Linda L.
  • Joined: about 4 years ago
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  • Title: Shit Dr. Knopf Says
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  • Started: about 4 years ago
  • Updated: about 4 years ago

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