4: Is anything ever really simple? On New Year';s Eve I started what appeared to be a straightforward idea to set goals and plans for myself for the upcoming year and here it is April 2nd and I am still fumbling around with putting together the basics. Story of my life, it seems. I'm a great starter, but abysmal at follow through. It isn't that I give up on things so much as it is that I get distracted or overwhelmed. That is the not so pleasant side of ADD. But today, after many well-intentioned days that it just didn't happen, I decided to jump in and write something, even if it was all wrong. A big part of my problem is that I am a perfectionist....at least in my own mind, so I put things off until KI think I can do them justice. All too often, that time never comes, so the things I really want to do and the things I think are important never actually get done and I am left feeling very down on myself. I know inside that I am capable of doing many things, but I am my own worst enemy when it comes to meeting the challenges. I'm not good with time, or more specifically, with time management, at least when it comes to creative endeavors. When I look back over the years, it seems that my creativity flourished only in the absence of distractions and time limitations and I recall many all nighters working on a project that I knew would never be completed if I put it down with the intention of returning to it later. When that happened, the result was inevitably a disheartening array of piles that began as brilliant ideas, but because they were not completed in one sitting languish in yet another once vacant space, because I thought that perhaps if I had to look at it regularly, I might be more inclined to get back to it. Never works though. As more "get back to right away" piles bury the last, I seem to tune them all out and eventually forget what my intention was in the first place. Some of this is just my nature. I can recall in my youth having 21 books that I was reading at one time. My interests and enthusiasm has always outweighed my ability to keep up with it. It is very difficult for me to break down what I need...and want...to do into manageable tasks aimed at reaching realistic goals. On the positive side, I am nothing if not determined, and sometimes it pays off, so here goes!
5: April 8, 2011 Every morning I get up with a list formulated in my head about what I want to accomplish that day. Sometimes I even manage to get it written down. By noon, I've either forgotten what I intended to get done, misplaced my list or lost track of time altogether! It sounds funny and sometimes it is, but mostly it is quite frustrating because, before I feel like I'm even up and around, it is time to go back to bed and I'm further behind than I started. Therein lies much of my dilemma.